"i'm sorry... you like me?"
a sigh escaped from renjun's mouth, listening to jeno's question towards the other brown haired male. he honestly kind of found it surprising that the said male didn't know that beforehand, but as always, it was expected. there wasn't much else to expect from jeno.
a nod was the only thing jaemin gave as a response, triggering jeno's confusion further.
"i can't... i don't..." jeno was so confused. he didn't know that jaemin had a crush on him. he couldn't even tell. he thought that there was no way that what his friend was telling the two of them was true. it seemed so impossible for jaemin to like someone like him. they're so close to being polar opposites.
letting out a sigh, the brown haired male dropped his head to look at the ground and ruffled his hair before looking back up to jaemin. "since... since when?"
and before jaemin could open his mouth to say a response, the only chinese male in the room spoke up before him, answering the brown haired male's question for him. "he's liked you for the longest time now. you're just the only person who didn't know."
jaemin could only nod his head and agree with his friend's words. there was nothing else he could add onto that since that was literally what the situation was. but it felt wrong to only be talking about his feelings for jeno when he also likes renjun the same way.
and his feelings for the red haired male was also valid in every way.
"but i like renjun, too, for longer than any of us actually knew."
hearing it being mentioned again, the chinese male lost himself in his thoughts. so that's why. that's why renjun had thought that the eyes of his two brown haired friends were the same. that's why he suddenly couldn't tell the difference. they looked at him in the same way. they both liked him in the same way, as more than friends, and because of that, the gazes from jeno and jaemin that were directed towards the chinese male were the same.
although the chinese male wasn't able to pinpoint exactly when their gazes were the same to him, it didn't necessarily matter by this point. the only thing that was important was the fact that the three of them liked each other.
and how they wanted to approach this situation was all up to them.
however, it looks as if jaemin wanted to approach this in the worst way possible. "but why does it matter how i feel? it's not like you even return my feelings. you like renjun, and renjun has some sort of feelings for you, too. i'm only going to be holding you guys back from moving forward and that's the last thing i want to do."
"you're not interfering, if that's what you're thinking," jeno replied to his friend, holding onto the other brown haired male's shoulders to try and refrain from raising his voice again. the last thing he wanted to do was repeat what had happened earlier in the summer, where he and renjun had a fight that caused him to leave without a word.
but jaemin wasn't helping the situation as he only shook off the hands of his friend and looked towards the floor. "you don't understand..." he muttered barely above a whisper, but somehow, his friends were able to hear what he had said, most likely because of the quiet atmosphere of the room.
"what is it that we don't understand?" jeno was growing more frustrated with every passing second. his brown haired friend that usually wears his heart on his sleeve and has no shame in playing around or talking about things that annoy him, bother him, or make him happy, is being reserved and keeping his own emotions inside. that was something that jeno didn't want to happen at the moment, since this was a case where everyone needed to be open about their feelings.
and yes, that is hypocritical of jeno, since the brown haired male himself hasn't told jaemin about his feelings for the other, but there was a right time for everything, and now was not that time.
just the same as jeno, jaemin felt more and more frustrated as well. he never asked to be interrogated by his friends like this, and he had also admitted his feelings to both of his friends after hiding them away for so long. adding onto the fact that his friends were asking him questions that jaemin would prefer not to answer and essentially demanding an answer from him, the glass bottle that was slowly filling with water inside finally broke, causing the said brown haired male to let out a flood of his emotions to his two friends.
"you don't understand my pain!" jaemin yelled at his friends, looking up from the ground and giving them a look that could kill if it was any other situation. but in this situation, the brown haired male just looked like a broken boy who was desperate for something that was out of reach.
"i feel horrible! my heart hurts every single day! at first, it was only because of you," jaemin pointed to jeno, "but now, it's both of you! you're both the cause of my pain during the entire summer, and i have to force myself to deal with all this... all this... shit and in the end, i'm not able to bear it anymore!"
hearing their friend's sudden outburst, jeno and renjun were left dumbstruck as they looked at each other with shock filling their eyes. their friend sounded so desperate and so broken simultaneously, and it caused worry to grow in both of their eyes. neither renjun nor jeno had known about what their third roommate was going through all summer; they didn't even have the slightest clue.
"can't bear what anymore? the pain?" renjun asked the brown haired male as he turned to look at the taller, asking the question that both him and jeno had at the moment. and that question brought more fuel to the burning fire in front of them.
"the image of you two together! the way you two look so perfect for each other! the feeing of being left out! my overwhelming feelings for both of you! the thought of... of knowing that i think of you guys as more than friends, but i can't do anything about it."
it was so much more than that, jaemin knew it was. but that was all he could muster up to say at the moment. the brown haired male didn't think he friends were ready to hear the real reason for his sadness and pain, all the loneliness he's felt, and everything that was bottled up inside him.
"i want to love you guys. i want to be with you guys. but i can't. you guys are perfect for each other, and i'm just getting in the way of a possibly happy relationship for the both of you. i just want for y-" jaemin's words were cut off by his friend making a comment.
"that's not true..." jeno said, the littlest bit above a whisper, but loud enough for everyone to hear.
confusion. confusion was what had hit the other brown haired boy and the chinese male at the same time. jaemin wasn't lying; that was how he had felt. renjun, on the other hand, just didn't understand why jaemin was feeling this way or why jeno thought they were a lie. everything about the tallest male's statement was just confusing since there was no context behind his words.
"that's not the reason why you feel this pain inside."
of course. jaemin had to remember that he was talking to jeno, his lifelong friend since way back in elementary school. the brown haired male knew when he lied, when he needed help, what he likes and doesn't like, and everything else that a person can know about another person. they were basically the same person, yet polar opposites.
the brown haired boy didn't know why he had thought he could keep this from jeno. he didn't know why he thought that the other wouldn't be able to read him like an open book. jaemin didn't know why he didn't put that into consideration, but he didn't.
and now, it was his choice on whether he wanted to tell the other two about it or not.
