co-translator : SarahPavel
END LOVE
Introduction
POR POV:
What do you think is love?
Who is love for?
Is there any chance of two people falling in love with each other? And is love that starts from friendship is possible?
Many people say that best friends will last longer than boyfriends. So, why do we have to change our status from friends to boyfriends? Why can't we be friends, as we still can look after each other and laugh together like a boyfriend did?
Others might think there is no point in taking such a risk. But for me, it was too late, because I already fell in love with my best friend. This feeling does not appear in a short time. Even though we just met again some time ago in college, but I've known him a lot longer. In fact, it was almost six years ago. Maybe it's because I've known him for a long time, plus our status as friends, so I don't know whether with the many things that have happened between us, shows that he only sees me as a friend or not. But I don't want to think about myself only, because I feel that we've gone beyond just being friends, but no one wants to talk about it.
Actually, my story is similar to the story in a novel called "Love of Siam", a book that tells a love story between two friends who grew up together but separated from each other for some reason, before fate brought them back together when they both grew up , and the love they once had begins to bloom and become clearer again.
I looked at the pendant necklace around my neck before take another deep breath. I don't want things like this happened to me again. Feeling lonely when sitting among many people, just because someone who used to sit next to me isn't can see me in his eyes. I'm just a shadow which he ignores. And this is what it should be I accept, because our status is friends, not in a romantic relationship. I must stay in the friend zone , not faen zone (lover zone).
If you like your best friend and you don't say it, the possibility of a relationship will growing only 0%. But if you say it, you still have a chance 50% to succeed, but the other 50% will be exchanged at the expense of all relationships you had before.
Why?
Because if he doesn't have the same feeling and reject you, then you will not be able back to the state where you were friends and you can still love him secretly. But even so, I still want to take the risk and risked all my sincere feelings. I gathered all the courage that I have to express my feelings, even if the other party refuses.
"P-Pump, I'll be waiting behind the campus." My voice now vibrates when I call my best friend who will walk out of the stadium university with his wrist that bandaged.
[ But……. But I… will be a little late, I…]
He answered in a stammering tone, as if there was something in his mind, but he didn't dare speak directly.
"It's okay, I will wait for you like normal."
I said, because all this time I've been used to be waiting. Sit and wait for home, I've been doing it every day since before. And until now, I’m always wait for him until its become a habit of mine.
The phone line was cut off after the other party turn off the phone. Even though I said would have waited for it, but now my mind almost completely out of line with my heart. My heart is pounding with excitement on what I'm about to say and the fear for the answer from my friend. I hope, what I feel not only I feel alone. I feel that today Pump will come longer than usual. But it's doesnt make me call or ask him to hurry.
Around the building behind the campus, had a lot of mosquitoes. I'm afraid that it is a dengue mosquito. So I went in and sitting inside, after going to the bathroom washing my face from stains and the accumulated sweat.
I started to hear someone walking outside and headed to the back of the building, to the place where Pump and I used to meet. And the sound of heavy footsteps immediately convinced me, that it must be my best friend. However, when I step out of the bathroom to get to that tall figure, I have to stop and went back into hiding in the same corner.
"'Why Pump with Irine? And why it just two of them?'
Irine is the most beautiful girl from my generation. She is a beauty that been idolized by seniors and juniors in the Faculty of Engineering. She is our Faculty Star this year. She also one of the University Star winner. Even though it's wasnt the first place, but she won the hearts of many judges. Because of her both appearance and cuteness was very natural and not at all like in make up. Even I think she looks more like golden child from the Faculty of Arts or Communication Arts. And if someone said that she was an idol or an actress, no one will deny it. But those things still haven't shaken my sanity. I shake my head lightly, before getting back my composure and looked at them. However the incident that almost make my heart stop, happened before my eyes.
Irine's slender palm rests on the strong palm hands of my best friend before the sound of sad conversation came from their mouth.
"Is Rin pretty?" Irine started asking with big round eyes that seemed to beg.
