A/N: Hello my lovies! So I had another chapter that I was going to publish tonight, but at the last minute I decided I hated it and wrote this instead. This happens more often than you may think, but I really felt like this fit better than what I originally had planned.
I know I haven't been posting my playlists recently, let me know if you want me to resume posting those as well, but lately it's been a lot of instrumental to avoid sneaking in lyrics.
As always, hope you enjoy!
Love and Pizza
Val
I'm fine. Sometimes it's true, sometimes it's a lie we tell to wish it true.
~Elodie's POV~
Come away o' human child....
Come away o human child....
Where no ill follows and your magic may run wild
There was an alluring ring in the way the voices spoke, leading me through a path. It was innocent, intoxicating. Similar to the feeling of being drunk and thinking everything is a good idea. I trusted them, I trusted Cat. So I followed.
You're shutting us out
We've been calling to you
We told you we needed to talk
"I know. I know," I said as I approached their half circle. It was like standing on a cloud. Their faces were still veiled, their feet bare. It was almost as if they had been through battle, the way their clothing was tattered and raw. "You just all try and talk over each other so often, it's easier to shut you out than it is to decipher what you're all saying."
You can't ignore us for so long anymore
There's something coming
He's going to try and kill us
"What is it? Another ambush?" I asked looking around at them. The green leaves of Gaia's dress were dull. There was something about their demeanor that didn't make sense. Why had they looked so aged? I'd just seen them only a few months ago. They existed in my head, was this just how I was portraying them now?
There is a boy, who's hand is being forced.
You need to watch him.
He means to take us away
To take you away
I heard what they were saying. Cryptic as ever, but I couldn't shake a thought that had snuck into my head.
"How can I see you right now?" I asked and looked at the way they slightly tilted their heads up. Almost as if they didn't want me to know.
We did what we had to
To get your attention
There's something else
"So what? You're killing me in my sleep now? That's how you get me to talk to you?" I asked them nervously, shutting my eyes to try and force myself awake. "You can't do that! That's an invasion of trust," I shouted. I tried to take a step closer, but it was as if we were in a fixed position. Every step I took in any direction, they moved as well, remaining parallel.
Morgan Le Fey has been summoned
They'll destroy our souls forever
"What does that mean? Must you always only ever give me every other sentence of what you actually mean?" I asked, growing both frustrated and nervous. How long had I been here? How had they coaxed me here? I'd fallen asleep next to Fred, would he even know something was off?
You've only a few moments left
Remember what we said
"A few moments until what? You've only spoken, but you haven't told me anything?" I said angrily. The sunlight seemed to grow brighter behind them. Almost blinding, almost alluring. But I knew, I wasn't ready to follow it. "If you could just speak like a normal person-"
We've said enough
We'll send you a vision with more when the time is right
Best not repeat this too often
"How long have I been under?" I asked, the thought sinking further in. "And why are we the only ones here?"
You'll see them
When it's your time to go
You still have more to do for us
I felt my breath hitch as they pulled away, sending me flying back. I shot up in bed with a gasping breath, giving life back to my resting body. I looked over and saw Fred fast asleep, as the sun was hidden away behind clouds of rain, only allowing in a dewy light from the outside. His arm tightened around his waist, coaxing me back, but even he couldn't keep the strangely familiar feeling away.
Careful as to not wake him, I climbed out of bed and made my way downstairs, putting the kettle on. I summoned a mug from the cabinet as I pulled out a tin of vanilla tea. My hands were cold, so cold they almost burned. My head throbbed, so much so I could feel my pulse in my skull, making me nauseous.
I slid down the wall until my bum met the ground, and I began heaving, trying to find a calming breath, but all I was met with was more anxiety. What did they expect from me? Especially without a single iota of useful information. I just wanted to turn it off. To not be the one with the dark magic for a bit, because apparently ignoring it only partially killed me in my sleep.
Breath
I told myself, leaning my head back to look up at the ceiling.
Keep going
"What are you doing on the floor?" Angelina's familiar voice said to my left as she walked around the kitchen island. I almost hadn't noticed the high pitched whistle that came from the kettle above me. "Is everything alright? Should I go wake Fred?" She whispered.
