A u r o r a
Have you ever felt so out of place that you feel although you're not meant to be there?
Well that's exactly how I feel at the moment. I'm laying in this extremely comfortable bed listening to my family talk. My eyes are still closed because I can't quite face them at this moment in time.
The voices are muffled because I'm trying to drown them out. I can't listen to them anymore the sound of them talking over each other is starting to overwhelm me. I used to love noise, lots of loud music with poker nights were my favourite. Everyone would come round, all the family, and believe me there are a lot of them. All the men would play poker, the women would cook up a storm and the children (me) would all annoy them. It sounds a little sexist but it's just how thing are.
Snapping me out of my haze is my mothers gentle laugh. I flutter my eyes open and there's that feeling again, I feel like an intruder.
I just don't understand I have waited so long to come back home and now I feel so out of place.
Whilst I'm thinking I feel the bed dip beside me. I look up from my lap to my brothers eyes. Alessandro to be precise. I instantly avert my eyes, I can't look at him it makes me want to break down and cry. I missed him to much I can't even comprehend. I feel a line tear make it's way down my cheek but my face is stoic as if a single downturn of my mouth would make me crumble into tiny pieces.
"You can come to your room today piccolo fiore." Lessy said with a hint of excitement in his voice. My eyes meet his again and I try really hard to force a single smile but I can't it's not possible.
Instead I simply nod my head, the slightest motion seeming to bring a copious amount of joy into his face. Reaching down to me I close my eyes, almost bracing myself for some kind of impact but it never comes. I open my eyes again and what I see crushes me, all joy from Alessandro's face has gone and in its place is a pit of sorrow.
My heart breaks at the sight, he won't hurt me, he won't hurt me, it's Lessy, its Lessy. I repeat these in my head preparing myself for what I'm about to do.
Shocking everyone in the room, even me, I reach up to Alessandro in order for him to lift me up. The smile he had before returns instantly and he whips me up onto his hip. I lay my head in his neck whilst he carries me to my room. I remember this route off by heart,
I spent my years dreaming of it, those nights I wasn't having nightmares and waking up screaming and crying.
I hear footsteps behind us following us towards my room. Along with footsteps I hear the mumbles and grumbles of my other brothers and even daddy whining about how only Alessandro gets to hold me. But it's okay because mommy sets them straight with a smack to the head.
I suppress a minuscule smirk in Lessy's neck as we keep walking.
Finally after what seems like forever, this house is way too big, we arrive at my room.
It may seem too much for a six year old girl but it's my room and I love it. From the queen sized bed in the centre to the ballet barre on the opposite side.
I'm overjoyed right now, I can't believe I'm here again it's surreal. I wiggle a little to be let down and gently flop down onto my silky sheets. I hear chuckles and sniffles behind me. It's just how I left it, I can't believe it.
Footsteps coming towards me breaks me out of my daydreaming. It's daddy, this time I'm not scared. I give him a small smile and tears quickly fill his eyes. I reach up to him, I want his comfort, the comfort I have yearned for years now. He lifts me with ease onto his hip and smooths my hair kissing my forehead. I smile and hide in his chest.
This is perfect right here, I feel safe again. I decide to try and communicate with them, even though I refuse to talk just yet that doesn't mean I can't use my sign language. I know for a fact they all know it because they were the ones who taught me.
I Pull away slightly from my father and face them all, it's a bit daunting to be honest but it's okay. I move my hands and sign 'I'm really glad to be home' after signing I look down slightly embarrassed.
Not even a second later my family are in front of me with smiles reaching their ears. "We are glad your home too Angioletto." That's Leo. He always called me that.
I'll give you a rundown each brother has a different endearment they like to call me.
Alessandro's is Piccolo fiore, little flower, Leonardo likes to call me Angioletto, little angel, Lorenzo calls me tesoro, treasure, Mattia's is stellina, little star and finally, Matteo calls me Piccina, little one.
It's a lot to keep track of most of the time, but I have grown up used to it. Before I was taken Mamma and Papà called whatever sprung to mind.
Once I recognise the voice I smile, I loved all the names they all called me and I had missed them terribly.
A yawn took over my features and everyone cooed over me. Not sure why it's only a yawn?
Daddy lays me down on my bed and tucks me in. I'm already in nightwear as I was in that hospital bed for a couple of days. He reaches over me for something, I look to what it is and almost cry. Bubba, my teddy. I missed him so much all the sleepless nights I lay crying for my bubba.
Shortly after they all kiss my head and leave. I'm not tired and I know I won't be able to sleep even with bubba.
I've held back the urge to do this for at least 45 minutes now. I can't contain myself any longer. I run over to my ballet barre and into the closet to the side of it. On the floor is a fresh pair of pointe shoes. I smile so widely and out them straight on. I haven't done ballet properly since I've been gone. When I was with Viktor he allowed me to do ballet and even got me shoes but never got me a teacher. I tried to improve but it's hard when I don't have anyone to help me.
I stand up from the floor and take my place at the barre. Then, I do my thing. I get lost in the movements and let my body move freely.
Before I know it I feel a wave of tiredness hit me, I take off the shoes and lay in bed, no matter how tired I am I can't sleep at all.
I decide to do something that both scares and comforts me, and I make my way to Lessys room. It has always been next to mine, and was very easy to sneak into.
When I get in he is asleep in bed, I climb in and cuddle up to him. He unconsciously pulls me closer making my heart beat faster.
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