Jungkook's hands shook as they pulled open the door to Persona, a warm gust of air greeting his cold body as he stepped in from outside. Mistress Kitty was typing away at her phone from behind the ticket booth, her face brightening as she saw Jungkook walk in and set her phone aside.
"Bunny!" She exclaimed, resting her chin on her hand elegantly. Her sharp, orange nails pressed into her cheek and Jungkook held his hand out. She instantly placed her palm delicately in his through the cash slot, watching as he admired her fresh manicure.
"It's my last chance to do fall colors. Winter will be here before we know it." She explained and he winced at her words, pulling his hand away.
"God, I hope not."
She seemed amused by his reaction and flicked through her log book, humming as she did so. "Are you here to meet Jimin? He should be finishing up the aftercare with his client soon."
Jungkook was instantly brought back to his state of nervousness, nodding shyly and looking down to where the toes of his boots were pointed in, rocking back on his heels.
"Yeah, I don't think I'll be staying though. I dunno if he is but I wanted to surprise him, there was a bit of drama over the weekend."
She raised a high arched brow and slid her book aside, popping a bubble with the cinnamon gum she chewed. "Are you in trouble, Bun? Or is it vanilla troubles?"
His fingers fiddled with one another and he shrugged, struggling to meet her eye contact as he thought over the events of the other night. "I think maybe both."
The mistress seemed a little shocked by that, before her surprised expression schooled into one of sympathy. She offered him a sad smile and Jungkook stepped aside from the glass when the front door swung open, a couple walking in and going to the booth for access into the club.
Originally Jungkook hadn't even wanted to go to Persona. His ego and insecurity screamed at him that it was a bad idea and that he should just sit at home and wait for Jimin to come to him. It had been two days of minimal contact between the men. Jimin had texted him the morning after to ask if he was okay, to which he said yes, and then said they should talk, to which Jungkook didn't respond. He knew that they would have to eventually but fresh off the hurt of being treated with was a dismissive attitude, he wasn't up for it.
But Jimin hadn't tried to text him after that, telling Taehyung he was giving him space to evaluate his emotions and that he needed to do the same. It was probably the healthiest response possible but at the time Jungkook wished Jimin didn't do the right thing all the time, he wanted him to come to Jungkook and force him to talk about it like he'd wanted to the other night.
But of course, Jimin was a stable, normal person so he wouldn't force him, which is why Jungkook had to make himself do it after two days of moping.
Jungkook couldn't help but feel guilty about the disagreement. He was still frustrated with Jimin for not wanting to talk about what happened with Iseul, but Taehyung was right. They weren't in a relationship, they weren't heading towards a relationship. It was just Jungkook's nosy heart that didn't understand why they weren't together that felt the need to know what happened.
Which was another revelation he was having. As much as he would love to deny it, he couldn't help but realize he was growing attached to the man. Not in the way that they agreed to. Jimin was attached in the way that made him a good dom, attentive, caring and seeking something that wasn't fickle. He wanted a deeper connection with his submissive that wasn't like a partner you just had a scene with, and that was what Jungkook thought he wanted too.
Maybe he had, for a short time, wanted that. A friendship with the added perk of vulnerability and corporal punishment. But that was a fantasy he no longer associated with Jimin, for the man was so much more than a firm hand and a shoulder to cry on. He inspired Jungkook, made him want to be a better person, a better friend, a better lover. He wanted to be the person that Jimin treated him like he was. He also couldn't forget the glimpse of annoyance and what he now recognized as insecurity that crossed Jimin's face when Iseul came to the club, he couldn't forget the tears in his eyes when he gave him the necklace or the fond smile he had anytime Jungkook did something he found endearing.
Those collections of memories that Jungkook gathered ignited something in him that he hadn't ever really allowed himself to have, hope. He always figured some day he'd just reach an age where he decided to get married to someone nice and boring and have kids, but he never looked forward to it. He knew that life would lead to one all too similar to his own parents. But Jimin gave him this tiny glimmer of something precious, this dream that maybe he could have what Jimin gave him for the long term, maybe forever if life allowed it. He knew that he would do everything in his power for their relationship, their life, to not end up like his parents if Jimin was the one by his side.
