The bed was nice and cushiony, but I couldn't enjoy its comfort as I held a blood-soaked rag against the side of Daryl's big-ass head. Occasionally, I let my eyes divert to Hershel as he stitched Daryl's side. Rick sat beside the bed on a wooden chair, pointing to the terrain map and marking down where Daryl had found Sophia's doll. Shane leaned against the farthest wall close to the door and watched Daryl recount his eventful day. See, this is why I should've gone with him! The one day I don't go, and he nearly dies. Hershel cut the thread and pursed his lips, his eyes landing on me. He's annoyed, and I understand why. We came in and made ourselves at home, using his resources and taking his property.
I'll offer him a proper apology later, but right now, my main focus is the dirty, crazy man beside me. I examined him, my bottom lip catching between my teeth as I tried to compose myself. I know loss in this world is inevitable, but to lose Daryl? I don't even want to think of it. He may not know it, but he's my rock. He's my brother, and I love him dearly.
"How's he looking?" Rick asked Hershel, catching my attention.
"I had no idea we'd be going through the antibiotics so quickly," Hershel said, not bothering to answer Ricks' question. "Any idea what happened to my horse?"
"Yeah, the one that almost killed me?" Daryl scoffed, still pissed at the horse, "If it's smart, it left the country."
"We call that one Nelly." As he washed off his hands in a water basin, Hershel explained, "As in Nervous Nelly. I could've told you she'd throw you if you bothered to ask. It's a wonder you people survived this long." Yeah, sometimes I wonder too. But here we are, alive and kicking.
"So, we gonna talk about how June almost killed Andrea?" Shane asked roughly. I pursed my lips and diverted my attention to him, my stare hardening as the thought of putting a knife to his neck crossed my mind. Hershel, Rick, and Daryl turned to me, expecting an answer. "What was that?" Shane spat at me. I wanted to turn the question on him, ask him if we should talk about the incident at the CDC or the night Otis died, but instead, I said:
"Not my fault she doesn't know how to listen. If she would've listened, none of this would've happened."
"Doesn't mean you just up and slit her throat." Shane scoffed, his brown eyes burning holes into me. I bit my tongue, not wanting to dig my hole with Shane even deeper. We're already on bad terms. I don't want to make it worse.
"Point is, she's alive, and I only scared her. Maybe next time, she'll think." I rolled my eyes and returned my attention to Daryl, dabbing at the graze. I could feel eyes upon me, but I didn't need to explain myself. I don't regret what I did; this will be a lesson for her. I could hear the men around us move toward the door, closing it behind them to give Daryl and I privacy. Daryl lay on his back, his pale eyes staring at me the entire time as I held the rag against his head.
"That's the first time I've seen you that pissed." Daryl finally muttered after a few beats of silence. I tried to smile but failed and, instead, gripped his bicep, tears threatening to spill out of my eyes.
"She could've killed you." I whispered as my voice cracked, "Then I would've been all alone again." Tears escaped my eyes and landed on Daryl's bicep, refusing to meet his eyes. I haven't felt this scared of losing someone in a long time. I thought that nothing could affect me like this ever again after the loss of my family.
"Would you have killed her?" I looked at Daryl teary-eyed, trying to think about what he had just asked me. Would I have? I don't think I would've.
"I don't think so." I cried, "Probably would've buried you and then packed up my shit. Get as far away from here as I can." Daryl placed his hand on my knee, squeezing it as he watched more tears flow from my eyes. Usually, I would be weirded out by this out-of-character touching, but this is what I needed. "You mean a lot to me, Dixon. I love you like family... You are my family."
"You're my family, too," Daryl muttered, finally confirming my suspicions that he cared for me just as much as I cared for him. From an outsider's point of view, it may seem like Daryl, and I have a budding romance, but that's far from what's happening. He may not be my blood, but he's my family. I smiled at him and leaned down, gently hugging him. Daryl didn't hug me back, but he also didn't push me away, which was a win in my eyes. The door opened, and Rick peeked in, catching my eye.
"Dinner." That was all he said as he left the room, leaving the door ajar for me. I pulled away from Daryl and wiped my eyes, erasing any signs that I may have been crying.
"I'll bring you some dinner right now," I told him, earning a nod from him. I stood and crossed the room, gently closing the door behind me. I turned down the hall and entered the fragrant kitchen, observing the group as I entered. A seat was open next to Andrea, but I would rather eat with the horses than sit next to her. A scowl spread across my face, and I leaned against a wall.
