After spending most of the day cuddling, kissing and cooking, Troye decides that we have to go for a walk. When I start resisting Troye immediately goes "It will be good for you, and I think we both need some air. Besides, the weather is pretty good right now, and the weather forecast says thar it'll rain tomorrow! Then we can stay inside all day and watch Netflix and drink hot chocolate. But right now, we are going for a walk" What can I say to that? His deep blue eyes are very persuasive, and I give in. We walk hand in hand down the street, turn right, then left. I know where he is going.
We reach the park a couple minutes later, and this time, Troye is the one leading towards my secret place. The best thing about it is, nobody really knows it exists other than me, and now also Troye, so it's pretty private and quiet. When we get there, the sun is on it's way down, allowing a bright, orange light to colour the surface of the lake in the most beautiful shade of golden, making it look like actual liquid gold.
The special lighting also makes Tro's facial lines stand out, providing his face to look somewhat Divine, to be honest. He is standing there, at the top of the hill, looking out over the golden orange lake, and I'm standing right beside him, unable to look anywhere but at his face. He looks so beautiful, his long eyelashes framing his beautiful eyes, with the most devastating blue colour you can imagine. Pictures can't capture it. His abundant, brown and curly hair, is perfectly natural, not in a quiff. I like it, maybe even better. My eyes wander down his nose, so perfectly straight, and his big, filthy lips, softly curved. His strong jaw line is the finishing touch to a face so incredibly breathtaking that I can't hold back anymore.
"Troye" I sigh and place my hands on the sides of his face, forcing him to look away from the lake and into my eyes. "I love you" I say. A little smile appears on his lips, and he whispers "I love you too" Just before our lips collide. Troye presses his lips longingly against mine, thirsting for more. His hands are already sliding under my shirt, and he starts leading me towards the bench. I respond his thirst with passionate kisses down his neck, and grabbing his waist to pull him closer. It's funny how just a couple days ago, he was afraid to even undress me. Now he is basically inviting me to have sex with him on a bench in a Forest. I can tell by the fact that he is already undoing the buttons in my jeans, and sits on the bench, encouraging me to lay down on top of him.
It's a warm evening, perfect for walking in the park. Despite this, it seems as if the entire park forlorn. There is nothing to get in the way for us, but I don't think it's the place for it. Of course, it's romantic, but the bench is small and not very comfortable, and also pretty dirty. I want our first time to be perfect, and I just don't feel like this does it for me. So I pull away from Troye, explaining with a simple "Not here" and he nods understandingly. Before we leave, We take one last look at the lake, absorbing the beautiful view into our memories. Even though nothing really happened this evening, this is just about one of the most precious and important memories I'll ever have.
When we get back home, the sun is down again. Troye looks at me and shrugs his shoulders of me, when I sigh as I look at the time. It's becoming a bad habit eating so late every day. I mean, it's already past seven, and we haven't even started cooking our pizza's yet. Troye finds the dough I prepared for us earlier, and I start digging out the ingredients we need to make them. Cooking turns out pretty fun actually, we roll out the dough together, and decorate our pizza's with different accessories, Troye making a pineapple penis on his, which we laugh of for a while. He blushes a bit, but I just think it's cute. When the pizza's are in the oven, we make the most of our time by making out on the kitchen table. Hehe.
We didn't really think it through, cause now we both have flour everywhere. I can't help it but laugh about it, and when I look into Tro's eyes he laughs too and we end up lying on the floor, laughing so hard we can barely breathe. The egg timer rings, and it's time to take our babies out of the oven. They smell delicious, and I can't wait to eat them. We change while the Pizza's cool for a bit, and Tro sets the table with romantic lid candles.
The dinner is perfect, the conversation flows, the food is tasty, the wine befuddles us, and the ligt is dimming. When we've eaten, Troye pushes his chair back and takes my hand to lead me to the bedroom. I know what he wants, and I can't wait. I've waited for a little too long now. I want him, the desire is burning in my vanes, and I can't hold back anymore. as soon as we've passed the doorstep to my bedroom, I pull my shirt off, and Troye follows my lead. Soon we are both naked, and we stand opposite each other, embracing the look of our naked bodies. He is skinny, but not too skinny, I like it. I like the way he looks.
His fingers caress the lines between my abs, and I stroke his cheek. He looks me in the eyes, and his lips spread. I take a step towards him, and our bodies are now inches apart. He leans forward and presses his lips against mine. There is no nervousness to sense, his movements are smooth and steady. We lie down on the bed, Troye under me. I kiss his neck and his collarbone, and my hands are holding his as I carefully penetrate. A small gasp escapes his lips, and we become one, mentally, physically, emotionally and every other way possible.
Making love to Troye is so different from having sex with a random girl, I don't even like. Of course, he is a boy, but also it's magical, and it feels like it binds our souls together in a special way. I know now that I will never be able to love anyone else. He is my soul mate, the way our body fit together, and the emotions that follow every touch clearly tells me that this is a once in a lifetime kind of love, something I am extremely lucky to experience.