This hope was so fragile, it was something that had been so easily taken from him throughout his life that he was afraid to have it. It made him protective over his relationship with Jimin. He clutched their memories like a collection of broken materials that he hoped one day would be big enough to build a home in his heart with, somewhere he could go and reminisce long past the days Jimin would eventually leave him and find the person he actually wanted to be with.
But to take this hope and turn it into something real, to speak those words out loud? It risks everything. If Jimin, the best person he knew turned away from him and shattered his hope, he genuinely didn't think he could find it in himself to have it again. There was no one better than Jimin, no other person he even tolerated the idea of loving. Jimin had ruined him for anyone else the moment he bumped into him.
But it was unfair, to allow Jimin to walk around unknowing of someone loving him. He deserved to hear it shouted from the rooftops, to know that he was cherished and adored more than anything. Jungkook also couldn't help but feel guilty, Jimin's knack for communication had rubbed off on him somewhat, and he deserved to know, he would never want Jimin to be in a situation that crossed his boundaries like that. Afterall, if Jungkook had someone who was secretly in love with them, he probably wouldn't want to have sex with them either. Jimin signed up for him getting attached, but not falling in love.
The young man was pulled out of his thoughts when the door inside to the rest of the club swung open and a large man walked out, cheeks red and clearly having cried recently. Jungkook opened his mouth to ask if he was okay but stopped himself when Mistress Kitty fixed him with a stern shake of her head.
"Hello Dear, how was your session?" She said politely, typing away on her computer as he stood in front of her. He fixed the collar of his button up, a blazer draped over his arm as if he had come there just after work. Maybe he had.
"It went great as always, Especially after I couldn't make it last month." He replied, a deep satisfied sigh resonating in the room. "I'd like to book Jimin-Hyung a little earlier next month if that's alright."
Jungkook jolted, thankful he was out of the man's eyesight. Mistress Kitty's lips twitched as if holding back a smile, no doubt seeing Jungkook's reaction out of her peripheral. He quickly schooled himself into composure, staring at the ground with red cheeks. Hearing Hoseok call Jimin 'Hyung' was odd enough, but this was a man who was very much older than them both. He was easily in his late thirties if Jungkook had to guess and he was shocked at the idea of the burly man being in tears by the man who shook his fists like a child when he got excited.
The man walked out with a nod, grasping the business card in his hand after the appointment was set and the mistress promptly lost any composure, laughing loudly and pointing an accusing finger at the brunette. "God, your face! Priceless."
"I just really wasn't expecting that, okay?!" He attempted to defend himself, mouth opening to explain before the words died in his throat as Jimin walked out, coat draped around his shoulders and thick black eyeliner accenting his eyes.
"Jungkook?" He asked, the surprise clear in his voice.
"Hi." He responded, breathless and stood stiff in nervousness.
Okay, so maybe it was a little dramatic to just show up at Jimin's work and not send a text.
"I had to come." He explained dumbly before shaking his head. "I mean I wanted to come. To you know, apologize."
Jimin raised a brow, nodding before he walked over and grasped Jungkook by the elbow, guiding him out of the monitored foyer and into the cold. Jungkook instantly froze up, panic surging through him, Jimin was kicking him out and saying he never wanted to see him again. He knew it.
Only instead of doing that, the moment they were alone, sheltered from the prying eyes of a certain mistress, Jimin gave the man a tender embrace, reaching up on his toes to wrap his arms around Jungkook's neck, his petite fingers running through his hair. Startled, Jungkook slowly raised his own arms to loop around his waist, his hold turning tighter once the affection settled in.
"I should apologize too." Jimin whispered, breath hot against his ear. "It was immature of me to just walk away when you said you wanted to go home, I just got angry and I was afraid to take it out on you."
Part of Jungkook's heart panged when he confirmed that he had made him angry but he also felt the overwhelming amount of fondness when he realized that Jimin tried not to affect him with it. Even when the man was upset with him he would shield him from the outbursts of emotions he felt. He made it so Jungkook didn't feel the need to run.
"Are you ready to talk about it?" The blonde asked, finally pulling back. "That was my last session for today, we can go back to yours or mine."
"Let's go to mine, Taehyung is making dinner tonight." He agreed.
