CHARLOTTE AND THE DOCTOR
edited as of march 28th, 2021
It wasn't only the feeling in her gut that told her something was wrong, but the fact that nothing has been right for months. Charlotte Mary Bolton was human but, with the Time Lady soul she shared a body with, she felt like she wasn't human in the sense Martha is.
After laying in bed, thinking to herself on that topic, Charlotte came up with multiple things that utterly confused her: How could she get two souls in the first place? What does that really mean? Why didn't Martha recognize her? For once, Charlotte didn't care for the blistering headache that came from wondering these things; she had to know them to survive.
Charlotte goes to the console room, finding the Doctor in there alone, she enters the room to stand beside him in front of the console's screen. Looking down at it, she saw a string of numbers go over it, grow by the dozens.
"Are you sure you don't remember anything?" she asks him, breaking the silence.
The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "You've asked me that three times now, is there something I should've?"
"No, definitely not." Charlotte shook her head, turning the subject around. "Do you remember when I first met you?"
"Yes, why?"
Inhaling sharply, she continues, "Did I have two souls then? How long has this been happening?"
The Doctor shifts in his spot, not sure how to answer. "Yes and no," he said. "There was two, but... the other-"
"Aino."
He nods, now knowing what she knows. "-Aino, was in this unconscious state where she was there but she could never do anything and wasn't aware of anything going on. She only became 'conscious' when you looked into the heart of the TARDIS."
Charlotte rubs her eyelids, utterly confused on the ins-and-outs, but had an okay understanding. "So, when you look into the heart, it sort of looks back into you, yeah? So it looked into me, felt Aino, and woke her up somehow?"
"Precisely."
"But how could I have gotten Aino's soul in the first place?" she questioned. "Not that I don't like her, but I wouldn't go looking for it."
The Doctor's eyes widen, not sure how to answer her. "Well, um, has it ever occurred to you Aino came first and you're the 'new' soul?"
Pausing, Charlotte thought of that possibility for a moment before giving a dry laugh. "Please, this is my body. I think I would know if it was her's."
"Unless you couldn't know."
Her laugh wore down and she was left with a goofy smile. "Of course I would," said Charlotte nonchalantly.
As if the Doctor wanted to have her understand what he was saying, he became dead serious as he continued. "But what if there was something stopping you from knowing at all?"
"I..." Charlotte's sentence dropped off when she realized how serious this was; this wasn't the joke she thought. "I don't understand."
As if someone snapped their fingers, the Doctor seemingly changed the topic entirely. "How the Chameleon Arch works is complicated, but simply it turns the Time Lord into a human by genetic modification and, because our souls are different too, it replaces the Time Lord soul with a human counterpart."
When he paused, Charlotte managed to ask him, despite the parallels she was drawing, "And where did you, the Doctor, go when you were John Smith?"
"In a way, unconscious," he replied.
"I don't get it," whispered Charlotte. The brunette felt like she stepped into the Sun, with her body burning up, all originating from her mind. "There has to be another way I got two souls, yeah? Say yes."
Instead, the Doctor shook his head. "No, no other species even came close to learning how to do that."
Charlotte stammers, shaking her head. Every single aspect of that made sense to her. Everything that felt wrong in her life now feels right, every moment where she faltered made sense and the confusion she remembered when meeting Aino was completely reasonable.
Yet, it was terrible knowing the truth. Since day one, she had been lying about who she was. Charlotte wasn't the terrible liar she believed to be, as, for years, she has been telling such a great lie even she believed it.
"I'm not Aino," she affirmed. "I would know. I'm Charlotte Mary Bolton." Breathing in deeply, Charlotte had to bite the inside of her cheek. "I don't want to be Aino. I want to be Charlotte."
"I know."
She shook her head. "No, you don't. You're the Doctor, you don't want to be John Smith again." Charlotte crosses her arms, inhaling deeply. "If I am Aino, then I need proof. Not just you saying, but actual evidence."
That's what the Doctor began to do. Going onto the console's monitor, he typed something into it, and the screen went to a list of websites. Leaning to look in, Charlotte watches as he finds an alien news article from when Aino was on the run before being captured and being taken to Stormcage.
"There it is," he said, pointing as he read a specific line, "'If you see Aino, please call the authorities. Aino, whose alias is Charlotte Mary Thomas."
