Chapter 12// The Fault in Our Universe
I arrive at Jesse’s house the next morning with a smoothie and Jennifer’s usual coffee, alongside a smile on my face. Call me soppy, but these visits are actually some of the favourite parts of my day. Since Jesse and I have talked everything out, we’re a lot more comfortable around each other, and Jennifer gets sweeter and sweeter every time I see her. Jesse warned me yesterday that the physiotherapist is here again today- her name is Anne (if I remember correctly), and she’s visiting weekly from now on. She seems to be the only thing putting a damper on my mood right now, which sounds rude but in truth I’m just worried these workouts of hers will hurt Jennifer. As if she needs any more pain in her life, and most of it is my fault.
I ring the doorbell with my elbow this time, learning from my previous mistakes. It does mean that Jesse’s smoothie pours incredibly close to the edge of the cup, but if I press it quickly I can avoid being covered in the sticky orange liquid. Jesse emerges behind the clouded glass and swings open the door, yawning. Even when he’s only recently woken up, with mussed up hair and a tired face: he still looks adorable. Why is life so cruel? “Is she here?” I whisper to him, referring to Anne. He nods, and I pass him his smoothie silently as I make my way into the hallway.
“Why hello to you too,” He greets me sarcastically. I glance back at him and smile innocently, and he just rolls his eyes before looking down at the drink in his hands. “Oh, thanks for this by the way.”
“You’re welcome,” I reply breezily, pausing slightly so that he can catch up with me. We walk into the living room together, and we’re each struck with the same horrific sight at precisely the same time. It might be slightly more horrific for Jesse, seeing as it’s his mom, but still pretty scarring all the same. Jennifer is lying face down on a massage table, all skin revealed minus the towels covering her more private parts, with about a hundred needles jammed brutally into her back and legs.
“Oh sweet mother of Jesus,” Jesse curses, covering his eyes in angst. My eyes widen in shock and I automatically back out of the door, a little disturbed by what I’ve just seen. I feel like I’ve just intruded on a really intimate scene, and I press my face against the wall, closing my eyes to try and forget the oppressive sight of the acupuncture. Behind me, I hear Jesse staggering out, muttering embarrassed apologies at Anne, who’s chuckling quietly at our dramatics. “My eyes,” Jesse moans, “What the hell was that? Where has her cast gone?”
“Anne must have taken it off,” I wince, “Acupuncture targets pain relief points. She’s obviously trying to rid of some of Jennifer’s aches. Not quite sure how thousands of needles will do that though,” I grimace at the thought. I’ve never really understood the mechanics of acupuncture- I mean, surely the needles cause pain rather than release it? I don’t think I’d be up for it: I’d probably choose to carry on dealing with the pain, rather than undergo that kind of torture. Jesse walks into the kitchen, away from the sight, but I’m still holding Jennifer’s coffee in my hand. Biting my lip and squinting slightly, I make my way back into the torture chamber.
“Hi Jennifer,” I greet awkwardly, eyes skimming over the needles in her back. Her leg, now that the cast has been removed, I can see is covered in gradually fading bruises, and a thick musky incense is lingering in the air. Jennifer raises an arm and waves, without actually looking up from the floor. As Anne inserts another needle towards her shoulder blade, she sighs. “I’ve brought her some coffee, is that okay?” I ask Anne. In reply, she nods and smiles, and so I tiptoe my way around the edge of the room to where Jennifer’s head is situated. I place the coffee under the face part of the massage table, so that she can see it.
“Thank you, sweetie, you’re a lifesaver,” Jennifer sighs happily. “I should be done with this in about half an hour, I think. In the meantime, you could just hang out with Jesse. Anne says she might need some help for the swimming part of the therapy.” I gulp and hurry my way out of the room, back into the hall. Hopefully the swimming part won’t require any more needles in her back.
