Things have been a little crazy lately. It's been almost 3 months since I signed with the club now. We've won every single game we've played so far which is pretty good. Beside that, everything's great. I'm finally starting to feel like home even though London will never replace the Netherlands. I feel like the team became closer than before I came in which is exactly what I wanted to accomplish. The three omegas really started to blend in more. We've even had a big team dinner at Jordan's and Caitlin's place the other day which marked the beginning of some pretty great friendships. I noticed Leah and Lia seemed pretty interested in the two girls, but Beth reminded me that it wasn't any of our business.
Talking about her, we've been pretty great. Things have only gotten better since our first fight. Still, nothing's official between us. We just never put words on what we were and I think it's better that way. It's funny to see everyone wonder. Anyways, right now we're on our way back home from our game against Everton. We won, obviously. It was nice seeing some familiar faces there.
One thing I quickly learned with this club is that the bus rides are always a good time. "So how are you going to spend the rest of the evening, ladies?" I asked everyone. "We have to babysit Jill" Viv, who was sitting in front of Beth and I, answered as Lisa joined us. "What's wrong with her?" Beth asked. "Her girlfriend broke up with her" Lisa whispered not so quietly. "She's not my girlfriend!" Jill shouted from afar. "And she didnt break up with me!" She added. "She has a girlfriend?" Leah asked from the seats beside us. "It was always complicated" Viv told her. "Wait doesn't she play for Bayern?" I asked Viv. "She does" she replied. "She really broke up with her two days before we play her team" I scoffed. "She indeed did" Viv nodded.
"You should come over" I told them. "You sure?" Lisa asked. "I am. You can all come, I don't mind at all" I answered. When the bus arrived at the club, we said goodbye to the ones who were going back home. Most of them were too tired to do anything, which was completely understandable. On the other hand, the other half of the girls were still very cranky so they did as I suggested and followed us back home.
"Are you okay?" I asked Beth when I noticed the way she was sitting in the car. I think only women do this stupid stuff, but I noticed that when we're mad, our legs point towards the outside of the car instead of towards the inside which shows closure and creates a sort of distance between the people. I've always been really observant in people's behavior since everyone has always been to scared to approach me. "Yes" she answered simply. "What's wrong?" I asked her again because I knew she was mad. "I just thought you would remember the dinner we planned to have tonight before inviting half the team over" she said with passive-aggressiveness laced all over her answer. "Oh shit I totally forgot" I mentally face palmed myself. "Yeah I figured" she mumbled as we arrived to our destination. Our whole driveway was full of cars. I think the neighbors are used to it by now.
"Can we talk?" I asked Beth once we were inside. "There's nothing to say" she replied as she walked over to the couch were some girls were talking. "What did you do to piss her off?" Leah asked me. "I forgot we had plans tonight" I told her. "You're in trouble" Lia joined the conversation. "You don't say" I sighed.
"You're staring" Leah said and at first I didn't even hear her because I was so focused. "Yeah" I mumbled as I made my way to the dining table to sit with others. The girls had put a movie on. When I looked over to see what was playing, all I saw was Beth leaning against a newbie called Anna I think. Like that wasn't enough, the other girl put her arm around Beth's shoulders. Suddenly, everyone turned around to look at me as if they could sense my rage. Normally, I would've probably started shouting and breaking things, but I've been working really hard on controlling my anger and urges. So I just got up and walked towards the bookshelf beside the tv. I could feel all the eyes analyzing my every move like eagles. "Who wants to play some card games?" I asked as I pulled out a pack from a shelf.
The group divided in three; those who watched the movie, those who wanted to play cards and those who were just chatting in the kitchen. Almost as if she wanted to spite me, Anna and Beth came to play. Of course, instead of sitting on a chair, Beth decided to sit on her laps. As she sat down, her eyes were glued to mine. She knew too well what she was doing. Unfortunately for her, she wasn't the only one who could play that game. I started being deliberately touchy with pretty much everyone except my closest friends while I was making sure to never break eye contact with her as I was doing so.
"I'm going to skip the next round" I told the group as I got up to go to the kitchen. "Tired of losing?" I heard a voice behind me as I opened the refrigerator to get a bottle of water. "I think you're mistaking me for someone else" I chuckled as I closed the door to reveal Lia leaning against the counter.
We never really talked, but she seemed pretty nice. From what I've seen, she's sort of the mum of the group even though she has a lot of chaotic energy like all the others.
