Very much not part of the story but here, my poorly written Erwin one shot because i can ✨.
Angst (kind of ig), season 3 spoilers
"...Do you have to go?"
Your husband laughs from under you, you hearing the rumbling laugh from where you were laying on his chest. "Yes my love," He gently rubs his hand along your arm "I do."
"Erwin, you just lost an arm, the survey corpse just got out of a lot of trouble, and Levi and I both feel like you should stay. Levi and me, both." You sit up to look Erwin in his eyes so he knows your serious.
Erwin gives you a gentle smile to reassure you. His arm wrapping around you in a one armed hug. "It'll be alright my love. We'll come back safe and sound."
You squint at Erwin before letting out a deep sigh and nodding. "Promise?"
Erwin nods "I Promise."
I guess promises are meant to be broken.
***
It was your usual shift at the bakery in wall rose. The usual crowd of teenagers came in after school with their pocket change, getting as many sweets as they desired before heading out once more, mothers came by for bread or other things that would fill the table for supper.
"Y/N,"
You hum turning to your boss who only points to his ear, the sound of bells ringing is now obvious to you. Without even realizing your features brighten.
"Ha! Look at you Y/N, you look like a kid who's about to get a present." One of your female coworkers, Jassabelle, grins at you.
"Ah, how could I not be? Those bells mean that the survey core is back! That's a good thing you know." You smile back at Jassabelle who's gaze flitter's from the gold band on your left ring finger then back to your face.
"Well, tell commander Erwin I wish him and the military branch well."
You grin at the strawberry haired woman "I sure will."
"Alright you two! Quit dilly dally'n and get to work!" Your boss commands.
"Yessir."
"Y/N, here." A basket is handed to you with a white sheet covering it but it does nothing for the bread poking out of the sides.
You walk outside, a basket of bread hanging off your arm, as you head to one of the newly erected orphanages inside the wall thanks to Queen Historia. While this one doesn't have kids from the underground it does haven the kids off the street.
While walking towards the gate of the orphanage you give a grin to the MP's guarding it. While Levi and Hanji obviously had no care for the corrupt military police you and Erwin knew Nile and a few other military police officers that weren't so bad, these two included.
"Good afternoon Lucas, Tobias."
"Mr. Smith." Both of the males give you a smile and open the gates for you.
"Have a good day now, i'll see you two when I exit."
'Okay's' are given to you from the two soldiers and you continue on your merry way.
Greeting some of the kids in the orphanage you gather a small following as you head to the kitchen.
"Mr.Y/N!" The oldest kid there clocking in at 11 is sitting in the kitchen with some of the other kids from the orphanage however both the head and a little less than half of the children from the orphanage are missing "Mrs.Jenny and the others went to go see the survey corps come back! The other Mr.Smith, will be with them right?"
You place the basket of bread on the table "Yes, he should. They went to take Maria and Shiganshina back from the titans. We'll all be very proud when they return victorious."
***
You head home, you'd spent longer in the orphanage than you'd thought. Strangely once Mrs. Jenny and the other children got back you were given a very long and very tight hug, Mrs.Jenny kept apologizing, you ignored why she would be doing that.
You went back to the bakery and worked in the back kneading out dough until closing.
You hurried home, a lot less spring in your step than what you'd had when you entered the orphanage. Now you just wanted to head home and cuddle with Erwin until the two of you could sleep peacefully.
Your heart drops seeing the horses in the stables behind your house, not a single one of them was white. Your hands begin to tremble as Levi's horse neighs as you, Hanji's only snorts and tips it's head in your direction. You don't hear the familiar Whine of Erwin's horse, however, there is one horse you don't recognize tied to one of the trees surrounding your house near the stable. Something could have happened to Erwin's causing for him to need a new horse.
Taking in a deep breath you unlock the door to your house before pushing it open.
"...Erwin?"
A dark green cloak stands up from the kitchen table the wings of freedom tacked onto it, but... the frame is too small. Erwin doesn't have black hair, Erwin doesn't even have two arm, Erwin's buffer than that... that's not Erwin that's, "...Levi?"
"Y/N..." For the first time since you met the man Levi seems unsure of what to do, behind him Hanji is wide eyed and you can tell she doesn't know what to do either, beside Hanji is another male in the same cloak but he's not Erwin.
"W-where's Erwin?"
