Nope. It's way too early for this. I tossed onto my stomach, refusing to open my eyes and face the day. Usually, the camp's liveliness is my alarm clock, so the fact that it's still dead silent out there is my sign that it's way too fucking early. I kept tossing and turning, trying to lull myself back to sleep but failing epically. I finally turned onto my back and sighed, succumbing to my fate and opening my eyes. It was still dark around me, but it wasn't pitch black. I could tell the sun was about to rise – my suspicions were confirmed by the sounds of chickens coming to life all around us. Lifting my head, I squinted at the sleeping man a few feet away and felt the corners of my lips quirk. He was safe and sound, snoring lightly in a ball against the other side of the tent. I don't know how long I lay there, staring up at the top of the tent with no real thoughts flooding through my brain. It must have been a while because I watched as the darkness faded around me and shone with light the sun provided.
Finally, after a mental battle with myself, I slowly sat up and grabbed my boots. Trying to be as quiet as possible, I crawled out of the tent, zipping it back up. Yesterday Daryl forced me to take it easy. Now today, I'm going to force him to take it easy. I sat outside our tent, lacing my boots, and put my knife in its holster. The machete is a great weapon, but it's more for when I leave the farm than when I'm just patrolling or helping around.
Walking quickly, I entered the main camp and sat by the lowly burning fire. I heard rustling from behind and turned, seeing Dale come towards me with a bucket of fresh water. He sat down next to me and smiled, greeting me. We sat in silence, the two of us not wanting to be noisy for everyone. Dale turned to me again, his eyes heavy with thought as his mouth opened slightly.
"June." He whispered as he leaned closer to me. "I don't want to tell Rick anything, and I definitely can't come to Shane with this."
"What happened?" I whispered, my mind already flooding with worst-case scenarios.
"We need to talk about Shane." He practically mouthed to me, his voice dropping lower than what my ears could pick up. I wish I could say I didn't see this coming, but it was inevitable. He's been a loose screw for a while, and I'm worried he'll fully loosen and hurt someone one day. "I'm sure you've noticed how—"
"He's been off." I interrupted. I wiped my face, trying to physically remove the stress from my body, "Since we got here, something's been off with him."
"You've seen it too." Dale muttered, "So, I'm not imagining things." I shook my head at him and scanned the silent camp, ensuring we were still the only two up.
"He's been..." I trailed as I tried to find the right words to say, "More hostile."
"Back at the quarry, when you asked me to go walk perimeter for you—I saw him aiming for Rick," Dale whispered, concern washing over his features as he returned to that day. Aiming for Rick? I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means.
"Aiming for Rick?" I questioned, not believing what I was hearing but knowing deep down that it was true. Ever since Rick came back, he's changed. If I could see that, and I only knew him for a few hours before Rick made his grand reappearance, then people who've been with Shane longer can definitely see it. "Like trying to shoot him?" Dale nodded at me and looked around cautiously.
"I think he's a danger to us." Dale sucked on his teeth and frowned, "It's only a matter of time before he snaps." So he agrees with me. Shane has the possibility of being a loose cannon. I chalked down his shift in attitude to tension since I caught him attacking Lori. But now that Dale is bringing this to my attention, this can blow up in our faces. However, I can't just confront Shane about it without starting a fight, so for now, I'm going to keep an eye on him and keep a safe distance from him. Something tells me he'd gladly kill me if he views me as a threat.
"I'll keep a close eye on him." I nodded, offering an uneasy smile to reassure him. Dale nodded at me and sighed heavily, his mind weighing on him significantly. "I'm going to go walk the perimeter, okay? If you see Daryl up and moving, tell him he better get his white ass back to the tent and rest." Dale laughed but nodded nonetheless. I turned my heel and walked to the outermost fence by the barn. It's strange. We've never even tried exploring this large building all this time here. If we get Hershel to agree to let us stay here, we can camp out here during the winter months. As I walked, I ran my hand along the fence, keeping my eyes and ears alert for any noises or movements around me.