"I didn't know Taehyung cooked." Jimin mused quietly, curious.
Jungkook grabbed his friend's hand, lacing their fingers as they walked to the parking lot together, his brown eyes lighting up with mischief.
"Oh he doesn't, I need someone to back me up when I say we get takeout."
With a few hours until dinner, Jungkook led Jimin to his room, not wanting to disturb his roommate who was finally studying for once. The apartment was filled with the sound of classical music, a tell-tale sign that Taehyung was to be left alone at all costs.
"Do you want something more comfortable to wear?" The brunette offered, eyeing the slacks that the other man was wearing. They gripped his and ass amazingly but they definitely didn't look comfortable.
Jimin seemed to think the same thing, nodding. "Sure, Jungkookie. That'd be great."
Jungkook tried, and failed to not get excited over that. Jimin had never worn anything of his, never had any reason to. But Jungkook couldn't help but picture how cute Jimin would look, dressed in his clothing from head to toe and cuddled into one of the various sweaters and hoodies he practically hoarded. The dominant was almost always dressed for fashion, which made him look incredible. But he was excited to see him in something cozier, and more importantly, something his.
He grabbed a pair or his shorter sweatpants, tossing them over to the man before grabbing one of his biggest black hoodies out of his closet. It was his favorite, soft and worn and made him feel like he was swimming in it. He couldn't help but giggle at the thought of how big it would look on Jimin.
Jimin raised a brow at it, clearly catching onto his thought process and rolled his eyes. He didn't otherwise protest though, no doubt knowing it was Jungkook's favorite hoodie and to be offered it was an honor.
The hoodie itself went well past mid thigh, and the end of the sweatpants pooled by his ankles. The endearing sight was enough to make Jungkook giggle even further, stifling his laughter into his hands until Jimin playfully swatted at him, to which of course caused more giggles.
The younger man fell onto the bed, his dark hair flopping into his face as he grinned up at his friend cheesily. Jimin couldn't help the smile that painted his face as he crawled onto the mattress, setting up camp inside his arms. Jungkook threw a long leg over the smaller man's hip, nuzzling his face into his neck.
"You're awfully cuddly tonight." Jimin noticed, before grabbing the blanket and laying it over the both of them.
"I missed you." The submissive replied, as if that was the answer to everything.
The pair stared at each other, two sets of brown eyes glittering in the intimate space of Jungkook's dimly lit room. The featherlight touch of Jimin's fingertips tickled Jungkook's neck as he curled his hand into the back of his hair, massaging at his scalp. The submissive sagged under the affection, doe eyes falling shut and lips parted as he finally let himself relax for the first time in the days since their disagreement.
He didn't sleep over at Jimin's often, but he had already become so accustomed to the man's warm body beside his own that it became difficult to sleep after so many nights alone. His body didn't understand why Jimin wasn't there, the sense of safety he brought with him into bed being the only thing that allowed Jungkook to sleep all the way through the night.
"Are you sleepy, Baby? We can nap until dinner then talk after if you'd like." Jimin whispered, soft and reassuring, as if he knew how much rest the man had missed.
The idea was appealing. To sleep and eat his nerves away before he was forced to confront his mistakes and how he felt out loud. He didn't plan on going that indepth, he just wanted to apologize for being so nosy and explain that he was getting attached, more attached than they agreed to.
But prolonging the conversation would only lead to him chickening out, there was no way he could have a lovely evening full of food and naps when then want to risk ruining it. It was a bandaid, it just needed to be ripped off.
So Jungkook shook his head, rubbing at his sleepy eyes with a curled fist before he met the man with a nervous smile. "No, I wanna talk about it now if that's okay."
Jimin let out an uneasy breath, as if he was somehow hoping that Jungkook wouldn't pick the more mature choice. It caused a puzzled expression to decorate the submissive's face, his leg tightening it's hold over his hip as he brought his hands to rub soothingly over his side.
"First, you going home instead of with me.." Jimin trailed off, frowning. "I really didn't like that. I know it's not an official rule but you know how I feel about giving you proper aftercare after a scene, Kook. I never want you to go through what that girl put you through again."
His voice was bitter, the irritation clear in his words. Jungkook couldn't blame him but it still surprised him to see the man feel that strongly about something so simple.
