Fuck. Fuck. Before Toni could think of what to do about Shelby standing outside her window, another fist came flying towards her. She blocked it, not wanting Shelby to see her get beaten up.
She searched desperately for a way to make this like something other than it was.
Throwing Carol's fist to the side, Toni, with all her force, shoved Carol away by her shoulders. The older woman toppled to the floor. Shit, that was a mistake. At the very least it might help the Shelby situation, but as for Carol? She had royally fucked up.
"You fucking-" Carol growled before calming down and standing up, unsteady on her feet. "Enjoy the group home." With that she turned around and stumbled to the lounge.
Toni didn't bother begging for her place in the house or apologies or anything. All she could think was that Shelby had witnessed the whole thing. Toni racked her brain for a way to fix this. Luckily it wasn't too bad, and her fighting back could have just made it look like a harmless fight. Or at least, that was the plan.
She ran out of the house again, and sprinted in the direction of Shelby. The other girl was still in the same place outside the window, shellshocked.
"Shelby," Toni murmured cautiously, slowly approaching her as if she was trying to capture a frightened dog.
Shelby didn't move. her facial expression barely changed. There were a few moments of tense silence before Shelby said anything. "You- your face, your ribs, the party... Was this it? Your mom beats you?"
Toni felt a sudden strong, unjustifiable urge to defend her mom. "No. Never. It's my foster mom and it's none of your business. we just got in a fight. You saw, I hit her back."
"Toni she punched you in the face! You shoved her. You need to tell someone."
Rage bubbled up, why couldn't everyone just mind their own business and accept that she knows what she's doing? To her embarrassment and further anger, tears sprung to her eyes and flowed down her cheeks without warning. "Piss off Shelby-" Her voice cracked as she raised her voice. "You have no idea what you've done."
"I didn't mean-"
"Let me finish. I have nothing now; and that's your fault." Toni turned away, not wanting Shelby to see how broken she was, how little she believed the words she was saying. She lost herself in her head, not realising her tormented mutters of, "It's your fault." Had turned into, "It's my fault."
Hands touched her back, but she didn't jump, or react at all. Her fight and flight instincts were gone, not worth kicking in because even when they did, she got hurt. "What are you even doing here?" She wept, "And don't give me any of those roundabout bullshit answers now. Just fucking tell me."
"Andrew broke up with me. He kicked me out of his house because he got tired of waiting." Shelby whispered the last part, letting Toni know exactly what she was talking about. She grabbed Toni's shoulders and spun her around to face her. "I came here because I was drunk, upset and you were on my mind. I'm sorry I kissed you it was totally inappropriate. I'm not even- I'm not like that."
"Okay, Shelby," Toni said shortly, disappointed. She shrunk out of Shelby's grip and walked back a few paces. She wiped blood off her freshly split lip, surprised to feel a handful of other injuries on her cheek. Carol must have been wearing rings. In a threatening tone she warned, "Don't tell anyone. You don't know the full situation and it is none of your business."
She started to walk away but Shelby shouted after her, "I'm sorry, but I'm calling child services. No one should live like this. Not even you."
Toni sobbed, part out of anger, part sadness and part pain. She stormed over to Shelby and snarled, voice wavering, "And I'll tell your parents, the church, the Jesus club and anyone who cares that you kissed me."
Shelby's face paled, to the point where it looked like she was going to vomit. "You wouldn't."
She definitely wouldn't. Her chest ached with a sick, acrid feeling that made her want to take everything back. Not just her words: the night, every word she had said to Shelby, to anyone. God, I am a terrible person, she thought bitterly, I deserve to be sent away. As much and as often as she thought that, however, a small, selfish part of her couldn't do it.
"I don't know Shelby, maybe I would. I don't know!" Toni paced. "I can't go through this with you. There is no way you'd understand; But I just can't- I cannot tell anyone about this. I can cope with Carol." Toni though back to Carol's words moments earlier. "It doesn't matter anyway, I think my foster mom is done with me, thanks to you. So just let me deal with this on my own, you'll just make it worse."
"Okay." Shelby said quietly, but sincerely.
Toni was shocked, she stopped pacing and faced Shelby. "Are you serious?"
"Well I can't shout at you about pretending to know my life while I stand here and do the same thing now."
Toni was still slightly doubtful but the rush of relief coursing through her body at Shelby's admission made her want to kiss- No. She couldn't think like that. Not with Shelby. Instead she wrapped her up in a hug, her stomach tingling at the contact. Both of their faces were flushed when she pulled away. Toni cleared her throat and stepped back. "Thank you so much Shelby. I promise I know what I'm doing. Just, don't think about this again. You don't need to worry. I have everything under control."
"Hell of a position you've put me in Shalifoe."
