A/N: Hello my lovely lovies! So I wanted to publish this chapter last night, but during editing, I added more and more in until I found myself unable to stop writing. Some of you know that I LOVE cannon theories, and I love Marauders Era fanfic (Specifically ATYD). So I wanted to give this one a similar feeling to it. Please forgive any mistakes that may have slipped through the cracks, but by the time I was giving it one last go through I started to get ideas for chapters that will take place later on in the book and I just had to begin writing those down.
As always, I love discussing your theories, thoughts and ideas in the comments, so lets dive in!
Love and Marauders,
Val
Summery: There's three sides to every story. Her side, his side, and somewhere in-between lies the truth. Sometimes, these stories are never finished being told, and sometimes, it's just easier to walk away.
~Remus's POV~
November 2nd, 1978
I was never particularly sure how to go about romantic situations. The only person I could remember myself fancying was Sirius, and perhaps Madonna. Though here I found myself, contemplating if things were different now that I'd found myself romantically tangled with Lily. Quite possibly, my best friend. I was confused what it would mean, more specifically, what it would mean to my friendship with James.
For the most part, I was on the cusp of coming to terms with my own sexuality. It wasn't something I was ashamed of, I just was unsure for the longest time what I wanted in a partner. I hadn't realized, but it was part of the guilt I felt for sleeping with Lily that made me realize, I did have feelings for Sirius afterall. There was no denying it anymore. All of the lingering looks, all of the late nights spent smoking cigarettes out on the common room balcony, the moments of electricity when we'd touch. It all added up to wanting to be with him.
What I wanted was completely different from what the universe allowed. When James and Lily had shared the news that they were to be parents, the timing shook me to my core. Had Lily told James what we had done? Was there a possibility that...
I couldn't even say it without feeling shameful for my actions. What if it was my child? What had I done to Lily and her baby if the lycanthropy was passed on genetically? That was no life for anyone, much less an unsuspecting child, and James and Lily didn't deserve to live with that. I was torn between telling James the truth, and keeping my promise to Lily, should it still be a secret.
"What are you doing out here all alone?" I heard behind me.
It was James, coming to join me on the front steps of their home. They'd returned just a day ago, settling in their new bundle of joy before having visitors. Part of me hoped that the little girl would look like James, as to remove all worry from my mind. But as fate would have it, she looked like the photos we'd seen of lily from her cradle days.
I held the cigarette between my fingers a bit higher, showing him what I'd gotten up to out here. Surely they wouldn't want me to go in right away and risk tainting the air that surrounded their child. The ashtray that rested on the step next to me was enough to show him I was determined to work my way through the pack in front of me in one go if that's what it took.
"You know there's a few muggles that did a study that shows smoking is bad for you?" He told me as he pulled one out of the pack and flicked his wand to light it. "I may be okay, seeing as I only inhale one every few months. But you and Sirius?" He said and threw his head back slightly.
"Hold out hope for those of us that are slowly killing themselves," I said as the corner of my mouth perked up slightly.
"How so?" He asked, scrunching his face in slight confusion. I just shook my head and took another drag, breathing in the poison. "It's always terrible when brothers are at odds. Is it not?" He said, looking down the street.
"I guess it depends on how stubborn they are. Should they feel remorse and just not know how to approach the situation I guess that would make it slightly less terrible," I answered, putting the filter of what was left in the ashtray between us. "If you're going to hex me, please don't count to three. Just do it. If not I'm sure lily and the baby will be missing you soon, they won't appreciate you returning smelling like a chimney," I said, debating over hold long would be appropriate before I reached for another poison stick.
He let out a breathy chuckle, his breath, visible in the cold air. "See, maybe the second I found out I would have taken you up on that. But now... There's a numbness," He said, flicking off the ash from the end of his, similar to how he was chipping away at the distance between us.
"How's that?" I asked.
"I didn't know how much I wanted to be a father. Not until I saw those huge green eyes. I'm scared beyond measure, but when I saw those eyes, it was like I knew exactly what to do," He said as he leaned forward, resting the weight he carried on his knees.
"She's the spitting image of your wife mate," I said honestly.
"Mmm," He said, staring out, watching the street just as the lamp posts turned on. Illuminating the dim street, just as the light of another tumultuous day came to a close. "Lily told me, some time ago. I won't lie and say that part of me wasn't prepared for her to come into the world, looking slightly of you. But I'm glad she looks of Lily," he said, taking the last drag of his cigarette before crushing it into the tray.