"You did give me aftercare though. We napped and took a shower and I ate ramen at Seokjinnie and Namjoon's house." He protested. "I'm sorry if it hurt your feelings but to be honest, I really didn't want to be with you after you gave me the cold shoulder like that."
Jungkook couldn't help but look down as he spoke, unable to hold eye contact while he gave the man a critique. He had never been good with conflict and the last thing he wanted was to see Jimin offended or hurt by something he said.
"Fuck, I know." The dominant said with frustration, removing his hands from the nape of Jungkook's neck to scrub at his face before he settled the man with a frown and lifted his chin gently to meet his eyes. "I'm really sorry for how I acted. This all could have been avoided if I just told you everything and wasn't so secretive."
Jungkook opened his mouth to protest, to apologize again, but was stopped by a tiny finger against his lips. Jimin looked at him with a sheepish smile and shook his head.
"Don't make excuses for me, I just want you to listen to me tell you everything and then we can fix this. Okay?"
Jungkook nodded obediently, preening when he was rewarded with a pat to his head and a ruffle of his black hair. Jimin pulled him in closer, scooting up so his chin was well above his head and Jungkook's ear was pressed against his chest, half listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart.
"I met Iseul at Persona. I had been domming for a while, looking back on it probably not long enough to train anyone. But he was a regular and he took interest in me. I know everyone jokes about how I spend all my time there but at the time I had to, I didn't have a big reputation or really even look like a stereotypical dominant." He explained, carding his fingers through his submissive's hair.
"After I had a few clients and a couple weeks of being Iseul's friend, he asked me to train him to be my submissive. He knew that I liked him, I asked him out several times but he always said no, said he needed to make sure we had chemistry as submissive and dominant before that because it was important to him. I respect that, so I agreed. Stupidly."
His tone turns wry, bitter by the end but he shakes his head and lets out a sigh before continuing. Jungkook frowned and rubbed his cheek against his clothed chest.
"I trained him of course, and we went on dates, eventually we even called each other boyfriends. But he wasn't satisfied. After I deemed him fully trained he just flipped. He would ignore my calls, try to bait me into punishing him. Not in the bratty way, you know I have fun with that. He would blur the lines of our relationship to the point where I was scared to step in because I didn't want to be considered an abusive boyfriend but I also felt the need to as a dom. He would only show up for dates if he knew we were going to Persona after, it was awful."
Jungkook couldn't help the way his hand curled tighter into the hoodie draped over Jimin's chest, making a soft sound of sympathy in response. "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, Baby." Jimin soothed, even though it was very much not okay. He leaned down to press a kiss to the top of his head before he resumed playing with his hair.
"Eventually I got sick of it, it was starting to affect my dominance over clients which is a safety issue. So I asked him why things were off and he basically told me that I was a great dom but I was shitty as a boyfriend. That he wanted to be trained by me so badly that he thought he could handle being in a relationship with me, but I wanted too much from him. Then he dipped, he's come back in town every once in a while but he's never stayed. Looking back on it now I can see that all he saw me as was a means to an end. He wanted trained, and I was a new dominant who could train him and was already interested."
The submissive could feel the anger bubbling up inside of him, the inkling of dislike for Iseul growing by the minute. He knew he wasn't being paranoid when he had spotted the insecurity in Jimin's eyes when he confronted him about not wanting to dom him. Part of Jungkook felt guilty for having such an extreme reaction to Jimin's fear, even if it was unknown. Jungkook sat up, watching as Jimin looked at him with a curious expression, giving way into confusion when Jungkook straddled his lap and hugged him tightly. The older man's delicate hands grasped his hips slowly, as if he was trying to understand why such a heartbreaking story would lead to receiving such affection.
"I'm so sorry I was so nosy." Jungkook whimpered out only to be held even tighter.
"Oh no, Darling. I was just not expecting you to take any interest in my past like that. I haven't had a submissive that wasn't a client or a one off playtime in so long, I forget and get defensive over my past like that. But you're entitled to knowing about what I've done."
"I'm not though.." The brunette replied shyly, leaning back and looking down at their laps, fiddling with his fingers nervously. "Unless I was questioning your ability to dom me, which I wasn't, it shouldn't be any of my business as a sub."
