It has been almost two weeks since Tanner and I got back from DC, and we've both gladly slipped back into college life. While I've been busy studying in the library with Ben and Zara to prepare for our upcoming exams, Tanner has been spending more time on the ice to train for his tournament. Neither of us has brought up what happened while we were back home, and though I've spoken to Zara and Ben a little about it, I'm trying my best to put it behind me. Sometimes I find it hard to get it out of my head, though, and stare off into the distance as I reanalyze my relationship with Shawn. Questioning how I never suspected him of doing anything like this. I know Tanner has caught me doing this as he watches me with a worried expression. I quickly try to ease his concerns and put a smile on my face or make a joke about something. It works to an extent, but sometimes I still find him looking at me with a sad expression.
I think in some ways that all of this has caused some strain on our own relationship. Before everything, he would always be touching me in some way, whether it be his arm around my waist or his thumb rubbing up and down the back of my hand. But now he keeps his distance from me and will only give me a chaste kiss when he sees me and when we go our separate ways. It's been troubling me so much that I decide to confide in Zara as she gets ready to head over to Jake's for the night.
I pick up my silver cushion for comfort and hug it against my chest as I watch her throw some clothes in her bag.
"Do you think Tanner's been distant from me? I know he's been busy with his training, but when he's with me, it's like he's not fully there."
Zara freezes momentarily, her back stiffening before she abandons her packing and sits on the edge of her bed to face me.
"I guess he has been trapped in his head a bit. But I'm sure it's got nothing to do with you."
"What else could it be? We were great before I found out about Shawn. And now we're not." I shrug. "Something just feels off."
"Maybe you should talk to him. Tell him how you're feeling." She lifts a shoulder. "It might help with things. Have him come here. I'll be at Jake's so you'll get the place to yourselves to talk."
I sigh. "I don't know if he will agree to it or not. He's avoided being alone with me in a room together since we've come back to college."
"You won't know unless you try," Zara says softly, patting my leg. "Just open up to him about how you feel. That's all you can do." She gives me a small smile.
"At least then you'll know where you stand with him."
I squeeze my cushion tighter to my chest. "I know. But that's the part that's scaring me," I whisper.
I decide to take Zara's advice and send a quick text to Tanner while he's still in practice.
Even though I have no idea what's going to happen tonight, I still hope for the best outcome possible and grab my bag of toiletries and dash to the communal bathroom to prepare for seeing him.
I spend extra time making sure every part of my body is shaved and then apply a ton of moisturizer, brush my teeth, and put on just enough makeup to make it noticeable.
By the time I make it back to my room, I see that Tanner has left me a message saying that he's up for coming over and is going to grab a pizza on the way.
I'm glad that he's said yes after all this time of avoiding being alone with me, and it gives me hope that we can get back to how things used to be between us.
I finish getting ready and put on a fresh set of underwear before putting my old clothes back on to make it seem that I haven't changed. I then use my remaining free minutes to fix my hair while making it look like it hasn't been styled at all.
As I finish in the mirror, my phone vibrates on the bed, telling me I have a message.
Tanner: I'm downstairs. It doesn't look like there's anyone around to let me in.
Me: Okay. I'll come open the door for you.
Before I exit the room, I turn off the main light and flick my fairy lights on to create a more relaxed atmosphere and then take a deep calming breath in an attempt to ease my nerves and shut the door behind me.
Within a matter of minutes, I hit the first floor and pad along the hall, realizing that Tanner is right. The place is deserted for once. The usual sounds of people chatting, TV blaring, and clanging noises coming from the foosball table are absent. It's so strange seeing it so empty this early in the evening and I don't think I've ever seen the rooms empty before.
I see that Tanner is waiting patiently by the door, holding onto a pizza box. He hasn't noticed me yet as he's busy looking down at his phone, so I take these few fleeting moments to take him in.
Despite it being dry out, I notice that his black hair is damp and flattened to his forehead; knowing that he must have showered in the locker room before coming to see me. He's dressed back in his normal clothes now and is wearing blue jeans and a gray turtle sweater that clings perfectly to his chest while the sleeves look like they can barely contain his bulging arms. I know the strength those arms can have, and I sigh as I think of how long it has been since he's held me in them.
Tanner lifts his head just as I open the door, and he gives me a small smile as he puts his phone in his back pocket. "Hi, babe," he murmurs.
He presses his lips to mine for a fraction of a second before straightening back up. My heart deflates a little from the shortness of his barely-there kiss, and the doubts begin to creep in again.
