"𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞,"
~🌙 ~
"He's waking up!"
"Don't be so loud! He's probably still fragile,"
"It's been three weeks. I'm sure Jay's fine,"
"Yeah, but he's been asleep for two,"
"Ow! Don't hit me,"
I stirred. The voices in my dream were getting louder and more... annoying. At first, I couldn't process what they were saying. I understood it, but my brain would register the sounds as words. Eventually, I could put face to voice and realised that my friends were here to visit me: again.
"You guys are so loud," I groaned. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes before reaching for the bedside remote. The room filled with a bunch 'ooo's as the bed moved to prop me up into a sitting position. I rolled my eyes at their surprise knowing that they have seen it done a million times before.
"How did you sleep? Do you feel better yet? Gosh~ we were so worried about you!" Jake rambled on and engulfed me into a tight side hug. I returned it happily but laughed at his unneeded worry. Jake always overdramatised everything when we got injured. After our big boy fight at school, he wouldn't stop asking us if we were alright for at least twenty minutes.
"I slept well, thanks. How was school?" I asked. It had been a week since I woke up from the coma, but my doctors hadn't discharged me. I was under close observation due to my unresolved amnesia. Thankfully, the boys came to visit every day to fill me in on anything big.
"Same as always," Ni-ki mentioned, "Everyone's talking about us and we're still not giving a shit."
"Language!" Heeseung hyung scolded Ni-ki who just pulled a funny face back. It made us all burst into laughter - something I missed doing altogether.
It was true. After our suspension, the students did what they did best and spread whatever rumour they heard. When the boys arrived back from our vacation, everyone was convinced that Dohyun's father put us in juvenile detention (prison for kids). There was enough evidence to believe the lowlife himself started it. The guys handled the talk well either way. They never gave it any light and it eventually it would die away like a withering flower.
"Just wait till I go back. I'm sure they'll have much to say about how crippled I am," I joked pointing at my cast.
"I can't wait until you come back. Class is so boring without you," Jake sighed. Jungwon rubbed his back comforting the pouting puppy sat in front of us.
"Is Sunghoon not interesting enough?" I joked. All of their faces fell and instantly alarm bells were ringing. Sunghoon hadn't visited me once since I woke up. The guys always excused that he was taking extra classes, which seemed valid at first. But now? Their faces read lies all over them.
"What is it?"
"N-nothing, hyung," Sunoo blurted with a calm smile.
"You're so obvious," Jungwon sighed before letting his head drop to his chest. Reading the room, I could tell it was not nothing. My anger levels peaked in that moment. I had enough of people not telling me things to the point that I got injured and it was still happening. My fists balled, but I tried to contain it. They were my best friends after all.
"Someone, please be honest before I walk out of that door and break my other leg," I said with gritted teeth.
Heeseung looked up and nodded at Jake as if to signal him to say something. Jake shook his head and pointed at Jungwon, who just sighed and gave in. He scooted closer to me on the bed and placed his head on his shoulder. Even though I was fuming with frustration, I couldn't help but smile at his cuteness. I hugged him and ruffled his hair up to annoy him.
"Will you tell me now?" I laughed, looking at Jungwon's half guilty face.
"Sunghoon's been a bit... MIA," he said in an awkward voice. I gave him a puzzled look and looked around at the others. They just looked back blankly.
"MIA: missing in action," Heeseung explained.
"And what's that supposed to mean?"
"We haven't spoken to him since we got back," Jake huffed. His voice was filled with sadness and broke a little at the end. My heart hurt seeing him so upset. Sunghoon and Jake were like peas in a pod. They functioned together, not apart. My mind couldn't comprehend how sad they all must feel - but why keep it from me?
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"Your mother said you needed time to heal and not stress. She said it was better for you to just figure things out instead of telling you everything at once," Jungwon explained. He continued saying how he no longer sat with them at lunch or met up with them at the field. He didn't return any calls or texts and in class he just ignored their presence.
"I'm sorry," I bowed my head. I couldn't help feeling like it was my fault. The guys didn't deserve to lose a friend, nor choose one. I needed to fix this right away and get back to our normal lives. I asked Ni-ki to pass me my phone and rushed to open it straight away.