"So.. you don't mind not knowing those types of things?" Jimin asked slowly, confused and no doubt questioning why he made himself open up like that if Jungkook suddenly didn't care.
The submissive reached out and shook his head, resting his hand on the side of Jimin's ribs, where below the fabric his tattoo was. That spot was memorized by the younger now, the way his fingers would just barely fit into the slot of his ribs when he laid on his side, fast asleep after a scene.
"I didn't say that." Jungkook whispered, voice beginning to shake.
His dominant only looked more puzzled by this, brows knitted together. "I'm afraid I don't understand."
Of course he didn't understand, he probably couldn't understand. The way Jungkook felt about Jimin felt like it could never be a universal experience. No one could ever love anyone the way he loved him, cherished him, treasured him. Jungkook was convinced that the feeling he felt for Jimin had never existed before, it couldn't have. This couldn't be the same, fickle love that everyone had claimed to have had.
"A sub shouldn't necessarily care about what your past relationships have been like." He recited, chewing at his lower lip before he felt the man reach up, and tug it away from him. He was stunned by the gentle action only momentarily before he forced himself to focus. "But... if someone wanted to be more than a sub to you, then that curiosity makes sense."
Jimin became very still at that, his hands froze where they had been soothingly rubbing circles into the submissive's hips, wide eyes meeting an even more nervous gaze.
"Jungkook-"
"Please just hear me out." Jungkook hastily interrupted, committed to sharing his feelings now. He rubbed at his eyes, as if to push the tears at bay back into himself.
"I know that when you said get attached to submissives that it's probably not what you mean, and when I said I might get attached too, that isn't what I meant at the time either. But I just- I care about you so much and-"
"Jungkook, stop." Jimin cut him off nervously, sitting up and attempting to slip out from underneath the submissive. Jungkook braced his hands on the man's shoulders to steady himself when he was jostled by him, anxiety filling him to the brim.
"I just think how I feel about you goes past being your sub-"
"Jungkook." Jimin said sternly, catching the man's attention. It was the harsh voice he used in the middle of a scene, but it was laced with panic. "Get off of me, now."
The younger man jolted into action, scrambling off of him before he curled his knees up to his chest, holding them tightly until he could feel the bite of his nails through the fabric of his sweatpants. Jimin stood up abruptly, running shaking hands through his blonde hair.
"That's not- You don't want me like you think you do." He rushed out, frantic to convince Jungkook.
He just sat in confusion, a heavy frown on his face as he tried not to let the tears wash down his face. He couldn't even feel the sting of rejection yet, only the twisted feeling of anxiety. He couldn't understand why Jimin was so adamant about him not having feelings for him.
"I want you in any way that you'll have me. I just thought that you deserved to know how I feel about you." He whispered quietly, looking down only to have his face cradled between two hands and brought up hastily to meet Jimin's crazed gaze.
"Baby, you don't feel that way about me. You feel that way about Jimin-Hyung." He spoke, causing irritation in Jungkook to rise.
"They're both you. I'd still feel this way even if we never got involved and stayed platonic."
He pushed away the dominant's hands, the man instantly appearing to grow frustrated with him. He paced and with each step he took, Jungkook could feel his fragile heart beginning to crack. He'd expected rejection, he could accept rejection. But Jimin to just deny his feelings, as if they didn't exist? That hurt.
"Baby," Jimin said only to wince and correct himself. "Jungkook. I'm a good friend, and a good dom. But I'm a terrible boyfriend. Those relationships, they don't have any expectation. But with dating me? That raises the stakes and I'm going to fuck up."
The desperation was clear in his voice, and Jungkook could only feel a pang of sympathy ring through his heart. "Jimin it's okay to mess up, I'd mess up too. If you feel the same way about me then it'll work out. We can do it together."
Jimin shook his head in protest, seemingly blocking out anything the younger man even had to say. His head shot up as he appeared to have an idea, stripping down from his clothes.
"What are you doing?" Jungkook asked through a sniffle. Jimin didn't answer, just began to put on his own clothes and the younger man's eyes grew wide with something akin to fear.