I watched as the sky turned into its usual shade of blue, and the sun rose higher and higher. The birds chirped around me, and the clucks of the chickens became louder as I continued walking. I saw Lori, Patricia, and Carl walking over to the chicken pen, a smile erupting over my lips as I watched Carl walk with the smallest of limps. I started to jog towards them, more than happy to see him up and moving, and caught Lori's eye. As I tiptoed closer to Carl, I raised a finger to my lips, instructing her not to say a word. I reached out, tapped him on the shoulder, immediately fell in place with Lori, and watched as he looked around. His blue eyes squinted, and his eyebrows scrunched together as he looked around, confused, his eyes never landing on me. Lori chuckled and shook her head, amused at how unobservant her son was. I finally cleared my throat and started picking up my pace, making it evident to Carl that I was around. I heard him yelp with happiness and excitement as he saw me, holding his side as he jogged to me. I stopped in my tracks and held out my arms. Carl jogged into them and hugged me tightly. I returned the hug and gently squeezed him, trying not to hurt him further.
"Hey there." I smiled down at him, noticing that he had grown a bit. It's been a few days, and he's already level with my chin. Wow! How kids grow. Before I know it, he's going to be taller than me! A fact that slightly offended me. I'm a grown-ass adult, and a nearly thirteen-year-old is gonna surpass me.
"June!" He practically shouted as excitement got the best of him, "I missed you!"
"I missed you too, buddy!" I grinned as we started to walk toward the chicken pen. "Sorry I didn't see you yesterday. Things got crazy out here."
"My dad told me." Carl smiled up at me, "It's okay, though. I'm just happy that I'm seeing you now."
"I'm happy too." I opened the pen for him and held it open for Lori and Patricia, closing it as soon as they arrived, "I gotta walk the perimeter, but I promise I'll see you later, okay? Take it easy, Grimes!" Carl nodded at me eagerly as I walked away. Seeing him up and around makes me so happy – we were all scared that he wouldn't pull through there for a while. But he's a Grimes, and they're strong.
I jogged back to the fence and continued patrolling, deciding to make a quick stop at the tent to check in on Daryl. I saw him through the netting, his face etched with boredom as he poked holes with his arrow. I jogged forward, ready to annoy him, when I saw Andrea approaching. I groaned and stood before the tent, ready to scare her off. Andrea saw me and stopped, analyzing me as she slowly approached me.
"How is he?" She asked timidly. I crossed my arms and looked at her, still unhappy with her. I could do this one of two ways. I can take the high road and be civil, or I can be a bitch and run her off. While I so desperately wanted to do the latter, I knew I had to act like an adult for once.
"He's good," I answered, deciding to be civil with her. "Next time," I whispered, getting closer to her, "Listen, okay? There's a time and a place to try to prove yourself, but firing that gun, even though Rick and I told you not to, was not one of those times." Andrea nodded at me and lowered her gaze. I could tell she felt guilty about everything, and my attacking her didn't make things better, but she had it coming. "Sorry about almost knifing you,"
I stalked away, deciding it was safe enough to allow her to see Daryl. If anything, he'll make her cry a lot quicker than I could. I could hear the tent unzipping and hoped he would make her cry. I started again by the fence, carefully running my hand along it. It seemed that there was almost nothing to be done this morning. That, or I just didn't want to help out with anything. Either way, I couldn't keep this up. Today was another day, which meant weapon training and searching for Sophia. While I wanted to continue searching for her, another part of me genuinely believed she was gone. I don't have high hopes for this, but I'm also trying to be optimistic for Carol's sake.
After one final full rotation around the farm, I settled by the camp, my gaze immediately following Glenn, carrying a basket and offering fruit. I watched as he paused beside Lori, his hand producing a peach. She shook her head, and he visibly tried to have her take it, to which she declined again. Since I'm in the know, what he was trying to do seems pretty apparent. She's pregnant, and he's trying to get her to eat more. I get it, but I think he's making it blatantly obvious. Shane leaned against the Chevy with Jimmy. Did he really aim at Rick all those weeks ago? Would he really kill his best friend? I hope not, but something tells me otherwise.
