"we should stick together, you're my best friend & i'll love you forever."
Valentina
I WOKE UP COLD with a forecasting feeling of dread which seemed to loom over me like a rain cloud as I squinted my eyes in order to adjust to the light that streamed into my room through the barred windows. I let out a loud yawn, rolling over in my bed, but I didn't have much time when I remembered what today was.
The dress I had picked out for today was a sort of pale blue colour which was long-sleeved and fell to right above my knees, a modest dress that I knew would help me to blend in perfectly, which was what I wanted to do today.
There were small details around the sweetheart neckline which made me feel pretty as I washed my face, getting ready for the ceremony. I didn't know what to do with my hair, but I decided to tie it in a half-up half-down hairstyle, so it looked like I wasn't trying too hard, but just enough.
When I exited the bathroom, I saw my mother wearing her slightly dress, she seemed to wear the same outfit at every reaping. I walked over to her, gently placing my two hands on her shoulders, smoothing out a crease that appeared when I did so, and she soon embraced me, a small smile on her face. "Are you excited for Alex?" Shaking the thought off, I let my hands drop and smiled up at her now, and watched as her eyes gazed at me questioningly. I would be excited if it were my turn to volunteer, but all I felt was dread, the games were just entertainment, and that was no excuse here where we were excited for the reapings. Some of us.
I felt half excited, half nervous every reaping. I can't wait for my games, but I hate seeing the others die. I feel awful for enjoying watching them, for looking forward to them.
We ate breakfast slowly, savouring every bite and making sure we were well-fed before we made our way to the reaping. My mother walked me to Alexander's house first, as their mothers conversed and Alex and I were able to make jokes and nervous laughter as we walked along. Alexander was glowing with confidence as we walked, clearly excited to volunteer today.
With every step, I felt my confidence fade just slightly, as though I could feel something was going to go wrong, and the thought of it made me feel sick to my stomach.
I was interrupted from my chain of thoughts by my hand being grasped by one of the peacekeepers who stuck a small needle into my finger, placing it down onto a sheet of card before ushering me off. The pain didn't bother me anymore and I accepted the fact that they needed my fingerprint before making my way over to the girls section.
I stood next to some girls from my age section, glancing behind me briefly to see my parents who shot me a reassuring smile. I searched through the sea of teenagers in search of Alexander, but couldn't quite see him among all of those in the crowd, my eyes instead spotting random boys whom I'd never even seen before. It seemed to send a sick chill down my spine, and I wanted to run from the spot I was in though my feet stayed planted firmly on the cold, hard cement.
Every second blurred into a minute, and every minute seemed to feel like an hour- I couldn't tell how long I'd been standing there, waiting for some kind of movement amongst the crowds of nervous teenagers and mumbling coming from the parents. None of the girls near me spoke, and I thought saying 'good luck' might come off as sadistic.
We all seemed to stare at the young woman who climbed onto stage, one of the pampered women who lived in the Capitol. Though I knew she'd be calling us for the reaping, I couldn't help but envy her. Those in the Capitol lived a life of luxury and often didn't have to do hard work aside for designing and game making. Their society thrived off of our demise. Their gain was our loss and so on, so forth.
I allowed my thoughts to slip into silence as the video produced by the Capitol played on one of our large projectors. I'm certain that nearly everyone in District Four could quote the video word by word, since we all watched it once a year, every year, especially since everyone came to watch the reapings.
"As usual," My thoughts were interrupted by the woman speaking once again, I honestly wasn't sure of her name, I always seemed to tune it out, "Ladies first."
I felt a sense of dread fill me, starting from the pit of my stomach and raising like a wildfire. It spread fast and I felt my head spinning as I stared at her approaching the glass bowl containing all of our names. I would be fine, this year was Amelia's turn to volunteer, a girl I briefly met in the academy.
I turned my head to try and find Alexander once again, or find one of my parents but they seemed long lost in the crowd, and my patience was wearing thin as I glanced back at the reaper who was now lifting the paper to her vision to read it into the microphone.
"Allison Davis." The crowd seemed to go silent, and I felt a selfish wave of relief crash onto me. "Have we got an Allison Davis?" As the young girl with platinum blonde hair quivered from only a couple spaces in front of me, it soon dawned on me. Allie. Alexanders's younger sister.
I heard a choked sob from the other side of the crowd, one I recognised to be my mothers, and I felt my eyes well up with tears. She was only thirteen.
I couldn't think, my head was dizzy as I pushed through the crowd. I couldn't breathe properly and I felt anxiety crash over me in replacement of the now long-gone relief. Amelia wasn't going to volunteer. Amelia wasn't even here.
"I volunteer as tribute." My voice was loud and I started off confident, but my voice broke at the last second. It was easy to tell I was scared, and I could hear yelling from behind me. My feet involuntarily dragged me towards the podium where the young woman beckoned me up.
Facing the crowd, my face was stone cold and my mouth was set into a line as I stared over to my parents, the crowd looking horrified at me. I hadn't meant to do this, this wasn't the way I planned to do this, but Allie was thirteen, and I had seen her run off to our parents.
It wasn't the kind of terror that makes you scared of the dark or of bugs, it's the kind of terror where you realise the inevitable is finally coming true, and you can't wrap your head around the fact that your fate is impending doom. Or at least it feels that way.
My breath seemed to hitch in my throat when I crashed back into reality, realising the reaper was talking to me. "What a brave thing you did back there! Was that your sister?" We didn't really look alike, aside from the platinum blonde hair that we shared, so I couldn't blame her for coming to that conclusion.
