The house the boys had taken over might've belonged to a councilman at some point. It was a rather large, opulent house, decorated in the same vibrant colors and patterns of the smaller dwellings, but larger and even more over the top. Cerise and I wandered through several cavernous rooms before finding them in one of the house's sitting rooms.
"Stop fidgeting. You look great." Frit said, reaching up to fix his twin's cravat. As ugly as the human fashions currently were for the women, the male counterpart to the loose, almost shapeless dresses was admittedly much more appealing. Frit wore the fitted trousers and tailcoats well. However, his brothers, especially Floki, with their much more distorted and goblin-like proportions looked strange and out of place in them even with the little goblin touches Eadan had included in her designs.
"Don't lie to the poor bloke. He looks like a circus ape." Odd snickered, lounging atop a beam overhead like a sleepy cat.
Floki tugged uncomfortably at his glittering coat of rising embers. "I look stupid." Floki huffed.
"Don't listen to him. I think you look dashing." I said as I entered the room. I craned my neck to find Odd overhead. "Even you, you Little Monster." Unlike his brothers in their finery, Odd had merely changed in a cleaner set of the hunting garb he wore all of the time. The only real difference was a short leather cape that hung off his shoulder and over the rafter.
Odd swung one leg off the side as he set a pipe between his teeth. The pipe's make was similar to Dara's, which he still often stole, but rather than having a bird's skull at the end it was some sort of rodent's instead. "Did you really think I was going to be caught dead in one of those frock coats? I'm only going to the party for the food and copious amounts of wine I was promised."
"You're not the only one." I smirked. I heard the door open behind me and I saw Floki's expression shift from uncomfortable to stunned as Cerise entered the room in her faerie fruit inspired gown. Unlike myself, the current human fashion suited her with her softer features and large, more childlike eyes. The color was perfect for her. She was beautiful and judging by the look on Floki's face and color of his cheeks he thought so too.
Floki pulled the tall hat from his golden head and clasped it in his meaty hands at his chest. "Y-you look... I mean you both look pretty." His blush darkened.
"Smooth." Floki giggled, swatting Floki on his back.
Cerise downcast her eyes, hiding them beneath a fan of long lashes. "Thank you. You all look nice as well. It's been a while since we've gotten to wear anything besides leather." She laughed, glancing up Odd's way. "Though I guess not everyone minded it, huh, Odd?"
"You all look stupid. Where is everyone's goblin dignity?"
"I don't think most goblins know what dignity means." Frit grinned devilishly as he sat his hat just so over his impeccably styled hair. "Besides, some of us make this look good." He spun around on his heels, striking several over the top poses. The light of the fire in the hearth, shone in different colors against the glossy fabric of his coat, which looked suspiciously like the carapace of the enormous black spiders he'd played with as a child.
I laughed at the little show off. While Frit seemed very different from his father, sometimes Knut came out in him. He may not have taken after him much in looks, but they shared parts of their personality especially Knut's cockier side.
As frit played around, my gaze shifted past him to where Magni and Ari sat off to themselves. Like his brothers, he wore a lush tailed coat of living fabric and black trousers. For his Eadan had chosen a shifting, flickering green that reminded me of the green flames I'd leapt through at my coronation. In clothes that had been tailored to his too-thin form he looked less like a little kid in his father's clothes and more like the adult he was. The movement of the green fire in his coat shimmered in the silver locks of his hair and pale lashes. He was so awfully pretty to me, such a unique blend of human and goblin, Knut and I. It was hard to keep the mother in me from swelling with pride. "Magni," I said, reaching out to him without thinking. "Come here. Let me look at you."
His brothers were as surprised as I was that I was calling him near. None more so than Magni himself. He stared at me a moment, uncertain, afraid. "Go ahead." Ari reassured him. I suppose she could sense I meant no harm. I don't think she would've let me near him otherwise.
Magni quietly walked over to join his brothers, Cerise and I. He wore his satchel with its precious cargo over his new suit and clutched the strap like a lifeline.
"Cleans up nice, don't he?" Frit threw his arm over Magni's neck, that devilish glint in his eye ever present. "He's almost as good looking as me." He snickered, swatting Magni in the chest.
"Good thing you shot him in the chest and not his face." Came cackling from the rafters.
"Stop hanging on him." I shooed him off and smoothed my fingers along the lapel of the green coat. The shimmering color glowed against my skin. "The color suits you." I said, lifting my gaze to his own. A question that had been building on my tongue for days slipped out. "If I am kind to you, will you give your father back to me?" My voice was soft and gentle, almost pleading, but the words themselves struck like a whip.
