Seeing Derrick and Dylan standing next to each other helps me point out the features they share. The only striking difference are Dylan's mischievous green eyes and Derrick's warm brown eyes.
Derrick smiles at me and says, "Lacey is a beautiful name."
"Are you guys ready?" Dylan asks them before I can respond to Derrick.
Jared claps his hands. "Hell yeah, man. I've been waiting for this all week."
"What time do you guys go on?" Dylan asks, leaning against the wall beside him.
"Around nine. There are a few bands ahead of us."
Dylan twists his mouth. "I don't know what time Lacey has to get back home, but we might be able to watch the other bands."
I hope I can see Derrick and Jared perform. It feels like the whole purpose of Dylan bringing me here. And why? It's strange to think he wanted me to meet his brother. I don't even know why Dylan thought about bringing me.
"No problem. There are always other performances," Derrick says.
Dylan puts his hand on the small of my back, making my heart beat a little faster. "Ready?" he asks me.
"Sure," I say. The way he's grabbed my hand and put a hand on my back makes me question whether he has some kind of feelings for me or if he's just being nice. I don't take Dylan to be a lovey kind of guy, so the small gestures are a surprise.
"It was nice meeting you, Lacey," Jared smiles at me as he says it.
Derrick is staring at Dylan, but he tears his gaze away and focuses on me. "Yeah, we hope to see you around here again."
The comment sounds like it should be directed towards Dylan.
I waved to them as Dylan ushers me out of there and walks ahead of me down the corridor.
"Have they been performing here long?" I ask Dylan, catching up to him.
"They've been playing here since they formed a band in high school."
"How old are they?"
"Jared is twenty and Derrick is twenty-one."
"Are we staying until nine to see them?" I ask. I'm not sure what time my aunt wants me back home. She usually lest me stay out with Casey until ten, but that's with Casey. It might be different with Dylan.
"Depends," he says, looking back at me. "How long can you stay out?"
I text my aunt and ask her what time she wants me home. When she responds, she says she doesn't want me out past nine, especially since it's a school night.
"That's okay. Maybe next time," Dylan says after I tell him what she said.
The light in the sky is fading and more people show up, developing a good crowd. A band made up of two guys and a girl go up on stage and start to play covers of what sound like songs from the 90s.
Carlos rubs his forehead. "Fuck this music."
"It's not too bad," Anthony says. "At least it's not what that band was playing a couple of weeks ago. Remember that shit? I don't know what Max was thinking booking them."
"That'll never happen again," Dylan puts in his two cents, even though he's been on his phone since we sat back down with the guys.
"So, Lacey," Anthony turns his attention to me. "What do you think of Raven's so far?"
Everyone waits for my answer and I immediately feel self-conscious. "It's pretty nice."
"Shit, is it raining?" Reece suddenly asks as he's staring out the windows near us.
This makes Dylan immediately look outside and he frowns. "Hope it stops before I take Lacey back."
I hope so too. I'm already nervous enough driving around with Dylan on a motorcycle. Driving in the rain would make me even more edgy.
Two more bands go on as we sit and watch them. The boys listen to the music and laugh along at each other's jokes. Just from observing, I'm right about Carlos being the more carefree of the group. There are moments where he's also the dark, brooding type, more so than Dylan. Dylan seems as if he tries hard to keep up this cool guy façade. He'll laugh at something, but will catch himself and turn serious again. Anthony and Reece are the more playful kind. Reece is the comedian, but Anthony will try to outdo him. It's just back and forth banter between them.
It's a little after eight and the rain hasn't let up. Dylan's gaze will shift to the window and I can tell he's watching the rain carefully. He finally speaks to me. "If it were just me, I'd drive in this. I'm getting the impression you don't want to though."
I don't want to cause a fuss over some rain. Maybe I'll have to tough it out and ride in the rain with him.
"We're gonna head out here in a minute," Dylan tells the guys.