"I'm going to call him," I said as I held the ringing phone to my ear. The room went silent as they all watched me in anticipation. Scanning their faces, I read all sorts of emotion. Sadness, guilt, slight excitement and worry. We waited quietly as the phone rang and it did for a long time.
A few moments passed and soon we anticipated the lady on the end of the phone to tell us that 'this person was not available at the moment'. My hand dropped from my ear and the phone fell out of my hands limply. I sighed and saw the disappointment paint themselves on each of their faces. Jake's eyes welled up, but he wiped it away quickly. Placing a hand on his knee, I comforted him silently - giving him a look of assurance.
"Yeoboseyo?"
We jumped at the sound that came through the phone. Surprise hit us like a ball in the face and instantly their mouths opened to say something. I held my hand out to stop them and they froze - no sound escaping their lips.
'I'll talk first,' I mouthed and they nodded, visible relief washing over them. I pressed the speaker button and placed the phone in the middle of us.
"Where are you?" I asked. There was short silence but surely enough he answered.
"Hospital," Sunghoon replied shortly.
"Ah... Which one?"
"Seoul Central,"
The boys looked amongst themselves in confusion and a little bit of amazement. I was at Seoul Central Hospital - we all were. Did that mean he was here? I was at a loss for words, but the boys urged me to say something.
"What are you doing her- I mean at Seoul Central Hospital?" I stumbled over my words trying not to seem too obvious.
"Visiting you, idiot. What do you think?" His voice sounded louder in that question, with a slight echo over the phone too.
Our heads whipped to the door of the hospital room opening, revealing a straight faced Sunghoon. He was holding some food on a hospital tray in one hand and his phone up to his ear in the other. His expression was unreadable. but his eyes scanned each of us in the room. We looked at him with equal confusion and concern, but more than anything we just wanted him to join us again.
"We should give them a minute," Heeseung coughed as he got up from the bed and the others followed. Surprisingly, none of them said a word to Sunghoon. Maybe they felt betrayed or angry at him for staying away for so long. Either way, we needed to be united again.
Sunghoon placed the tray on my side table before sitting on the end of my hospital bed. I didn't say anything, instead waiting for him to speak first. He wouldn't meet my eyes at first and stayed staring at his hands or feet. Eventually, he looked up at me with red, tearful eyes.
"Are you better yet?" was all he said.
"I feel it, but I'm still one legged," I replied jokingly but my voice lacked sincerity. Sunghoon laughed quietly but it was followed by a loud sob.
"Good,"
"Why haven't you visited?" I blurted out a hint of resentment in my voice. His eyes widened but he looked at me like I offended him.
"I visit every morning, Jay. You were just asleep,"
"How can I believe you? The guys said you haven't spoken in weeks," I started to get emotional, the occasional crack in my voice. A tear fell from his eye, obviously realising that his distance was wedging our group apart. Without another word, he pulled the blanket off my legs. He carefully held my knee in his hands and tilted it to the left. It hurt slightly, but his support helped.
A shaky finger pointed to some marker that was written on my cast.
Jongseong-ah. Wake up so I can apologise - P.SH
My eyes welled up reading it. He really did visit me? I felt sorry for being angry at him. I knew he was never a bad guy and only wanted the best for us. I loved him like a brother and was betrayed that in the moment I needed him he didn't show. Except he did. I wanted nothing more than to hug him and laugh with him again, but there were so many questions unanswered. I was determined to iron those out first.
"You did visit..." my voice trailed off.
"Mhm. I blamed myself for you getting hurt. The doctors said you wouldn't wake up at one point. I couldn't look the others in the eye knowing it was my fault. So I stayed away for a bit to sort things with myself and..."
"And?"
"With Hyerin,"
I froze. Eun Hyerin, the girl who unintentionally drove us apart was back again. I wasn't mad at her or him - not anymore. I was more annoyed that she was back in the equation for us to figure out, not that it ended well the first time. But I needed to look past the past and be an adult for once.
"What's going on with her?" I asked straightly.
"S-she," Sunghoon paused and I waited for him to continue, "She moved to Seoul. She reached out for help to settle in and to.... transfer to our school."