The next morning, I wake up by the sound of a small snore. It is bright outside, and the light, which shines through my curtains, is golden and soft, providing the room with a warm, appealing look. I take a deep breath, and stroke my hand on Troye's back. He is resting his head on my chest, with his arms and legs wrapped around my body, like a little child. It's adorable, he just can't help it. I smile, and look at him for a while. How on earth am I so lucky.
He wakes up and looks at me. He smiles sleepily and leans in for a light and soft kiss. When he pulls back, I take the chance and turn him over, so that I am on top of him. I start kissing his neck, his chest, and going further down to his hips. He is wearing boxers, but I take them off of him, so I can return the favour he did me in the broom cupboard a couple days ago.
A couple hours later, Troye and I are dressed, ready to go meet Zoe in a café. We're going shopping, and I'm actually pretty excited. I think ot's going to be fun, and it's always nice spending time with her. Also, I don't feel like I have to pull off an act when I'm with her, you know, with the whole thing about Troye and I, cause I know I can trust her, and that all she wants is for us to be happy. And I sure am happy, Troye is just about the best thing that's ever happened to me. He makes me smile, he makes my heart flutter from delight.
We meet Zoe at the Starbucks I usually go to. I don't know if it's just me, but I just feel like it's a bit better than the other Starbuck's in LA. She smiles as we enter the store. "Hi guys! Are you ready to go shopping? I bought you both your favorites" She hands Tro a caramel frappochino, just like mine. I smile at him, we like the same one. Zoe leads us out of the store, and into the shopping streets. We go through about fifty stores in three hours, and we all buy a couple things on the way. I got a couple cool boots and a dope, dark blue button up with white buttons, which Troye boy picked for me, and I picked a sweater for him, which is black but with a cute red/pink-ish pattern.
Zoe buys a couple cute pastel dresses and a really good parfume. We are in that shop for like half an hour just trying to find the perfect parfume. When we leave, we've all lost our sense of smell from sniffing so much parfume, but it was fun, and the parfume we found for Zoe is really good. After that we find a little restaurant and get something to eat. It's a smaller restaurant, and not many people know about it. It is one of the best restaurants in LA, and I come here often. It's cute and comfy, and the food here is just out of this world. We order a little bit of everything and share it between us.
Troye puts a bite of what he's having on his fork and feeds me with it. Zoe laughs and Troye and I smile at her. "You two are adorable!" I take Troye's hand under the table, and he squeezes mine. When we've finished, Zoe insists on paying for the whole thing, and we decide on going for a small walk in the park before going home. It's beginning to get late, but ir's not dark yet. It's a quiet large park, and there are loads of tracks to walk on. I don't even notice where we are, before we pass the track that leads to Troye's and my secret place. It's our place now, and even though Zoe is one of my best friends, I don't want to show it to her. It's just not for anyone else, but Troye and me.
We all three walk hand in hand as we exit the park and Zoe calls a cap to take her home. When it arrives, the sun is on it's way down. There isn't more than a couple minutes walk to my apartment, and we are home before sundown. When we get inside, Troye's tummy starts rumbling. "Are you hungry still?" I ask him. We still have some waffle-dough in the fridge. He nods, and we decide on making the rest of the waffles as a kind of desert. I find some ice cream in the freezer, and Tro melts some dark chocolate. It turns out really fancy, Waffles with vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce, best combi ever.
Whilst eating our deserts, we watch the fault in our stars once again on netflix. We've both seen it before, but not together, and we both love it. Crying at the end together is sort of nice, and we end up making out to the sound of Ed Sheerans All of the stars, which is just extremely romantic, and we're both maybe a bit extra emotional after the movie. Maybe it's that, but I also think we're just wanting each other a lot more lately. I mean, we can barely keep our hands to our selves in public, my hand automatically searches Troyes whenever he's near.
It's probably also a little worse right now than usually, 'cause we both know he's leaving tomorrow, and we won't see each other before Playlist again. He is going to a studio in San Francisco to meet up with a bunch of people, including management and some dude called Leland or something. I am excited for him, really, I just wish he could stay here. I immediately want to slap myself for thinking that. How can I be so selfish? I should be ashamed!
I wake up from a weird dream, which has caused me to make so violent movements that Tro has to wake me up. "Should we go to your bed instead? This couch isn't very comfortable" His soft, Australian accented voice calms my fast beating heart. "Yeah" I say, and we both go to my bed. When we get there, and we both take off our clothes, our eyes meet. I know exactly what is running through his mind. I can see it in his eyes. We don't get that much sleep that night.
The next morning is kind of a blurr, I only remember small bits of it. Troye's goodbye kiss and his "I'll call as soon as possible" Is the only clear memories from it. I have two days with absolutely no plans ahead. I call Ty, and we chat for a bit. After that, I go for a run, but I am not up for anything much today, and I end up on Tumblr, scrolling through tronnor blogs. It's funny how when you search the tag, there is so much negativity, but when I dive into the fandom of tronnor shippers, from a blog I just created for this specificly, everyone is so positive and sweet, no drama at all.