Levi walks towards you slowly, no one makes a move except for him and Hanji, Hanji moves to the edge of the table and only watches and Levi gently rest a his hands on your shoulder, disregarding the flour and yeast all over you.
"Y/N, i'm sorry but there were choices that had to be made and Erw--"
Before Levi can even finish his sentence he's catching your limp body in his arms noting your closed eyes.
"He's passed out." Levi's voice was soft, a lot different than what Jean, the other survey corpse member, had ever heard from the stoic captain. "Hanji can you,"
Hanji gently takes the man from Levi's arms and goes further into the house, towards the bedroom.
Jean says nothing and slowly sits back down once Levi does.
Levi doesn't make a move to remove any of the residue from his hands and instead stares at his hands sadly, something akin to regret in his gaze.
"Shit."
***
The next morning you wake up to the sun peeking through a curtain in your bedroom. Sitting up your greeted with Levi sitting on a chair next to your bed, looking around the room.
"Good morning Levi..." Despite just waking up your voice is soft, there is no anger in your tone. "Where's Erwin?" A small smile comes over your face as you twist the gold ring still on your finger. Levi wonders if your in denial.
"He's dead." Levi's answer sounds cold but it was truth you needed.
The smile falls from your face as you give a remorseful nod "Yes. It seems my memories are intact from last night then." You give a heavy sigh, your eyes falling shut. "...What happened?"
"It was necessary. We both knew what was going to happen. In the end I had to trade his life for someone else's."
You look up at Levi at that "...Traded?"
"Like I said, necessary."
You swallow the anger that fills you hearing that. If Levi made the decision to save someone else instead of Erwin they must have been important to the cause. Your voice is quiet, almost a whisper when you speak again "Anything else?"
"After we got back to headquarters," Levi takes a pristine letter from under his jacket. "We found this on his desk." He hands it to you "It's addressed to you." Your hands shake as you unfurl the letter. And as you read it, you can't stop the tears that spring from your eyes.
My love,
If you are receiving this letter I have not made it. I'm sure you are in pain as of now but please know in my last moments I promise my thoughts were only of you. Please do not take my death with anger. This was a needed sacrifice for humanity and it was a sacrifice I was willing to make. My love, you know I love you as long as grass is green and birds can fly. My love for you will never cease but yours for me must. Do not be in pain. No curse of mine shall befall you from my dying breath. After all, hell is empty and all the devils are here, it is but a shame I had to go out to them.
— Yours always
Erwin Smith
"I want to meet them. This person you traded Erwin's life for. I need to meet them." You look up from the letter and to Levi. The look in your eyes— the pure anguish— makes Levi agree.
***
It was a great loss for the Survey corpse. A hollow victory for humanity but the already bad post mission got even worse for Armin when he found out someone high on the list of people he should fear right now, as Levi put it, wanted to see him.
Walking to Erwin— Hanji's office was tenser than normal for the new titan shifter. Hanji hadn't had a smile on her face since the mission but the tight line that had been present all day made him even more nervous.
"Armin." The blond pauses hearing Hanji's voice. "Be respectful. This man he-" Hanji's voice wavers "He means a lot to both Levi and I. We've known him for a while. And he can be a little— Just- please be respectful." Armin is even more scared now.
Hanji continues on and pushes open the door to her office. Armin sucks in a breath to see a pretty looking male sitting in the chair behind Erwin— Hanji's desk.
A pretty smile comes across the males face and Armin can't help but think smiling looks a lot better than that sad look he saw briefly.
"I'll leave the two of you to talk. Y/N, you know you can leave whenever. You don't have to stay." Hanji says looking away from Armin and towards the male, Y/N, sitting behind the desk.
You nod "I know Hanji. It's okay." You say. Hanji nods, shoots Armin a cautious look, and leaves.
"Please," your hand extends towards two chairs on either side of Hanji's desk. "Sit." And even though Armin knows he has no obligation to listen to you he does anyway. Maybe it's the way you look so regal with that smile and sad eyes or it's the fact that both Levi and Hanji warned him about this meeting. Either way, Armin listens to you, and sits.
"I already know your name is Armin and I know you have no clue about who i am so you can just call me Y/N." Armin nods. "So, you helped Erwin out with a lot of strategies out in the field," A fond smile comes over your face as you mention the late commander "I'm impressed. Especially at your young age." Armin nods.