I was slightly taken aback by the way he spoke with such ease. Believing every word he said. As if the entire situation wasn't worth batting an eyelash over. "So you... I mean... is she..."
"Don't... It'll only make me want to throw a Langlock your way," He said sternly. But I couldn't stop my mind from wandering. He let out a sigh, and let his head fall. "We had her tested for Lycanthropy, which came back negative. Last full moon, Sirius and I managed to pull one of the few hairs left on the top of your head, handed that over to a healer at the hospital that owed my mum a favor," He said. He turned to look at me, staring upon my face, which I'm sure had guilt and shame written all over it.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered, looking down at my feet.
"I'm not. Not anymore. I'm a father. To a beautiful little girl, who now owns my whole heart," He said, allowing the happiness and pride he'd welcomed into his life become visible. "I'll tell you, there's not a single thing that could pull me away from her," He said and stood back up to his feet. "Don't know how she'll attend Hogwarts. Dumbledore will have to set us up with a cottage next door to Hagrid."
"Right, well, I should go," I said, not knowing what good could possibly come from my presence.
"No, you should go hold her," He said and gave my shoulder a firm pat before I rose to my feet as well. I grabbed the pack of Cigarettes and gave the lid a whack on my wrist, I could probably pull out another and lie, saying I'd be in right after. "I had to work through it on my own. But I came to the realization that Marauders are for life, and you're still my brother. Above all else, you're still my moony. And while you may not have been selected as a godparent, we'd still be very heartbroken if she missed out on knowing her uncle moony."
I looked down at my feet, feeling almost emotional by his words. I'd done the worst thing imaginable, one could do to a friend. Yet here he stood before me, still seeing me as a brother. I felt as though I didn't deserve this kind of friendship, then again, I was used to being cast aside. He pulled me into a hug, no longer allowing me to sulk in my own emotion and pool of self pity.
"Now, come inside before Sirius decides to kidnap my baby and keep her for his own, before the christening, will you?" He said and took a step up closer to the door.
"Christening? Have you been secretly devoted to a religion that I never knew about?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
"You have to believe in something don't you? It's Lily's choice, but I like the notion of it," he answered casually.
"What did the exam say?" I asked, almost regretting it, as soon as the question left my mouth. "You said you used a hair from the full moon?"
"Came back negative. Healer said I was the father," He said and opened the door to go inside. Though I couldn't shake a newly lingering thought, that may have possibly, though it was uncertain how irrelevant it may actually be, gone overlooked.
December 25th, 1980
"You don't think it's too much do you?" Sirius asked me as he gestured at the christmas tree in the corner of the room, overly filled with boxes and bags all intended to be taken over to the Potter's where we would gather for Holiday dinner tonight.
"Of course not. Though that is if you're giving them gifts for the next eighteen years all in one go," I said sarcastically as I threw on a knitted jumper and adjusted my collar.
"It's not too much," Sirius said to himself as he turned away and moved to lock the front door of our London flat.
"Merlin's beard Sirius, one is two and the other is five months. I'm sure they wouldn't mind if their uncle padfoot would tone it down from time to time," I said and made my way to stand in front of the tree. Surely he would need help taking everything over. Even then, there was a possibility that more than one trip would need to be made.
"You'd like to believe that, wouldn't you Moony darling," He said and nicked a quick kiss, making me break and smile at him in admiration.
"Do you think you may be over compensating for something?" I asked as I raised my eyebrow and stared at him intently.
"I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about. Now, help me with these will you?" Sirius said, with a sly smile creeping over his face.
Shrunken down, even then it seemed as if we were able to fill one standard box with all the Christmas joy Sirius insisted we spread. In reality, this Holiday did feel a bit different. It felt as though we finally had a chance to breathe in the midst of the chaos taking place around us. It would be one of the last times we spent together before I'd be sent undercover for Dumbledore as a spy, and the potters would be going into hiding. Furthermore, it was the second week since we'd asked Lily if she'd consider being our sourgate.
I'd pressured Sirius to wait a bit longer. Give her time to heal and recover from her last pregnancy, but after showing up in Elodie's room in the middle of the night, Lily demanded to know what was on his mind. To which he broke and confessed what we'd been pondering.