Surprisingly, I find Jesse waiting for me in the hall. Clutched in his hands is a packet of popcorn and a bottle of Pepsi. “I figured you could show me that movie you like,” He says awkwardly, “The Fault in our universe, or whatever. I have a DVD player in my bedroom if you want to watch it?” I glance at him in surprise- he remembered that I liked that movie? Probably only because he got confused with Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory, but a smile graces my lips nevertheless. Movie date with the crush- what could be more perfect? Apart from the minor detail that he doesn’t know I like to think of it as a date, but I think we can overlook that.
“Don’t pretend you don’t know the name of it,” I scoff, smiling. “It doesn’t make you seem more masculine for wanting to watch a romance movie.” I follow him up the stairs, heart quickening with excitement. I can practically feel the heat rising to my face, even though it’s really not that big of a deal. I’m such an awkward potato: embarrassed and excited just by spending time with my crush.
Jesse grins. “I don’t need to prove my masculinity to you, Lois. I mean, have you seen my abs?” He goes to raise the corner of his top, but annoyingly pauses just before anything can be seen. No, but I would really like to. As we reach the top of the stairs, he wriggles his eyebrows suggestively. I never took Jesse to be cocky- but then, when you have everything you could possibly want in life, I could see why he would be.
“Showing everyone your muffin top won’t make it a cupcake,” I reply sweetly.
Jesse’s mouth falls open at the retort. He was obviously not expecting shy, anxious Lois to tease him and his eyebrows raise as if slightly impressed by the comment. “Says the girl who hadn’t used a treadmill before recently,” He retorts, smirking. I’ll admit, that’s a pretty good comeback. We make our way into Jesse’s room: a navy blue bachelor pad, essentially. Electric guitars leant against the wall, a treadmill by the door and a messy, unmade double bed. My eyes take particular interest in the guitars. “You play?” I ask Jesse, surprised. Somehow I’d overlooked them the last time I was in his room. His eyes follow my gaze and then he shrugs, dismissing it. I feel a blush painting itself onto my cheeks and I turn away so Jesse won’t see it: he doesn’t realise that we actually have a fair bit in common.
“Not so much anymore,” He replies, flicking through his TV until he finds the Netflix app. “I don’t really have much time anymore, what with all my sport. I’m a little out of practice.”
“I play acoustic,” I reply, throat thickening the tiniest inch. Is it obvious that I’m trying to impress him? Jesse glances back at me curiously, and I babble out a little more. “But I’m a little out of practice too. I do so much, um…” Breathing? Blinking? Stuffing my face with pizza and watching Netflix for hours on end? “Sketching,” I settle for in the end, fighting the urge to face palm at my stupidity. Why did I start that sentence if I knew I didn’t have an end for it? To be truthful, the only reason I said sketching was because I saw some of the drawings on Jesse’s messy desk. I do a little bit of sketching myself so it’s not a complete lie, but most of my time is spent on Netflix and stuffing my face. Jesse can’t know that though- that would be humiliation on a whole new level.
“That’s cool,” He nods, selecting my favourite movie from the screen and turning to sit down on his bed. “Do you want to go into art when you’re older then?”
“I, um, want to be a designer,” I answer, smiling. The more I’m getting to know Jesse: the sweeter he’s turning out to be, which is making it harder and harder not to like him. He’s actually really friendly, but he seems as though he has his walls up a little- like he needs to trust you completely before he opens up. That’s something we differ on: I’m basically an open book in contrast. Speaking of sharing things though, a question pops into my mind which I meant to ask Jesse after Rita brought it up on the shopping day. Taking a seat beside him, I clear my throat. “Jesse, I was just wondering,” I begin, “Um, why did you and Rita break up?”
