-six years and 3 days on the ring-
The bliss that existed for the first few years on the Ring didn't prevail forever.
It all started with John and Emori's breakup. He was upset that she was doing so much to try to get us back to Earth, meanwhile he felt inadequate. He pushed her away, and she kicked him out.
Now, you may be wondering what his has to do with me. The answer is nothing and everything.
Following their particularly nasty breakup, Murphy had taken it upon himself to punch a wall, and considering the composition of this ship, the wall won that match.
Thus, me being the only one with any medical training, I was tasked with venturing over to the unoccupied part of the ship Murphy had newly claimed as his own, in order to bandage him up.
He refused my help at first, but eventually gave in. I went back the next day to check on him, and then found myself doing so everyday. From there on out, I rarely went a day without seeing Murphy.
And no, there was nothing even remotely romantic between the two of us. Rather, I had actually come to consider Murphy one of my friends.
Bellamy didn't see it like this.
The two of us seemed to be growing more distance as of late, even despite the promise we had made to each other three years earlier.
I was always gone when he woke up in the morning, often working with Raven and Emori. And he seemed to never be home at night when I went to sleep, usually training with Echo or helping Monty with the algae farm. We barely saw each other anymore.
And it was painfully obvious that he hated how much time I spent with Murphy. No matter how many times I assured him that he was the one I was in love with, not Murphy, nothing changed.
Everything truly came to a head six years and 3 days after we had left the ground. Tensions were running high between all of us, each of us frustrated with our lack of progress on returning to the ground. Turns out some of us channel our frustrations differently than others.
I was walking back to my quarters, accompanied by Murphy who took this as a chance to roam the ship. He refused to join us at meal times, or at anytime of the day really, not wanting to be with the whole group. So, when it was late at night, he would often take the chance to leave his side of the ship.
"You know you can just rejoin us, right? Then you don't have to sneak around here at night." I questioned, looking over to him with an expectant look.
He scoffed. "What, and have Emori verbally attack me everyday?"
I sighed, moving to hit the button that sent the doors separating the two parts of the ship open. "Give her a break, John. You're the one who screwed things up with her."
He rolled his eyes at me, causing me to smirk as we made our way toward the main area of the ship.
I heard them before I saw them. Two voices, one obviously familiar to me. It was Bellamy and Echo.
I looked to Murphy, signalling for him to be quiet as we rounded the corner. I knew it was wrong to sneak up on them like this, but I had a sinking feeling in my stomach.
The feeling was correct.
As the training area came into view, I could see the two of them fully. Echo had just managed to pin Bellamy to the ground. They were still for a moment, both of their chests heaving, when suddenly, Echo leaned down and pressed her lips to Bellamy's.
I felt like I couldn't breathe as my blood ran cold. I could barely see straight as I paused, accidentally bumping into one of the chairs by the table. The noise shattered the silence.
Murphy grabbed onto me, preventing me from falling as both Bellamy and Echo's eyes snapped toward us.
Bellamy shoved Echo off of him in record time, pushing himself to his feet as his face clouded over in complete and utter shame.
My chest was heaving as I looked over to him with a clenched jaw, not saying anything before stomping toward our room.
"You're an idiot, man." Murphy chastised him as the sound of Bellamy following after me echoed through the hallways.
I tried to slam our bedroom door when I got there, but Bellamy caught it before I could get it closed, slipping into our room.
I kept my back turned to him for a moment, my shoulders rising and falling rapidly as I tried to calm myself down. I couldn't believe this.
"Avery, look at me." Bellamy pleaded, his voice tentative.
Still not turning to face him, I spoke. "How long?" I questioned, my voice wavering slightly.
"What-"
I finally spun to face him. "How long have you two been--" I couldn't even finish my sentence, not wanting to say it out loud.
His face fell as he took a small step toward me, causing me to take a step away. "Never." he asserted. "That has never happened before. She just kissed me and-"
"I trusted you!" I snapped. "All that time you spent with her and I've never once said a single thing!"
"You mean like all the time you spent with Murphy? The two of you alone on the other side of the ship?" he rebutted.
I scoffed. "John has nothing to do with this!" I argued. "And besides, are you really jealous of John Murphy, Bellamy? Sorry that I'm the only one who tries to treat him like a normal person these days."
"You're with him constantly, Avery! I barely ever even see you anymore."
"Maybe that has something to do with the fact that you're always with Echo. I'm not blind, Bellamy, I know that she's been in love with you for the last five years." I whispered, finally admitting the insecurity that has riddled me since we got up here.
He shook his head, squinting at me. "That's not true and you know it."
"Do I?" I challenged, firmly crossing my arms over my chest.
A frustrated sigh fell from his lips. "I don't want to be with her." he maintained. "I never have and I never will. If you would just let me explain--"
"This isn't even about Echo!" I yelled, the truth finally coming to light. I could feel tears of sadness and frustration well up in my eyes.
He pursed his lips. "What's it about then?"
"You." I snapped "It's about you."
"Me?" he wondered, "Okay fine, messed up! I shouldn't have even let her get that close, but come on, Avery. Give me a break."
I closed my eyes for a moment. "I can't."
"Why?" he scoffed. "Because you're so perfect, right? You've never made a mistake? You've never messed up?"
"That's not what I'm saying!" I snapped, running a hand angrily through my hair. "I'm not perfect Bellamy, but at least I've never kissed someone else."
His face hardened. "I told you, she kissed me."
I let out a bitter laugh. "She kissed you, you kissed her, it doesn't matter at this point. What does matter, is the fact that you don't love me like you used to."
The silence that fell over the room for a moment felt deafening. My chest felt like it was constricted as I watched Bellamy's face morph into shock.
"What are you talking about?" he demanded.