"June," Shane called out, catching my attention and motioning me over to him. He leaned against the Chevy with Jimmy; his thumbs hooked in his pockets. As I slowly approached them, I thought about what Dale told me. Did Shane really aim to shoot Rick? Would he kill his best friend? And for what? A woman? That doesn't seem worth it to me. When I finally joined Shane and Jimmy, Rick approached, patting Shane on the shoulder before spreading the map on the hood of the Chevy and assessing it. I picked up my pace, not wanting to miss out on the good stuff, and quickly took my place beside Shane. As soon as I stood near Shane, alarm bells started blaring in my head, alerting me that there was danger. I cast a side-eyed glance at him and shifted my weight, trying to pay attention to Rick.
"The creek flows south, just past the farmhouse Daryl and June found." Rick started as he followed the landmark on the map, "Maybe Sophia dropped the doll there. The current brought it downstream."
"So what," Shane muttered, rubbing his prickly head, "You think she took this road here and then went North?"
"Big possibility." I muttered as I turned my attention to Jimmy, "What's up that way?"
"Housing development." Jimmy answered as he looked at the map, "Went up maybe ten years ago." I looked at the men around me, deciding to lead the search since Daryl was out for the day.
"We have gun practice today, right?" I asked Shane. He looked at me and gave me a curt nod, his bottom lip catching between his teeth. "You and I can make a run up there after then." But was that a good idea? How do I know he won't leave me for dead if things get hairy?
"You should stay here and help me hold the fort down," Rick interjected, shaking his head at me. Even though I don't care for Shane, I'm not about to let him go out there alone.
"After what happened to Daryl, no one should be going out there alone. We need to start going out in pairs." I argued, my hands finding my hips.
"And I agree," Rick said, "Someone else can go with him." Why is he so adamant that I stay behind? He doesn't need help holding the fort down. We stared each other down when suddenly, it occurred to me that maybe Rick knew something I didn't. Does he also notice how unhinged his friend is? Does he know that if I go with Shane, I won't be coming back?
"I'll stay behind and help you with anything here at camp, but Shane, you have to take someone," I said, my eyes landing on the burly man beside me. Shane nodded, his gaze diverting between Rick and me. Glenn approached us, holding out the basket of fruits for us. I grabbed a peach and bit it, feeling the juice squirt and splatter my chin. It took everything in me not to moan at the sweet, delectable taste. Peaches are the best fruit in the world, and no one can tell me otherwise. I wiped away the liquid with the back of my hand and kept my eyes on Glenn.
"I'll take a few suggestions on a partner," Shane said, his mouth full as he looked back at Rick and me.
"See how they do on the range and take your pick from there," Rick answered as he grabbed a peach. Glenn walked next to me and stopped, eyeing Rick as if he wanted to tell him something. Could he make it any more obvious? I have to take action, or else he's gonna spill the beans.
"Come find me when y'all are ready to start with practice," I ordered, looking mainly at Shane. "I can help teach them." Shane nodded at me and bit into his peach again, a smirk on his lips. I looked over at Glenn and grabbed him by his upper arm, dragging him away and pushing him forward. We stopped just a few feet from the camp, out of hearing distance. Glenn observed me with wide, curious eyes.
"Could you make it any more obvious?" I questioned him, keeping my voice down if someone walked by us.
"W-what do you mean?" He asked, his voice wavering. I grabbed his upper arm and dragged him further away, trying to create distance so no one could eavesdrop.
"You're not gonna tell Rick." I said lowly, almost ordering him to shut his mouth, "It's none of our business, and Lori should be the one to tell him." Glenn looked at me, the gears grinding in his head before he finally connected the dots.
