"Bella you need to eat" I rubbed my face exasperated as I pushed once more the plate of food towards my zombie sister.
"I'm not hungry" she whispered so low that I had a hard time hearing it even when I was sitting right in nest to her.
"I know you are not hungry" I was starting to lose my patience "You have not been hungry all week but your body still need food"
She did not reply, not even reacted to my words, she kept staring at a dead point on the wall behind me.
I was starting to feel agitated, I took a hit off my inhaler.
"School has been hard" I admitted after a whole minute of silence, still no response "Rosalie used to share all of my classes and now I am without a partner, the teachers had told me that due to my perfect grades I can work alone".
I had decided that I was not going to tell Bella about my relationship with Rosalie and therefor about my sexual preferences. It was not important since I was certain I would never be able to love someone else.
I had missed all week of school so I decided that I would go today – Charlie pointed out that I still needed to go at least once a week since I was not catatonic-, the whole school knew by now that Edward and Bella had broken up because of the Cullens moving.
"Jessica has been asking about you" I bit my lip "I told her you had an awful flu but Angela told me that she did not believe me"
At lunch Angela had kindly caught me up with all the rumors that both Jessica and Lauren had been spreading about us. Lauren was claiming that the Cullens moved because Bella got knocked up and now she was home hiding her huge belly.
Jessica hadn't been more creative with her story. According to her, my sister had run away with Edward and now both of them lived in an apartment in New York.
I had no idea why New York, tho.
After I assured her that Bella was home safe and sound, Angela told me that she would try to convince the other two seniors to stop spreading fake rumors.
"Is Lauren bothering you again?" Bella's whispered question snapped me out of thoughts.
"No" I bit my lip.
It was true, Lauren had not given me even a second glance.
"Good" her eyes finally set on me "If that changes let me know"
A warm tingling set itself on my heart, that was something old Bella would ask and say.
Then an idea came to me. Actually it came after how fiercely I lied to Charlie, maybe if I convinced Bella that the Cullen's secret was getting compromised, she would consider coming back to school. It was really important that she did, just because I did not need to go to class to pass my classes, it did not mean that Bella had that perk.
"People are asking questions" I put my best worried face, Bella tilted her head "About how Carlisle looked too young to be older than thirty and how mysterious their disappearance was"
"What did you tell them?" Bella mused finally picking up the sandwich on front of her, my eyes sparkled as she took a bite.
"That Carlisle had a great job offer that he simply couldn't pass" I frowned "They are asking about you; they say it's weird that nobody has seen you since the Cullens left"
Bella was now focusing on her sandwich but I could still see her frown, her puffy eyes made her face look really swollen.
"That's bad" she nodded as she took another bite of the sandwich "I guess going back to school is the best option"
It took everything in me not to grin like a maniac. "I think so"
"He told me I needed to go on with my life as if he never existed" Bella's voice broke as tears welled up in her eyes.
"I'm sorry Bella"
"Yeah" she sighed and wiped her tears "Me too"
I stood up from the kitchen's table knowing that I could not push Bella any further, her accepting to go back to school was a huge progress.
"Soff" I heard Bella call me just as I was about to exit the kitchen, I turned to look at her "I know I have not been the best big sister lately, I am sorry"
After her apology she went back to stare at the wall, I smiled
"Hi Dimples!" Leah kissed my cheek after I climbed on the passenger's seat of her car.
"Hi Lee Lee" I tried to sound as happy as I could. Taking a page out of Maggie's book, fake it till you make it.
"We are going to Port Angeles" Leah informed me as we took the highways towards that direction.
"Are you finally going to tell me what we are doing?" I questioned again, knowing it would be in vain.
I had been asking Leah about what exactly our plans were but she refused to tell me, according to her if I knew then I would refuse and spoil the fun.
"Kim is meeting us there and then you will find out" was my best friend's response.
"Why did you tell Kim about my break up?" I bit my lip, that was something I had been meaning to ask her but I hadn't gather the courage to say so.