Dale, the observant man he was, noticed how I refused to sit, rose to his feet, his plate in hand, and sat next to the blonde demoness. The spot next to T-Dog opened as a result, prompting me to move and sit next to him. Carol served me a plate and patted my shoulder as she returned to her seat. I grinned and viciously stabbed the piece of chicken on my plate, reminding myself to eat slowly as I popped it into my mouth. Who knew chicken, veggies, and mashed potatoes would have me drooling as much as it was? Sure, it wasn't anything special, but in a time where food is scarce, this is the equivalent of striking gold! As I ate, constantly reminding myself to chew, I kept my gaze down, purposely avoiding any wandering eyes. But I was especially avoiding Andrea. If I make eye contact with Andrea, I might lose it again, and I don't want to ruin Hershel's dining room. The entire room stayed quiet, the sounds of utensils hitting the plates echoing in my ears. I chewed, feeling the uncomfortable atmosphere all around us.
"Does anybody know how to play the guitar?" Glenn asked suddenly, making everyone stop and look at him. "Dale found a cool one. Somebody's got to know how to play."
"Otis did," Patricia answered, the room becoming somber as she spoke. I shoved more chicken and potatoes into my mouth and shook my head, wanting the silence to return.
"Yes, and he was very good, too," Hershel said as he took a bite from his plate. The room became silent once more, no one knowing what to say, and the tension between Andrea and me was palpable. She can apologize to Daryl, but I sure as hell won't forgive her. I took a final bite of my potatoes and cleared my throat, looking at Hershel.
"Thank you for the food." I silently said, "I'm going to go ahead and take a plate to Daryl." I stood up and pushed my chair back in, taking my plate so I could put it in the kitchen sink.
"I can take care of that," Carol said to me, our eyes meeting for the first time since I came to eat, "Can I take him the plate?" Well, that's one thing I don't have to do. I nodded and made a beeline toward the front door, needing fresh air.
"Thank you again, Hershel," I said as I swiftly exited the room. The door closed behind me, and I released a long-held breath. It was suffocating in there. I need to be alone for a bit. I descended the stairs and started walking toward my little corner of the farm, running my hand along the wooden fence as I went. Today has been emotionally draining. First, telling Carol about my past, Lori shared that she's pregnant, and to top it off, Daryl gets shot. How much more can I take today? I reached the end of the fence and groaned as I threw myself down onto the grass, the fresh wind blowing past me.
Although nothing serious happened to him, what would I have done if Daryl had died? Would I have killed Andrea? I mean, I did have my blade on her neck, ready to slash her throat, but could I kill someone so callously? One thing's for sure, if he had died, I couldn't stay here anymore. It wouldn't be the same. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel at ease when he's around. I know nothing can harm me as long as Daryl is around. He's my safety blanket, and I hope he feels the same about me. I know he loves me as much as I love him because if not, he would've already kicked my ass a hundred times over. I felt a stinging prick in my eyes, and I bit my lip, trying my hardest to blink away the tears that desperately wanted out. God damn, when did I turn into such a baby?
"Are you okay?" I jumped at the sound of a familiar gruff voice. I didn't need to turn to know that it was Rick. I brought my knees to my chest, my arms wrapping around them, trying to regain my composure. Rick gripped the fence and lowered himself beside me, a groan escaping him.
"Damn," I attempted to smile, trying to make it seem as if all was fine and dandy, "You're an old man," Rick grinned, his eyes boring holes into me as he closely studied me.
"34 is too old," Rick agreed, flicking my arm, "You'll be my age one day, June. You, too, will know my pain,"
"Nope," I rebutted, "Forever stuck at 28, Grimes. My beauty will never fade, and my joints won't hate me more than they already do."
"You may be right about the beauty part, but mark my words, June, you'll know my pain soon enough," I purposely ignored the beauty remark, deciding not to look into it, and laughed. The sound of our laughter joined together, piercing the darkness around us. He's such a dork sometimes. "Seriously, June, are you okay?"
"I will be," I whispered as I looked into the night sky. The stars sprinkled the sky in a beautiful array of messiness. The moon was full and bright, beautifully illuminating the distant trees.
"You care for him that much, huh?" Rick asked, his hands coming down to play with the blades of grass.
"He's my family." I muttered, "Blood or not, he's my family, and if he would've died..." I cut myself off, not wanting to think about it anymore. "He's alive and well. That's all that matters to me."
"Andrea didn't mean to. She's just—"
"She's just what?" I practically shouted at Rick as I cut him off. "If she had pulled her head out of her ass and followed directions, none of this would've happened."
"Do you really think a knife to the throat would solve all that, though?" Rick asked me. I turned to look at him and sighed. I know I shouldn't have lost it as I did, but it happened, and I can do nothing to change it.