"You know?" He whispered to me, looking around to ensure no one was around. I crossed my arms and nodded.
"Of course." I whispered back, "She told me yesterday." Glenn lowered his basket onto the floor and looked at me.
"She has to tell him," Glenn said, worry consuming his face. "He needs to know."
"I agree with you." I sighed, feeling stress in my bones, "But it needs to come from her. She can't put this off for long unless..."
"Unless what?" Glenn asked, stepping closer and lowering his head to my level.
"Unless she chooses to find a way to terminate." I whispered, "She's still early enough to take a pill, and this will all be gone." Glenn looked at me and gulped, horrified at what I had just said. "But it's not our problem, okay? It's hers and Rick's. So, I suggest you butt out and keep that mouth shut." Glenn looked at me and nodded, his gaze dropping.
I couldn't help but feel a bit mean for how I chose to say all this, so I closed the distance between us, hugging him tightly. We shared a similar stress; we know a massive secret and are stewing in the what-ifs.
"Hey, let's not think about it," I muttered, pulling away and letting my arms drop, a smirk spreading across my mouth, "Let's talk about you putting it to the farmer's daughter," I wiggled my eyebrows and laughed, watching as he turned a bright shade of crimson.
"How about no?" He answered with a smile, his cheeks still beet red.
"Aw, no raunchy details?" I teased, "Damn, I didn't know it was humanly possible to turn that red," Glenn lifted his arm and hid his face in the crook of his elbow, but that didn't hide his blushing ears. I laughed at him and placed my hand on his shoulder, prompting him to finally look at me, "Just be safe, okay? But most importantly, have fun!"
"Trust me, tons of fun," Glenn blushed again, but he didn't dart his eyes away from me. I laughed again and shook my head, grabbing another peach from the basket and biting into it.
"Attaboy," I smiled between chews, walking away from him and back toward camp. Once back, I looked around and spotted Carl; Rick's cop hat rested firmly on his head as he leaned against the RV. I smiled and started walking over to him, my eyes resting on the stick in his hands as he swung it.
"Dude," I called out to him, a bright smile on my face, "Nice hat. You swipe it from your old man?" Carl looked at me and shook his head, a smile spreading across his face. He lowered his stick and let his smile fall, his lips pursing as he approached me.
"I want to learn how to shoot," Carl told me, his eyes making direct eye contact with mine, letting me know he was serious. I felt my precious peach slip from my fingers as he spoke, taking me by surprise, "I want you and Shane to teach me." I bit my lip and placed my hand on his shoulder, unsure of what to say exactly.
"Carl, sweetheart." I started, still trying to find the right words to say to him, "That's up to your mom and dad to decide." Carl frowned, looking down at the ground before returning to me, almost pleading with me. God damn, am I really that soft to easily be swayed by a twelve-year-old?
"Can you talk to them?" He asked me, "They'll listen to you." It really is best that he learns how to defend himself. There won't always be someone there to save him, and if he doesn't know how to protect himself, he's walker chow. The best I could do is bring it to Rick and Lori, but it's their decision on whether or not he learns.
"I'll talk to them, but I can't promise they'll agree." Carl nodded at me, still looking disappointed, and turned to walk away. As he turned, I heard a click come from him and snapped my head in his direction. What's he hiding under there? "Carl," I called out to him. He returned to me, and the look on his face was reminiscent of a deer caught in headlights, "What do you have there?" Hesitantly, he raised his shirt, revealing my pistol in his waistband. I stood there for a few seconds, utterly shocked.
I gave it up to Rick a few days ago. Carl probably snuck into the RV and stole it. Snapping into action, I quickly took the gun away from him and checked the chamber. I was relieved to see that there were still six bullets in there, but still felt at a loss. He should know better than to steal a gun, especially when he doesn't know how to use it! He started begging me not to tell his parents, but I wasn't having any of it. He has no idea how stupid this was! How dangerous this was! He could've easily mishandled it and shot someone or himself! I didn't want to have to do this, but this was serious. While I like the boy, I can't always be his friend, and right now is one of those times. With Carl still trailing behind me, his begging quietening drastically, I walked up to Lori.
