"NO!!! YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!!" Earsplittingly loudly, I yelled at the fucking bastard after he shot Ember in the chest.
With my chains now loose, I rushed over to her and caught her body before she hit the ground. Looking at the bullet wound, I saw no blood, only a slow fire starting to spread through her body — originating from the bullet that was most definitely made of iron.
"Ember, Ember, look at me," I pleaded with her, tears covering my dirty face (shut the fuck up). "Ember, it's gonna be okay; I've got you. I'm not going to let anything else happen to you, okay? You just need to stay with me for a few more minutes. Just stay with me."
The pack were coming to rescue us — Abi let me know during one of the many times I was unconscious — I just needed Ember to hang on, and then we could find a way to help her and save her somehow...
"Theo..." Her glassy eyes focused on me, her hand resting lightly on my forearm as I cradled her.
"I've got you, I'm right here," I told her, nodding as I stroked her dirty hair back from her face and kissed her forehead.
"Theo... You've got to listen to me." Her voice was weak, but she still had power. My strong and beautiful girl still had power and strength — even as she lay dying in my arms.
"I'm listening." Blinking back my tears, I nodded, expecting a message for me to pass onto her mother, or her uncle — or last words to me.
"I... I'll... I think I'll return." She struggled to breathe and her voice became ragged and strained as the fire reached her lungs; the bullet burning her up from the inside out.
I heard Abi's banshee scream and the sound of growls along the corridor; the pack were there, and they were coming to rescue us.
"Ember, it's okay." I pressed my forehead against hers. "You don't have to be afraid, I'm right here."
She shook her head. "You're... you're not... listening to... me."
"I am, I promise. But how will you return?" I questioned, frowning through the tears (shut up, shut up, shut up).
"I need you to trust me." She kissed my lips briefly, finding some strength. "When I die, I'll leave ashes. I need you to take my ashes and store them in an iron jar for three nights and three days. After that time is up, empty my ashes into a lake — the one in front of the ranch will be fine."
"How can you be so sure?" I asked, holding her close to me, kissing her hair.
"I'm not sure." She sighed softly, slowly shaking her head. "But I'm a Phoenix. And Phoenixes rise from their ashes."
"I'll do as you asked," I promised her, kissing her lips gently, her body beginning to shudder as it burned faster.
"If I don't return..." She cried out from the pain. "I need you to know something."
"Yes?" I prompted quickly as I heard the pack burst the doors open, taking on Evan Woodman and some of his strongest hunters.
Ember's body was burning up quickly, but I didn't dare look down at her body to see how much of her was left — to see how much time we had left. I kept my eyes focused on her gorgeous face, drinking in all of her features for fear I'd never see them again outside of my own mind.
"Theo..." Ember blinked up at me as she admitted, "I love you. I always have and I always will. Whether I come back or not, I will never stop loving you."
"I love you too," I sobbed, "And I will take care of your ashes for when you return to me. Besides, you've got to return to me now that you've finally admitted your love for me."
Ember's last words before her beautiful eyes closed shut were almost indistinguishable and not in any language I knew or even recognised; she told me, "Fred være med deg."
Her body burnt so quickly and so brightly that I was forced to look away until the weight of her body no longer rested in my arms. All that was left of Ember Hestia Milburn was a small pile of dark grey ashes — her remains slipped through my fingers.
Tears wracked my body as I hunched over where she last lay. It almost didn't matter that the pack were here to rescue us; they were too fucking late, and now Ember was... was gone. Dead. She said she'd return — and I'd do what she asked me to, but I could only pray that she would return to me.
Sitting up, I pulled the tube out of my forearm, wincing slightly as the silver burnt my skin. Though the pain was nothing compared to losing Ember.
What people don't realise is that emotional pain is real pain; that's the kind of pain that lasts. It didn't ever seem like there would be an end to the pain I felt over the loss of Ember.
Jason and Ryder rushed over and dragged me up to my unsteady feet.
"How did you find us?" I asked wearily, feeling numb.
"We tracked your scent," Jason told me, wrapping his arms around me, "I'm so glad you're okay."
Tears clouded my eyes; Ember's not okay.
"Where's Ember? What did they do with her?" Ryder asked with his hand on my shoulder. I collapsed to the ground once again.
