Prompt: "Just say it."
Summary: Reader is a Jedi, and has been on the front lines with the rest of the Order throughout the Clone Wars. They've gotten to be close with Padme and best friends with Anakin, to the point where Anakin trusted reader with the secret of his marriage to Padme and their soon-to-be-expanded family. Reader also got close with Obi-Wan, in a different way than all the others, but out of respect for the Order neither of them explored those possibilities. Everything comes to a grinding halt with Order 66. Reader was with the 212th when Cody got the word from Palpatine, and they barely made it out with their life. Now, after Padme's funeral and with the whole world falling apart, the reader might just find a new light to keep holding on to with darkness closing in from all sides.
Day Thirty of Fictober on Tumblr!
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"Obi-Wan!" I screamed, running down the familiar hallways of the Nabooian palace. They were dark and silent, my pounding footsteps echoing around the walls in the absence of the laughter and light that were usually present.
A light that might never return to this place.
"Obi-Wan! Where are you?" My voice was raw, and the words hurt as they left my throat. Tears burned at my eyes, but I tried to force them back as I focused on my breathing. I was a Jedi. I was not supposed to fall apart, no matter the circumstances.
I finally shoved open the double doors leading out to the back of the palace, an evening wind smacking me in the face. The doors led out onto a landing pad where a spaceship sat. The ramp was down, and I found Obi-Wan standing at the base of it, staring at me.
Waiting.
"Obi-Wan," I breathed, the tears threatening to overflow now as I reached him. I came to a jerking stop in front of him, the sorrow in his blue eyes almost knocking me flat. "What... what happened?"
He sighed and took his eyes off me for the first time since I'd made it outside.
"How much do you already know?" he asked, his voice miraculously calm.
"I know that Cody almost killed me," I choked out, the tears finally beginning to fall. "I know I couldn't reach you, or Ani, or anyone else, and I know that I walked onto my ship after fighting for my life against friends to see a cordial summons to the funeral of Padme Amidala."
Something inside me broke as I forced those words to come. Waves of grief for my fallen friends broke over me one after another, and the darkness started to close in on me from all sides.
I started shaking my head, and then I couldn't seem to stop. I was falling, falling, falling, with no end in sight-
"Y/N."
A pair of warm, steady hands landed on my shoulders. The contact worked like an anchor, and slowly, I felt the claws of that darkness recede. They were still there, still circling the outskirts of my mind, but they'd been pushed back to a manageable level.
I looked up and came back to my senses as I locked eyes with Obi-Wan.
"Y/N," he repeated. "I need you to hold on."
I nodded, barely able to muster the movement. I could feel Obi-Wan's intense sorrow through the Force, but even stronger than that was his determination to pull through. For me, and for...
"Their child survived?" I breathed, barely daring to voice the words in case I was wrong. I reached out through the Force and received a definitive answer before Obi-Wan said it; I could feel another life force on board the ship, its signature heartbreakingly similar to Padme's and Anakin's.
"Both of their children, yes," said Obi-Wan. I gave him a questioning look, so he explained. "Padme had twins. In light of everything going on, Master Yoda felt it would be safest to separate them. Bail and Breha have adopted the girl. I'm taking the boy to his remaining family on Tatooine."
I nodded, a million thoughts racing through my head at once. I was having trouble isolating one to focus on, and when I finally managed one, it was easily the most irrelevant thing I could've focused on, in light of the true hell that had just been unleashed on the galaxy. Still, it felt important to me.
"What are their names? The twins?"
Obi-Wan's eyebrows raised slightly, but he didn't question me.
"Padme named them Luke and Leia."
Luke and Leia. I focused on their names, on the hope they represented. I'd lost too many friends today, but Anakin and Padme lived on in their children. I'd sworn to Anakin the day he told me his secret that I would defend his family with my life, and I meant it.
I could hold on for Luke and Leia.
Once I'd managed to center myself just a little, I met Obi-Wan's eyes again. His hands were still on my shoulders, but I think he felt my shift in mindset through the Force, so he dropped them back to his sides. The sorrow was still written in every line of his face, but there was less worry now than there had been a few moments ago. But, while I no longer felt in danger of slipping over the edge, we hadn't passed our biggest hurdle yet.
"What happened to Anakin?"
My voice was calmer now than it had been since Cody had taken his first shot at me. My heart broke to even say the name of my best friend, but I needed to know.
"Y/N, I don't think now is the right time-"
I cut Obi-Wan off short, reaching out and taking his hands in mine. The touch surprised him enough to make him stop, which was my goal, but it also served to steady me. Whatever his answer might be—whatever that horrible pit in my stomach at the thought of my best friend meant—at least I still had Obi-Wan.
"Obi," I said, my voice miraculously calm. "Just say it."
He sighed and squeezed my hands a little tighter, but to his credit, when he looked back at me his voice was level.
"He went to the dark side. He killed a room full of younglings at the temple, and tried to kill Padme when we went to confront him. I... I almost killed him..." Obi-Wan's voice wavered and he had to look away. I took a step towards him and squeezed his hands, doing my best to anchor him the way he'd anchored me. "Palpatine, who is apparently the Sith Lord we've been searching for this whole time, found Anakin and finished turning him into a deadly Sith apprentice. And now, the greatest threat in the galaxy to his children is... himself."
A new wave of tears rushed down my face, and I didn't bother trying to stop them. It was mourning for my best friend, and anger at how badly Palpatine had managed to affect him, and all of us in turn.
The same waves of sorrow I'd been feeling from Obi-Wan kept coming, but an even stronger wave of guilt hit me like a freight train. I didn't hesitate to close the distance between us and wrap my arms around him in the tightest hug I could, choosing to focus on him here and now and deal with processing Anakin later.