"June?" Lori asked as she caught my eye. Without saying anything, I handed her the gun. Rick approached, seemingly sensing some tension, and tried to read the situation.
"Carl had it on him," I explained to Lori. Lori peered at the gun and then at her son as she checked the chamber. Shane and Dale approached, both curious about what was happening, proving to be fellow chismosos. She closed the chamber and looked at her husband, then at me.
"How could this happen?" Lori asked as she placed the gun in her waistband. Dale looked at me and then back to Lori, frowning.
"Well, it's my fault." Dale sighed, "I let him into the RV. He said he wanted a walkie, that you sent him for one."
"So, on top of everything else, he lied." Lori spat, obviously angry with her son. "What's he thinking?" Rick and Lori looked at their son, both angry he had stolen a gun.
"He wants to learn how to shoot." I spoke, glancing at the boy, "He asked me if Shane and I could teach him. I'm happy to do so, and I'm positive Shane is too. It's your call, though." Lori looked at me, furiously shook her head, and settled her gaze upon her husband.
"I'm not comfortable with it." She announced. Shane and I glanced at each other, his shoulders shrugging. We may not see eye to eye on most things, but I know he thinks teaching Carl is best. "Don't make me out to be the unreasonable one here. Rick?"
"I know. I have my concerns too, but— "Rick started.
"There's no but." Lori interrupted, her anger flaring, "He was just shot. He's just back on his feet, and he wants a gun?"
"Better than him being afraid of 'em." Rick retorted as he looked at his boy. "there are guns in camp for a reason. He should learn to handle them safely."
"I don't want my kid walking around with a gun." Lori sneered, looking angrier than I had ever seen. Carl and I met eyes, and I motioned to him with my eyes, trying to urge him to step in and make a case for himself. If he speaks up for himself and puts his mom at ease, she might just come around.
"How can you defend that?" Rick asked, "You can't let him go around without any protection."
"He's as safe as he'll ever be right here," Lori argued. I understand where she's coming from, he was just shot, and she had the scare of her life, but she can't be with him 24/7. It's just not possible. What if he wandered off and got caught between a group of walkers and us? "Everything you're saying makes perfect sense, but it feels wrong. I didn't feel good about him following you out into the woods, and I wish I said something. I should have gone with my gut."
I watched as they continued to argue before glancing behind where Carl stood. This boy needs to learn how to protect himself. There won't always be someone there to help him. I took advantage of Rick and Lori being too engrossed in their argument and made eye contact with Carl, moving my head towards his parents, silently pushing him to speak up for himself. He nodded at me, understanding what I was trying to say, and jumped up, looking at his mother. Shane nudged me with his elbow, giving me a rare smile of approval and a nod. I feel like it's rare these days for us to see eye to eye, so this was strange.
Carl made a promising case for himself, making me proud of him. He wants to learn how to shoot, and he's voicing what he wants to his mother, despite her reservations. She had disbelief written all over her face as he spoke, looking conflicted with herself. I understand her viewpoint but I can't deny that training Carl is the best course of action. Once Carl was done, Lori looked at Rick, her hands on her hips, and they started to argue. Rick thought showing Carl was a good idea, but Lori was adamant in her refusal. Finally, I grew tired and glanced at Shane, a light bulb going off in my head.
"Shane was a certified instructor, wasn't he?" I asked, interrupting the argument between the married couple. Rick mentioned this in passing a while ago. The couple turned to me, and Rick nodded.
"The best one that I know," Rick answered, turning back to his wife. "I've seen him teach kids younger than Carl." Before she turned to her son, Lori processed Rick's words, grabbing his face and ordering him to take everything seriously and behave himself. She let go of him and frowned before walking in the opposite direction. An excited, victorious smile spread across Carl's lips as he turned to me, his arms wrapping around me. I returned the gesture, reminding him to listen to every word Shane, Rick, and I say. Rick and Shane approached, Shane being the first one to speak,
"How'd you wanna approach this?" He asked.
