CHAPTER TWENTY THREE:
vague melodies.
Memories of helping around at your old school for an internship haunted your dreams, reminding you of the terrible times when Armin had only just begun going out with Annie.
It felt like those memories were amplified beyond recognition, a fueling of hate and betrayal always in the back of your mind.
"Look, Y/N," Moblit said, slamming a grade book onto your desk, sighing as he did so. "I know you're going through some things right now, but you're my assistant teacher, and I need some assistance as of now."
You rubbed your eyes and nodded. "Sure thing."
You sighed as you picked up the heavy book, regretting your impulsive decision to get an internship as a student teacher for Shingeki Academy.
You'd never even planned on being in the education field, especially because you were in a band. You, along with everyone else, just thought it would be your career.
But something about hearing the support members playing the piano and keyboard made your heart hurt, and you just couldn't take it anymore, hence your small year-long hiatus.
Walking to the library, you felt your phone vibrate, begging to be answered.
You ignored it. Talking to your friends had become quite hard. You no longer had any motivation to continue faking your happiness.
Trying to pretend that you were having the time of your life to the outside world and public had never been easy- but then again, feigning sadness was much easier than doing so with joy.
"Hey, is this spot taken?" You asked, standing next to Colt Grice, a third-year Marleyan transfer student you knew from one of the classes you helped teach, who was only about three years younger than you. Your opinion of him was good- he was responsible and respectful.
"No, it's free," Colt said, smiling at you.
"Thanks," You said, running your hands around your neck and sighing. Your phone vibrated again. "Shut up," You hissed sourly.
"Is something wrong?" Colt asked, looking up from his textbook. "Ms. L/N?"
"Call me Y/N," You mumbled. "It's not like I'm much older than you."
"Okay.. Y/N. Are you okay?" Colt said cautiously.
You thought about lying as usual, but your internal monologue said 'screw it'. "Not at all."
"Why?"
Your phone vibrated again.
"Because I have to grade these stupid papers."
Colt frowned. "How hard can it be?"
"Do you have to read through badly written essays, dude?"
Your phone started ringing. A glance at your screen told you that he'd switched communication platforms. You were receiving notifications from a whole other app now.
Students and teachers alike turned to look at you, eyeing you with annoyance and hate.
You frowned. "Stop looking at me."
Colt shrugged.
Your phone kept ringing,
and ringing,
and ringing.
You scrunched your eyes together and slammed your grade book closed before rushing out of the library, not even saying goodbye to Colt, throwing a glare at the librarian.
You sprinted into the teachers' new home building and threw open your door. You checked your phone to see the ever-so-familiar name 'Armout' and found yourself sitting on the floor before you knew it, head in your hands as you gave a groan of frustration to see hundreds of messages and missed calls from him.
A yell came from the thin wall next door. "Quit being so loud!"
It was then that you remembered that Levi Ackerman and his husband Erwin Smith lived in the apartment beside yours.
"Shut up!" Levi yelled in exasperation.
"No, you shut up!"
Levi's voice repeatedly rang out In annoyance as you ripped the covers off of your bed, nearby pictures into pieces, sheet music into mere confetti.
Your hard work was being destroyed.
Just like it felt Armin had done to your heart.
You were mad.
Mad at yourself.
Mad at the world.
Mad at Armin.
The name-calling stopped, and instead a slamming noise erupted at your door. Probably Levi trying to kick the door in.
How could he leave you like this?
SLAM.
How could Mikasa leave the band?
SLAM.
He said he'd wait.
SLAM.
Why do you still care?
SLAM.
Because he obviously doesn't, so why should you?
SLAM.
How did you let yourself get this bad?
SLAM.
The door was kicked open. You heard the splitting sounds of breaking wood. The faint shape of a short man somehow stood tall over you as you stood ten feet away about to yank your (F/C) curtains down.
"What do you want, short stack?" You spat, snatching up a few things from the floor with a huff. You weren't about to hear the professor's tirade on being neat again.
"What the hell has gotten into you?" Levi said in disgust, grabbing your arm and guiding you to your now-messy bed, where he shoved you, forcing you to lay down.