"Are you enjoying this?" I asked her. "I do. It's always fun to spend time together outside of the field" she replied with her million dollar smile. "You're place is very nice" she said as she looked around almost like she was taking in every single thing happening. "It is. I haven't had much time to decorate it and it's not really Beth's thing either" I told her. "She's lucky to have you" Lia said, but I barely heard it because the whole room erupted in screams as Kim won everyone's chips. "Say that again" I said as I leaned in towards her to hear her better. "I said that she's lucky to have you" Lia repeated as her cheeks turned a little bit more pink. "That's one way to look at it, but I don't think that's true" I answered.
"Hey guys, come over here!" Katie said. "We should probably go" I told Lia as we made our way to the living room where everyone sat. "We were about to play truth or dare" Katie informed us. "I love that game" Jill squealed. "We have the card version, the adult edition" Lisa said as she put the deck on the table and separated it in two stacks. "You can go first" Viv told her girlfriend. "I'll start with a truth" Lisa said. "Have you even had some private moments with someone in this room?" She read out loud. "I think we all know" she said as she put the card down. "My turn" Anna sat up straighter as she reached out for a card from the red stack. "Kiss the person on your right" she read the dare. Even if I kept looking right ahead, I could feel a lot of eyes on me. "I can do another one" Anna said as she held out her hand. "A dare is a dare" I said" I told her as I looked at Beth, who was sitting on her right side.
Anna leaned in and her lips connected with Beth's. It felt like time wasn't moving anymore. "I thought the card said kiss not make out" Jill joked to diffuse the tense atmosphere. Beth ignored the comment and reached for the truth stack. "Group choice" She read the card. "Have you ever fantasized about someone in this room?" Leah asked before anyone could say anything else. "Yes" she murmured as she put the card down, avoiding eyes contact with everyone.
It was then my turn. I reached for a dare. "Redo the last dare that's been done" I read the card. It took me a second to remember what it was, but then it came back to me. "Is it okay?" I asked Lia, who was sitting on my right. As soon as she nodded, I grabbed her face softly with my hand and pressed my lips against hers. It lasted a couple of seconds until I remembered we weren't alone. "My turn now" Lia sheepishly said.
At the end of the night, I had told everyone my most embarrassing date ever and ate a raw egg. When it was getting too late, everyone left so we wouldn't be too tired for practice the next morning. "Goodnight" I told the last ones.
"So you're still ignoring me?" I asked Beth as she walked past me to get to the bedroom. "I'm not ignoring you, I just don't have anything to say to you" she replied as she grabbed her pajamas. "Where are you going?" I asked her. "In my room" she said as she walked past me again. "Why?" I grabbed her wrist so she would finally look at me. "None of your business" she replied as she got out of my grasp. "Watch your fucking tone!" I shouted before I could repress it. She stopped dead in her tracks. "I- I didn't mean to say that. Goodnight" I told her as I got in my room and locked the door behind me.
Why am I such an idiot? I really am just like the others. I was so ashamed that I went straight to bed, because I wouldn't have been able to look at myself in the mirror if I didn't.
"Please no!" I shouted as he pointed his gun towards my father. "Shut up!" the other man said before the pressure on my chest surfaced again. "This is all your fault" I heard even if the man with the gun didn't open his mouth. I looked down to my dad. "This is all your fault" he repeated. "What?" I huffed. "You did this to me" he murmured as he started coughing up blood. "No" I shook my head. "You're a monster" he said as he his closed shut. "No!" I shouted. I tried to move, but the pressure on me was too much. I started to kick and fight back, trying to get up.
"Daan, wake up!" I heard while someone was banging on my door. I looked around. I wasn't in the street anymore. Shivers ran down my whole body. "It's fine. You can go back to sleep. Sorry I woke you up" I apologized through the door. "Please, let me in. I can help you" Beth said. "I'm not your responsibility and I'm certainly not something you can fix. Just go back to bed already" I told her. "I'm going to sleep on the floor then" she said as I heard her sitting up against the door. "God you're so stubborn" I sighed as I got up.
I opened the door and she was indeed sitting on the floor. "Get up" I told her and she did. "Go back to sleep, I'm fine. I only have nightmares once a night" I said. "You know that's a lie" Beth replied. "Go to bed, Beth" I repeated before I closed the door again and locked it. I didn't sleep that night. Beth was right. My nightmares don't stop after one time.
I just can't keep depending on her. It's not good for either of us. Her dad really was right. If this keeps going, she'll just be port of the collateral damage like my father was. It can't happen again, I wouldn't be able to handle it. So I kept my door locked that night, and the next one, and the next one again. I was exhausted because I didn't want to sleep anymore. It was getting worse everyday, but I deserved every second of it.
After all, I am a monster.