There are few joys in life that compare to steamrolling your boyfriend in Mario Kart, and Virgil had just experienced that four times in a row.
"This is illegal!" Roman exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air. "You can't get that many mushrooms at once!"
"Believe it, Princey," Virgil said. "Want another round?"
"No, actually, I don't."
"You two should take a break from the video games, anyway," Yuko added, walking in. "Go take a walk or something. Get outside. Experience some fresh air."
"Mom, it's eighty degrees outside," Virgil told her. "I'm not taking a walk in that."
Roman raised an eyebrow. "Wow, Portlanders really are wimpy."
"Shut it, Romano," he said, elbowing him. "You couldn't deal with the rain."
"Hey, it rains in New York, too! Especially in the summer!"
"Still, I'm not wimpy. I just prefer the grey weather."
Roman sighed and got up. "I'm going to go make us some lunch. Grilled cheese sandwiches okay?"
Virgil raised an eyebrow. "Uh, do you even need to ask me twice?"
"Fair enough."
Spending the summer with Virgil and his family had apparently rubbed off on Roman, as he'd gotten a lot better at cooking than he used to be. When he'd first arrived, he had no idea how to get around a kitchen, but now, he could make a pretty good grilled cheese, and he'd learned how to make instant soup. Dinner was still something that was left to Yuko, Frank, and Virgil (mostly Frank and Virgil), of course.
Roman was actually a pretty good houseguest. He'd always offer to pitch in on chores, even when they were doing a birthday celebration for him (his and Remus's birthday was on June 11th, and they hadn't gotten the chance to do anything big during the school year). He was also always interested in whatever Frank and Yuko were doing... which confused Virgil, since there wasn't really anything interesting about Frank's work. Roman had even gotten accustomed to the fact that the Hayashis ate in the living room (which his rich-kid self had been extremely shocked about when he first arrived).
"So, after lunch, you two are going to do something other than play video games, right?" Yuko said. "Like, maybe read? Or walk down to Fat Straw and get some bubble tea?"
"I dunno, whatever works," Virgil answered, shrugging. "I kinda like the Fat Straw idea, TBH."
"Good. You need to get out more."
Virgil flopped his head back. "Moooooooooom---"
"Honey, you cut your daily walks out of your routine for no reason, and now you're just lounging around the house."
"I'm trying to get used to this!" he protested, spreading his hands. "I come back from the Academy to find that you've rearranged the entire living room and repainted the kitchen! What else do you want me to do?"
"You want cheddar or Provolone, Hot Topic?" Roman called from the kitchen.
"Provolone!"
"Coming right up!"
Virgil turned back to Yuko. "Can you blame me for wanting to get reacquainted with my entire house after it's been turned upside down?"
"School's starting back up in three weeks, and you're still getting reacquainted," she reminded him. "You need to get out there and do something, or Combat Training is going to be a rude awakening for you."
"Y'know, she's got a point, Verge," Nox said.
"Okay, fine, I'll get out more," Virgil muttered, folding his arms.
The house phone started ringing.
Yuko checked it. "Nope, we don't know that number. We can ignore it."
A few seconds after it stopped ringing, it started again.
"Same number?" Virgil asked.
"Yep." Yuko shrugged. "Guess it's a wrong number or something."
Virgil's phone buzzed. He pulled it out and checked it as the house phone started to ring again.
Janus: PICK UP THE PHONE YOU LITTLE PRICK IT'S ME
"Oh shit." Virgil pocketed his phone. "Mom, it's Janus."
"Oh. Okay." Yuko picked up the house phone and held it to her ear. "Janus? It's Yuko. Sorry about that, honey, we didn't know it was you... sorry, can't quite understand you... you want to talk to Virgil? Gotcha." She handed the phone to Virgil. "Good luck. He's panicking and his accent's gotten pretty strong."
He held the phone up to his ear. "What's up?"
"Virgil," Janus whispered frantically through the phone. "I'm being tortured."
That instantly sent Virgil into overdrive. "What?"
"I'm being tortured! Didn't you hear me the first time?"
"Yeah, yeah, I did." Oh god, has the Circle gotten a hold of him again? How'd he get to a phone?
Virgil took a deep breath before he started to actually freak out, standing up. "Janus, I'm gonna need you to be calm for me, okay? Who's torturing you?"
"Them!" Janus hissed. "The people of the smiley faces and constant praise! The people of the bright colors and weird ceramics! The people of the candies with way too much sugar in them! The people of the smothering hugs! The people who somehow gave birth to Devi and Sanjay Kapoor!"
Virgil slowly closed his eyes, willing himself not to go nuclear. "Goddamnit, Janus, you could've just told me you were at your grandparents'."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought it was obvious."
"Uh, given what happened last spring, I think when you call me up on my house phone and tell me that you're being tortured, I'm gonna assume the worst." Virgil frowned. "Why the hell are you calling me on my house phone, anyway? I've got a cell. You could just text me."
"Gee, I wish I've thought of that," Janus said icily. "The problem is, whenever I take my phone out at Grandmum and Granddad's, they claim that I'm being rude and take my phone away, and they might end up looking at my texts, and I'm not too keen on my grandparents reading the dirty texts between me and my boyfriend, Virgil!"
"Okay, okay, I get it. How are you calling me, then?"