"You can teach the males, and I can teach the females?" I suggested. Shane nodded and motioned for me to follow him with his head. I kept close, helping him load up his car with the weapons and ammo we'll need.
"So, what's the plan with weapons training?" Shane asked as he leaned up against his car. I started to tie my hair into a ponytail, figuring we should start with guns first since shooting is harder than stabbing.
"I figured we could start with guns, let them get comfortable with even holding one, and then I'll start with knives and all that jazz." I explained, "So maybe after a few days of gun training, I'll start with that."
"Sounds good," Shane answered as he crawled into his vehicle.
~*~
I watched Beth raise her gun, her hands shaking as she pulled the trigger and missed the bottle completely. I gave her a reassuring smile as she turned back at me, a frown on her face.
"It's okay." I reassured her, "It takes practice. Here, why don't you try again? I'll help you." Beth nodded, turned, and held her arms up. I walked around her and examined her form. "Don't lock your elbows." She released the tension she didn't know she had and took a deep breath. "Just a little bit higher," I said as I stood behind her to glimpse her aim. She released a final breath and squeezed the trigger, the bottle shattering like music to my ears, making us both smile.
On the other hand, Patricia wasn't having as much trouble as Beth. I walked down the line, watching as everyone shot and stopped at Carl. He looked up at me and motioned me over. I kneeled beside him and watched as he raised his gun, took aim, and fired. He hit the bottle and turned to me, the gun lowering as he awaited my input. He was a natural! Might even be a better shot than me! Okay, that's a bit of a reach, but he's definitely on the road there.
"You're a natural." I smiled at him, "Before you know it, you'll be saving me from walkers." He laughed and turned back around, obviously happy. I watched as he fired another shot and hit another bottle. "Good job, Carl." I praised him, feeling a sense of pride wash over me as I watched him. I patted him on the shoulder and turned around, watching everyone shoot. T-Dog looked over at me and raised his good arm, waiting for me to high-five him. I smiled at him and met his expectations, high-fiving him before stopping at Andrea. I watched as Shane put her to the test, handing her his gun. Shane backed off and rested his arm on my shoulder, the both of us watching as Andrea aimed. She fired the shot, and her can flew off the fence, a smug smile spreading across her lips. I can't deny that this girl isn't a good shot. She's just worthless when she doesn't have a gun in hand.
"I say she's ready for the advanced class," I said, turning up at Shane. "Moving Targets?" Shane grinned and nodded his head, agreeing with me. Wow, we must be on a roll or something since we're agreeing on nearly everything today.
"It might be worth your while after the rest of us head back to camp," Rick said, startling me. Where did he come from? He glanced at me and then at Shane, his eyes lingering on the arm resting on my shoulder. He stared longer than necessary, his eyes hardening. What's his deal? I rolled my eyes and grabbed Shane's arm, removing it before walking down the line. We allowed them to practice for another half hour before calling it a day. I helped Shane pack up and load everything into Rick's Chevy, muttering about taking Andrea into the woods to give her advanced training. I nodded at him and hoped they'd be fine before closing the back of the Chevy and crawling in.
It was only a five-minute drive from the farm, and the ride was relatively quiet. Carl smiled at me every once in a while, still riding the high from practice today. Once back in camp, I helped Dale and Rick unload the guns and place them in the RV. Smiling at the men, I walked out, deciding to check on Daryl and take watch or help clean up. I made my way to the shared tent and opened it, feeling a wide grin spread across my mouth as I saw Daryl still poking holes in the netting.
"Mosquitoes are going to eat us alive." I groaned as I examined all the holes, "But I guess it's keeping you entertained."
"Finally," Daryl groaned as he sat up, "You went out?" I shook my head and sat beside the man, sighing loudly as my legs thanked me for relaxing.