Sure enough, she was filled with excitement that we'd finally decided to take the next step and agreed she'd rather do it now and then allow herself a proper chance to rest. It seemed like a horrid idea, surely she could have used more time to rest, but I wasn't one to tell a woman what to do. James was a bit skeptical at first, not that I could blame him. Especially after how much of a mess her first pregnancy had created. But when we told him Healers would handle the entire affair, and it would be Sirius making the contribution, it seemed to ease everyone's nerves. Not that I'd ever willingly want to continue on my genetic line.
We'd never discussed it after Elodie was brought back home, but from time to time, especially in moments when I'd be tasked with looking after her, the thought would creep back into my mind. Her nose didn't quite match Lily's or James. She looked like she would be a bit on the taller side, again, not much like Lily or James. But just as easily as the thought would enter my mind, I felt obligated to cast it away. I like being uncle Moony far too much to bring up an issue I couldn't see all the way through.
In a swishing green flame, we landed at Potter Cottage. James and Lily had since moved into his parents house after they had passed away. It was an upgrade from the flat they'd moved into after we'd finished school. There was definitely more elbow room, and it served well for conducting Order business.
We heard the high pitched tumultuous cry that belonged to our little princess as soon as we stepped into the sitting area. Elodie stood in front of a pleading Lily with a soaking face as James tried to calm Harry who looked as though he was ready to mimic his older sister.
"What did you do to my little Elly-Belly?" Sirius said, quickly snatching her up. She settled into the crook of his neck with such ease, it was almost as if that had been her home all along. "What did your mean, old mum and dad do, my little girl?" He asked.
She pulled away until Sirius set her back down and made a motion indicating that she hated the poofy dress that Lily had placed her in. Not a moment later a set of overalls and a jumper I'd gifted her for her birthday came zooming down stairs.
"It's these terrible two's I'll tell ya," Lily said as she flopped onto the couch, ready to admit defeat. "Ellie, we talked about this, we have company coming over."
She wailed again as she ran to hug onto Jame's leg. Looking down at his sister, Harry began crying as well. They really did know how to gang up on their parents, and there was no denying that she had James wrapped around her finger.
"Da!" She cried into his legs as she kicked at her dress.
"It's your fault. You dress her in the same three rotating sets, she doesn't want to wear anything else," Lily said pointing a finger at James.
"These are new! And don't pretend as though she isn't the most stylish little girl around," He said and reached down to hoist her up opposite Harry.
"I can fix this!" Sirius said and reached in to grab a box that was meant to be a gift. "Come on my dear, it's time to teach you about compromise," Sirius said and plucked Elodie from James's hold as he carried her upstairs.
"I clearly remember her being strangely quiet," I said as I took Harry from James's arms to give him a break. "You won't be giving me a fuss now will you?" I asked Harry as he reached his arm out, wanting his sister and padfoot back.
"They're nearly attached at the hip already," Lily said as she leaned into James who'd taken a seat beside her. This was probably one of the few moments of peace they'd gotten all day. "It's quite lovely until she starts using her magic instead of using her words."
"Ahh, yes. Sirius told me about the soup incident. Something tells me that you're going to want to follow in her footsteps soon enough?" I asked Harry who patted his hand into my hair and laughed in amusement.
"Ahem," Sirius said as he reached the entrance of the living room moments after disappearing. "Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you, miss Elodie Lilian Potter," He said and moved aside in the doorway revealing Elodie who was now dressed in blach tights, a cream colored jumper, and an overall style green dress. The sassy little thing that she was, she walked in slowly, one hand on her hip, the other hand bent outward, in just as much showmanship as her godfather.
"Beautiful! Don't you agree Harry?" I said as I bounced him on my knee to which he began clapping his hands together and screaming in excitement for his older sister.
She made a beeline directly for us and wrapped her arms around Harry, encasing him in a hug before redirecting her attention to James.
"If that was a present, you should have waited," Lily said as she reached forward and sat Elodie in between her and James.
"Don't worry, there's many more where that came from," he said with a wink as he took a seat with me on the love seat and pulled Harry over. "Lily darling! You look absolutely radiant!" He said.
And it was true, motherhood suited her quite well. But there was something else to it. Even though she was tired and worn thin, something looked different. Though strangely familiar.
"Doesn't she though?" James said as he draped an arm over the top of the sofa.
"Stop it," She said, laughing the compliment away.