"Aren't you on your bike?" Anthony raises a brow.
"We'll tough out the rain," I answer for Dylan. I don't want them to think I can't handle it.
"Fuck that. Take my car," Anthony says, pulling out his keys. "Just don't wreck my baby."
Dylan takes the keys and the anxious pit in my stomach instantly goes away. After standing up from his stool, he stretches and I can't help but sneak a peek at his stomach when his shirt lifts.
Mentally kicking myself has become a trend when I hang out with Dylan. I can't believe I was just trying to check him out.
"Let's go," he says, not knowing I was just eyeing him up.
The guys all say goodbye to me and Dylan and Anthony smirks. "No fooling around in my car, you two."
"Please, Dylan could never get a girl like Lacey," Reece lets out a laugh as he says it, making the others laugh too.
"You guys are going to be sorry when I get back," Dylan tells them. I can see a smile wanting to spread across his face.
Not knowing this morning that I would eventually need a jacket, I pull my arms through my flannel and cover my head with it. Dylan and I dash out to Anthony's car and quickly slide inside.
Dylan takes a look in the backseat after he shuts his door. "I'd give you a jacket of his, but it doesn't look like he has one."
"It's fine. I'm not cold. I just feel like a wet dog." My flannel did nothing to protect me from the rain, so my hair is sticking to my face. I run my fingers through it to get it back to normal.
Dylan starts driving towards the apartment and I find myself staring out the window and watching the traffic.
"Your aunt seems pretty cool," Dylan says suddenly.
"Yeah, she's great," I say. I have a feeling Dylan is wondering why I'm with my aunt and not my parents and I hope the conversation doesn't head in that direction.
"How long are you staying with her?" he asks.
And my instincts are right. "Until I move out, I guess."
He stays quiet for a minute. "I'm not trying to be nosey, I promise."
It might just be easier if I tell him the truth that way I don't have to dodge any more questions. "My parents died back in May. My aunt was the closest relative, so she took guardianship of me."
The conversation takes an awkward turn for both of us when he doesn't say anything. I don't blame him for not knowing what to say. How do you respond to something like that?
"You don't have to say you're sorry or anything. I've gotten enough of that since it happened." Hearing it from Dylan will probably drive me mad.
"Fuck," he starts, "that has to be hard."
I don't want anyone's pity, though I know that's hardly ever someone's intention. Talking about it will help, but sometimes I'd just rather not. It's different now with Dylan somehow. Part of me wants to tell him about my parents and how great they were, but the other part of me wants to shut down.
"It is." It's hard to express how hard it really is, but I don't want others to know this pain. It's rough, it's not okay, and no one else should have to know how it feels to lose both parents. "I don't want to sound mean or anything, but can we talk about something else?"
"Yeah, totally," he nods. "But listen, I know you have your friend to talk to and everything, and I know we haven't known each other long, but I just want to—you know I don't mind if you want to talk about it at some point."
Dylan's softer side is coming out and I can't stop the smile from spreading on my face. "Thanks, Dylan. And thanks for inviting me tonight. I had a lot of fun."
His mouth twists, like he wants to smile. "I'm glad you had fun. The guys can be a fucking trip sometimes."
"I like them. Maybe I'll come to Raven's more often." I don't know if I actually will, but its nice to think about.
"What makes you think I'm bringing you back?" he smirks as he asks.
I decide to play along. "What makes you think I need to you to bring me?"
He lets out a laugh. "Be my guest."
"I don't need to be your guest, remember?" I say it just to be obnoxious and it makes him laugh louder, which makes me feel weirdly good.
"Okay, okay. Just shut up," he laugh. "Does your friend ever get annoyed with you?"
"Casey and I have been friends since elementary, of course she gets annoyed with me," I shrug. "That's the great thing about having her as a best friend. She's used to me already." When he doesn't say anything I ask, "What about you and the guys? How long have you all known each other?"