"Shane and Andrea are gonna go out there." I explained, "How are you doing?" Daryl shrugged and laid back down, grabbing his bolt and twisting it around. "I suppose you can get up to eat and walk around camp if you'd like." I teased, "You're no longer on house arrest." Daryl smirked up and nudged me away with his leg, not in his typical lousy mood. I patted his leg and crawled out of the tent, happy he was fine. Let's be honest. He's probably in such a good mood cause I haven't been here to bust his balls all day. That's gonna change real quick once I come back.
I grabbed my knife and decided it would be best to walk around, ensuring no walkers come our way after all the noise we made today. I started from the tent and slowly walked along the fence, enjoying the silence. How long can we stay here until Hershel decides to kick us out? He hasn't made it any secret that he wants us gone, but it's only a matter of time until he physically tells us. If we find Sophia, will he run us off after giving her a clean bill of health?
What's Lori going to do? What's Rick going to do? Better yet, what will Lori do when she finally gives birth, and the baby looks like Shane? She can delude herself and lie to Rick all she wants, but she knows that the baby is most likely Shane's. She has to be somewhere past the 6-week mark if my math is right, but it's most likely not. Math was never my strong suit. Fuck, why am I stressing out about the whole paternity thing when it isn't my mess to stress about? It becomes my mess once that baby is born and makes noise that will attract walkers. If Hershel kicks us out, we'll have about seven to eight months to find somewhere safe. We can't be out and about with a newborn.
"I think we're pretty safe, don't you?" I snapped out of my thoughts and saw Dale approaching me. "You've been aimlessly walking around for about an hour now." An hour? I didn't realize how lost in my thoughts I had been.
"Just making sure." I lied, smiling at him. Dale walked next to me, his eyes occasionally snapping at me.
"June." I turned to look at the older man next to me, wondering what he had to say. As much as I like Dale, he always has something to say about everything. "I don't mean to pry or to insult you, but what's going on between you and Rick?" I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at him, my eyes wide and jaw slightly slackening. What does he mean? Nothing is going on between Grimes and me. We're only friends. Does it look like more is going on?
"What do you mean?" I asked. Dale pursed his lips and sucked on his teeth, trying to find the right words to say.
"I've seen the way you two act around each other." Dale said, "I've seen the embraces, the hand-holding, the secret meetings by the end of the fence just west of here." I bit my lip, knowing that someone would say something someday. I knew that people would get the wrong idea about Grimes and me.
"Nothing is going on, Dale." I said immediately, trying to clear the air, "I swear it."
"If I can see these things happening, I guarantee you Lori does too," Dale whispered, his hands grabbing my shoulders so I could look him in the eye. I maintained eye contact and frowned. He reminds me so much of a disappointed father with the way he's looking at me. It almost made me feel guilty.
"Dale, I swear nothing is going on," I repeated. "I'll be honest, I have a bit of a crush on the man, but I would never steal another woman's husband. I treat him like I would Shane, Glenn, you, or Daryl." Dale stared at me; the look that crossed his face led me to believe he didn't buy what I was trying to tell him, but he dropped the subject, something I was thankful for. After last night, I knew that these gestures exchanged between Rick and I could be taken out of context and that they needed to stop.
"I just thought I needed to bring it to your attention." Dale muttered, "Be careful out here, okay? Holler if you see anything."
"Thanks, Dale." I nodded before walking away, continuing my patrol. This is bad. This is very bad. Does anyone else think something is happening between Rick and me? Have they caught these little exchanges between us? Or could it be that Dale is the only one that's noticed something? But he's right. If he can see it, then Lori certainly can too. My mind went back to the day we all found ourselves at the church; that look she gave me said it all. She's noticed.