"Please, please don't," I asked her in a cracking voice. "He'll only worry," I said as I wiped away a stray tear that had secretly formed and escaped.
Slowly, she made her way to sit next to me, moving carefully, as if she were approaching a hippogriff. "Is it- Do you still have nightmares?" She asked, trying to extend the olive branch.
I moved my head only the slightest, not wanting to move. "It's not the same, but... in a way," I said, letting a hand glide over my stomach. Guppy had woken up and it felt like she was taking it out on my ribs. "You're staying over now?" I asked, as the realization of her being here at this hour sank in. I hadn't meant it in a negative way, But i used it as a way to distract myself.
"George invited me to," She said quickly, throwing him under the bus. "I won't if it bothers you that much-"
"No it's- It's fine," I answered her, wanting to move past it. "I'm not as scary as you make me out to be you know," I told her, hoping it would ease the tension.
"You've never taken a fist to the jaw from yourself have you?" she said with a slight chuckle. The distraction worked it's magic on my nerves, making the air feel breathable again. I swished my hand through the air, summoning my mug, along with one for Angelina as well. "I'm not as heartless as you may think I am," She said after a moment.
I looked at her from the corner of my eye, lifting my mug to my lips. "Brilliant. Tell me, did you enjoy the letters or the necklace you took from me? Or was it when you broke my best friend's heart, and then shoved your tongue down my boyfriend's throat the part you enjoyed more?" I asked, rehashing old wounds. We'd never had it out properly, just left it as it was.
"Should we have it out then? Before the boys try to interfere?" She asked, looking at me with her eyebrow raised. "Coffee?" She asked, raising to her feet.
"First cupboard from the right," I said, making my way back up to my feet. "Why did you do it? I was kind to you, I never once spoke ill of you, even when I wanted to."
She set the french press between us and grabbed her wand to summon new mugs as I grabbed the milk and sugar. "You don't know what it was like to be your friend. To always watch the blokes at school drool over you. Not just for your looks, but your personality as well," She said as I let out a scoff, rolling my eyes slightly as I took a seat. "Believe me, it's true. Even some of the girls too."
"And that's my fault? I never paid it attention, you know that," I said defensively.
"No, you were far too busy with your studies," She said sarcastically. "That is when you weren't having a crisis every few months."
"Again, was that my fault?" I asked, pressing the blunger down, having let the coffee steep for long enough. "Because believe me, I wanted nothing more than to have just one normal year."
She let out a grunt, that turned into a slight laugh at the end of it, hiding her frustration. "You know, you make it reallyhard to have a reasonable argument," She said, pressing her hands into the countertop, bracing herself. "That was also the worst part though...Wasn't it?" She said as she looked at her hands. "You didn't even have to try. And still, everyone just fell under your spell. And then the one- the one bloke, that finally fancied me back... Called me a fall back girl. Because even though you ran away from almost having a threesome with him crying, and even though you only ever called him your friend, and despite the fact that you were dating his brother... He too was in love with you," She said.
I felt my lips part as I tried my hardest to keep my jaw from reaching the floor. George had told me plainly once that he didn't think of me that way. "That's not true. The summer Cedric passed away, George- he told me that he didn't see me that way," I said, trying to prove her wrong.
"You mean right after you started dating his brother?" She pointed out. If I cast my memory further back, George was the one that told me it was easy to fall in love with me. He'd always been there, giving slight nudges, always available when I needed him, even there when I didn't know I needed him. "I tried to write to him all summer, because I was lonely too."
"We were in hiding," I told her. "The only thing that they allowed to come through were Harry's letters. My private letters, that I hadn't so much as opened before you decided to help yourself. Do you realize how enormous of an invasion of privacy that is?" I said, finishing up my cup of coffee.
She pressed her lips into a hard line and tapped her forefinger on the counter, scanning over my face. "I will admit, that was done in a bit of a frenzie. George gave a rather vague explanations, but when he picked simply being your friend of being with me, I felt like I'd had enough. I needed to know if there was anything there and I thought that if Ginny didn't know your brother might," She explained as she refilled my cup, enabling my bad habit. "When we saw that you didn't even respond to him I thought if I could at least put distance between the two of you, that would be enough, but even that backfired."