I didn't know why I had volunteered, if anything it's better her to die out there than me. "She's thirteen years old." My voice came out harsh, and I stopped staring at the crowd to glare at the woman who seemed slightly taken aback.
She cleared her throat before asking my name with a slight look of guilt in her eyes, though it seemed to disappear as soon as I saw it. "Valentina Irvine. My name is Valentina Irvine." I didn't dare look back at the woman now, my eyes scanning the crowd until I saw Alexander.
He was staring directly at me, and he seemed to be fighting an internal debate with himself. "Time for the boys." The crowd fell silent once again as she made her way over to the other glass bowl on the right hand side of the stage.
I had completely forgotten, this was Alexander's year. I had ruined it for him now, entirely.
There was nothing to be heard aside from the clicking of the woman's heels across the stage, and time seemed to move agonisingly slow. Before she could read the name, or even unfold the paper, the crowd seemed to part on the boys side. Squinting my eyes, I focused on the figure who was wordlessly pushing his way through and walking up to the stage.
My mouth opened into a small sort of 'o' shape, and I felt myself consumed by fear and betrayal. "My name is Alexander Davis." He spoke into the microphone. "Alexander Davis. I also volunteer as tribute." I felt sick to my stomach, and no words seemed to escape my mouth except a strangled sob as we were rushed off stage by the woman, who claimed we'd made a mess of her perfect routine.
I couldn't focus and I could see nothing but red as we entered the rooms, Alex and I instantly being separated by the peacekeepers. My parents walked into the room not long after.
"Val, sweetheart.." My mother's voice broke as she brought me into a hug, my father joining in. "You're strong, okay? You can do this, you can get far." I think even my parents knew I was going to die, it seemed like the inevitable truth at this point. "I was going to do this next year.." I felt dread wash over me, "I wasn't thinking straight, I-"
"You did the right thing." My dad spoke, the door opening as peacekeepers came inside to take them away.
"I love you, please don't forget that I love you." I felt tears escaping my eyes as peacekeepers entered the room, beginning to drag them out of the room. We didn't even get a minute to say our final goodbyes, and the thought that this was going to be the last time I ever saw my parents again finally hit me. It felt like reality was crashing down on me.
Finnick O'Dair was my next and last visitor. He came in a couple of minutes later after I sat in silence, tears welling in my eyes which scarily threatened to pool out at the sign of any conflict.
"I'm not supposed to visit tributes, but I need to know why you volunteered for that girl." I didn't say anything, but I stared at him, I'd heard about this boy for years, but never really met him. He was around 20 years old now. "What you did..it's a sign of rebellion." He lowered his voice to a whisper.
"Allison is Alexander's sister. This was his year of volunteering, the girl from our district didn't volunteer, so I did."
"Figures. How old are you, dear?" Dear. I felt so childish, so stupid.
"17. I'll be 18 this time next week." He firmly nodded, sweeping over me with his eyes silently before he looked over his shoulder, at the door. "It was brave what you did."
It wasn't long before the pair of us were ushered out of the confined waiting room and into a Capitol train that sort of resembled a silver bullet shape, one which just reminded me of weapons and the Hunger Games. As I stepped into the train, I walked around the lobby area which was covered in scattered seating areas and snack tables with fancy foods and wines. It made me feel sick, as though they were trying to wine and dine us before sending us to die.
It didn't take me long to find Alexander who was admiring one of the small carvings on the train wall, and immediately I poked my finger into his chest, an angry flare consuming my body as he stared at me with a newfound sensation of confusion welling up in his eyes.
"Are you fucking insane, Val?!" I pushed my hands flush against his shoulders, shoving him back; it didn't do much damage as he was much taller and more muscular than me. I was simply shocked he'd instantly yelled at me. "This was meant to be my year, Valentina! This was my year to win, you went and fucked things up."
"You're right, Alex, maybe I should've let you murder your thirteen year old sister, you asshole!" My voice was louder than his, and what muscle he had over me wasn't as loud as how determined I was to be right, when maybe I wasn't.
"Thank you." He didn't shout this time, in fact he whispered. "I couldn't have done it." Bipolar much? I had thought. Maybe that's what the games does to us.
"I'm going to die for saving your sister and you thought, hey dying alone sucks, why don't we do it together?" Alexander slowly nodded as my voice got quieter, less angry as I spoke, "People don't just..do that, Alexander." I didn't notice I was crying until Alex gently brushed a tear from my cheek with the calloused pad of his large thumb.
It felt like none of us could control our emotions, and it was as though there was no point in trying to do so since we didn't have long left to live.
"It's okay," Alexander pulled me into a tight embrace, allowing me to soak his fresh, still slightly-creased, polo shirt. I felt bad crying into it, but we both knew we wouldn't need our reaping clothes ever again. "It's gonna be okay." Alex's voice was barely a whisper, more a low rumble that spoke directly into my ear in a soft hum as I relaxed into his familiar touch, feeling Alexander's hand gently stroke my hair in order to lull me out of my anxiety attack.
I took in heaved breaths one at a time, Alex gently counting with me and inhaling at the same time to make me feel more comfortable. He knew I could get overwhelmed and often ran for my mother whenever I did, but sometimes he'd help me through them, and something about that confirmed that he cared about me. I can't imagine ever having to hurt him, though now we're going into the hunger games, it seems near inevitable.