He blows out a breath. "Well, Anthony I've known my whole life because we're cousins. We didn't meet Carlos and Reece until freshman year. When my brother formed his band, Jared would bring Reece around and we'd hang out. I think Carlos was Reece's friend in middle school so he hung out with us too."
"Very exclusive."
"It is. You have to go through initiation to get in," he winks at me.
I let out a nervous laugh. "I don't think I want to know what the initiation is."
The apartment complex comes into view and Dylan pulls in front of my building.
"Thanks for driving me. I'll get out of your hair so you can catch the performance," I say.
"Don't worry about it. I've seen plenty of their shows."
The rain is steady outside the car. I take a deep breath and prepare myself to run. Hopefully I don't slip and fall and have Dylan laugh at me for it. "I'll see you tomorrow," I tell him as I put my flannel over my head again.
Without falling, I manage to run up the stairs and get out of the rain. Dylan leaves in the car as I walk inside.
Friday afternoon, all I can think about is the deadline to get a large portion of the newspaper done. I'm not in journalism yet, but it has been occupying my mind the whole day. Jacob had distracted me during class yesterday and instead of helping he decided he couldn't figure out how to format the articles with the photos.
When the bell rings for fourth period, I quickly gather my things. Hopefully getting to journalism early will help so I can finish formatting the section couldn't finish. I didn't totally mind helping him, because I'm mostly a perfectionist and formatting makes me extra picky, but it set me behind.
I sit at a computer as soon as I enter and log in. Mrs. Thomas walks over to me.
"Everything okay?" she asks, sitting on the desk next to the computers.
"I'm a little behind on formatting," I tell her.
"Don't worry. Stay after school to finish if you need to."
Hopefully I won't have to do that, but I'm grateful for her leniency. "Thank you so much."
Jacob sits at the computer next to me as she walks away. He casually sits and takes his time logging into the computer, like we don't have a big deadline to meet. My work depends on him and the other two, and if they take their time then it sets me back even more. Plus, even if they finish on time, I still have to go in and make sure everything is the right size, the right fonts, and more.
"Hey, friend," he says. It's how he's been greeting me for the past couple days. I don't particularly like it, but I let it be.
"Hey," I say as I pull up the newspaper template. "Have you finished pages four and five yet?"
"I'm almost done. I just have to—"
"Can you just put them on the drive and I'll work on them? You can finish page eight. I think it just needs a picture."
I think he can tell I was stressing over the deadline, so he does as I ask and doesn't really talk to me for the rest of the class period. While I take on the bigger workloads, I assign Vicky and Will to smaller workloads like I did with Jacob. It will get them out of my hair, but will also help get things done faster.
"Lacey, does this picture look better on this side, or this side?" Will asks me.
I really don't have time to teach him which way pictures should face so I say, "Just put it however and I'll fix it if I have to."
Jacob turns to me. "Someone's stressed out. Need a back rub?"
If we were still dating, it would've been perfect. "Not now, Jacob."
"Hey, I know we didn't get to talk about my game yesterday, so can we do that here in a bit?" he asks.
Will pokes his head out. "Are you guys getting back together soon?"
Their questions and comments are making me lose my focus. I ignore Will and address Jacob instead. "Jake, this is the worst time to talk about anything else right now. I have to get this done and I can't if I lose my focus."
His eyebrows raise in surprise. "You just called me Jake."
I only ever called him Jake when I was upset with him, but didn't want to hurt his feelings by snapping at him. He used to like when I said it because he said it made him feel like I loved him a lot more than I let on. I didn't even realize I had said it. "Sorry, it slipped," I tell him. I don't even know why it slipped. Old habits coming back to haunt me.
"Right," he says going back to his computer screen.
They leave me alone and right before class ends, they put their portions of the paper on the drive so I can put them in the template. Just as I'm placing the first two the bell rings.
"You need any help?" Jacob asks.
Instead of making a snarky comment about him helping me days ago, I shake my head. "Nope, I'm good."