"Kim went through something similar" Leah hesitated, I frowned and waited for her to continue "She was dating this girl that was her chemistry partner, her name is Sasha" my eyes bulged at the revelation that Kim liked girls "Sasha's parents found out and went ballistics, they moved to Seattle to get her away from the Rez"
"Oh" I was speechless; it was heartbreaking to hear that Kim had broken up with someone just because her parents did not approve "What happen after?"
"Sasha moved on and started dating a guy" Leah gave me a knowing look, I nodded.
It was without say that, it was that fact that broke Kim's heart.
"I thought that maybe you two could get along" Leah added after a few moments, I kept my sight on the window and the blurring trees.
"Are you trying to set me up?" I snorted, irritation was clear on my voice.
Leah grasped my hand and forced me to look at her.
"She is a good girl, but she does not fall easily nor is looking for something serious" She looked me briefly in the eyes before returning her sight to the road "I think that she would be a good distraction or at least you could be friends"
"I am not looking for distractions" I rolled my eyes and took my hand off hers.
"I know that you love Blondie" I clenched my fist, but my best friend was right I did love her.
"I told her so" I admitted with a lump in my throat but refusing to meet her pitiful eyes "I begged her to stay"
I closed my eyes and wiped away the lone tear that had slipped from my right eye.
"Honey, her family was moving" Leah tried to comfort me "She could not stay even if she wanted"
"That is the thing" I exclaimed with a sarcastic laugh "She did not want to"
I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts.
"She said that I was not enough" my voice broke and I bit my lip trying to suppress the sobs that were fighting their way up my throat "She told me that she did not had any profound feelings towards me" my voice turned bitter and a few more tears rolled down my cheeks "But you know what it's my fault, I fell in love with some I knew couldn't – no, wouldn't- stay"
"Soff..."
"I am really smart Lee Lee" I continue my rant not letting her finish, she was giving me worried glances "I am smart enough to know that she was way out of my league, I am smart enough to know that she could do better" I took a deep breath as I was starting to get out of breath "I am smart" I stated once more, closing my eyes and reprimanding me for being so gullible "Yet I was so stupid to think that she could love me back"
"Dimples, you are not stupid" Leah shook her head "You are in love"
"Love is stupid" I stated.
"That is true" she nodded.
"You guys sure took your sweet time" Kim greeted us hugging both of us.
"We had to take a quick stop for gas" Leah lied swiftly.
"Well you are here now, you guys almost missed it" Kim hurried us to the mass of people.
We were on a rather lonely area of Port Angeles, it sparked an unpleasant feeling in the pit of my stomach since it brought memories back. Leah parted and I was about to follow her when Kim pulled me forward.
"Soffia I would like to introduce you to Street Races" Kim passed her arm around my shoulder and waved the few cars and motorcycles which were being surrender by the mass of people. Everyone had either a red cup or a beer in their hands. To say I was shock was an understatement.
"Street races?" I asked ironically with a little smile on my lips "What is this a 'Fast and Furious' production?"
"Something like that" Leah joined us again, this time handing Kim a bottle of beer and placing another on my hand.
"Who is racing?" I looked in between my two companion, Kim was the one with a naughty smile on her face.
"I race with motorcycles" She seemed rather proud of herself.
"And here I thought we were going to buy a tub of ice cream each and cry about our broken hearts" I rolled my eyes sarcastically.
"Nah" Leah made a dismissive hand gesture "The crying comes after Kim wins some cash and buy us dinner"
"In that case" I turned to Kim with a raised eyebrow "Good luck"
Kim nodded and went to a parker biked before climbing on it and putting on the helmet that was hanging from one of the handles.
"She is not going to get hurt, right?" I bit my lip nervous, the last thing I needed was to take a trip to the Hospital
"Kim is really careful" Leah shook her head no.
"Because street motorcycle races are the epitome of safety" I huffed in disagreement.
