The weather feels the same as in Connecticut standing here outside the airport. Anne said she'd be here in five minutes but that was fifteen minutes ago. Of course, as mom would say she's 'fashionably late'. Please as if she's got stuff to do on break. Beside me, Raya wraps her arms around herself tighter when the wind picks up.
"Christ! where the hell is Anne?" Raya bounces on her ankles trying to keep the blood moving so her legs don't numb from the cold.
Just as I'm about to call Anne and rip her a new one for saying five minutes her car pulls up in front of us. Anne quickly opens her door and rushes to open the back of the car.
"Sorry traffic happened!" Her inky black hair bustles in the wind as she takes the suitcase that rests in front of Raya. She tosses Raya's suitcase in the back and rushes over to grab mine. I barely noticed the fluffy figure behind the tinted window on the passenger side because of Anne's abrupt arrival. I squeal and try to gently open the door so Val doesn't jump out. Her tiny apricot furry body wiggles as she tries to contain her excitement. I keep riling her up which makes a little howl escape her.
"Geez if I were anyone else I would've thought you came to see the dog instead of your family." Anne teases after closing the back door. Raya takes her turn petting and cooing at Val while I squeeze Anne into a hug.
"And miss out on mom's wrath? Neverrr!" I gasp pulling out of the hug. Anne gives me a stern look that shows me that I already know what she's gonna say.
"Stop it. She loves you and she is doing her best." Anne says before heading back to the driver's seat.
"Well, she has a funny way of showing it," I mumble to nobody in particular then climb into the passenger seat Raya already in the back with Val. Also, doing her best? Please I've seen her best.
Anne pulls onto the highway that the airport leads out to. Anne begins asking Raya questions about Boston. Val jumps onto the center console and onto my lap. I scratch behind Val's ears making her lean into my touch. I let Anne and Raya catch up for the remainder of the drive.
Raya's family and mine live on the same cul-de-sac. Which meant when we were younger we were practically with each other 24/7. I guess you could say our families are close. We've had yearly family vacations together and dinners together are frequent. Raya being an only child meant that she is basically our sister. Raya and her mom are close I guess but they still have troubles with their views on things.
Anne pulls into the driveway of our house and Val's head pops up from my lap to look out the window. The garage lights flicker on lighting up the exterior of the traditional two-story brick suburban house. It feels nice to be home because I've finally learned how to miss it.
"Later I'll see you in the morning," Raya says gently not wanting to be loud since the whole neighborhood is asleep.
"Okay, goodnight." I turn back and watch her pull her luggage out from the back. She walks across the street to her house her figure fading in the dark.
Anne lets Val do her business before taking her inside and I grab my luggage before locking up the car. The front door groans as I push it open with my shoulder. The sweet scent of the candle my mom chose to burn today lingers in the air. None of the lights are on except the one in the kitchen that Anne had just turned on. The wall next to the staircase is littered with academic and sports awards that my siblings and I have won over the years. Along with bunches of family photos that are strategically placed along the wall. Val's collar jingles as she trots her way up the stairs probably going to Matt's room.
I flick the light switch on revealing the sage walls that are bare and empty. The walls used to be plastered with photos I took. Mom probably took them down to use my room as a guest room. Even though Anne's has been fully available since she's left for college. The full-sized bed all prepped and made with throw pillows that were once not there. The way that the comforter is folded tells me that Anne made this bed. The top edge folded twice revealing a sliver of the bedsheets instead of the comforter tucked in to cover the whole bed.
I gently close my door after taking a shower it's four in the morning. Every step I take is audibly loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear. Val found her way into my room and is now curled up at the foot of my bed. I slip into the sheets and pull the comforter over my shoulder. I make sure my feet aren't pushing Val off the bed and adjust my position because I am not one to lay flat on my back while sleeping. I turn off the lamp and the sage wall fades into darkness as I close my eyes.
Maybe this will be a good week?
***
The sun is too bright for me when I try to open my eyes. I rub my eyes trying to let them adjust to the light. Once they are fully open I remember that I'm not in Connecticut and I'm at home. My door is cracked open and Val isn't on my bed anymore, everyone's gotta be up by now.
I grab my phone off my nightstand which tells me it's already one and I got a message two hours ago from Carter.
Carter: Miss me?
Yes but he doesn't need to know that.
Me: Nope not in the slightest I answer and he replies almost immediately.
Carter: Mhmm you shouldn't lie it's bad.
Me: Who says I'm lying??
Carter: Please I don't even need to see your face to know you are lying. You're just a bad liar point blank period.
Me: I am not!
The picture I put for his contact takes over my whole screen. Well, this is different.
"Hello?" I mumble into my phone.
"Now let's try this again. Miss me?" He says throatily.
"If I say no again what happens?" I decide to play along while tugging the comforter tighter against me.
"I don't know I didn't think it through yet." Of course, he didn't.
"Well then nope I don't miss you." I can't help but let out a little laugh.
"Oh really? Is that right?" He taunts me.
"Yup," I hear the floor creak downstairs and sit up immediately to crawl to the edge of the bed to close the door while holding my phone steady against my ear.
"What did I say about lying again." He is relentless but will I give him the satisfaction of hearing me say I miss him to shut him up? Nope.
"You're annoying you know that."
"Yeah but you like me." He chuckles. Thankfully he can't see the smile arising on my face.
"If anything it's you missing me." I huffed into my phone getting back into the comforter.
"True," He says nonchalantly but it makes my heart skip a beat. He clears his throat before continuing. "Anyways my mom wants to have lunch with us when you get back. You up for that?"
"Yeah, of course," I say and smile even though he can't see it. On his end, I can hear a girl laugh and he says in a hushed tone "Delilah quit it." I know it's none of my business and I have no reason to feel the twist in my heart and stomach but I do.
"Hey, I gotta go." He tells me and I hear ruffling in the background and then a thud almost like a pillow being thrown.
"Oh okay," I say trying not to sound disappointed.
"Alright, I'll talk to you later." He says and I can just hear the smile in his voice even though he sounds distracted. I say bye and he ends the call.
I'm trying my hardest not to let this affect my mood because when I come back I'm having lunch with him and his mom as a friend. And I'm determined to make this break be a good break. I shake it off and get up to head downstairs.
"Look who's finally up." Mom doesn't bother looking up from her phone. She is in cream capris and a beige blouse a chunky gold necklace lies on the top of her chest. The hidden snark in her voice is unrecognizable to anyone but when you constantly hear it's obvious.
"Yeah I had a late flight but as you can see I got here in one piece. But yeah nice to see you too. Oh yeah, I'm doing great thanks for asking!" I want to say but manage to bury it down and keep it in. I'm probably hangry I just need food.
I look around scanning the kitchen then dining area then look through the hallway to see if anyone is in the living room. "Matt isn't even up yet." I retort dropping two pieces of bread into the toaster.
"He had a long day yesterday." Mhmm, I'm sure he did. She quirks a perfectly plucked eyebrow at me. "And I don't appreciate that tone."
I would say I'm sorry for the tone but as Carter said lying is bad. But the voice in my head is telling me to say sorry she is your mother and she brought you into this world. But then all the years of hurt and anger that accumulated over the years are telling me fuck that.
Maybe it's just me? Am I the problem? What did I do wrong? We've had our good days but will we get any this week?
I decide to let it slide and eat my food in silence and she stands there in silence as if my presence was absent.
So much for hoping that this week could possibly be enjoyable.
~~~
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Yes, yes I know I said I'd try and get back on my schedule and once a week has turned into once a month but I'm trying.