He winced at the question. All hope immediately drained from his eyes and he suddenly looked like he was about to cry. "It was not my doing that brought Bran back. I wish it was. If I could give him back to you and undo what I did, I would, Mama."
"I figured." My laugh was brittle and hoarse. "I just thought I'd ask." The image of him crouched over Knut, elbows deep in gore, Knut's pale face, staring blankly up at me, flickered across my vision. I let him go as if his very touch was poison and turned my back to him, the sight of his face once again souring my belly. "Come," I called to the others with a smile, ignoring my youngest, for fear of my motherly feelings rising up in me again. I could not let him and my old love for him, make me forget what he'd done. "We're already late." I said, rushing from the room to put distance between myself and the child who's corpse I'd once clung to.
The sound of merry music lured us to the city's center where humans and fae alike danced around the glittering fountain and shadows were thrown wildly about by the writhing flames of a bonfire at the opposite end of the city square. Those who weren't dancing, milled about the clearing, gossiping or flocked about the tables to gorge themselves on our stores and get hopelessly drunk on faerie wine.
Frit's face lit up with excitement at all the new dances he'd never danced, the music he'd never heard and food he'd never tasted. Everything here was new to him and he soaked up the flood of knowledge eagerly, lapping it up like honey.
Some girls in pale toned dresses began to call him over to where some youths were gathering to begin a new dance. It was a human style dance where men and women traded places in parallel lines, coming together to touch hands at the center and spin around each other.
Taken by the excitement, Frit started to run off almost immediately, letting them lead him to the other dancers. Odd, uninterested in it all, rushed to the buffet table and Magni and Ari wandered off. I didn't pay attention to where he went. I couldn't look his direction at all. Every bit of my energy, my focus, was on breathing and keeping my feet firmly planted where I was. After that day...after what happened to me and what cost me Magni...parties had become a thing to be avoided and still my anxiety rose with the number of people around me and the level of noise that came with them.
Floki and I stood together, watching the dancing. After a few minutes, Neasa hobbled over to us, clutching the fabric of a dark gown darted with silver stars that twinkled as the fabric shifted over her body. "You all came." She smiled. A circlet studded with more stars framed her small, pretty face and kept her long hair from hanging into it as it normally did. I sometimes forgot just how lovely she was. I saw her eyes shift, searching.
"He's dancing." I said, motioning toward where Frit was being shown the steps of the human dance.
"I'm afraid he got a little excited." Floki said. "I can drag him back over here if you want me to."
"Oh, no," she shook her head, her face flushing pink. "Let him dance. It's not as if I can dance with him and it's no fun sitting out."
I whistled sharply. The noise carried over the music and Frit's spine stiffened at attention, his ears wiggling beneath the rim of his hat. His head whipped around and a grin spread wide. "Neasa!" He shouted excitedly, abandoning the human girls and bounding back to us to scoop up the tiny faerie. He hugged and kissed her. "Do you want to dance? It's different from what I'm used to, but it seems like fun and it's not too difficult." He said as he sat her down on her feet. He clutched her small hands in his clawed fingers.
"I can't." She said remorsefully, looking down at her feet where one turned sharply inward.
"They said you'd never fly either." He kissed her again, longer this time, not caring that I or his brother was right there getting mortified. "If your legs can't carry you, mine will." He cackled and picked her up so that her body was pressed to his side and her feet dangled off the ground. She squeaked and grabbed onto him as he ran off back to the dancers, grinning ear to ear the whole way.
"I take it they're officially together now?" I asked as they started fumbling through the dance. They did their own thing, with Neasa standing on his feet and twirling from one line to the other. They tripped, they fell over, they laughed, and they smiled, enjoying the dance more for doing it together than for doing it correctly.
Floki smiled softly. "He's referring to her as his wife already. I can't get him to shut up." Even as he spoke of his brother's happiness, his gaze moved to Cerise, obviously longing for the same.
Both men and women flocked around Cerise, complimenting her dress and asking for dances. Cerise was practically glowing in this setting, surrounded by other humans, her cheeks red from their praise. It was a little strange to not be the center of attention for once. I didn't care for it.
"You should go talk to her." I whispered to Floki.
Floki blushed. The color flooded his face as if I'd splashed him with paint. "There's no point. She doesn't see me that way." Floki swallowed, his eyes following her through the crowd. "I don't want to make this any more awkward than it already is."
"What if I told you that she does see you that way?" I smiled cunningly. "Like I said, Cerise's past is complicated. It's made her wary to get so close with someone else. I'm partly to blame for that. I opened up some old wounds saying stupid things. However, we had a little chat and she confessed some things to me. You have a bigger chance with her than you know."