"Okay. About my game tomorrow, I don't know if my parents are going so that's why I want you to go."
It isn't like he's asking me to give him my liver. However, going to his game might bring back certain memories.
Maybe I can push them out.
Before I can answer, there's a knock at the door. Dylan is standing at the doorway, but he's looking at Mrs. Thomas.
"Ah, Mr. Parker," Mrs. Thomas says. "I'm glad you showed up."
"I don't know what else I'd rather do after school on a Friday," he says with a deadpan face.
Jacob is obviously annoyed and rolls his eyes. "Is this guy never not around?"
Dylan seems surprised to see me. His eyes travel to Jacob then they go back to Mrs. Thomas.
She's going through her desk, but she stops and sighs. "Just stay here, Mr. Parker. I need more slips, so I'll be right back. Sit in the front row, please."
He does as she says and she steps out of the classroom.
Jacob gives me an expectant look. "Anyway, it'd be great if you go tomorrow."
"Um, sure, I'll go," I say, mostly to get him off my back.
His arms wrap around me before I can dodge them. Once they're around me, I feel a sense of comfort and I instantly regret saying yes to going to his game. "Awesome. I'll see you then."
As he's walking to the door, he glances at Dylan and a smirk appears on his face. It bothers me slightly, but it's best if I focus on finishing the paper and not on either boy.
As I'm formatting the second to last page, I hear Dylan's voice next to me.
"What's this?"
His chair is close to mine, and his attention is on my computer.
"The school newspaper. I have to finish this before I leave," I say. "What are you doing here?"
"Detention," he shrugs.
Mrs. Thomas is a freshman English teacher as well as the journalism teacher. I can't imagine how Dylan got detention from her.
"What class do you have with Mrs. Thomas?"
"Advisory. Apparently, she doesn't like me and Reece talking."
"Why isn't Reece here?"
"I guess I was doing more talking than him. That bastard owes me."
I shake my head, not really surprised. "Mrs. Thomas is the nicest teacher in this school and you got detention from her. Really, Dylan?"
"Gotta keep up my reputation somehow," he winks.
I start to format again and I can feel Dylan watching my screen as I move articles and pictures around. An article Jacob wrote, predictably about the soccer team, is on my screen as I put it with the other articles in the sports section.
"What's up with you and Mr. Soccer Player? You two back together?" he asks suddenly.
That's what he wants to talk about? "No. We're just friends."
"Didn't look like you guys were just friends."
His comment annoys me. Could neither boy go one second without making comments about the other? And why do I have to be caught in the middle? I'm being judged by Jacob for hanging out with Dylan and I'm being judged by Dylan for talking to Jacob. It's like I'm being interrogated for doing something wrong. "Jesus, Dylan, you're sounding an awful lot like Jacob right now."
That seems to strike a nerve in him. "I'm not like that asshole. I just don't see why you would get back together with a guy who cheated on you."
"We're not even back together. He's going through a rough time, so I'm helping him out." Why is he getting so upset over nothing?
He scoffs. "I put two and two together, Lacey. He doesn't deserve your help. What kind of piece of shit cheats on his girlfriend after her parents die?"
Anger boils over. "Why do you even care? That's my fucking business, not yours," I snap. Why is everyone suddenly concerned about what I was doing in my life?
We stare each other down for a moment before Mrs. Thomas walks in.
"Mr. Parker, leave Lacey alone. Get back to the front," she says.
He continues to stare at me before pushing the chair back and walking to the front again.
I continue working on the paper once I push the argument out of my mind. I put the finishing touches before I log off and pick up my things.
"Done, Lacey?" Mrs. Thomas asks me.
"Yeah, I just emailed it to you," I say, putting on my best smile and ignoring Dylan.
"Great, have a good weekend."