"Beautiful, very beautiful, even the prettiest in University," replied the tall figure, giving her a sincere smile.
"But Rin doesnt think so. If I really beautiful, I won't be single until today." She said in a disgruntled tone.
“Irine is so beautiful. I've never met someone as beautiful as Irine before. And one more thing, I'm sure there are people who have always liked Irine secretly, but Irine might not see that person," said the tall figure, turned to look down the corridor again.
"Does Pump know that our gear is self-representation? Whoever gives the gear, it's like entrusting your heart to someone to look after."
"Really? I just found out."
“The gear that Rin got just now is very important for Rin."
"Um, I see."
"Please take care of the gear I gave to you , Pump."
Cling....! Cling....! Cling…..!
The sound of the gear falling from my hand hit steel frame so hard, which makes Pump and Irine turned to look at me, who was standing still in the corner of the bathroom, with a sad expression on their faces. I was so shocked, sad, and scared but i try to hide it when the tall figure turned to stare my eyes.
“Oh! Your friend is here. In that case, Rin will return. Don't forget the gear I gave you.” Before the girl finished speaking, she tried let go of the other party. But that tall figure immediately gripped her hand tightly before speaking.
"Rin has been waiting for me here for a long time. How can I let Rin go back alone? It's late and dangerous. I will accompany Rin to the dorms." said Pump.
I'm not sure why I brought myself to situation like this. Why does it hurt like this? It hurts so much, eventhough it hasn't even started yet. But, it feels like missing the most important thing in your life again. In fact, even though the two of them look good for each other, but it would be better if it was me, not her.
I can only be his friend. A male friends who are not as beautiful and perfect as Irine, who almost became Star University. What should I do to get out of this awkward situation?
"What did you call me here for?" said that tall figure, breaking the awkward atmosphere. But that doesn't make me feel any better.
"I… I. "
I don't even know what to say what this time. I can only hide my sadness behind my calm face, so that the person in front of me didn't notice.
"What happened?"
A calm voice broke the mood once again.
It makes me speechless, other than standing there with trembling mouth and numbness all over face, with unresponsive eyes.
"It's fine. There, just go. I'm fine. “
I tried to get back up, but suddenly, a drop of clear water flowed from the corner eyes to my white cheeks. That clearly express all my feelings, without say a word.
"Hey Por, what's wrong? why are you crying? Who who did this to you? Tell me? I'll definitely finish him off."
‘You ask who did this? That you bastards!!! You're the only one who make me cry. How can you make me feel everything is fine because of your treatment and then, made me like this?'
I just stand and talk to myself in heart, hold back the tears, and immediately run out from that stressful area. I glanced at behind, but all I see is emptiness with no shadow of anyone who follows.
Pump didn't come after me. This is weirder than before, because ever since we've known each other, he never let me cry alone without comforting me once. He does not never hurt my heart like this. I turned to look again, but I just saw Pump turning his body to talking to Irine while holding her hands tightly. It's all my fault for thinking of him as more than a friend. But, if he only thinks of me as friend? Why do he do that? Why he gives my heart hope and destroy it in front of me like this?
This friendship will surely end. This is indeed my fault for not heeding the warning other people when they say:
'Don't have more feelings towards your best friend. Be careful, because it will bring your friendship to the brink.'
But, what can I do now? When my heart completely fallen in love with him. Pump….what did your previous actions mean? When you say you have someone who you like, even you fall in love with that person. So, is that person Irine? Even though we are very close to each other, care each other, and take care of each other, what is it all just attention as a friend?
.
.
Just by imagining that from now on in I have to live alone without it, I don't hold it again. Why does my heart hurt so much?
But, this time……. It will not be the same as previously.
Because I… i have to take a decision.
"Pump... I love you."
When did this happen? A few days ago, a few weeks ago, months ago? Or many years ago? Stepping alone was too hard with the time we had have together. The whole story starts from that day. 'Day New Student Orientation', the day of destiny bring us back together…………….