"Leave me alone," You snapped, yanking your arm from Levi and smashing a series of trinkets along your nightstand. By now, you were a complete mess. Tear tracks started to stain your cheeks. Your hair was disheveled. Your breathing was raggedy.
"I hate him," You whispered, looking down at your shaking hands and even shakier phone, which was vibrating and ringing at the same time. "I hate it here, and I mean it."
"What do you hate, the school? Because if so, you're not alone, I hate this damn hellhole. Not like I can leave, though, now that Erwin is headmaster," Levi said, sitting down next to you. "God, your house is a disgrace."
When you didn't respond, Levi snatched the phone from your hands and pressed the answer button.
"Hi Y/N! How are you? Annie kissed me!" Armin rambled, voice raspy from adrenaline and disbelief. This truly was your worst nightmare. "But she didn't even ask! It was just like, boom!"
Levi raised a brow. "What?"
"Y/N?" Armin asked, "Your voice- it sounded a bit weird. Are you okay...?"
"No. And this is Professor Ackerman," Levi hung up. The black-haired man put the phone down and looked at you pitifully. "Seriously?"
You only glared back at him in response. Worried texts from Armin started bombarding the home screen. You didn't catch most of them, but by the looks of it, Armin thought you'd gotten kidnapped by Levi.
"Hmph. Come around. I'm sure Erwin will be fine with it. We'll get pizza. Think of it as a night off." Levi started leaving the room, but stopped in his tracks and bent down to look at something, which he promptly picked up and tucked into his blazer's pocket. "I didn't know you had a lover, Y/N. His letters are still asking for you."
"Y/N!" Armin whispered loudly, shaking you to wake up.
"God.. what?" You said drearily, rubbing your sleepy, somehow wet eyes to the point where you saw stars.
"You were crying, are you okay?" Armin asked, voice a bit crackly, as if he'd been crying, too.
"I'm fine," You scoffed, shaking your head, "just a bad dream."
"Oh... wanna talk about it?" Armin said, giving you a small smile.
You stretched your arms and sighed. "Not really. It's kind of embarrassing. So what's been going on?"
"Well... as you can tell, the screams haven't stopped," Armin said, edging out of his seat in the hospital waiting room and picking his cup of coffee up. At that point, you'd been in the waiting room for about six hours or so. The movie that was playing on the television when you'd arrived had since been on its third replay. You could see that it was very obviously nighttime by the looks of the windows. That explained why you'd fallen asleep.
"Oh?" You said, drowsily unscrewing the cap to your water bottle and taking a swig. You noticed that Percival no longer sat in the corner desk. His shift was over. And thank the lord for that- he'd probably have kicked you all out by that time.
"Yeah.." Armin said thoughtfully, wincing a bit as the hot coffee burned his tongue. "Jeez. Do you think that Eren and Jean are doing actually important things right now?"
"Probably, probably not. Klaus is.. dramatic, to say the least. But I'll expect a botched apology call in a few hours when he gets over his ego," You yawned. Besides a small nap at Connie and Sasha's hotel room, you hadn't gotten any sleep since the night before. It had only been about a day since then, but to you, it felt like two weeks.
Now, labor could take a long time, and Marco and Mikasa had ended up asleep on the chairs opposite you once they arrived. The pair had been so nervous that they panicked in the traffic and drove to the wrong hospital. Two times. They were exhausted when they finally got to the right one. You and Armin thought it was amusing that two of the most rational and calm people you knew were so soft and vulnerable in a situation like this.
"Hey, uh.. I thought we could play Minecraft," Armin said softly. "I found our old world the other day- the world we made when we were starting our first year."
"Do you keep everything you've ever done or written?" You asked, eyebrows raising up in surprise.
"Stop," Armin said, letting out a quiet laugh. "But pleasee?? You have your phone on you, don't you?"
"I haven't played in such a long time," You whispered. "I'm not even sure I still have the app-"
Suddenly, doors slammed open at the end of the hall and about four doctors ran out with a tiny red thing in a cart. Armin gasped.
"I-is that..?"
"I think so," You whispered, hands going cold as you both squinted at the doctors, who clearly wouldn't appreciate it if you followed after them.