"Well, they're ancient enough that the only phone in their house is one that's on the wall and has a cord, so I told them that I had to go to the bathroom and dialed your home number," Janus answered. "Your parents gave it to me when you started at the Academy in case there was ever an issue."
Virgil's eyes narrowed at Yuko. "This is the first time I'm hearing about this. Hey, Mom, how come you didn't tell me that you gave Janus our home number?"
Yuko shrugged. "Never came up?"
"Tell me next time you do something like that, please." He sat back down. "Janus, why're you even at your grandparents in the first place?"
Janus let out a huge sigh. "Well, Sanjay and Jamie are preparing for the wedding, and as the parents of one of the grooms, my grandparents insisted on helping out, and since I'm the best man, they invited me over, and I tried to get out of it, but they were sooooo damn persistent to see their little naga and after that awful shock we had last spring, we simply must make sure he's all right!" A loud gagging noise sounded, probably from him. "I don't know how you stand living in the same city with your grandparents."
"Where do your grandparents live?"
"In Manchester, thank the gods. I have no idea what I'd do if I had to deal with their smothering adoration every day."
Virgil remembered something. "Wait, Remus is staying with you, right?"
"Yes, but he's not here."
"Why the hell aren't you calling him, then?"
"Because he does not have grandparents, Virgil," Janus said. "He does not understand the terror that I'm living through."
Virgil considered chucking the phone out the window. "Janus. Patton lives with his grandparents, and he's your best friend."
"Exactly! He lives with them! He's used to them! He doesn't understand the horror of being in a house filled with cutesy and cheesy figurines, or the personal questions about your life, or them trying to converse in their first language with you when they know that you know exactly two praises! Visiting your grandparents is a circle of hell only you can understand!"
"Actually, I like visiting my grandparents---"
"DON'T YOU DARE MAKE THIS CALL OBSOLETE, VIRGIL AIDEN HAYASHI!" Janus screeched. "Long distance calls are fucking HARD!"
"Easy, there, Jan, you're gonna alert your grandpare---" He blinked. "Aren't you, like, hours ahead of me? It's midday where I am."
"It's seven-thirty at night, and we're supposed to be here until nine," Janus groaned. "I can't do this, Virgil. I've had to endure this since three."
Virgil sat forward. "So, how bad is it over there? On a scale of one to 'need to marathon every single Tim Burton movie ever made to banish the sickly sweetness,' where does it fall?"
"I don't know," he answered. "It's... okay, so, picture a house that's mostly covered in pink floral wallpaper, and the people who live inside are incredibly cheery and extroverted. They give you bone-crushing hugs as soon as you arrive, and they absolutely insist upon knowing about every little detail in your life, though they don't want to hear about the bad stuff, because There Is No Negative Energy Here---but they also dote over you and keep on pressing sweets and homemade biscuits into your hands, because you've just been through something terrible. A day spent with them is like ingesting nothing but pure sugar."
Virgil sucked in a breath. "Oooooh yeah. This is a 1960's Addams Family binge-watching session situation."
"Yes, it is, isn't it?" Janus murmured, letting out a little sigh. "I do love that show."
"Yeah, me too."
"What's your favorite episode?"
"Uh... I think maybe one of my favorites is the one where Morticia goes blonde for a bit, though the first episode is pretty iconic, too---"
Janus let out another happy sigh.
Virgil raised an eyebrow. "Okay, if you're gonna have an orgasm on the phone, I think you should be calling Remus, not me."
"OI!" Janus snapped. "That's personal!"
He snorted. "Wow, Mom was right. Your accent really has gotten stronger."
Click.
"Hello?" Virgil called. "Hello?"
Roman walked in from the kitchen, holding two plates stacked with grilled cheese sandwiches. "I decided to make four instead of two, and I cut them up into little pieces so we could have finger sandwich---" He stopped. "What happened?"
Virgil looked up. "He hung up on me. That little shit hung up on me."
"Didn't he call you?"
"Apparently, mentioning that his accent's gotten stronger is an unforgivable offense," Virgil said, shrugging. "I kinda thought I was in the clear after doing that video with him back in July."
"Well, visiting his grandparents is always a stressful experience for him," Roman said, sitting down next to Virgil. "Why'd he call you?"
"Apparently, I'm the only one who understands the horror."
"But... but Patton lives with his grandparents."
Virgil shrugged. "I'm not going to pretend that I understand how Janus's brain works."
A/N: Welcome baaaaaaaack, everybody! God, I missed this!
So, this time around, I may or may not be able to fulfill the daily-update promise, especially since I've got a new semester and a new schedule next week. Thankfully, I've got all of the chapters for this week taken care of, so that's at least a nice weight off of my shoulders (though I should still, y'know, continue writing), but there's a good chance that I might need to skip a day or two, just to get my stuff situated.
I really am glad to be officially back---though, I'll still most likely be posting on On The S.I.D.E. every now and then (also, the asks are still open for me and Tas's Q&A!), just to get some shenanigans out of my system. I'd recommend that you check that out, especially since this one is gonna be a whole lot more intense. I'll still have fluffy chapters, don't worry, but it's not all sunshine-and-rainbows in this story, trust me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is... thank you! And I'm hoping to see familiar and new faces here! I love you guys!