"what more do you want to hear from me?! i already told you why i'm hurting! can't you just leave it at that and move on with your lives?" jaemin knew he was being too harsh, and yes, ending the conversation there would cause a lot of unresolved problems and issues to emerge since nothing was really clarified. but the brown haired boy didn't want to talk about it at all, so he decided to dodge the topic.
but renjun seemed to know what he was planning to do because the shorter male only brought the topic up again. "if you're not hurting because of what you say you've been hurting for, then why are you in pain?"
a scoff was heard from jaemin, finding it ridiculous that they were really still talking about this. "there's no other reason. stop making it seem like there's a different meaning behind my words."
"the reason why we're bringing it up is because we know that there's a different meaning behind your words!" jeno exclaimed, wanting his friend to let it out already. no matter how much the other brown haired male tried to keep it inside, jeno knew there was something else behind what he was saying.
he just didn't know what it was.
silence piled into the room as the three boys said nothing further for a few minutes. none of them knew what to say; jaemin was reluctant to admit the reason as to what was truly hurting him, jeno was patiently waiting for the other brown haired male to answer him, and renjun couldn't find himself to intervene. it was a dead silent atmosphere, the tension between the two brown haired boys being clear to anyone who would've walked in.
then suddenly, jaemin started crying, and the other two didn't know why. the stern faced jeno and spaced out renjun immediately turned their attention towards the brown haired male, the tallest male immediately softening his facial expression and the shorter showing a look full of worry upon seeing their friend cry. it wasn't necessarily a rare sight to see the other cry, but because neither of the two expected it to happen, it was surprising.
"jaemin...? what's wrong? why are you crying?" jeno asked the other brown haired boy, worry filling into his eyes at the sight of his fried crying so desperately.
"i... i-" no words came out. jaemin could only stand there as he choked on his own words that refused to come out.
"jaemin..." renjun butted in, putting a hand on the taller's shoulder to cry and calm him down. but the brown haired male only shook it off.
"i feel... i can't..." jaemin took a shaky breath. "you... you guys always s-seem together. every time i-i come across you guys, there's-s always something that m-makes me feel like i w-walking into something.
"the picture from the car ride e-earlier this summer, the two of you accidentally s-sharing a kiss, the fight, the m-moment you two shared the day chenle r-returned, even just now, when you b-both came back from buying food...
"all of it seemed like there was something g-going on between the two of you that i didn't know about, and the more and more it h-happened, and the more i saw it happen, the more... the m-more i felt like i was just intervening in whatever relationship y-you two had."
hearing his words, his broken tone, the hurtful look in his eyes at feeling left out from the two, renjun and jeno shared a guilty look with each other, disappointed with themselves at the idea that they had never taken jaemin's feelings into consideration. they didn't think that everything that happened between the both of them would affect their brown haired friend this much, and it was hurtful to see jaemin crying about something that was purely unintentional.
"it made me feel l-left out and insecure and guilty at the fact t-that i would ever even think a-about being together with both of you because this," jaemin created an air triangle with his right index finger, pointing to each of them standing together in their shared dorm room. "will never be possible. we can't be together, the three of us. it will never work..."
"jaemin, listen to me," jeno said, putting his hands on the other brown haired male's shoulders to calm him down. "we can work, the three of us. it was never impossible, and it won't be even now."
"you were never interfering because you were always apart of us, jaemin," the chinese male said, looking back and forth between his two taller friends, with one of them looking down and the other trying to catch his eyes.
"b-but i'm just someone who had unrequited feelings for both of you. you guys like each other, as more than friends, and i'm j-just here. i'm no one."
"what made you think your feelings for me were unrequited?" the other brown haired male said, catching jaemin's attention and causing him to look up.
"w-what...?" almost as if the light in the room changed, jaemin's eyes seemed to sparkle the slightest bit, and anyone would be able to see the small glimmer of hope in his eyes.
the red haired male in the room placed one of his hands on top of jaemin's shoulder, subsequently placing it on top of jeno's hand as well, and let out a sigh. "just like you had feelings for me for a long time before you even realized them, jeno also had feelings for you, longer than you would think. it was just that he only put his focus on his feelings for me, just like you had focused on your feelings for him."
jeno looked over to renjun real quick and gave him a small smile, turning back to the other brown haired male who was still looking at their chinese friend, until jeno spoke, catching jaemin's attention. "i like you too, as more than a friend, and for longer than you would've known."
a small smile made its way onto jaemin's lips as he let out a small chuckle and a few more tears of happiness. jeno pulled his friend into a much needed hug of both reassurance and sincerity of his feelings and let jaemin cry the rest of his tears out.
the chinese male in the room had a small smile on his face as he patted jaemin's back to help him calm down. over jaemin's shoulder, the tallest male was able to see the red haired boy, and soon pulled him into the hug as well. their group hug lingered for quite some time, mainly to help jaemin calm down and reassure him that his two friends weren't going to go anywhere, but also to let each other know about their feelings towards one another.
pulling away from the three-way hug between the roommates, jaemin wiped away the rest of his tears and now had a beautiful smile on his face. it was bright enough to melt renjun and jeno, and they both knew that this was the side of jaemin they loved to see.
"will..." yes, he was about to ask the question. maybe it wasn't the right time because he had just cried in front of his friends while the three of them were in somewhat of an argument, not to mention that their argument had just ended without a solid, clear resolution, but jaemin didn't care. things have been delayed for much longer than needed, and knowing that all three of them felt the same towards each other was enough for the brown haired male to have enough motivation to ask.
"will you guys be my boyfriends?"