"Well," Armin started, taking in a shaky breath, "She did it."
You were definitely going shopping for Sasha the days after this. Your thoughts were interrupted when your phone set off with a loud buzzing noise. You cringed as you recalled your dream. It was a text this time. You picked up your phone and rapidly opened the text message when you saw who it was.
----
Con artist 😻💀
ᵀᵒᵈᵃʸ ᵃᵗ ²:²⁴ ᴬᴹ
It's a girl 😽 Sasha's doing great.
Dunno about the baby though :(
we didn't even get to hold her 🥺
but it turns out I messed up the dates,
so she's got working lungs, at least 🤠
You guys go home now 👁 👁
we're all tired today 🤺
HOLY CRAP CONGRATS
YES KFKSJS NOW GO HOME AND
COME BACK WITH TACOS AND
ONE OF THOSE DUMB GENDER
REVEAL CAKES TOMORROW 🤡
OF COURSE
WAIT WHAT FLAVOR
IDK SASHAS PASSED OUT
NVM SHES AWAKE
SHE SAID I GET TO CHOOSE 🏃🏻♀️
UH
UHM
IDK MAN CHOCOLATE????
ᴿᵉᵃᵈ ᵃᵗ ²:²⁵ ᴬᴹ
ALRIGHT
CONGRATULATIONS ALDJRJIS
ᴿᵉᵃᵈ ᵃᵗ ²:²⁵ ᴬᴹ
----
"Armin, it's a girl!" You whispered, squeezing Armin's shoulder.
"Really?" Armin said in wonder, grabbing your phone and squealing. "Awh!"
You grinned widely as Armin shook Marco and Mikasa awake, practically getting you all kicked out of the waiting room as the nurse politely asked you to leave for being too loud.
With no car to go back home with, you all sat patiently on the bench as you waited for your Uber, Mikasa drowsily smiling at the thought of Sasha and Connie's baby. She always did want a family.
The moon was out, providing light other than the dim streetlights. You breathed in the cold midnight air as you tapped your fingers on the pavement, wishing that things weren't the way they were. Your dream had brought back a lot of bad memories.
Mikasa laid her head on your shoulder and sighed softly, blowing a strand of black hair out of her face. "I've been thinking."
"Yeah?" You said, patting her head.
"We never did find out why Floch stole our things, did we?" Mikasa said, twiddling with the hem of her jacket.
"It doesn't matter anymore," Marco interrupted nervously, shaking his head, making it look like his freckles were dancing across his face. "We need to leave that in the past."
"I- yeah, but.. what about closure?" You asked, looking over at Armin in the corner of your eye, who had his arms around his knees, curled into a ball.
Mikasa took her head off of your shoulder and pursed her lips. Marco spoke up. "I don't think that closure is necessary at times. But if it makes you happier, so be it. Dwelling on the past isn't good. It only hurts more."
You picked up a fistful of gravel and hurled it into the road, watching the tiny black rocks hit the floor with little plinks. You still wondered in the back of your head, why exactly he'd never let you know about his supposed crush on Annie- maybe that wasn't even true.
Eren lied to you both. He lied to everyone, and you suspected he still was. Who was to say Armin hadn't been lying too?
Before he left, before Shingeki Academy, before practically everything became so difficult to navigate, you were both children.
Children who told each other everything, who were almost inseparable, who had this unconditional friendship.
You missed that. You missed the times when you didn't have to worry about when you'd be performing next, and what would happen to you once you and Musicorum lost their popularity. You certainly didn't want to end up like Professor Ackerman. Would you be able to live off of your savings? Would you die alone?
"Closure... closure is an important part of life, I think," Armin said thoughtfully, looking up at the glistening white moon. His eyes seemed to sparkle as he smiled up at the sky.
The blond took his phone out of his pocket and held it there in his hands before turning it on and looking at his glowing lock screen, a picture of his family. A dirty-blonde haired woman and a chubbier blond man were hugging Armin tightly. "I mean... I got mine."
-
The house was cold and empty when you unlocked the door as usual. "Let's just go to sleep," Mikasa muttered, tossing her jacket off of her shoulders and onto the couch.