"She is really good" Leah rolled her eyes and passed an arm around me bringing me closer to her "Actually she has won serious tournaments as a kid"
"Has she?" I twisted my head to look at her, and couldn't hide my surprise "Why she stopped?"
"She had an accident and broke 2 ribs and her left arm" Leah grimaced, I mirrored her expression.
I myself had never broken a bone – mostly due that most of my physical activities as a child had been limited because of my asthma- however, my sister was not strange to broken bones. Not only because of the whole James' accident but also due to her clumsiness.
"Her mother made her stop and sold her bike" Leah added.
"So I assume that her mom does not know she owns that one" I pointed to the one in which Kim was now heading to the starting line and talking to some guy.
"Kim spent every single cent she had saved from summer jobs to buy that one" Leah snigger "Her mom was under the impression that her money was going to her college fund"
"She took her college fund to buy a bike?" my jaw dropped a little.
"She has made up for it and returned the money" Leah padded my shoulder with the arm that was around me "As I told you, she is really good and rarely loses"
I remained silent and watched my surroundings. This was really not my scene, well normally it would not be.
However, I could see how exciting this was. Everyone was getting so pumped up and having drinks, so that remind me of the cold bottle I was still holding.
I have never consumed alcohol. My sister used to have the occasionally glass of wine with Renee as they talked about life and my mother's latest relationship –and then about Phil when he came around- but I was never included in this occurrences.
It was not for a lack of invitation from Bella but I was never eager to spend time with my mother, therefore I always declined such evenings.
I took a small sip from the bottle and tried to ignore Leah's smirk when she took notice of my action – thankfully, she did not make a comment on it-.
It tastes bitter but oddly satisfying, so I took bigger sip.
On the very back of my mind I could picture the difference reactions the Cullens would have about this. Emmett, Maggie, Jasper and Alice would be excited that I was for once breaking rules.
Amused I took an equally large sip.
I could also picture Edward's disapproving grimace. I shook my head and took another sip.
I stopped myself when I got to how Rosalie would react, I did not think that she would like it.
Well, fuck her.
And I downed the whole bottle.
"Hush!!" Leah hit both Kim and I as we straddled inside my house, it was determined that we were going to spend the night here since Charlie was on the night shift "Bella must be sleep and we shouldn't wake her up"
"Be quiet" Kim gave me a knowing look with a full smile, I rolled my eyes.
I felt a little light headed and felt a little stiff in my movements.
Kim had won the race; it was really exciting to see her turn the corner to the winning mark. After that we had gone to the warehouse, that was actually a type of bar and the official after party location.
We had more drinks, except for Leah who was the designated driver.
We went up the stairs as quietly as we could, Kim had a hand over her mouth to silent her giggles. I opened the door of my bedroom and let them go inside first before closing the door after us.
I threw some of my old pajamas at them and propped down in my desk flipping open my computer.
My other two friend were so tired and flopped down in my bed. Each taking the sides of the bead and leaving little space of me in the middle. I snorted and turned back to the screen.
To: Maggs.Hussy@email.com
From: Soffia.Swan
Dear Maggie,
I do not know if you are going to get this.
Probably you won't bother to read it if you do get.
Things are hard right now, so fucking hard. Rosalie is gone, you all are and even my sister who is right next door, she is mentally gone too. I am really worried about her.
I miss you, I miss all of you.
It has been only two weeks since you left. I have cried myself dry since then. Well at least I always think that until I find myself crying again.
People say time heals everything, but every time I find something that reminds me of her I break a little more.
Sometimes I wish people knew about everything that happen between Rosalie and I. My sister has been openly mourning her relationship and me on the other hand, have been crying in my room, where nobody will question why I feel so depressed.
I am sorry for bothering you with all of this.
I can imagine how uncomfortable it must be having your sister's ex emailing you about how broken hearted she is. But I needed someone to rant to, you know I have no one else.
But if this is the last chance I have to tell you something. I want to thank you for being my friend, tell Alice I miss her too.
Give my love to the rest of the family, hope you are all happy.
Love,
Soff.
Published 01/22/2021