I'm not sure what made me snap at Dylan the way I did. I feel a sense of protectiveness over Jacob and I don't like that those feelings returned so quickly. It's like I was defending him and that's the exact opposite of moving on. I let Jacob get to me when I called him Jake. It's like I can't control my emotions when I'm with him. What's wrong with me?
In my car, I'm putting my bag in the backseat and I notice a red car pull up near the front of the parking lot. A girl steps out of the car and leans against it. She has long, brown hair that's curled at the ends. She has on a pair of high waisted shorts with a crop top tee that's tied in the middle. She crosses her arms, seemingly waiting for something or someone.
I'm going to ignore the girl until I see Dylan walking out of the main building and heading straight for her car. She smiles when she sees him and when he's close enough to her, he pulls her in for a kiss that's long enough to make me look away. I know I shouldn't be watching them, but I can't help it. Dylan having a girlfriend is news to me.
Her flirty smile gives away why Dylan likes her. She's beautiful. He's holding her waist while they talk before he kisses her again. They part and he jogs around to the passenger's side and gets into the car with her. They drive off, and I finally tear my eyes away from them.
My mind drifts to Dylan and his girlfriend as I'm trying to fall asleep that night. It makes sense as to why he's on his phone so much. He's probably been texting her this whole time.
I miss the times when Jacob would text me cute messages in the mornings and at night. I miss the giddiness I felt before we went out on a date. I want what Dylan has.
Happiness.
I miss everything I had before all the bad things happened. Hating the universe for taking my parents from me put me in a dark place over the summer and I don't want to go back. Part of me feels like I wouldn't have gone there if I had Jacob, but the other part of me feels it was better for him not to be there.
I don't know what to think.
Saturday, I feel the need to go to Jacob's game. I don't tell Casey where I'm going because I know I won't hear the end of it. It's probably going to be a stupid choice, but something drives me there. When I park in the dirt lot near the soccer fields, I take a deep breath and get out. A rush of memories hits me like a truck and it feels both soothing and discomforting. The game has already started, so I make my way to the bleachers and sit near the spot I used to sit at.
I glance over the other fans and spot Jacob's mom sitting in the same row as me. She has her hands clasped together and she's watching the game intently. I wonder if I should say hi, or if I should stay in my own bubble. I don't know if he told his parents why we broke up. If he lied and blamed it all on me, she might be upset with me.
Making up my mind, I walk over to her. She does a double take when she sees me and a smile spreads across her face, which is a good thing.
"Lacey!" her high-pitched voice carries. "Come over here! Look at you, you're stunning!"
I feel myself blushing and I give her a quick hug. "It's good to see you." I almost call her Mrs. Fields, but then I remember the separation and I'm not sure if she wants to be called that. She pats the spot next to her and I sit.
"I wasn't expecting to see you here," her eyes glimmer. She always gave me that look while Jacob and I were together.
"Jacob invited me."
"Well, I'm glad you're here. These games always make me a nervous wreck. Especially against city rivals."
"Yeah, they're tough."
She gives me a serious look. "Oh, honey. How are you holding up? We didn't see much of you after the funeral..."
Do we have to talk about it? I keep it short and simple. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm with my aunt right now."
"Well, if it weren't for her, I would've taken you in myself," she smiles. "When Jacob told us you two had broken up, I was so shocked. I wasn't expecting it."
"Yeah, I wasn't either," I say. Him not telling them why we broke up just shows how cowardly he can be.
"What happened, honey? Did you two grow apart?"
One of my pet peeves with her is her constant questioning. She has to know everything about anything about everyone. I'll be honest with her. "Not really. Jacob cheated on me."
Her eyes nearly pop out of her head.
"I was the one who ended it. People were talking about it at school before he admitted it. I didn't want to stay with him after that."
"I had no idea, honey," she says, opening and closing her mouth. "I'm sorry."
I shrug in response.
She scowls instantly, and I think for a moment that she's going to call me a liar. "I'll talk to him. Clearly the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."
That's a hint to why his parents are separating. Did Mr. Field cheat on her? That would be incredibly ironic.