"They killed her. She's dead." I somehow managed to choke out. "But she thinks — she thought — she told me that she'll return if we keep her ashes."
"We gotta get going!" Jade yelled from the doorway. "They've got reinforcements coming our way — and fast!"
After quickly piling up her ashes, I hastily pulled off my torn t-shirt and wrapped them in that, ensuring I'd gathered up all of them.
Jason dragged me to my feet once again, insisting, "We gotta go, Theo. We gotta get outta here."
My body shuddered as I clutched my balled-up t-shirt to my chest — not from cold, but from fear and pain and a deep-seated sorrow that would hang around my soul for what would feel like forever.
Everything blurred as we left, and before I knew it all of us were in the GMC Sierra and we were driving off.
I stared out the window as the pack talked quietly amongst themselves.
I have nothing to say.
Thankfully, they didn't ask me any questions or even try to include me in their conversations. I wouldn't have had anything to say if they did.
I feel so numb. Number than I'd ever thought possible.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Jason finally asked me the unavoidable question, though discreetly, when we got back to the ranch — apparently my dad had caved and let us all stay together.
"I need an iron jar," I muttered to myself, holding my t-shirt closer to my chest; holding her closer.
"Theo..." Jason followed me into the kitchen as I frantically began searching for an iron jar.
The rest of the pack had gone to their rooms or elsewhere — elsewhere away from me. I didn't know where Thea or my dad were. The pack mentioned it to me, I just didn't pay much attention.
"Theo... What if — well, what if she doesn't come back?" Jason asked hesitantly, shifting awkwardly as I searched through the empty kitchen cupboards.
"I can't think like that." I rushed out, avoiding getting the thought stuck in my head. "I won't think like that."
"Theo..." Jason sighed. "Theo, man, just listen to me a sec, okay?"
Continuing to search the cupboards, I let out a slight growl, "Not right now, Jason."
"Theo!" He banged his hand firmly on the kitchen island. "Look at me!"
I turned and looked at him, my fists clenched; I want to be left alone.
"You're dirty, hungry, tired and in need of some medical attention. If you—"
"I'll heal," I grumbled at him, struggling to maintain eye contact with him, my eyes flicking everywhere around the room except him.
"If I help you find an iron jar, will you get some rest?" He offered, making a compromise.
Knowing my chances of getting rest were minimal, I nodded stiffly. "You check the rest of the house, and I'll see if there's anything down in the hut by the lake."
I left before he could say another word.
The overwhelming grief that I felt upon entering the hut where she had been staying was utterly indescribable and unlike anything I'd ever felt before — even when the pack was missing. This was different, stronger somehow.
It got hard to breathe as I pushed her messy piles of clothes aside, her scent filling my nose and I had to hold back a sob. She was still gone, regardless of whether she would come back or not.
Gone, gone, gone.
Alone, alone, alone.
"Why did you leave me?" I choke out, my voice breaking (shut up) as my emotions engulfed me.
Her words echoed around my head — "I love you. I always have and I always will. Whether I come back or not, I will never stop loving you."
On my hands and knees in her hut, I pushed past her clothes to the side, before my fingers brushed against a cold metal at the back of a cupboard. I pulled it out and it was an iron jar, the perfect size.
"Did you plan on this?" I asked the silence, as I carefully poured Ember's ashes into the extremely conveniently available iron jar — the dark grey particles trickling out of my hands and filling the jar. "Did you plan on leaving me?
I clenched my shaking hands into tight fists, my body curling over on itself as I struggled to contain the anger and pain that was quickly bubbling to the surface, threatening to overflow.
My claws sliced into my palms, the blood quickly seeping out from my skin as I let out a choked sob. I thought my anchor was the pack now that I had them again, but it must've shifted back to Ember once she came here — and now she was gone.
I've lost my anchor.
Burying my face in a pillow, I screamed into it; my grief inexplicable and wordless.
"Theo?" Jason knocked on the door of the hut before it creaked open.
Standing, I wiped my cheeks dry with the back of my wrists before hiding my bloody hands behind my back. But I guess it didn't make much difference as I probably still looked dreadful.
"Let's get you cleaned up." He took hold of my arm and led me back up to the ranch, where Abi had drawn a hot bath for me.