"Now's as good a time as ever my love," James told her.
"What is it?" I asked, leaning forward.
They looked at eachother, sharing a secret. It was a small moment, but it was as if no words were needed to be said to know what was coming.
"I've met with Healer Alcott, and she's told me that now's a good time to start trying for yours. That is, if you'd still like for me to be your surrogate?" she said, looking between Sirius and I.
I felt my eyes go wide as her words set in. If we wanted to have a child of our own, now would be the time. I hesitated for a moment before turning to look at Sirius. Were we ready to have a child of our own? Yes, we were great enough uncles, but to be fathers seemed entirely different.
Certainly he loved me enough. Though at times it didn't seem to amount to the love I carried for him. It was like a fire in my bones, and I would gladly strike a match day in and day out to keep it ablaze. It was as if he was one of the motorbikes he loved so badly, I wanted to disassemble it part by part, to willingly and joyously drink it's oil.
And with that I knew. I was certainly ready. I'd never want for anything other than Sirius, and if he wanted a child, then I'd be so willing. We'd have hurdles, but nothing so big to compare to what we'd already faced together only to come out at the other end better than before. Though looking at the little girl before me, I would never be able to shake the feeling that had laid dormant in me for years now. The feeling that I would always be not only a terrible person, but a terrible father.
"Alright Moony?" Sirius said, giving my shoulder a slight nudge.
I blinked and looked away from Elodie's big green eyes, finding comfort in Sirius as I always had. "Yeah, of course. Whatever you think is best," I said, dismissing the idea.
There was a ring at the door bell, relieving us from what could have been a terribly long conversation. "Oh, that'll be the Diggory's. They said they would be stopping by early with their son Cedric," Lily said as she stood and made her way to the door.
November 2nd, 1981
I was pacing back and forth in an office at the ministry. After returning to the flat and not finding Sirius anywhere Dumbledor had been the one to tell me the terrible news of what had happened. Three of my oldest friends were dead, my padfoot arrested and accused of betraying them. It was all too impossible to believe. That wasn't the Sirius I knew and loved. He would have never turned his back on his friends. Most of all, he would never do anything to put our daughter in danger.
Granted, it had been over a month since I'd seen him, and even then, I hadn't left on the best of terms. The last few months had been absolutely terrible. Tensions running high as anxiety over the war worsened. And being amongst the werewolves didn't help the lack of trust that had settled between Sirius and I. The war was over. But I knew I had one last fight in me.
"Mr. Lupin?" one of the Aurors said, entering the office and setting a file down on the desk. "I see you're here with inquiries about one Sirius Black?"
"Yes, I need to see him," I demanded as I took a seat across from him. "I need to get him a lawyer and arrange dates for the trial. I need-"
"There will be no trial. Sirius black will be serving a life sentence for the mass murder in addition to being an accesory in the murder of James and Lily Potter," He answered me very mater of factly.
I felt my heart sink into the floor. They weren't even going to let him explain himself. They were going to throw him in a cell to rot, and leave it at that. Allowing Dementors to openly feast on dits of his soul. A fate I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy.
"No," I whispered. "No, I don't believe that. Please, you need to grant me access. I can speak to him!"
"That will not be happening. We've had more than a fair share of witnesses report that before his demise, one Mr. Pettigrew confronted Black about his actions. To which Black quickly killed him, along with several unsuspecting muggles. As far as the ministry is concerned, the more Death Eaters off the streets, the better," He said, shutting the file in front of him. "Mr. Black will not be permitted any such visitors. Now," He said as he walked to open the door, rushing me out of his office.
I sat for a moment longer, trying to think of anyone else I could speak to. There had to be someone else that could help him. Help me talk to him and sort things out. This couldn't be the end.
But as I stood from my chair, and left the room, walking towards the floo network, each step brought a deeper sorrow. I felt like if I gave up now, it was admitting that I never really knew Sirius Black. To me he'd always been more than his family name, just as I'd always been more than a werewolf to him. But at the end of the day, I was still a werewolf... and he was still Sirius Black.
I cast the thought aside. We'd been through too much to believe everything could be so black and white. The Sirius Black of his family name would never have wanted to be with someone like me. He would never have wanted to start a family with me. That wasn't the Sirius black I knew.