Everything became distant for her, with every noise sounding as if she were underwater. Charlotte is her name- no, it was Aino's. Without her, Charlotte would be nothing... what would her name even be? Jane? Like John, she was only an echo of Aino, so, without her, she wouldn't even be herself. In just one second, Charlotte lost every aspect she knew about herself, chalking it all down to being Aino.
Charlotte let go of a wavering breath, crossing her arms. "Okay," she whispered. "Right now, she's unconscious, but what if she opens the chameleon arch and I become a Time Lady again? What happens to me, Charlotte?"
The Doctor gave a long pause, answering in the gravest manner, "You'll die."
Hands gripping her biceps, Charlotte's eyes widened. "Well, she hasn't yet, so, maybe she just doesn't want to?" she guesses, speaking quietly as any louder would reveal her shaking voice. "Maybe she won't and... and I'll live."
"That's not how it works."
"How am I supposed to know how it works?!" Charlotte exclaims, exasperated. She pauses biting her tongue as she looks around to calm down.
The Doctor, thinking she'll be reassured by understanding, began explaining, "Two souls can't be in the same body in the way you two are, with both of you taking control periodically. You two are battling to take control of the body, and, when one wins, the other will die."
Feeling hot, Charlotte rubs her forehead when linking two dots. "Aino's going to win."
"You don't know that."
"Yes, I do," said Charlotte. Why didn't Martha recognize her? Simply, because Aino won, and at some point, regenerated. "How am I even still alive?"
The Doctor thought to himself for a moment before speaking, "Well, the TARDIS' heart woke her up by going through your head. So, knowing that Aino would end up killing you, it looked into yours and..." his eyes lit up, putting his hands on her shoulders before asking, "How do you want to die?"
Truthfully not knowing the answer to that question, Charlotte stood still for a moment. "Well, I don't know, I would want time before I go."
"Oh." he sighed. "The TARDIS looked into your head and gave you one thing before you left. She's giving you as much time as she could." The Doctor grins, looking up to the ceiling in astonishment before checking the monitor.
"Doctor," says Charlotte.
"Yes?"
"The time you were talking about." She paused. "It started a while ago."
He nodded. "Yep, I'm checking real quick. One second."
"And that's when it runs out? I die?" Charlotte bit the inside of her cheek.
"You'll die and Aino will hopefully open the chameleon arch, or else she dies too." The Doctor puts on his glasses as he turns the monitor in between him and Charlotte, beginning the scanning.
She tilts her head. "What're you doing?"
"Checking your timer," he responded. The scan ends and he hums to himself.
The Doctor doesn't stop her as she goes to the scanner, watching as the clock ticks down every second to her death. 'One month and eight days' it read, the eighth day getting shorter by the millisecond.
Charlotte was defenseless against the time. Her hands fell to her sides as she watched as the minute went down. It was when the first minute left of her watching the timer intently when she coughed out a sob, gripping onto the Doctor as her life was coming to a close.
She wanted to see the timer, and at no time will she regret seeing it as it gave her the need to let out every wail of self-grief to enjoy the greater part of one month and eight days. With just over one month left, she'll live in every moment, and in the end, she'll die.
Charlotte was going to die, but what bothered her the most was how, like the Doctor, she'll die along with every memory and, thus, every significant thing she's done will be lost. There was no way to stop it.
Before today, she's been so stuck in trying to think of what will happen later in the day instead of enjoying her time in the present. No matter how happy she was with John, the knowledge of his departure stuck with her until the end. This didn't occur in just the last few weeks either, but throughout her time here.
A few moments, looking at Donna, she couldn't help but dread the ending she didn't even know about. Seeing Amy not knowing River was her daughter made Charlotte's heart drop, remembering their separation. In all of these instances, there was nothing she could do to stop them.
Maybe it would be selfish to admit, but Charlotte truly wished she never had the pre-knowledge. It brought her nothing but the wasted time of worrying. While there were benefits, like being able to save people she knew were going to die, she trusted herself to do so without it now.
It was a while before Charlotte's crying ceased. Throughout the rest of the night, as suggested by the Doctor, the two played rounds of mindless board games. Board games she knew so well, that she had enough on her mind where dying only came back after the games ended and she was alone.
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Next up: Ticking Clocks (The Girl in the Fireplace)
GIF FROM TUMBLR
a/n
I am realllyyyy hoping this all is making sense <3
Four more chapters oh my lorddd