"You lied to me."
"I didnt lie to you I said I didn't know if I would come back." He explains. We must look completely insane quietly yelling at eachother in the middle of the god damn hallway to the bathrooms.
"Im sorry ok. I missed you and im willing to forgive you ok." Before I could say anything his lips are pressed against mine. Kim walks in at exactly the wrong time. She doesn't say anything she walks straight back out.
"What the hell are you doing?" I push him away from me.
"Nothing i just-"
"No no no. I've moved on Robert. Im back with hardin now. Im happy" I wipe at my mouth. I dont know why maybe to remove what just happened from my lips and my mind hopefully.
"Your back with that abusive asshole? I thought you said you were better off with him gone?" He argues. With no context whatsoever this whole conversation sounds extremely bad and I know Kim has her ear pressed up against the door listening in probably telling people trying to go to the toilet to come back in 10 minutes as well.
"I know i said that but that was like 2 weeks after he left. I was leaving him anyways but then he was gone for 3 years instead without any contact with family or anything." I know Robert too well to know his opinion on hardin will never change regardless of how much hardin has changed.
"So when can I meet him?" He clears his throat folding his arm in the process.
"Never is the answer." I dont even want to think what hardin would do if he found out especially now that he's fucking kissed me making it 10x worse because if I keep it a secret then its going to look suspicious and I also promised I wouldnt lie to him anymore. So I won't. But for me to tell him the truth does not require them getting in close proximity with eachother.
"Why not?" He looks down at me our eyes meeting.
"You know why" I raise my eyebrows at him
"Can at we at least meet up for lunch or something just me and you?" He asks. He should already know my answer.
"We can't you know that right. You being back here could ruin everything so if I see you accross the street I'll nod and carry on with my day and so will you. No contact. Nothing." He frowns at my words and I can tell its something that he doesn't want but its what needs to happen.
"Fine." He agrees and I dont waste another minute in this restaurant. Kim's standing outside the restaurant with my dress and bag in hand waiting for me.
"You've got a lot of explaining to do." She says.
"I cant do that shit sober." A small grin plays on Kim's list and eventhough we litteraly were both hungover this morning we decide to go back to Kim's and open a bottle of wine.
"I cant believe you didnt tell me that." Kim gently nudges my arm. We are both a tad tipsy. When I say tipsy I mean we both finished a whole bottle of wine. Each.
"I tried to forget about it to be honest. I was so disappointed in myself for months after that. I was the furthest from being myself possible." I explain.
"Are you gonna tell hardin?" She asks.
"Im gonna tell him that Robs back and that he kissed me but thats it. I want to be honest with him. I dont need to completely relive my past while doing so." I take a deep breath even thinking about the inevitable conversation with hardin. He's not going to like it thats for sure.
"I should probably get back home for some sleep ready for that conversation tommorow then. I havent spoken to hardin at all since this morning." I havent checked my phone either so that's going to be another thing added to the list of 'things tessa does to piss hardin off'
"Let me call hardin to come pick you up then. I dont feel comfortable putting you in an uber on your own while your drunk. To many creeps out there these days" I feel queezy just thinking about it. I dont want to get in an uber on my own so I let Kim call hardin.
"Why do you do this to yourself?" He asks putting my arm around his neck holding me up
"Why did you do it to yourself?" Touche.
"To distract myself."he replies. I already knew this but im trying to prove my point here.
"From what?" I ask
"Reality" he sighs.
"EXACTLY!" I yell a little too loudly. Hardins hand cups my mouth to make me be quieter.
"People are sleeping." He whispers.
"I know" I whisper back lightly laughing at myself in the process.
"Come on. Get in" he opens the door to his car and pushes me inside gently. Hardin slips into the drivers seat and starts driving us home.Me being the over the top person that I am I decided to lay over the console and rest my head on his lap.
"Sit up,your gonna hurt yourself if we crash." He says. Boring.
"Your no fun." I sigh heavily.
"Well if you haven't already realised,im driving so im kind of occupied right now."
I sat up and rested my head on the window. I could feel my eyes get heavy and I slowly faded into sleep.
The next day...
I wake up with yet another hangover. I don't know why I'm suprised i mean I was drunk last night. Again.
"Are you still mad at me?" Hardin walks in and sits at the bottom of the bed.