"I still find it hilarious how your opinion of this has completely changed from before."
"I want you to be happy." I said, feeling my mind drift away to a time when I was, when Knut was alive and we hadn't yet endured the worst possible loss and its destructive power. I wanted many things, but nothing more so than for each of my children to find that kind of happiness that I had enjoyed for too short a time.
Floki bent down and hugged me. "I want the same for you."
I squeezed him tight before he pulled away. Taking a deep breath, he made his way through the crowd to her side. She looked up in surprise at him as he spoke. He pointed to a quieter area just out of the light from the fire and away from the musicians. With a slight hesitation, she finally nodded, took his arm and let him lead her away.
I made myself look away from them, granting them that bit of privacy. I watched the dancers do their weirdly chaste rotation about each other, scarcely touching. It was a far cry from the goblin style of dance or even faerie styles, but it was nice, I supposed. Cat and Bran moved somewhat stiffly through the motions, both too busy laughing at Frit's attempts to carry Neasa through the dance to care whether or not they were doing it right. I knew that they hadn't quite made up, they had a lot to work through, but for the moment they were enjoying spending time together. They were laughing. They were smiling. They seemed happy.
All around us were people doing the same, enjoying the night for what it was, content in the glow of the fire and the spell of the music. They, at least for this short time, had forgotten the devastation of the city beyond the fire's light, the ruined homes, the streets the dead had filled. For the night, we pretended the world wasn't coming to an end. Forgetting, pretending, isn't that what humans do best?
As I watched the dancers, my own feet began to itch and I bounced on restless legs, wishing to join in. However, all the dancers were young couples and blushing teenagers. The older adults and elderly were apparently content just to watch and chit chat amongst themselves. The droning of old women plotting how they were going to marry off their spinster daughters to handsome faerie lords was grating in my ears. I soon became acutely aware that none of the women around me were below the age forty.
I'll never understand the appeal of watching above the doing and I couldn't stand hearing any more of the old women's clucking for fear of turning into one of them. I needed some fun for once. I needed to dance and forget.
I thought to ask Ib at first, but found him and Herod by the wine barrels, giggling against his mouth, their bodies half-hidden by Herod's wings. I was glad they had apparently made up, but I was also a little annoyed. Who would I ask if not him? After a moment of wildly looking around the place for anyone that looked even mildly interesting, my gaze found Hughes and he was looking back. When our eyes met from across the square, he shifted his attention elsewhere quickly, as if to hide the fact that he'd been looking at me at all.
His suit was a simple one, a dark blue waistcoat over cream trousers and dark, tall boots. Many humans were dressed the same way. The cravat was a little crooked though, the shirt somewhat wrinkled, as if he'd dressed in a hurry and possibly in the dark. His hair was still a nest of disheveled greying waves. However, he had at least trimmed his sideburns and shaved off some of his stubble. That alone made him look a few years younger. Feigning boredom, he slipped his silver flask from a pocket on the inside of his coat and tipped it against his lips. I laughed to myself when I saw that. We had barrels full of wine here ready to be emptied of the finest faerie nectar, yet he'd rather drink swill from his old flask.
"You could ask the good doctor." My treacherous inner voice whispered enticingly.
I hesitated at first, tightening my fingers in the fabric of the loose gown, feeling the slide of cool scales beneath my fingertips. I was an aging matriarch at this point and had lived a life that had robbed me of simple joys. It had been a long time since I had enjoyed a dance, too long since I'd shared one with Knut. Feeling the want now while he was cold in his grave seemed like some sort of betrayal in itself.
But I am a selfish creature. Ever wanting, ever hungry. The knowledge that I had the doctor's attention, bloomed with warmth through my belly and my feet moved, carrying me through the mingling crowd of winged fae and mortal men to his side. With each step that carried me nearer, I begged Knut a little louder for forgiveness for giving in to my loneliness.
"I hope you have enough to share." I said dryly.
Hughes choked on his drink. With a sputter, he coughed into the sleeve of his dark coat. I gave him a moment, waiting for it to pass while my feet continued to ache for movement beneath my skirt. My eyes self-consciously darted around the room and relief swept through me when I saw that none of my children had noticed that I had moved from the spot they had left me.
"I fear it is not so sweet as your faerie wine." Hughes said, clearing his throat. "It's from my own collection." Still he offered the silver flask to me.
"I much prefer watered down ale, thank you." I smirked taking the flask for an eager swallow. The awful taste of the weak liqueur was as nostalgic to me as that of a mother's baking to others. I savored it on my tongue before handing the flask back to Hughes.