We drop the subject try to cheer Jacob on. Mrs. Fields doesn't cheer as much as she usually does, and I wonder if it has anything to do with what I told her.
The game goes by fairly quickly, with Jacob scoring to win the game. We walk down to wait for the team. When the team finishes their meeting, Jacob makes his way to us.
"My best girls," he says.
More memories come to mind.
"She didn't talk your ear off, did she?" Jacob asks me, laughing.
She points a finger at him. "Don't get on my bad side. We have some things to talk about at home."
I smirk and he instantly diverts his attention to me. When he gives me the death glare I shrug casually. His mom deserves to know the truth, since he clearly didn't tell her.
She sighs and checks her watch. "I still have to go grocery shopping. I'll see you at home." She wraps her arms around me and squeezes. "Honey, you stop by any time you want. You're always welcome."
"Thank you," I hug her back.
Jacob looks less than pleased after she's gone. "You told my mom why we broke up?"
"You didn't? What did you tell her all these months?" I shoot back.
"I avoided the conversation as much as possible." He rubs his face. "I guess she had to know sooner or later."
It isn't really my problem.
"How was the game? You still remember all the rules?" he nudges my arm.
"Please. I taught you the rules." I played soccer in middle school, but it didn't interest me beyond that. Without rose-colored glasses on, he's an average player.
He laughs and I can't help but laugh too. It feels good to laugh with him again.
"What are you going to do now?" he asks.
"Probably head home. Do some homework."
"Oh okay," he says. "I'll walk you to your car."
As he waves to his friends, some of them wave to me and I feel like I belong again. It makes me wonder why none of them asked if I was okay after everything that happened with Jacob. I guess it shows where their loyalty is.
While walking to my car, Jacob is noticeably quiet.
"What's up with you? You guys won, you should be happy," I tell him. He's usually pumped up after a win.
"I am," he nods. "I'm just thinking."
"About?"
"You."
"Oh." This conversation is starting to go downhill.
He scratches the back of his neck. "It was awesome seeing you in the stands again."
I let out a nervous laugh. "Well, what are friends for?" This conversation is going in a direction I'm not sure I want it to go.
"Yeah," he says as we walk up to my car. He puts his hand on it and I know this conversation isn't over yet by that gesture. "I gotta talk to you about that."
Uh oh. "Okay."
"It's so fucking hard to be just friends with you. Like today, for a split second I forgot we were broken up because it feels like old times," he says. "I don't know what to do."
I don't know what to do either. Old feelings are resurfacing from the memories I had sitting in the bleachers, no matter how hard I tried to push them away. There's a part of me that is wary about being with him again. Will he cheat again if I give him a second chance? Can I trust him again? "Jacob..."
"I know, I know. You're never getting back together with me. It's just damn hard to accept." His eyes are deep into mine and I feel my knees go weak slightly.
"I don't know what to say." Looking into his eyes is difficult. When I look into them, it's like nothing has changed between us.
His hand is soft on mine as he flips it over to look at the tattoo on my wrist. "What I said to you after we got these probably means shit to you now, but I'm glad you haven't tried to cover it up."
We're treading in a territory that is not good for my health right now and I need to get out of here. "I have to get home." I take my hand away from him.
"Do you still have feelings for me?" he asks suddenly. "I feel like you do. You called me Jake yesterday, which you haven't done in a while."
"That was a slip up. I don't know why I said it." I need to leave before I do something stupid.
"Bullshit. I know you, Lace. Just let me back in."
"Let you back in?" I ask, shaking my head. "So you can hurt me again?"
He holds my hands to his chest. "Look at me."
I try not to, but I can't help it. His eyes remind me of the day he asked me to be his girlfriend and I fall for them again. He leans down and presses his lips against mine. The familiar feeling of his lips takes me back to the first time we kissed and all the times we kissed after that. And for a minute, everything is okay again.
**********************