Jesse stiffens a little, surprised. It takes a few tense seconds for the question to properly register, and his eyes drop from mine. “Well…That’s, um, kind of-“
“Don’t worry, its fine!” I interrupt him, babbling to try and cover up my idiocy. I’d just been thinking about how Jesse was a little closed off, and here I am asking him such a personal question. I should have thought that through a little more- I’m so stupid. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine with me,” I swallow- glancing at his surprised face. “I was just wondering. I’m sorry for being-“
“Lois, stop talking for a second would you?” Jesse chuckles. “I’ll tell you. The question took me off guard a little bit, that’s all.” His arm reaches up and he scratches the scruff of his neck. “It’s a little embarrassing,” He admits. Sensing that this isn’t the time for me to open my big gob again, I gesture for him to go on. His sea green eyes glance curiously at me before I lose them to the floor again. “Uh, she broke up with me because…um, well, I wouldn’t hook up with her.” His cheeks flush red in humiliation. “She wanted a bit more passion in the relationship. I thought I was being a gentleman by refusing her, but apparently not.” By this time my jaw is on the floor in shock. I can’t believe that’s the reason they broke up, and I feel bad that Jesse’s embarrassed by that because he shouldn’t be. Even though it makes me feel really special that he’d tell me something like that.
From the embarrassed, blushing boy previous- Jesse transforms, turning to look me in the eyes again warningly. “If you tell anyone, Lois, I swear to God. This is not the kind of thing a seventeen year old boy wants all of his friends knowing.” He huffs out a breath. “Jeez, I shouldn’t have told you that." He gives me a stern look, eyes flickering over my face, as though searching for something trustworthy. I decide to show him that part of me.
“I won’t tell,” I promise him. “Besides, this is just research so that I can get you two back together, right?” I try to make him feel more at ease, and it seems to work, because his intimidating façade drops and his shoulders slump down as he nods.
“Let’s just watch the film,” He mumbles; his cheeks still the slightest bit pink.
<><><><><>
“Right, now I want you to gently place both feet on the floor. Put your weight on the crutches- slowly, Jennifer, slowly! That’s it…okay, now slowly shift yourself up onto them- use them to take your weight rather than your leg.” Anne holds Jennifer’s waist for support, her voice gentle yet with a sense of commandment to it. I watch with bated breath, as right before me, Jennifer stands up. She’s wobbling around a little bit, and you can tell it takes quite a bit of effort for her seeing as she hasn’t stood in a few weeks now, but she’s grinning from ear to ear. Watching her, I sense that familiar pang of guilt that I’ve grown so accustomed to since the accident, but I hide it with a smile of my own. No doubt if Jennifer saw me with tears in my eyes or anything, she’d tell me I was being silly again. That’s what our friendship has come to now: she thinks I worry too much about her.
“Wow this feels weird,” Jennifer grins, releasing a strained huff for breath. “How often can I do this Anne?”
“Well you’re adjusting well,” Anne comments, still holding Jennifer for support, “But you’ll have to build up strength bit by bit. It’s not good to start using these all the time, straight away. Baby steps first. You’ll probably feel more comfortable in a wheelchair,” Anne advises, much to Jennifer’s disappointment. “The cast can be quite heavy, and with your weakened muscles it’s something you need to build up to. Try taking a small walk around the room first, and we’ll see what we can do from there.” Jennifer nods, and slowly begins to shift herself around the room using the crutches, adapting to the use of them. I watch the way she rests her bad leg on the ground in amazement- apparently it’s all down to the air cast. How it works, I don’t know, but it’s amazing that she’s not feeling as much pain as she should be.
“Good, that’s great Jennifer,” Anne congratulates her, “Are you feeling up to a few light exercises in the pool, or would you like to wait until next week for that? Whatever you feel like you can manage.” I already know what Jennifer’s answer will be. She’s told me how much she misses getting up and about, and I know she gets bored so easily. Even if she was in pain, I’m quite positive she’d still choose to do the exercise. Luckily for her, Anne has explained the swimming therapy quite well, and it seems like it’s the most painless, easy workouts to do to build her muscles up again. Anne takes one look at the excited look on Jennifer’s face, and pulls out a wad of plastic.
“This is the dry pro cast cover,” She shows Jennifer, stretching out the blue plastic. “It takes a while to get on, but it’s the only way you can get into the water without removing your cast. Are you sure you feel up to this exercise?” Anne’s eyes give her an anxious once over, but Jennifer seems to be standing strongly on her own now, with no need for Anne’s support.