Abi gave me some sort of medicine before I peeled off my sweaty, bloody clothes and lowered my body into the scorching hot bath. I had barely adjusted to the heat when I heard Abi and Jason talking in the kitchen, their voices echoing through to the guys' bathroom.
"Right now," I heard Abi hiss at Jason, "He's like a boulder suspended on a pebble on a cliff's edge. You touch him and he'll either sway slightly or come crashing down."
"We don't even know what the hunters did to him," Jason responded, his feet pacing the kitchen tiles slowly.
"I think it's more what the hunters did to Ember that is affecting him," Abi muttered back — so quiet I almost didn't catch it.
"Do you really think she'll return?"
"I don't know what to think anymore." I could sense Abi shaking her head as she looked at the ground. "The treacherous bitch, Storm, stabbed Maia before running off, we're pretty sure Maia is becoming human again, Ryder's started sleepwalking, Theo's dad is nowhere to be found; his sister insists on hiding out in the woods all the time, Ember's — Ember's dead and Theo is broken. There's no point in sugar-coating or glossing over the truth here, Jason. This pack is falling apart."
With that, I sunk underwater, keeping my nose above so I could keep breathing, keeping my ears below so I could stop listening.
I once read somewhere that gunshots are the street sounds of hell, but it only took one gunshot, one bullet to destroy my world, my everything, my Ember.
After being mostly submerged for a good five minutes, I sat up and slowly began washing my healing body. Despite there being no more silver left in my system, I still felt sluggish and slow, my head fuzzy.
The bath grew cold sometime after and I drained the water away, leaving a sludge of my dried blood and dirt at the bottom of the tub. I rinsed it away, wishing I could rinse away the pain of losing her.
It was just like looking for my pack all over again, all those months ago. And now, I was alone even though I was surrounded by a group of people I loved.
I'll always be alone without her.
I bumped into Ryder in the hallway.
"Hey, man."
"Hey." I nodded wearily back.
"Wanna talk?" Ryder offered.
"Let me get some clothes on." I slipped into my room, quickly pulling on sweats and a hoodie, leaving my room just as quickly as I entered it.
I joined Ryder in the lounge, sitting next to him.
"I know you probably don't want to hear this... but I loved Ember almost as much as you did," he admitted, glancing sideways at me.
"I still do love her," I was too tired to snap, but a slight edge still found my words. "She's coming back to me."
"Jason mentioned something like that..." Ryder mused.
"Oh so, he's given all of you the full debrief, has he?" I stood, my anger sparking quickly. "You can despair me all you want right now, Ryder, but at least I don't sleepwalk."
He flinched at my harsh words. "How did you — never mind. Theo, this pack is falling to pieces around us, and it has been for a long while — none of us has wanted to admit it... But it's happening anyway. You can blame it on the hunters, or whatever but Jason thinks that—"
He got cut off as Jade walked into the room and answered for him, "Jason thinks that the pack should go their separate ways." She strode over to the kitchen and grabbed a carton of OJ from the fridge, promptly taking a swig of it.
"W-what?" I stuttered, "Jason thinks we — we shouldn't be a pack anymore?"
"It could be for the better." Jade shrugged before walking out, carton in hand.
Admittedly, we weren't getting along together as well as we used to, and with Sienna and Hayden dead, and the betrayal of both Ryan and Storm — the six of us that remained were hardly the people we used to be. We could never go back to how we were at Coloma around a year ago, we could only move forwards — something we were struggling with.
The past had its claws in all of us, dragging us back when we needed to move forwards with our lives.
Silence filled the ranch. It was late by now; the sun had sunk below the horizon.
"How long did the hunters have us for?" I asked Ryder, already dreading the answer.
"A week." Ryder swallowed. "We couldn't find you anywhere — they were keeping you in an underground bunker near the border into Washington. Not D.C.," he clarified.
"But the ride back here felt so short..." I frowned.
"You were out for most of it," he told me, before confessing, "I honestly don't know how the truck made it there and back with all of us in."
"Where are my dad and sister?"
Ryder shrugged. "We have no idea where your dad is, and Thea is hiding out in the woods for some reason. Jason wanted her to, but neglected to mention it to the rest of us."