I crossed my arms firmly across my chest, willing myself not to totally breakdown. "You're not in love with me anymore, Bellamy. It's been obvious for months."
"That's not true." he whispered, his voice cracking ever so slightly. "I love you."
"You love me." I confirmed. "But you're not in love with me."
He shook his head. "It's the same thing, Avery."
"No." I whispered. "It's not."
Silence fell across the room, and for a moment we just stared at each other, each of us breaking as we realized what was about to happen.
"Can you really stand here and tell me that you're in love with me?" I asked quietly, my voice at risk of failing me.
Bellamy let out a sigh as he ran his hand over his face in an act of stalling. He wouldn't look at me, his eyes now casting down to his feet.
My breathing sped up as I willed him to look at me, "Answer me, Bellamy." I pleaded through gritted teeth, my voice wavering as a single tear slipped down my cheek.
He finally looked up at me, clearing his throat as his dark eyes met mine. It looked like he too wanted to cry as he simply watched me. He didn't say a word, but I knew what his answer was. His silence was more than enough for me to know that he didn't love me anymore, not like he had.
My heart shattered into a million pieces in that moment, as it felt like the air had been knocked right out of my lungs.
I looked up at him, giving him a curt nod as I turned toward the door. "Have fun with Echo." I muttered, my emotions getting the best of me.
"Avery!" he snapped, the world seeming to jump back into gear after the devastating silence that had weighted the two of us. "Avery, get back here!" he yelled, already beginning to follow me down the hall.
"Leave me alone, Bellamy!" I snapped, unable to turn and look at him in fear that I would break down.
Slowly, the doors of every room creaked open, each of our friends poking their heads out to see what the commotion was.
Echo and Murphy still sat in the main area, clearly waiting to see the fallout of this whole event. Murphy looked over to me with worried eyes, meanwhile Echo could barely even look in my direction.
He was getting closer to me, I could hear the sound of his footsteps. "We need to talk about this!" he ordered, his hand finally grabbing onto my arm.
"You're hurting me." I gritted out, turning to face him with angry eyes.
He released his grip on me, clenching his jaw. "Can we please just talk about this?"
"There's nothing to talk about!" I screamed, no longer caring who was listening. The two of us stared at each other for a moment, both of our chests heaving in anger. "You can't fix something that's already over. We're done." I whispered, my voice low.
Bellamy looked broken as a tear slipped down his cheek. He didn't say anything, just watched as I turned around.
I didn't look at anyone as I walked by. I knew they had all just listened to our breakup, and I knew that Raven and Emroi would be following after me at any moment. But for now, I needed to be alone.
The pain I was feeling was one I had tried so hard to shield myself from. One in which I became vulnerable, in which I trusted another human being with my heart. Bellamy Blake was the only person I had truly given myself to, and now he had broken me.
-six years and 4 days on the ring-
I had stayed with Raven and Emori that night. I had tried to refuse, knowing Raven had already taken Emori in as a roommate following her breakup, but Raven refused to let me stay anywhere else.
Bellamy had showed up at her door mere hours after everything had happened, begging to speak to me. Raven had told him to leave, and that if he didn't she would make him. He did.
They hadn't made me speak about what happened. In fact they respected my space, not forcing me to talk at all really. The two of them just sat with me, all three of us seemingly in shock at what had happened.
I tried to maintain as much normalcy as I possibly could, attempting to push the events of the previous night far out of my mind.
The first brutal reminded came that next morning when I went to wash my face. The ring on my left hand pressing into my skin.
I just stared at it for a moment, my hand shaking before I finally tore it off my finger. I didn't get rid of it, instead I attached it to the necklace Finn had given to me. I wasn't ready to fully erase Bellamy.
That morning at breakfast an awkward silence prevailed. Echo took her food and left, and Bellamy had yet to show up yet, both of these occurrences made me relieved.
Despite the fact that I was freed of having to deal with the two of them, I had to deal with the sorrowful looks of sympathy I was getting from everyone else.
"I'm fine." I finally announced after ten minutes of all of them watching me eat.
I knew I didn't look fine. The dark circles under my eyes were vicious, not to mention the fact that my eyes themselves were bloodshot from crying.
"Do you want another helping of soup?" Monty offered, doing his best to make me feel better.
I gave him a grateful smile. "Thanks, Monty. But I think that will just make me feel worse."
He let out a laugh. "Fair enough."
With the ice seemingly broken, conversation flowed between the group of us once again. Harper and I talked about the newest book the two of us had just read, discussing all of our favourite parts.
For a few minutes, Bellamy was off of my mind.
That was until he joined us.
He awkwardly entered the room, everyone turning to look at him with the exception of me. I kept my head down, hoping that if I didn't look at him he wouldn't speak to me.
I was wrong.
"Avery, can we-"
I stood up abruptly, cutting him off. I
I reached out, grabbing an extra bowl of breakfast. "I'm going to take this to Murphy." I muttered, my eyes barely landing on Bellamy as I turned. In the brief look I got of him, I realized he look just as horrible as I did, maybe even worst.
I felt horrible, absolutely sick about how things ended between us. We were supposed to be this great love story and now that was all thrown away over what?
I wanted to talk to him, I needed to. But I also needed time. Bellamy wasn't in love with me anymore, and I couldn't force him to be. So, while I knew things needed to be discussed, for right now, I was content with giving him the cold shoulder, hopefully to protect my heart from being destroyed anymore.
-an-
GUYS I AM SO SORRY!! please, please, please don't be mad at me. this was just something that needed to be done. not everything in life is perfect, and im sure everything is just a bit harder when you're stuck in space with the same 8 people everyday for 6 years.
please keep holding on and don't give up on bell and aves...they can't stay apart forever.
LOVE YOU ALL
(and again I am so sorry)
-maddy xoxo