"Please don't make me feel any more guilty about this than I already do," Toni pleaded, hear heart squeezing for what she had done to Dot, and now Shelby. "You can choose to worry about it or you can let it go. Either way I'm not letting you tell CPS."
Shelby nodded slightly, looking a bit threatened.
Toni turned around and started walking back. "Go home this time," She said over her shoulder, leaving Shelby standing in her coat and hat, in the snow.
She was just opening her door when she heard footsteps rapidly approaching, "Toni," She turned around and saw Shelby jogging towards her. "Come to mine. Let me a clean your wounds up. It's the least I can do seeing as I'm just gonna stand by and let you get abused."
Simultaneously, Toni's heart sunk with guilt and clenched in gratitude. She felt terrible for forcing Shelby to stay silent, whatever position Shelby had put her in, Toni had put Shelby in an equally bad one.
She thought about Shelby's offer. She definitely did not want to go back to Carol's but Shelby had kissed her and it was weird and uncomfortable, however, despite her traumatised mind's response, it was not entirely unwelcome. That can't be right? I'm just upset about Regan, that's why I liked it, Toni justified to herself. But if she was honest, she hadn't thought about Regan at all since Shelby came to her window.
"Fine," Toni said, surprising herself a bit. "Cause your bed is comfy as hell."
"What? No! You're sleeping on the floor."
"Are you kidding? You could fit 4 people in that bed with room between them. Come on," Toni pleaded jokingly, walking backwards and pressing her hands together as if in prayer, "You won't even notice me there."
A flicker of a smile played on Shelby's face but she still answered, "Nope, No one is sleeping in my bed unless I plan to marry them."
"So Andrew?" Toni questioned, but suddenly panicked, worrying it was too soon.
"Slept on the floor."
Toni stared at the other girl incredulously, before bursting out laughing. The other girl joined in but reaffirmed between giggles, "I'm serious though."
It was possible that they were laughing in some sort of trauma induced mania, but Toni didn't care. It felt good. Once they settled down Toni chuckled, "I bet he loved that," she said sarcastically.
"He wasn't nearly as much of a nag as you are about it," Shelby retorted playfully.
"He was probably just playing the long game Shelby. Believe me, no one is happy sleeping on the floor if there is no chance of fucking the person in the bed."
"Toni, don't be crude!" Shelby snapped, a bit flustered. "And, there is no chance of that."
Without thinking, Toni blurted, "Well, you're the one that kissed me..." She trailed off, regretting having brought it up when they were just almost getting along.
They were nearing Shelby's house now, and Shelby looked like she wanted to lock the door and leave Toni out in the cold. She didn't respond though as she approached an open window. "Climb in. Quietly," She said, ignoring Toni's previous comment.
Once in the pink room Toni took off her shoes and waited for Shelby. As the blonde girl shut the window Toni decided to ask, "Why did you kiss me though?"
"Alcohol," The other girl responded nonchalantly as she pulled a first aid kit out from a drawer in her vanity.
Toni couldn't help the tiny part of her that wished that wasn't true. "Next time, stalk a boy and kiss him in the middle of the night. You've got a reputation to uphold pageant queen, slumming it with me is not a strategic move." Toni sat down on the desk chair.
Shelby looked anywhere but Toni's eyes before wetting a cotton bud with some sort of antiseptic solution. "Yeah, I'll work on that for next time." She said jokingly, but Toni could see that she had made her uncomfortable. "Right, there is not much I can do about the actual lip but I can clean up the cuts above it."
Without warning, Shelby knelt in front of her and pressed the cotton bud to her face, wiping her upper lip and then cheek. Toni closed her eyes while she applied ointments and God knows what else to her face. It was like having a facial, something which, by no definition, did she really want to experience. Usually, at home, she just splashed the wound with a little water and wiped it dry with a paper towel.
Toni opened her eyes when she noticed that Shelby had stopped. She saw her still kneeling where she was before. "Shelby?" She questioned, worried about the girl that was just staring into space.
Shelby snapped out of it and placed a hand on Toni's knee. "Did that not hurt you? At all? That was- hydrogen peroxide."
If she was honest, Toni didn't notice at all. She shrugged and stood up causing Shelby's hand to fall off of her knee. "Nope, guess you're a good nurse Goodkind."
The girls prepared for the night. Shelby folded a duvet in half and laid it on the floor for Toni to sleep on. By the time they got to bed it was nearly 4 in the morning.
Toni didn't fall asleep right away, her mind was whirring with the events of yesterday and this morning. From Regan breaking up with her, to the fight with Andrew and Shelby kissing her. Despite her day, she felt content. Or somewhere close to it. "Thank you Shelby, for everything today." She waited for a response but none came. The other girl must have already fallen asleep.
Finally, after a few minutes. Toni drifted off with the floral scents emitting from Shelby's duvet and the sound of quiet breathing from the bed beside her.