“I’m sure,” Jennifer replies, straightening proudly on her crutches as though to emphasise her point.
“Okay then, let’s get you into some swimming gear and get this cover on,” Anne grins, before glancing over at Jesse and I. “You can come and help out if you like. We’ll just be doing some light aerobics to try and get her legs working again.” I glance over at Jesse- despite the idea sounding appealing to me, I haven’t got my bikini with me. Plus, I’d feel very self-conscious wearing it in front of Jesse. I know for a fact that I have bruises all over my legs at the moment, plus I could have possibly eaten slightly less food yesterday. I’m not in my best shape today.
I decide to go for the first excuse. “Oh, my swim suit is at home,” I bite my lip.
“Then you can sit at the side and watch,” Jesse shrugs. I glance at him, not expecting for him to be so okay with me staying. I’m still getting used to a nicer Jesse. We’ve gone acquaintances, to enemies, to side-kicks, to friends in quite a short period of time. Half of me expects him to start hating me again soon. Anne nods in satisfaction at Jesse’s suggestion, and begins helping Jennifer back down into her wheelchair so that they can get her changed in the restroom. I stand gormlessly watching, before peering down at my bare legs. I’m so glad I shaved yesterday.
“I’m going to go and get changed,” Jesse tells me, “I’ll be back in a second.”
“Okay, sure,” I say, but my stomach clenches so tightly that it’s hard to breathe. Jesse is going to change into his swim shorts. Does that mean he might be shirtless? I let out a squeak, and Jesse stops as he walks away from me, turning around to give me a strange look.
“Did you just squeak?”
Crap. “Uh no…it was a, um, mouse.”
Jesse smirks. “And where has the mouse gone now?”
“Uh, it was eaten.” I gulp, fighting the urge to face palm as the words escape my mouth. I need to learn to start thinking before I speak.
“By a cat?” Jesse asks me innocently, but the amusement dances in his eyes. “Is this the same cat you washed the other day? The one that I don’t have?” My heart thuds a little bit faster at my stupidity, and my cheeks colour red. Why am I so socially inept? What have I done to deserve this kind of humiliation? And most of all- how the heck does he remember that?
“If you’ll excuse me,” I dust my hands off my bare legs and hold my chin up high- attempting to maintain my shreds of dignity as I march towards the door. “I have a hole to curl up and die in.”
Behind me, Jesse bursts into laughter.
<><><><><>
I sit with my bare legs in the warm water, face upturned to the bright afternoon sun.
It’s not every day that the weather in Hamilton is sunny like this, so I’m incredibly glad that I’m able to take advantage of it. Considering I rarely stepped outside of the confines of my room before I met Jesse, I need to get some vitamin D sometime. Jennifer and Anne are currently sat at the opposite edge of the pool, where they’re pulling on the water cover for Jennifer’s cast. Jennifer for once, actually looks nervous about stepping into the pool: usually it’s me doing the worrying for both of us. As for Jesse, well he still hasn’t arrived, and Anne doesn’t think we can start without him. I think they need his help to get Jennifer into the pool slowly, without hurting her.
The sun’s rays are warm on my face, and I close my eyes, sighing in bliss.
That bliss sadly doesn’t last long.
“Cannonball!” Someone shouts. There’s a huge splash, right beside me, and before I know it a wall of water comes to hit me in the face. I open my eyes, gasping for oxygen and blinking in shock. Oh my god that’s cold, I gasp, looking down at myself. I think I’m completely drenched from head to foot and I have to be home soon. It’s a good job its warm today, or I’m about to be hunting somebody down for dinner. Speaking of the devil, I glance up through narrowed eyes and glare at Jesse. He’s grinning widely, treading water a short metre or two away. His hair is dark and his eyes look especially bright above the water: a gorgeous aqua blue colour, much like the water.