"So instead of talking to your friend, and ask me, you know, maybe sit down and have a butterbeer, just the girls, you devise this entire plan as if we're in a midsummer night's dream?" I asked, using the only point of reference I could currently think of. "Merlin, you're so full of shit, Angie."
"Oh, come off it. You can't act like you're better than everyone else when your moral compass doesn't exactly point straight either Elodie. You may have only had a crush on Fred, but I was in love with George," She said honestly. I knew the entire time we'd been speaking, she'd been speaking her truth. The way she'd seen the entire situation, but it felt like she'd finally spoken a truth I'd witnessed. "I'd been in love with him since fourth year. You were off with Cedric, being the happy couple you were, and I was head over heels for the twins that called everyone else fall back girls."
There was a long silence, where I didn't have an argument. I knew it was true, I'd spent so long trying to force myself into loving Cedric the way he wanted me to because I was both denying my feeling for Fred, and because I didn't want to lose him. She knew it too, because while we may not be much now, we were friends. And that much she knew was true.
"Things are different now," I said after what felt like enough time had passed.
The rain outside was coming down harder than before, hitting the windows like tiny pebbles, jumping off of the roof of the greenhouse like pieces of hail. Cat walked into the room in a drunken manner, visibly still exhausted from being woken up.
"That it is," she responded. "I'm never going to be like you," She said quietly.
"There's a lot to unpack with what you think that is," I told her honestly.
She shook her head, as if she were trying to knock an idea into place, or perhaps she just felt as though she may have said too much. "Look I- I'll admit, I didn't handle the situation the way I should have, but can you at least admit that if you were me, you may have acted at least a bit irrationally?"
"If I were you? If I were you, I would have realized I had friends to talk to. Not to use as pawns," I answered. Cat let out a meow calling my attention, tilting his head to the side. I hated when he tried to scold me the way his face insinuated. "I'm not saying I forgive you yet. But..." I said, trying to find the words.
"But?" She asked, leaning forward slightly.
"You're important to George. And all I want is a peaceful household right now," I said and moved to walk back up to my room. "Tell me," I said as I gave her another look.
"What's that?" she asked.
"What is it you think I am? You said you could never be like me, why do you think that is?" I asked curiously.
"Well for starters, I don't have voices in my head, or a hair pin trigger for what I believe to be right and wrong," She answered.
"For the sake of being honest, you were always the one to make remarks about me and Fred being together. Even when I was with Cedric. Was it always that obvious?" I asked as I leaned in the doorway.
"What, that you'd eventually end up together?" She asked, a smile creeping over her face. "I can't say that I saw it like this, given you always had such an aversion to children and marriage, you're probably the last person I'd think would have gotten married right after school... but yeah. You two were always like magnets. Moving together in tandem. Watching you fight was like... watching a firework show; Loud and explosive, but hard to look away from. Guess that all meant something, huh?" She asked.
I let my fingers trace down my middle, until they landed on my belly button. I was still waiting for that motherly instinct to kick in, hopefully soon. But that guppy in there was part Fred. And I loved Fred more than I loved breathing. So, I knew it wouldn't be long.
"Yeah... suppose so," I said and turned to head back to bed.
***
Remus and Sirius sent me an owl, asking to meet for brunch once they returned from taking Harry to Kings Cross. Angelina returned to her parents house in London, while Fred and George went into the shop to clean up a bit. I'd sent an owl to Brian letting her know I'd go to the ministry later in the day to set up my office, which let my morning free.
I'd wanted to talk to Remus regardless, but I'd hoped it wouldn't be in a manner that ruined an occasion. Though we hardly ever did brunches, so it was hardly an occasion. There were still gaps in Sirius's story, not to mention Remus's silence the entire time. I knew Sirius and James were closer friends, but their relationship was equal to the one Remus and Lily shared.
"Now, what are the chances you'll let me have a mimosa?" I asked with a sly smile as I popped a raspberry into my mouth.