You laugh "Don't be so tense. It's alright to relax, all you have to do is answer me honestly," You smile fades slightly "No matter what you say or do I already know that you were chosen over Erwin for the serum. And I've made peace with it." Despite your words there was a new coldness in your tone.
"R-right," Armin clears his throat as he shifts in his seat, obviously uncomfortable. "Well uh, what do you want to know?"
"Everything."
And Armin tells you everything he can remember. From Shiganshina to the three years in training to what was in Eren's cellar. And you listen and nod.
"It was hard for Levi to make the decision, i swear. Mikasa and Eren say he was going back and forth. At first he was adamant about bringing Erwin back, said something about someone important waiting. But in the end... he chose me. And no one really knows why."
Your smile fell long ago but Armin seeing that felt the need to appease you all the more and started going on about what happened that day.
"It's fine," You raise a hand to stop Armin "I know everything I need to. You can go." Armin nods as he stands up.
"Is there anyone I should get for you? Would you like to talk to Eren or Mikasa or-"
You shake your head "No." Armin nods and walks to the door. "Armin." The blond pauses and slowly turns to you "Could you bring in Levi and Hanji for me please?"
"Oh— Yes sir."
"Thank you."
Once your left alone in the room you let out a shaky breath. Not wanting to cry here just yet, you place your head in your hands. You thought you were prepared for this. But you'd gotten so comfortable with Erwin coming home for five years you'd just assumed he'd always come home. You didn't expect it to hurt so much.
"Y/N." You jump up to see both Hanji and Levi by the door.
"Oh," You wipe away where your eyes were starting to water and offer the two a small smile "Come in."
***
Erwin's funeral was hard. You knew having a body was a hell of a lot better than what some other people got back. It was also a lot better than knowing he was some titans meal. But now... You look at the closed casket where your late husband rest. You don't know what to think.
"Y/N." You look to your left where Nile is.
"Hey," You sit up at the MP commander gestures towards the row of seats your in. "Yeah, Come sit." You pat the seat next to you.
"Look, I'm sorry for what--"
"Nile." You cut the man off "It's alright. Somethings," You let out a breath. "You just have to let go of."
After sitting in silence for a minute Nile excuses himself and one he's gone you see two kids are standing at the edge of the isle, one is the queen. You go to stand up but the queen quickly reassures that it's not necessary.
"Well I'm Y/N Smith." You eye the two "How can I help you."
"Oh, no." The queen gives you a regal smile but her eyes are full of pity. "This is more so what we can do for you."
"Oh," You nod "Well its alright then there's nothing much. I've already talked to Armin about what all happened that day so-"
"He saved us!"
"Yes," You nod, giving a tight smile to the green eyed titan shifter "I am aware."
"He--" The titan shifter, Eren. Seems to be breathing heavy as if he worked himself up before coming here to talk to you. "He saved us all from the beast titan. And Levi ran him off."
"Yes," You nod "I know."
"He was a hero!"
"I know."
"He-" Eren's voice cracks "He saved us..." Seeing the boy before you about to cry you stand up.
"You're but a boy." You embrace the teenager "You shouldn't have to hold all of this by yourself." You feel the boy hug you back "I know." You soothe the boy, rubbing small circles in his back "It's alright. You don't have to hold all this in. It's fine. You don't have to carry the burden by yourself anymore."
"I-"
You shush the boy, moving to card your fingers through his hair like your mother did for you. "It's okay to cry."
It takes a few more minutes for the boy in your arms to calm but once he does he slowly lets go of you before thanking you and walking off. The queen following him in worry. Although she does toss a few well meaning words back at you before she leaves.
"You comforted him but no ones doing the same for you." You don't flinch at Levi's voice, used to him coming from no where.
"Erwin's gone." You turn to where Levi's voice came from and lock eyes with the shorter male "Who do i have to do that for me now?"
Levi is silent for a while. "...I feel I made the wrong decision."
You shake your head "It doesn't matter anymore."
He captain gives a heavy sigh "You're right." He walks towards you before extending a hand. "Take it."
"What is it?" You hold out a hand anyway.
"It's yours now." Levi drops the object in your hand and you look at the object for a second.
"Oh."
"You should go home Y/N. Your not going to be able to hold it together much longer."
You run a hand along the smooth glass of the object "I know."
You can't stop looking at it. So simple yet so important. You let he object hang down from the string it is placed upon. Glinting in the sunlight was Erwin's bolo tie.
As your eyes water you know Levi was right. You really couldn't hold it together.