The best thing of all though? There isn’t a shirt to be seen.
“You are going to sorely regret that one day, Jesse Dales,” I vow, scowling. I cross my arms across my chest: suddenly anxious that he’ll be able to see my bra through my now soaked top.
“Don’t get your panties in a twist, Reynolds, I was just giving you a shower,” Jesse teases. He swims to the side of the pool, resting his arms on the ground beside me. His very tanned, muscly and beautiful arms. I cough and look away to prevent myself from ogling.
“Are you saying that I smell?” I raise an eyebrow daringly, and Jesse smiles, dimples flashing.
“What if I am?” He challenges. He lifts himself out of the water to sit beside me, glancing curiously over at Jennifer and Anne as he does so. Meanwhile, I’m getting a little distracted, my throat drying out. My crush is sat beside me, tanned and shirtless with his abs out and covered in water. Any normal girl would be getting her flirt on right about now. What do I do? Well I shift further away and try to console my thudding heart, before my hand slips out from underneath me.
My back slams into the edge of the pool painfully as I slide down into the water. Just as the water has come to about chest height, Jesse’s hands wind around my underarms, preventing me from dunking underneath. I can hear the peals of his laughter as he chuckles, and I turn around with chattering teeth to climb back out of the water. The warmth from the sun has disappeared. Now I’m just cold: and as I pull myself up, I wrap my arms around myself to conserve heat. Jennifer’s going to get a nasty shock when she gets dunked in that ice pit.
“You’re so clumsy,” Jesse chuckles, lying back to rest on his forearms. Something catches my eye on his ribs, and without thinking, I reach my finger out to touch it. Jesse stiffens slightly at the touch.
“You have a tattoo?” I question, surprised. A small tattoo of an eagle decorates the bottom part of his left ribcage, the ink swirling artistically. I’m not a big fan of tattoos, but this one suits him really well. I glance up at him curiously, expecting to see a closed off expression. I know a lot of people get a lot of meaning from their tattoos, otherwise they wouldn’t inscribe them onto their body. Surprisingly however, Jesse just seems a little mellow.
“When I was younger, my Dad used to tell me to be an eagle,” He tells me, sitting up slightly to look at the tattoo. “When it rains, most birds head for shelter. The eagle is the only bird to fly above the rain.” I look at him questioningly and he smiles slightly at my curiosity. “It’s a fable. It means that winners only win when they push their limits. You need to defeat the obstacles if you want to succeed. He used to tell me that every time I had a big track competition or swimming tournament. Not so much anymore.” He sighs, before collapsing back onto his forearms again.
“Why don’t you see him very often?” I ask, trying to be gentle. I don’t want to push him too hard for information that he shuts me out, but I’m curious.
“He works in the city most of the time, living in an apartment where he can be close to his work.” Jesse says through squinted eyes, in the direct face of sunlight. “He owns a few garage companies. Every few weeks he comes back here- where he owns the garage on the high street. I work there. He should be coming home in a few days, actually.” He glances over at me, smirking. “You’ll probably get to meet him. He’s heard about you from my mom.”
I can sense that Jesse’s trying to get into a more playful conversation again and I grin at him, deciding to play along. “All good things, I should hope.”
Jesse scoffs teasingly. “Yeah, sure.”
“You two!” Jennifer hollers from the opposite end of the pool, whooping with excitement. “Stop flirting and get your asses over here to help me. I need to get in the pool sometime today!” I snort with laughter, disguising my embarrassment from the flirting comment. Jennifer is sat down at the edge of the pool, admiring her cast cover, which as she ordered: is a hot pink colour.
Well this should be fun.
Hope you like the chapter! This was one of my favourites to write :)
For those confused about the end of the last chapter- Lois hasn't cheated on anybody. It's symbolic, although I probably should've explained that better. She's cheating on her heart, by helping Jesse despite the pain it causes her. I'm going to edit that line in now so that it makes more sense.
Thank you for all the birthday messages! I had a great 16th :) xx