"I came so close to losing the one person that means a lot to me." I sniffled, "After losing my family, I thought I would be alone and wouldn't be affected by anyone's death again, but today proved me wrong. He's the closest thing to family I have, and I came so close to losing that today." We sat in complete silence, Rick seemingly deep in thought.
"He's the only person that means a lot to you?" Rick finally asked. I couldn't help but chuckle; out of everything I said, that's what he lingered on? "I thought we all would mean something to you."
"Don't get me wrong," I sighed, "I love all of you, and you all mean something to me, but Daryl is on a higher pedestal than you guys." I chuckled dryly, looking over at him and offering him a small smile. Rick started to laugh, his arm wrapping around my shoulders as we both looked off into the distance. I sighed and rested my head against his shoulder, letting myself melt into him as we admired the stars in the sky. We both relaxed, the silence embracing us as we sat and spent time unwinding after today. I looked up at Rick and admired his face, thinking about how he would look with a full-blown beard. Without thinking, I lifted my hand and started caressing his chin, feeling the prickly hairs growing.
"You should let it grow out." I finally murmured, still rubbing his chin, "I wonder what you would look like with a thick bushy beard." Rick laughed and looked down at me, his hand coming up to cradle mine that was on his face.
"I would look like a mountain man." He chuckled as he lowered our hands. I let a smile spread as I tried to picture him with a full beard, plaid, jeans, and an ax. Yeah, that's definitely engraining into my mind.
"Mm, how sexy," I teased, "I think you can rock it." Rick tilted his head back and laughed, the sound like music to my ears.
"That's one word that's never been used to describe me," He laughed, his eyes settling on our conjoined hands. I bit my lip and slowly peeled myself away from him, knowing that it'd look fishy if someone were to stumble upon us. I can't bear to imagine Lori seeing us, her heart shattering with betrayal. Nothing can happen between Rick and me, nothing. We need to stop with these little gestures and act more like friends. I can be touchy when I'm around someone I'm comfortable with, but the air between Rick and I is... it's too much. Rick looked at me and scrunched his eyebrows together, reaching out once more to at least grab my hand. The warm touch of his hand sent pleasant shockwaves through my stomach, making me smile slightly.
"Did you see Carl today?" Rick asked me softly. I gasped and shook my head, immediately feeling horrible for forgetting about the boy.
"Shit." I gasped as I tore my hand away from Rick and hid my face. "I completely forgot. With everything that happened today, it slipped my mind." I felt guilt heavy on my heart as I looked at Rick, his head shaking.
"Just see him as soon as you wake up." Rick smiled at me, his hand resting on my knee, "I'm sure he'll understand."
"I'm such a horrible person." I pouted, still feeling terrible.
"No, you're not." Rick laughed, rubbing my knee, "Don't stress out about it. He'll understand," I nodded at him and ran a hand through my hair, pulling out a few red strands and wincing. I sighed, deciding that I should at least rest up for the night.
"I should turn in." I announced as I stood up, "We're still gun training tomorrow?"
"Yeah," Rick answered as he stood up. We turned and started our walk back to the camp, a comfortable silence between us as we did so. I looked over at him and caught him staring at me, flashing a final smile. Rick returned the smile and stepped closer to me, our hands brushing every so often as we walked. I looked off the west and spotted the tent Daryl and I shared.
"That's me." I chuckled as I pointed to the tent. "Daryl wanted to keep our distance..." I trailed as I stared at the man, "Goodnight, Rick. I'll see you in the morning." I whispered and walked around him, slowly making my way to the tent as I heard him wish me goodnight. I opened the tent and smiled as I saw a sleeping Daryl tucked away in his sleeping bag. Approaching him, I kneeled and planted a soft kiss on the top of his head, just happy that he was safe and sound. I kicked off my boots and crawled into my sleeping bag, turning onto my side and grabbing the knife that was still on me. I placed it next to me and closed my eyes, sleep immediately claiming me.
----*----
June 25, 2023
Hello, guys!
I'm pumping these edits out slowly, but I'm gonna pick it up soon. It's my stupid eye, and I honestly think it's my glasses prescription.
Anyway! If you guys see any grammar errors or discrepancies, please let me know so I could go in and fix it. I'm only human, and things do get past me.
For new readers, welcome! I'm glad you're enjoying the story thus far and hope you continue to enjoy it. For my lovely rereaders, I hope you notice the changes and like them :)
Have a safe and fun rest of your day!
Con Mucho Amor,
InMyDarkystHour