February 14th, 1981
It was weeks, months, before I was able to open my mail. Most of my days I spent lying in the living room of the flat that had been paid through the end of the year. I didn't have the heart to sleep in the bed I'd last shared with Sirius. When I'd managed to pluck up the courage to do so, it was only long enough to enter and remind myself of the smell of his cologne. I was withering.
Professor McGonagall sent several owls, none of which I'd opened, much less sent a response to. It wasn't until one was delivered with crayon scribbles covering the envelope that I'd decided to open them. She'd moved into a house in Gordric's Hollow near the old Potter residence. More importantly, she'd only been given custody of Elodie.
I dressed in one of Sirius's oxford shirts, fastening the buttons on the sleeves to disguise what I'd been going through, so as to not put more onto her plate. She'd already taken care of me back in my school days. Now it was Elodie that needed taking care of.
I found the house easy enough, it was the only one with an overly flourishing garden in front. Delicate little flowers covering all of the bushes, not a single strand of yellow grass occupied the lawn that the sun shined over. I myself felt the looming cloud that rested over my head only increase as I began to notice the slight glow that reverberated off of the structure of the house. A glow I'd last seen on Lily.
The rapping of my knuckles assaulting the door disrupted the peaceful scene. For a moment I swore even the birds became quiet, the way they would if a storm was on its way. The elderly woman opened the door and I watched her expression change several times in the span of five seconds. Relieve, joy, worry, empathy, understanding.
"Ahh, Mr. Lupin, please come in. Make yourself at home. We were just about to sit for tea and a bit of light reading. Would you be a gentleman and join us?" She asked as she moved out of the doorway and motioned towards the dining room. From the look of it it was just her, the walls were still relatively empty, not feeling very homely. Though she did mention that it was a recent move in one of the letters.
"Yes, thank you," I said and walked in the direction she motioned for me. The dining room and the kitchen were essentially one room, only being separated by the island countertop. The room was empty, only occupied by the whistle coming off of the kettle that rested over the stove.
"Have a seat," She said and went to the stove pouring the hot water into a china teapot. "Elodie! Come inside!" She shouted out the open kitchen window. I looked outside, but couldn't spot the little girl she was calling in. Instead of searching for her I focused my eyesight on the reclaimed wood table I sat at. I was a decent enough piece of furniture. Round, with five matching chairs. More than enough for them, but I could only assume it was better than having company and realizing that there weren't enough chairs. Though, given that she was possibly the best witch to perform Transfiguration, it would never come as an issue to simply turn a noodle into a chair.
"I hope you won't mind, we were in the back waiting for the rain to roll in," She said as she set down the tea pot and flicked her wand to move the rest of her setting over.
"Forecast predicted clear skies," I said, giving my teacup a quarter turn. "It was a muggle forecast, but they tend to be accurate enough."
"Perhaps," she said, filling our cups with tea. "But I've learned that no forecast is as accurate as Elodie is," She said and turned to look at the door, where she quickly approached.
"Uncle Moony!" She said and ran into me in a crashing motion. She nuzzled into me with ease, the smell of grass and air wafting off of her. It wasn't until she pulled away that I realized she was wearing a raincoat and galoshes. "I missed you Moony!" her tiny voice rang out, forcing me to push the tears that had formed in the corners of my eyes back.
"I missed you to Elly-belly," I said softly, not wanting her to hear the cracks in my voice.
"Are we going to go with padfoot to see mum and daddy?" she asked innocently and she pulled away and twirled her little finger onto my chin. Had McGonagall not told her? I didn't want to say something that would only be inappropriate.
"My dear we talked about this remember?" she said, turning the sadness in her voice to reassurance.
"Mimi said padfoot went away, because mum and daddy went with the angles," She said casually as if they were only taking a day trip. I stared at her, still unsure what to say. "Harry and I can't go with them, but do you think they miss me?" She asked, resting the palm of her hand on my face.
"Who wouldn't miss you?" I asked just before she jumped out of my lap and sat up straight in the chair between McGonagall and I.
I thought I'd been through my fair share of hardships in my life, but sitting down to tea, in an uncomfortable silence with McGonagall and Elodie made me realize just how unfair the world could be. Just as I'd been attacked and afflicted as a child, Elodie had had her whole world taken away from her. Both her parents, her brother, even the only three uncles she'd known were no longer here.