It calms me down that all my subscribers and viewers just want the best for me, regardless of what they ship. I feel like it won't cause a lot of hate and stuff if Troye and I revealed the fact that we're dating to the internet. I really want to share the best thing that's happened to me with everyone. But first, I have to tell them, that I'm gay. I don't know how they'll respond to it though.
I want to call my mom. I want her to know. So I call her. "Hi honey, how are you" She sounds happy. "I'm good thanks. Mom, I have to tell you something" Silence. "Yes?" I take a deep breath and pluck up courage. "You know hpw I've always felt different. I always thought of myself as different to every other guy I knew. I even got depressed because of it. I never knew what it was. Why I felt different. But then again, I did" My throat locks, and I can't speak another word. My mother knows whatI'm about to say. "Connor, are you gay?" Silence again, this time it's my fault. I don't know what to say. I didn't think it through. But the answer is so simple. Yes. You're gay, Connor. You've always been gay. And you have the sexiest, most perfectly amazing gay boyfriend. How could that possebly be wrong?
"Ye-yes" I stutter. "Oh honey, I am so proud of you. You know I love you no matter what" I can't help a small tear to escape my eye. We talk for an hour or so, before she has to go pick up my brother somewhere. I feel so relieved, it's so nice to finally tell her, and to let her know what made me depressed back then. I know she always blamed herself for it.
After we've hung up, I immediately call Troye. He doesn't pick up, so I leave a voicemail, telling him to call urgent. Mom was so happy that i've found someone like Troye, and she really wants to meet him. I decide to make a coming out video. I want my viewers to know, and I want to tell them about it. It's only thursday, but whatever. I'll still upload it on monday, I just have longer time to edit than usually.
After filming, which turned out awesome, I sort of just go on to my lap top until 11pm, still having heard nothing from Troye, and then I go to sleep. The next day passes by with nothing really, but waiting for Troye to call. I don't want to pressure him when he's working on what to do with his next album, but I'm kind of disappointed in him. I thought he'd call me, but I don't hear a thing. The next day is Playlist Live, and I get up at 6am to catch a plain at 8.30am. I arrive in Florida Miami at 10am, and try to call Tro again, but he doesn't answer. I starting to get nervous. Has something happened?
I text him, saying I have arrived in Florida, before I get into the cap that's supposed to drive me to Playlist. After half an hour stuck in traffic, I arrive. Tyler is welcoming me in front of the entrance. "HI! Where's Troye? I thought you two were coming together!" I sigh. "Yeah, well, he had something with his next album to go to, and I haven't exactly heard from him" Tyler frowns and makes a pout. "I wonder where the hell he is! He hasn't responded to any of my texts either" That means it doesn't have anything to do with me. But what then? I take out my phone and find his number, when someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn around and look into a pair of very familiar, blue eyes.
"Hey, Con" He says, with his Australian accent that makes my heart melt every time. He looks very guilty. "Can I talk to you for a sec?" Ty gets that we need privacy, and lets us go. We get away from every one and find an empty room. "Why didn't you call me? Or at least text me? I was worried sick!" He starts fumbling his fingers, as he does when he gets nervous, and bites his lip, whilst looking at the floor. I can't handle this, he is not saying anything. I take a step towards him, and take both of his hands in mine. "Troye" I say, begging. He looks me in the eyes, and I can tell something is wrong. He looks sad, as if his dog just died or something. But not quiet, I know that look. Oh My God, no. No nononono. He is breaking up with me.
"It's just" He bites his lip again and looks away as he proceeds. "I've been thinking a lot about us, and I mean, I live in Australia, like, on the other side of the planet. And I am going back after Playlist" I feel dizzy and sick, I don't want to hear it. "I don't know, if I want a long distance relationship, Connor" When he's said it, I immediately let go of his hands. I need to sit down. This is ridiculous. "We can figure it out. It doesn't have to be that way" I say, almost whispering. "Don't" He looks at me, and I see the pain in his eyes. He doesn't want to do this. "Please, Tro, don't do this" The tears start pouring down his face.
I get up from my chair and put my arms around him. We stand there for a couple minutes, not saying anything. "I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking" He says in a tearful voice. "I love you" I hug him tighter, and whisper "It's okay" We stay in the room for half an hour, talking. I know we can figure it out, even if it means I have to move to Australia. I don't care, I just want to be with him. He dries his eyes, and we hug each other again. I pull away a bit, to get a look at his face, and he leans in, kissing me hard. "I love you, Connor" He says, just before we exit the room to go to our events and meet ups, which start in about ten minutes.
The whole thing is great, and we both get to meet a lot of fans and subscribers, and all of our friends from the youtube communety are here. Caspar, Joe, Alfie, Zoe, Tyler, Dan and Phil, Joey, Marcus, Hannah, Grace, Mamrie, Louise and many others. It's great, and Troye and I aren't hiding anything, w've decided not to. We're in love, why hide it? But at the end of the day, we agree on going home today, instead of staying for the next three. We both need to spend that day together, before Tro has to go. I can't bare the thought of it, but it's inevitable.