"Sure! You can have one!" Sirius answered while Remus eyed the both of us suspiciously. "Though, I'm sure Molly would love whatever reason you come up with that explains why you can not only seem to not be able to give up coffee, but alcohol as well," He said, calling my bluff with a raised eyebrow.
"Well played old man," I said back through squinted eyes.
"Ohh, ouch," He said, falling back into his chair as he clutched his hand to his chest. "Moony darling, do you see how she abuses me?"
"Oh no," Remus said, taking a seat with us, placing down a plate of toast. "This is one dynamic I couldn't possibly dream of involving myself in. Now enough bantering around, it'll get cold."
I wiggled my eyebrows at Sirius, a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. "How was the meeting last night? I stopped by, but no one was home," I asked, helping myself to the spread they'd laid out.
"You came to visit without us having to bribe you here?" Sirius said, pouting his lip slightly. "She does love us Moony darling."
"You just think you're so bloody cute, don't you?" I said in a hollow voice, a piece of toast still being chewed in my mouth.
"There was a sighting last night. Grayback. In Knockturn Alley," Remus said more seriously. Sirius shot him a look, as if he wasn't supposed to blurt it out the way he had. Merlin, they were more like Fred and I than I thought.
"And?" I asked, growing slightly nervous, but trying my best to push the thought away. The last I'd thought of Greyback was right before I spoke at Lucious Malfoy's trial. Most days I forgot about the scarring on my arm, only giving it attention when I accidentally wore sleeves too short and the feeling of it being all anyone saw crept in.
"It was a brief sighting, before he apparated away," Remus said.
I closed my eyes, picturing his face. Remembering how he pressed his face into mine as he taunted Remus. I felt a shiver run up my spin, remembering the way that all he wanted was to not only cause me pain, but to hurt those that cared for me. "Was- was he seen with anyone in particular?" I asked, opening my eyes to look at him, watching his pupils shrink.
"No, he turned down an empty alley and was gone," Sirius answered for him. He reached over and wrapped his fingers around my hand, pulling my attention to him, "They'll get him, you shouldn't worry yourself."
"It's not me I worry about," I said in a breath, looking up to catch Remus's gaze. "The only reason he hurt me was because he knew you were watching. Has he ever tried to encounter you, since the incident?" I asked. I wasn't completely squared away on the logistics of it all, but I knew there had to be something in the way they'd faced each other. Something more.
"You'll only waste your time worrying about me," Remus said redirecting his attention back to his plate.
"I could say the same about me," I said firmly, challenging his belief. "I don't know how much value I may have in this world, or how long I'll be around, but I'll be damned if I waste my time not taking care of those I love," I said to him.
It wasn't until the words left my mouth that I realized the way they may have come across. But if I was being perfectly honest, with all that had happened over the last several years, I was a bit surprised I'd even made it this far. Maybe Fred was right. Maybe some part of me did have a death wish.
"Don't speak like that," Remus said, standing from the table, throwing his napkin on his plate in front of him. "Do you realize how insulting it is, to have everyone risking their lives to keep you alive, and come to find out you haven't the slightest interest in it?" He said insultingly.
"That's not what I meant," I said, trying to calm him. "But you have to understand that If I'm able to-"
"To what? Continue to risk your life? To willingly die while you test spells you know nothing about, all for the sake of being a hero?" He said, pressing the issue further.
"Moony, you need to calm down," Sirius said, moving closer to Remus. "Full moon's tomorrow, you know he doesn't mean this darling," he said to me as he took Remus by the hands.
"If I'm the only one capable then yes! That's exactly what I'll do. Do you really think I fancy the idea of losing anyone else?" I said, pushing my chair away from the table. "If I was an Auror none of you would have a problem with my actions," I said quietly.
"Yes, but you're not an Auror. You're my daughter for goodness sakes," He answered quickly as his frame towered over Sirius's body, which was the only thing separating us. His eyes glistened over as his shoulders slumped.
"And that's the most honest thing you've said to me in weeks," I said to him as I stood from my chair to slightly even the playing field. I didn't say anything, and as he was distracted, looking over Sirius's face, I reached for his hand and forced my way into his memories.