"No im not mad just dont do that shit again. I'll book an appointment to get back on the pill again." I sigh just thinking about the stress that comes with those damn pills. I really dont think that men are appreciative of what us women go through. I mean have you read the side effects of going on birth control! Its insane the amount of risks and things that could potentially effect you just so you dknt get pregnant.Then theres the monthly gift of Satan that rains down on us not to mention Pink Tax which pisses me off beyond belief. I find it humorous when a man says "its a luxury item so it should be more expensive" bitch shut the fuck up what the hell would you know. How is something that every woman is born with and will go through at some point in her life a "luxury". Did I ask to have this 'luxury' of cramps and mood swings every month? Fuck no so for my own sanity please shut your damn mouth. Did you know the average American woman spends approximately $6,360 through her life on menstruating products alone. Doctors appointments as well for all the things women go through they cost money. Thats one thing about London I love. Free health care is amazing not to mention when I was planning a wedding in London I got sick a few days after i arrived. The doctors and people there were really nice and all they did was tell me to take some paracetamol which is the same thing as Tylenol.
"Earth to tess" hardin waves his hand in front of my face.
"Sorry what?" I look up at him
"I asked if you wanted me to come with you?" Why would he want to come with me?
"Why?" I ask
"Your doctor called yesterday about some smear thing that you need to get done. I have no idea what that means but he said you might be nervous about it." First of all why is my doctor calling hardin and not me.
"Why did he call you and not me?"
"He said he tried ringing you multiple times and he had emailed you as well but you ignored him. He also said that you've been putting it off for years now saying your busy and stuff" why is my doctor telling hardin all of this. Isn't it a doctors job to keep patients information PRIVATE.
"Fine I'll ring and book an appointment." I roll my eyes. I knew this test was going to be inevitable but putting it off is my coping method except I never cope with it until im forced.
"What is it anyways?" Oh here we go. He should love this one especially as my doctor is a male.(major sarcasm) A quite attractive doctor as well may I add.
"Are you sure you want to know?
"Sure" he says.
"Ok so its called a smear test. Its to test for cervical cancer and stuff. From what I've heard it isnt the most comfortable process but it doesnt hurt apparently." This is all information given to me by Kim and my other friends.
"Why would it hurt?" He asks.
"um they use this clamp thingy that they put in down there and then it opens up. Then they use this weird brush thingy that scrapes the side of your cervix and they use that to test for the cancer." His face is mortified and I find it hilarious.
"Thats gross" he says still pulling a face.
"Ye well thats just the tip of what we have to go through."
"Anyways I was thinking we could go out for food or something today?" We never really go out to eat.
"Sure. Do you wanna go for lunch or something?" I pull myself out of bed and put on one of my nice work dresses and seem heels. I have a meeting with 2 new brides today.
"Actually I wanted to go later tonight. Make a date out of it." I smile at the idea. We haven't been on a date in a while.
"I would love to" he pulls me down to sit on his lap wrapping his arms around my waist. He lifts his face up so I can reach his face easier.
"I love you" he whispers against my lips. I smile against his mouth.
"I love you" he deepens thime kiss and I can feel quickly ideas going into his head.
"Later" I kiss him one last time before quickly jumping off his lap so he won't pull me back. I quickly get ready, grab my phone and purse and head out the door.
Few hours later...
"So where are we going. You got me all dressed up here so it must be some place fancy" He said wear a dress and heels otherwise they won't let us in and he must be right because even he is wearing a dress shirt and pants.
"Youll see now" We are walking through this little village in the middle of town that has lights lit up along the paths at night. We are not far from the boutique me and Kim were at yesterday. Shit.
"Haridin whats the name of the restaurant?" I stop abruptly in the middle of the path. Im trying to play it off cool but I cant lie im having a slight panic attack on the inside.
"Its right by there why?" He points to my worst nightmare and I can just see this is a disaster waiting to happen.
"Um can we go somewhere else please?"
"Why? Do you have something against this resteraunt or something?" Hes asking the questions while walking me towards the entrance. Before I can even reply the lady is asking for our reservation name.
"Scott" The lady lets us in but I let hardin walk in slightly ahead of me so I can ask the lady a question
"Excuse me is Robert working tonight?" Please please please say no. The universe seems to hate me though so of course she said...
"Yes he's working the tables tonight? Would like to request him as your waiter?"
"No. No thanks." I say a little too quickly and the lady looks at me weirdly.
"Tess come on" Hardin takes my hand and follows the lady to our table. They really transform the place from average lunch place to a 5 star and 5 course meal resteraunt. Candles light the tables and thats it besides the light from the open kitchen.
"I'll be back to take your order in 10 minutes." I smiles and sit down looking everywhere but at hardin. Im praying he doesn't see me me.
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