The sun started to set in the distance, the hints of orange and pink in the sky making me smile. It's a shame that I've never noticed the raw beauty the Earth has to offer. Who knew that the end of the world would make me notice all the things I've never paid attention to before? I did another round around the whole farm before deciding to relax at the end of the fence. Today has been a good day overall despite everything. I came up to my spot and saw someone already there, someone deep in thought. I walked up a bit closer and saw Rick, his hands playing with the blades of the grass as he continued to think. I slowly walked forward, ready to leave if he wanted to be alone.
"I know you're there," Rick said suddenly, making me jump. "I knew you'd come." I walked forward and sat on the Earth next to him, bringing my knees up and wrapping my arms around them. From his tone alone, I could tell something was wrong. "You've been walking for the past two hours; you know that?" Well, shit. Two hours? Really? Time sure flies by now.
"I didn't know it was two hours," I muttered, still wondering if I should leave him alone. We sat in absolute silence, the only sound being our breathing as we watched the sunset together. Finally, before it could turn dark, I turned to him and asked, "Sophia?"
"Didn't find her." Rick answered, "Shane and Andrea went to that housing community and said it was a dead end." I nodded, the worst cementing in my mind. I don't think we'll find her. "Did you know?" I looked at Rick, confused, wondering if he had already lost his mind. Damn, I knew he was old, but not that old!
"Know what?" I asked.
"You and Lori are pretty close now. I figured she told you." Rick muttered, his eyes finally landing on me. I bit my lip again and knew what he was talking about. At least the weight of this secret won't be weighing me down
"I knew." I finally admitted, looking ahead of me at the sky as it got even darker and stars started to appear.
"So, you knew she'd try taking care of it then?" He asked, making me snap my gaze back at him. Take care of it? Like nipping it in the bud?
"What?" I asked him, genuinely confused.
"I found a bunch of empty morning-after boxes in our tent." Rick explained, "She threw them up." I nodded, both elated and worried about her decision to keep the baby. "She and Shane."
"I knew about that too," I whispered, feeling guilty. Rick scoffed and rubbed his head, the stress of everything seemingly getting to him.
"I knew or, well, thought something had happened." Rick muttered, "Her confirming it for me made everything much worse." Turns out he isn't as unobservant as I thought. He has noticed.
"She thought you were dead, Rick." I tried defending Lori, hoping that he wasn't too angry about it all. I don't know how much of a justification that was, but it was the truth He nodded and looked at me, his eyes red with emotion.
"What do I do?" Rick cried, a single tear escaping from his eye. I've never seen Rick like this; so raw and unguarded. I scooted closer to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, slowly bringing his head to my chest so I could cradle him. I could feel his body shaking, and I slowly rocked, trying to comfort him.
"You be the best damn dad you can be." I said, "Whatever happens, that baby in there is yours." And it's true. It probably won't be his biologically, but he can love it just like it was his. The baby is an innocent character in this story we're now calling life. He can't shun it away because his wife made a mistake.
"You know just as much as I do. There's a good chance it isn't mine." Rick said, his voice sounding pained.
"Doesn't matter." I answered, "Biology doesn't matter. That baby will know you as its daddy and no one else." Rick nodded and looked up at me, his head still against my chest as a feeble smile stretched across his lips. I could tell he was forcing it, but I wasn't about to call him out on it. This is a tricky situation.
"Thanks, June." He whispered, "I needed someone to talk to."
"Any time, Rick." I smiled at him. Slowly, he pushed himself away from me, his eyes still shining with unshed tears. Poor guy. Without another word, he started to walk away from me, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I couldn't help but let my eyes follow him, frowning at how miserable he seemed to be. We both know the chances of that baby being his are 50/50.
Rick suddenly turned back, his head turning in my direction. I felt my heart stop in my chest as we stared at each other from afar. I know now isn't the time to feel like a giddy teenager, but I couldn't help the swell of emotions brewing in my stomach. Uh-oh. This can't be good. I crossed my arms over my chest, my balled hand pounding on my chest where my heart was. This can't be happening... I can't be falling for Rick Grimes.