"It was not your fault," I whispered to Obi, my voice determined. I felt Obi-Wan's breath shudder once as he wrapped his arms around me in return, holding me to him like his life depended on it.
We stayed like that long enough for Obi-Wan to take a few calming breaths, and then he carefully untangled himself from me and took a step back.
"So," I said, forcing myself to focus on the man in front of me, and not the one I'd lost who was galaxies away. "What now?"
"The Jedi go into hiding," said Obi-Wan simply. I could still sense the guilt and sadness pulsing off of him, but like the darkness around my own mind, it was at least held at bay for now. "I'm going to stay on Tatooine to keep an eye on Luke, and to work on a new form of training Master Yoda has for me."
I nodded slowly, trying to order my thoughts as much as possible. I wanted to be as close to my right mind as possible to make this decision.
After a few more beats, my resolve hardened. My whole world had fallen apart in a matter of hours, and now I had a choice to make. Light or dark. Future or past.
Love or anger.
I thought of Luke and Leia, and everything they represented as I met Obi-Wan's eyes again. I let myself feel everything I'd tried to ignore for the sake of the Order, let his blue eyes be the reason to keep pushing forward instead of losing myself to the same swirl of hurt and hate that had taken Anakin.
"I'm coming with you," I said with determination. Obi-Wan looked surprised, but I had made up my mind.
"Y/N... I don't know if that's the best idea..."
"Why not?" I demanded.
"Well, for starters... I'm going to be living far from civilization in the deserts of Tatooine. That might not be an environment you want to resign yourself to, especially without knowing when—or if—it will end."
"If you're set on becoming a sandy desert hermit, then I'm set on going with you."
Obi-Wan chuckled a little, and I felt the first tiny break in the storm of sorrow around him.
"Alright... then perhaps more importantly... this is a chance to start over. I don't want you to throw that chance away just to go somewhere with constant reminders of everything that went wrong, and everything that caused it."
"Obi... I appreciate you trying to look out for me, but... what chance? A chance to hide somewhere, and live in constant fear of being found? A chance to spend every waking moment worrying if my best friends will kill me, or kill you, or to spend every moment of every day thinking about whether there's a way to drag him back? Or if it would be worth it to die trying?"
Obi-Wan flinched, and I paused to take a deep breath and re-center myself. Then, I continued.
"This chance to start over without the Order is only meaningful if you're in it. That is the only possible bright side. And more importantly—no offense—the new most important things in my life are those children. I will spend every waking moment defending them, whether or not I'm also with you."
I paused, making sure Obi-Wan felt the full force of my words. Then, for the first time in a long time, I smiled.
"But for the record, I would much rather be a space hermit with you than be a space hermit by myself."
Obi-Wan smiled too, then reached out and took my hand. The cloud of sorrow and darkness was still there, edging around my mind, but I barely noticed it as the two of us turned and walked up the ramp together.
"We need to leave as soon as possible, but... do you want to meet Luke first?" he asked as the ramp closed behind us. An explosion of light shot through my heart at the name, and the small smile continued to grow as Obi and I stood in the hallway facing each other.
"Obi, there is nothing in this galaxy I would rather do."
I followed him through the ship to the medical bay, where the ship's med droid was hovering over a crib. It stepped aside as we got closer, and my whole world stopped when I saw the tiny baby boy laying in the crib in front of me.
"He... he feels like them," I whispered, not taking my eyes off Luke. "In the Force, from him... I can feel them both."
"I know," said Obi-Wan. Then, cautiously, he reached out and wrapped one arm around my waist, pulling me into his chest. I leaned against him as we both looked into the crib, and for a few moments, it was like nothing outside of this room existed.
We stayed like that for a long while, and then finally, Obi-Wan moved a step back. I sighed and followed him, forcing myself to take my eyes off the baby Skywalker-Amidala before me.
"We should go," said Obi-Wan gently. I nodded, turning to face him.
"Yeah, we should." He made to move for the cockpit, but I reached out and stopped him. "Hold on. There's one more thing I need to do first."
He raised an eyebrow in question, but I just stepped closer as my way of answering. I glanced down at his lips, then tried to shake off my nerves as I looked back up at him.
"Y/N..." he whispered, wrapping both arms cautiously around my waist. "The Order... We really shouldn't..."
"And why not?" I asked, my eyes searching his face. "The Order is gone. So is most of what it stood for. All we have left is... is love. And I love you, Obi-Wan."
"I love you too, Y/N."
Neither of us wasted another second before closing the rest of the space between us and finally, finally kissing. We'd danced around this in the name of the Order for years, but now there was no Order left to stay apart for. Sparks of electricity raced through my body when our lips met, and for just a second, the rest of the world faded away.
In a world of new, horrible darkness, Obi-Wan and I had managed to find a tiny, shimmering light.
We broke apart after just a few seconds, both of us smiling like absolute fools. He took my hand as we headed for the cockpit, and I knew we'd have plenty of time to make up for all those years we'd lost.
What else was there to do as a space hermit but spend time with the only other hermit around?
A familiar pang of sadness pulled at my heart as we settled into the cockpit without Anakin. It was strangely empty without his energy and dumb ideas. The road ahead was going to be a long one without him, or Padme, or any of the rest of our friends, and having a new relationship with Obi-Wan wouldn't magically make it easy.
Still, even as the darkness lingered around me, I knew we would make it through. Love—from Obi-Wan to the wonderful baby boy in the medical bay to the equally wonderful baby girl on her way to Alderaan—would be enough to get us through.