"Hi. What did you get?" I ask as I take the pizza from his hands, feeling the warmth radiating through the bottom of the box. I ease the lid open and smile in surprise as I see what he's chosen.
"Hawaiian. My favorite."
He breathes in an exaggerated breath as he gently caresses my cheek, touching me here for the first time in weeks.
"Yep, fucking Hawaiian. You're lucky I love you. I've got to pick that pineapple crap out, and even then, it still tastes of it."
"Do you?" I whisper more to myself, but Tanner hears me and stills his hand on my face.
"Of course I love you. Why would you think I wouldn't?" He frowns as he looks down at me, waiting for an answer.
I nervously scratch my nail against the side of the pizza box and lower my eyes so I'm not directly looking at him when I say this. "Because you've been different ever since we came back."
I close my eyes and draw in a shaky breath, trying not to cry. "You've barely touched me these last two weeks, and you've never wanted to be alone with me.
"I've been trying to convince myself that it's all just been in my head, but my gut is telling me something's not right here."
Tanner rubs his thumb back and forth across my cheek and quietly tells me to open my eyes. I do as he asks, but with my eyes no longer being shut, I can no longer fight back the tears, and they spill over.
"Leah," he breathes as he catches my falling tears. "You're right. I have been keeping my distance from you."
"Why?" I choke out. I hate that my gut is right. I hate that Tanner hasn't been wanting to touch me. I ask the question that has been scaring me for so long now.
"Don't you want me like that anymore?"
"No, baby. It's not what you think." He sighs and presses his lips to the side of my head.
"I've been keeping my hands to myself because I wanted to give you some space to breathe. You've been through a lot of shit these last few weeks." He pulls back and holds my head in his hands.
"I'm so sorry if I made you think I didn't want you. I swear I thought I was doing right by you. It never even crossed my mind that you would see it like that."
I stare into his eyes, and I can see that he's telling me the truth. He looks absolutely gutted at how I've been seeing his space from me. Relief washes over me as I realize that Tanner hasn't been avoiding being close to me because he's seeing me differently, but because he's been trying to protect me in any way he can. Even when it's the wrong way.
I chuckle beneath my salty tears. "Well, can you stop giving me space now because it's killing me?"
He smooths his hands down my arms and gently squeezes them lightly, never taking his eyes off of mine. "Only if you're sure you're ready."
"I'm more than ready."
"Thank God," he replies, his voice low and husky.
In an instant, our lips meet, fitting together perfectly like two puzzle pieces. My body melts into his, and he brings his arms around me and pulls me closer, trying to fuse our bodies together as one. His lips brush against mine. Hot, fiery, passionate, and demanding.
God, I have missed this.
Our kisses become more heated, and Tanner hooks his arms underneath my legs and picks me up in one fluid motion while he teases his tongue against my lower lip, making my limbs turn to jelly so that I drop the pizza box on the floor. We both break apart and grin as we look at the box on the ground, but the laughter soon subsides as Tanner presses my back up against the glass door and consumes my mouth again.
Now that both of my hands are free, I slip them under his sweater, feeling his warm taut muscles. Tanner groans and separates his mouth from mine so he can kiss my neck up and down. I whimper from the gentleness of his touch and itch my hand further up his abdomen when a set of footsteps echo at the back of the hall. My fingers halt against Tanner's skin as female giggling soon follows the footsteps, making it known that they have seen our passionate embrace.
Reluctantly, I loosen Tanner's grip on my legs and slide down his body, seeing the humor in his eyes at being caught. I feel my cheeks heat as I look in the direction of the noise and see two girls heading our way. Thankfully, I don't know who they are, so it makes the situation a little less awkward. Tanner smiles at the girls as they pass by us through the door, and one of them turns her head back and bites her lip as her eyes travel south of Tanner's body. I follow her line of direction and see Tanner has a clear hard-on straining through his jeans. It's nice to see his body is still attracted to me, but Lord, oh Lord, this is not the place for that.
"Tanner! Those girls can see your package," I squeak.
Tanner looks down at his hard outline and chuckles darkly. "It hasn't seen any action in weeks, Leah. What do you expect?"
"I... I..." I have no idea what to say. I'm completely speechless. And completely turned on.
Tanner finds my silence amusing and gives me another searing kiss before picking the pizza up off the floor and taking my hand. "Come on. This pizza's not going to eat itself."
What do you think of Tanner's distance? Do you think they will go back to normal now?
Thank you for reading! Please vote ⭐ and comment ❤️. These little stars mean a lot.
xoxo