After tea she gave me a tour of the house and showed me her room, where she'd already begun a collection of books. She handed me her hair brush and told me to take it since my hair was almost as long as hers, to which I didn't argue. Then she very proudly began showing me her drawings that depicted her at her happiest times, as well as her and McGonagall now. She was aware of what had happened, but just as adults suppress memories, she was covering up her memories with drawings in pretty colors. That was tragically depicted in a drawing of her and Harry with a bright green beam of light drawn out.
"It would do the both of you some good if you began visiting more often," McGonagall said as we sat on the front steps watching Elodie tend to the garden. From the looks of it, she had the potential to be a gifted nature witch and use those talents in herbology.
"I don't see how," I said, no longer having the stoic energy it took to be a burden in her life.
She let out a sigh and looked at me sternly. Surely, if there had been a newspaper nearby, she would have given me a good and hefty wack to the back of the head.
"Now I have prided myself on not being one to become overly involved in the lives of my students over the years. It wasn't until you first arrived that I realized that the notion I carried was beginning to chip away like a stone with a chisel," she said, eyes locked with mine, causing a new level of shame to arise within me. "Over the years, it was little things that would chip away the layers more and more. Such as when you boys called me Minnie for the first time, or when young Ms. Evans told me she was carrying a child, and asked if I would be the godmother. When the war worsened, I had to put up a new shield, one where the students in my protection mattered more to me than the distance I tried to keep," She said and turned to look at Elodie.
I followed her gaze to see what looked like Elodie talking to the flowers she watered. Nurturing them with water and her words. "And?" I asked, not able to muster up any other words.
"It's not easy to keep up walls when there are those who can easily break them down," She said, jerking her chin forward, indicating that Elodie had given Mcgonagall a permanent soft spot. "Who better to remain in her life, than someone who's dealt with more than their own fair share of heartache and struggle and come out the other side stronger than before? She'll need someone who's known her entire life to help keep her well of memories filled with love and joy. Otherwise I fear it'll only cause more harm than good."
I shook my head at the notion. She had an image of me in her head that didn't exist. The same image I'd had of Sirius, that had only proved me wrong. "You're right," I said, dusting my hands over my knees, and looking down at the ground, not wanting to take in the painful scene anymore. "She needs someone with a hopeful outlook on the world. And to be honest, that's not me," I said and stood to my feet. "All I can offer is a tainted outlook on the world. Wizarding and not. And she doesn't need that burden," I said.
Say the words, and giving them life allowed them to finally set in. I was a burden. I had always been a burden. And the best thing I could do for both of us, was stay away.
"And what should I say when she asks for her beloved uncle Moony? Don't you see it's hard enough telling her that her uncle Padfoot nor her parents will be coming for her?" Minerva said, standing to her feet beside me. "I implore you Mr. Lupin, make the right decision."
"I am," I said honestly. "Goodbye Professor," I said and walked towards Elodie who was stroking the petals of one of the flowers growing in the shrub.
"Uncle Moony, do you smell the rain? It'll be here soon," She said looking up at the clear and sunny sky, without a single cloud in sight.
"I have to go now Elly-Belly, be a good girl for Minnie okay?" I said as I crouched down to be at eye level with her.
"No, it's Mimi. Daddy called her Minnie," She said and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Don't go away too," She whispered into my ear, allowing a burning tear to soak into my hair.
"I have to. But maybe one day, I can come back," I said, pulling away to look at her face. She gave me a look, as if she was memorizing all the features of my face, blazing them into her memory, just as I did with her.
"When you come back, Padfoot will come back," She said, changing her demeanor. Convincing herself that it was possible. I didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise. She reached to her side and handed me an umbrella, another parting gift to take with me, along with her brush.
"Perhaps. Goodbye my beautiful witch," I said, taking the umbrella, and opening the gate to walk away from the last piece of happiness I'd ever known.
I walked down the road, deciding the walk would do me more good than returning to the flat and drowning in my sorrow the same as I had since returning from hiding. There was no turning back now, just pushing forward, for as long as I could.
In what felt like only a moment, voluptuous gray clouds filled the sky, imitating the storm that was brewing in both my head and my heart. A fraction of a second later, I felt the ping of a drop of rain hit the top of my head, mimicking the tear that began to roll down my face.
Feeling as though I'd gone completely looney, I looked down at the umbrella and began laughing. She was right, the smell of rain had finally hit me, though it was rather unfortunate that it took me so long to notice.