"Oh my god, you're leaving." He breathed out, his body beginning to shake. He stood up on unsteady legs, reaching out for the man only to have his hands batted away.
"I don't think it's a good idea for me to be here, right now." Jimin grumbled, his voice now voice of any emotion he previously held. Jungkook could feel his own thoughts getting whiplash from such a drastic change in the man. The younger man's emotions swirled as they tried to grab hold to any sort of indication of where this conversation was going.
"Just, text me after you've thought over what I said." Jimin said, tearing him out of his thoughts. "I'm just looking out for you."
He turned around, beginning to walk down the hall as Jungkook stared in shock. It was only when the sound of his footsteps becoming quieter that it struck him that Jimin really was leaving, and that he couldn't let him go like he had the other night.
Jungkook bolted down the hall, reaching the kitchen when he grasped at the sleeve of his shirt and wrenched him back. Jimin's body jolted at the sudden contact and he ripped his arm away, staring at the man with astonishment.
"Please." Jungkook begged, wincing when he felt the humiliating feeling of hot tears rolling down his heated cheeks. "Please, Just listen to me! I know that you think there is a difference between all of your different sides, and maybe there is! But I want each and every one. If you don't want me, I can handle that. You can just tell me you don't feel the same way and we can go back to how everything was. But you can't tell me that what I feel for you isn't real, not when I've been chasing after that feeling my whole life."
The submissive could feel his knees threatening to buckle, as if the weight of his confession would bring him to the ground. But he forced himself to be stronger than that, his pleading eyes and tearful begging were accompanied by the grasp he had as he held himself up tall. Refusing to allow Jimin to deny how he felt.
The words he spoke laid empty between the men, not filled with a response until the sound of the classical music abruptly stopped. Taehyung swung his bedroom door open, eyes wide and confused as he looked between the pair.
"What is going on out here?" He asked, incredulously.
Jimin's face had hardened into one of stone, absent of any trace of empathy, or care, or aunty emotion that showed Jungkook that there was a possibility of him not being alone in his affections.
"I'm leaving." The dominant answered eventually, eyes trained on Taehyung as if Jungkook didn't even exist. "He can call me when he knows what he really wants."
"Don't speak like I'm not he-" Jungkook cried out, only to be silenced by Taehyung.
His roommate's gaze was cold, mirroring the demeanor of Jimin as he challenged his eye contact before he looked at Jungkook, face immediately softening into one of sad, miserable sympathy. "Jungkookie, let him go. Okay?"
The youngest man looked between the two with shock. How could Taehyung be so distant to Jimin and warm to him only to turn around and side with him? Couldn't he see that Jungkook didn't want him to leave? That he was willing to fight for him to stay?
The sharp energy of the room had dissolved into something else, something hollow. The sheer mist of pain curled around Jungkook like an old friend as he recognized his own defeat. He could never keep Jimin here, or force him to acknowledge his emotions. Even if he did all of that, he could never force him to love him back. Taehyung knew that, he knew that Jungkook would fall to his knees, he was just trying to ease the blow.
Jungkook stood, tears continuing to flow, but otherwise numb as he nodded. He walked briskly past Jimin, feeling two sets of imploring eyes on him as he reached the front door, opening it and refusing to meet their eye contact, gaze trained on the ground.
"You can go." He whispered. It was a few moments before Jimin began to walk over, just reaching the doorway before the submissive stopped him, a large hand against his chest.
Time ticked by slowly in that fragile moment, the ghost of affection long gone as Jungkook still refused to meet his eyes, instead staring at where his palm met where Jimin's heart laid. The steady thump that had once been so comforting was now a reminder of what would never, could never, be his.
"But if you do, don't expect a call. If you walk out, don't you dare come back."
Distantly he heard Taehyung's sharp intake of breath, shocked at the sight. Jimin even seemed to flinch at the words, looking down to where Jungkook held his gaze. He eventually raised his hand to grasp at Jungkook's wrist, bringing it up and pressing a lingering kiss to his pulse before he turned and walked out the door.
The submissive stood in shock, part of him not actually expecting the man to leave. His other hand left the door and allowed it to fall shut as he grasped his wrist and held it to his chest. He abruptly fell to his knees, the tiny collection hopeful memories turning to ash before his very eyes.