Marco shoved his hands into his pockets and walked up the stairs, likely going to Jean's room. You heard a quiet slam as you sat down onto the couch. He always seemed to get a bit worked up whenever you mentioned the incidents of Shingeki Academy. You didn't really understand it, though, since he hadn't even really been involved. You and Jean figured it was best to leave it at that.
Armin tugged on your sleeve. "Y/N?"
"Yeah?" You said, watching as Mikasa went up to your previously shared room. There was only one bed in there now, so you assumed she was taking it for tonight.
"Do you.. do you want to talk for a while?" Armin asked.
"Er- sure."
Armin walked up the stairs, turning around to look at you, motioning for you to follow him.
"Oh, sorry," You said hastily, trailing after the blond and down the halls. You peered into your room to see Mikasa talking on the phone on the floor beside your bed, wrapped in your blankets.
She sighed. "Eren, please."
Mikasa suddenly looked up and saw you looking back at her. You quickly closed the door and continued your journey to what you assumed was Armin's bedroom.
Armin opened the door, giving you a full view of his neatly arranged living quarters. His room was organized, except for a single corner, where a large pile of open books were scattered, as well as The Chair™ right by it.
"Sorry for the mess," Armin apologized, sitting down on his bed and laying back.
"Where can I, uhm.. where should I sit?" You asked, awkwardly rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet.
"Wh- It's your house, you should sit wherever you want, right?" Armin laughed. He patted the spot next to him. "C'mere."
You sat down next to him and huffed a sigh out of your mouth. "So."
"So," Armin echoed, flipping onto his stomach and grabbing a nearby pillow, shoving it under his chest.
You sighed slightly, turning on your side. "What do you think they'll name the little girl?"
"Probably something related to food or a pun," Armin mused, giggling a bit at the last part. "Sasha took Connie's last name and kept hers, too, right? So by legal law, the baby's surname would be either a hyphenated version of both, or just one. I'm putting my bets on the girl having Connie's last name and a season for her first. Summer Springer or something like that."
"I- you know, that doesn't sound too far off."
Armin laughed, taking your hand and playing with your fingers. He put your hand down and held it for a while. "I'm smart like that."
"Says the boy who couldn't figure out when his supposed best friend was lying," You said absentmindedly, snorting as you spoke.
Armin fell silent and furrowed his brows. "Sorry."
You pursed your lips and shrugged, squeezing his slender hand. "I miss you."
"Hm?" Armin frowned, giving a confused smile. "I'm right here."
"I mean, I miss the you that I talked with for hours on end before," You clarified. "Don't you ever miss those days?"
"I do," Armin said. He blew a stray strand of your hair out of your face and smiled. "But I'm here now, aren't I? We can build that back, I think."
You looked into Armin's eyes and didn't see the drunken emotions he was showing before- he was himself.
Despite your disappointment and slight anger at him for ignoring you those past weeks- hell, maybe even years if you want to be technical- all of that melted away when he started shifting closer and closer to you.
You almost just wanted to grab his face and bring it past the space that separated you for the kiss.
He was only millimeters away now.
You didn't notice him getting that close.
The distance between you and Armin was dwindling quickly, although it felt like an eternity to you.
You closed your eyes and-
"I heard you guys talking, and it just won't be the same," A voice interrupted. "Your friendship, I mean."
You looked up, diverting your eyes from Armin's face and saw Marco.
Armin immediately let go of your hand and backed up in a panic.
The freckled man stood at the doorway, his face looking determined.
His chocolate-brown eyes reflected an emotion you thought you'd never see on Marco's face- guilt. It was unusual, especially since, most of the time, Marco was a kindred spirit, only ever faltering when certain things were brought up.
"Were you guys in the middle of something?" Marco frowned, blushing slightly as he scratched the nape of his neck. "Sorry. I'll just leave-"
"Marco?" Armin asked. "I thought you were going to sleep... is anything wrong?"
Marco shook his head. "Well.. I was, but- I can't keep this secret anymore."
ʷᵒʳᵈ ᶜᵒᵘⁿᵗ: ²⁹⁷⁰