Hughes screwed it shut and tucked it back into its hiding place in an inside pocket of his coat. "Is there something I can help you with or did you just want to pilfer me of my preferred drink?" He asked, watching Jane and her husband dance with the other young couples.
"Save me from my boredom, I beg you. As unfortunate for you as it is, my children have abandoned me and I find I prefer your company to that of those clucking old bitties. If I have to listen to any more discussion of marriage prospects I think I might grow feathers and start clucking myself."
"It is unfortunate, Mrs. Pole, but you're free to do as you like." He smirked, tucking his hands behind his back. His dark blue eyes drifted down to my form to my feet and back in an instant I might've missed if I had blinked. "That dress is...something."
I grimaced. "It doesn't sound like you like it."
"N-no, I wouldn't say that. It's just...you look out of place...if that makes any sense. I suppose I'm too used to seeing you in men's clothes and the blood of your enemies. Although...may I ask what's with the hair?"
"It's how I usually wear it for court to make myself look more like a she-goblin." I gingerly touched my hair. "Does it look stupid?"
"No, it just makes you look...different. I'm not sure how to explain it. I don't know if it makes you more frightening, though. I think you're plenty scary on your own." He chuckled. "It is certainly eye-catching."
"Thank you then. I'll take that as a compliment."
An awkward few minutes passed as I tried to gather my nerve to ask him for a dance. I nearly gasped in relief when he at last cleared his throat and spoke. "Your sons seem to be enjoying themselves."
"For the most part."
"Floki especially." He nodded with his head in the direction Floki and Cerise had gone.
I followed his motion, catching a brief glimpse of the two embracing. Floki's back was to me, but Cerise's hands held him fast to her as he kissed her. I laughed as I dipped my head down, feeling again the swirl of joy and envy, the ache that settled in my bones for what I had lost, what I had squandered toward the end. "Good for them." I muttered, fighting the tears that stung my eyes. My loneliness, my grief, crashed against my ribs so hard it nearly made me gasp aloud.
With my sons and niece finding their own loves, reaching for their own desires and starting on their own paths, they left me with the knowledge that even if we succeeded in our fight and prevented their needless deaths, I would still be left alone at the end. Knut was no longer with me. He had been at my side whether I knew it or not since girlhood and now I truly felt the hole Knut had left as I stood at Hughes' side amidst that sea of happy faces.
It was envy and heartache that made me fall to foolishness. At least that is what I would keep telling myself.
"Hughes, would you care to dance with me?" I asked, my lips weirdly numb as I let the question fall from them.
Hughes did a double take. "Me? Oh no," he shook his head in quick and adamant refusal. "I don't dance. Go ask Ib or one of your other friends. I'm sure they'd happily oblige."
"Ib is ill-disposed." I answered through my teeth, jabbing a thumb toward where Ib was currently being pinned against a wine barrel.
Herod's eyebrows rose up high, wrinkling his forehead and his eyes rounded. "Oh."
I stepped closer and grabbed at the lapel of his jacket, angling his ear closer to my lips so he could hear me clearly over the music. "Besides, I didn't ask Ib. I asked you." I supposed I could have asked anyone. Really it didn't matter, but what I wanted wasn't just a dance. Half the fun of dancing was the excitement that came with getting so close to someone else. Especially someone you found attractive.
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Pole." He refused again, gently removing my hand from his jacket. "I really don't like dancing. In fact I despise it to the point that I would rather shove glass beneath my fingernails. Magni isn't preoccupied. Have you asked him?"
A disappointed breath hissed out of my lungs. I rolled my eyes. "Just forget it. I'll go back to the hen house with the rest of the old hags and plot how I'm going to marry off my children. I don't even know why I bothered asking you, you old stick in the mud." I spun around in a huff, balling the loose skirt of my dress up in my hands to keep them well out of the way of my stomping feet.
I only got a few steps away before the hurt act pulled its magic trick. "Wait." Hughes groaned.
I stopped and let the skirt fall back around my feet as he moved back purposefully to my side. I tried very hard to keep the victorious smile off my face. I doubt I succeeded very well. Suddenly he was closer to me than he'd yet dared without me having to suffer some grievous wound. He bent his head to my level, the two of us sharing breaths. "One dance." He said, holding up a finger. "No more than that. Don't you dare even ask." He scowled and sighed through his flared nostrils. "I swear I never would have pegged you for someone who likes dancing."
The smile of victory broke free of its cage fully, spreading across my face, baring teeth and bringing a devilish shine to my eyes in the fire's glow. "Dancing can be quite fun with the right partner." I said, remembering a first night of many spinning in a goblin's arms.