"I should go find her." I went to stand up, but my head rushed dizzyingly, forcing me to sit again.
"What you should do is get some rest," Ryder spoke softly, with a concerned look fixed upon his face.
I shook my head quickly. "No. Sleep is the last thing I want to do."
After spending a week being tortured by the hunters, the last thing I wanted to do was willingly give into the night terrors that would undoubtedly ensue.
I'd read instead; dig out one of the countless dusty volumes off the bookshelf and lose myself in another world. I couldn't face going to my room either, the bed where Ember had slept for so many nights as I watched over her, keeping her safe. But I couldn't keep her safe against Evan Woodman and his deadly gun...
Ryder left me at some point, bidding me goodnight as I lay stretched out on the sofa, the book On the Road by Jack Kerouac in my hands.
I read about all of those 300 pages that night. It was one of those old books with slightly yellowed pages and too many words per page. I noticed that the last reader — probably Ryder's mom — had marked pages now and then, marking and highlighting words or sentences they found important.
One phrase stuck with me in particular: 'What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? — It's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.'
Ember was gone and I could not lean forward into the next venture. I could only pray that she would return to me and we could lean forward to the next venture together.
My eyes had barely closed by the time the sun began its ascent, yet I was not tired.
The first day and the first night of Ember's three days and three nights were up. Her time was a third done. Her iron jar rested on the table beside me, never leaving my sight.
To my surprise, the rest of the pack came into the lounge, minus Zack and Maia.
"Morning!" Abi sprang in cheerily, beginning to pour coffee for everyone.
Ryder grunted as he sat next to me, looking a pale grey — he obviously hadn't got much sleep either.
"I've come to a decision," Jason announced to the pack. "We're going back to school today."
"What?" I exclaimed, getting to my feet. "You can't seriously expect me to be able to cope with school now that those bastards have killed Ember."
"It's for the best." Jason avoided making eye contact with me. "We can't let the hunters dictate our education or our lives."
"What about Ember's ashes?" I mumbled quietly to myself, eyeing the iron jar.
Either the pack didn't hear me or decided not to hear me.
"It's not safe," Ryder complained next to me, before speaking up louder, "And who's gonna look after Zack and Maia whilst we're doing shit like algebra?"
"I can look after myself. I'm fully healed now," Zack spoke up, startling me; I hadn't even noticed him come in.
"And Maia?" Ryder wouldn't let go of his point. "Storm stabbed her with a silver knife and she's not dead. Just in some sort of half-comatose state. We can't leave her alone here, who knows what the hunters would do to her if they came back here?"
"They wouldn't do anything," Abi assured, "They've run their psycho tests on her and now she's losing her lycanthropy. They want nothing more with her."
"Why do you say that like the pack wants nothing more with her either?" I questioned incredulously, "She's Ember's friend, and we have to protect her."
Suddenly a strangled scream tore through the ranch, followed by a wolf's yelp of pain.
All of us ran towards the sounds, finding they were coming from Maia's room, and Maia herself.
There are several types of lycanthropes. There are werewolves, like me, Jason, Ryder and Jade, hellhounds like my twin sister Thea, and then there were rare types like werecoyotes and werehyenas. We're all shifters, though we vary to what degree we shift.
There is a much, much rarer kind of lycanthrope as well, very seldom found below the 50°C line of latitude — so they're found in Canada, Alaska, the Scandinavian countries and Russia. They're called skinwalkers, traditionally warriors that transform into animals by wearing the pelt of a bear, wolf or coyote, giving them the ferocity and strength to fight like the animal.
Instead of shifting back to being a human, Maia was shifting to become a skinwalker.
The wolf pelt seemed to be growing into her bare skin, the fur tearing her clothes open and wrapping over her lady parts rapidly.
We stood there, staring incredulously at her transformation. A single thought blurred through my muddled mind — I bet the hunters didn't plan on this happening.
Maia's eyes flashed open glaring at all of us fiercely before springing out of bed and throwing herself out the window. The window smashed open easily, and we were greeted by a gust of warm morning air.
"That's the second window she's broken in just over a month!" Ryder exclaimed. "We should really get her to start paying for them."
I rolled my eyes; if Maia was now a skinwalker, then we had bigger problems than broken windows.
Much bigger problems.