Miss Americana & The Heartbre...

By mochacherie

689K 27.3K 20.1K

'Pranks and Perverts and Padfoot, oh my!' Meet Kelsey 'Kelpie' Jones: Miss Americana, Comic lover and the Hu... More

1. I Knew You Were Trouble
2. I Did Something Bad
3. Mean
4. So It Goes...
5. "You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes"
6. mad woman
7. This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
8. ...Ready For It?
9. Look What You Made Me Do
10. Call It What You Want
11. The Man
12. Never Grow Up
13. Innocent
14. It's Nice to Have a Friend
15. You Need To Calm Down
16. Breathless
17. Treacherous
18. If This Was A Movie
19. hoax
20. Don't Blame Me
21. Superman
22. Sweeter Than Fiction
23. Enchanted
24. Jump Then Fall
25. epiphany
26. I Almost Do
27. The Moment I Knew
28. Delicate
29. How You Get the Girl
30. Lover
31. illicit affairs
32. Everything Has Changed
33. The Archer
34. New Romantics
35. dorothea
36. Only The Young
37. Mine
38. Speak Now
39. Tell Me Why
40. no body, no crime
41. exile
42. the lakes
43. Fearless
44. Eyes Open
45. Out of the Woods
46. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
47. Mary's Song (Oh My My My)
49. Love Story
50. The Story of Us (Epilogue)

48. the last great american dynasty

9K 396 522
By mochacherie


A/N: Again, please don't drink/eat. Kinda sorta hazardous with this chapter. 

ϟ

Early June 1978

"FREEDOM!!" Kelsey almost knocked Astrid to the ground as she jumped to hug her friend in joy. Their friends who were sitting on the grass outside chuckled at her enthusiasm.

"I take that it went well?" asked Lily. As expected, she had been the first to complete their last NEWT paper - Potions.

"About as well. Good thing I can make do with an E in the subject for the muggle PR department," said Kelsey. She took a seat next to Sirius and Remus who were deep in conversation.

"I'm telling you Moony, something was off. The proctor kept looking at me funny," said Sirius sounding confused.

Kelsey smirked to herself as she enjoyed the remnants of her last prank on the boy. She had cast a charm around him that gave off a funky smell to other girls. It was payback for the bucket of water that greeted her on the first day of NEWTS. Admittedly, she had been the one who told Sirius to make sure she woke up. But powering through NEWTS with a cold hadn't been her plan.

Between the proctor and Lily yelling at him about his hygiene (Sirius was lost at that), he had no idea why girls kept running away from him today.

"Kelsey, do you have something to say?" Remus caught on to her stifled laugh.

"You didn't!" Sirius yelled, stopping conversation around them.

"I mean.." Kelsey left the thought unfinished. Remus too grinned, amused. It was one of her better jokes.

"Now they'll think I don't shower!"

"It didn't affect your exam now, did it!" Kelsey replied. "Unlike some people." She was talking about herself.

Sirius was about to reply something snarky when he stopped. "You know.." he trailed off, as their friends busied talking among themselves. He covertly glanced at the water body a few feet away. It was the perfect day to spend their time outside after finishing their exams. Kelsey rested her chin on her fist and stared at him. "It's not November anymore. And apparently, I could use a fresh bath."

Sirius had Kelsey in her arms before she saw it coming.

"Sorry Jones." Just like last time, he held her close to him while she struggled in his arms bridal style. "But bad girls get punished," he leaned in to whisper huskily before jumping into the lake with her.

They both fell in with a splash. Their friends around them didn't even blink an eye.

"Sirius Black, you-" Kelsey started splashing water on him while yelling expletives as they emerged. Sirius grabbed her by the waist to try and stop her to which tried to grab his shirt to duck him underwater.

"How-" She pushed Sirius down.

"Are you-" He came up for air.

"So strong?" He spluttered. Finally, he was able to knock her down by gripping her legs underwater and making her fall back in with him. None of their friends bothered to interfere.

As they exited the lake five minutes later, Sirius' gaze fell on her now transparent shirt which showed her lacy red bra underneath. He gulped. Kelsey noticed where his sight was.

"Well, I was wearing it for us later," Kelsey tugged his tie and pulled him in closer. They were standing inches apart at the edge of the lake.

"Uhuh," Sirius replied blankly.

"Shame it got ruined," she batted her eyes.

"Nevermind that," he pulled her in by the waist even closer. "I have a bed where you can dry it perfectly fine."

Only now, ten feet away, did their friends seem disturbed.

"I think I liked them better trying to drown each other the lake," James complained under his breath while Astrid blushed at the couple's bold public statements.

Kelsey pulled away playfully just as he went to kiss her when an unexpected presence showed up, halting all conversation in their group.

"Hey guys."

Kelsey never thought she would have to resist the urge to murder someone until that moment.

Peter Pettigrew stood in front of them shifting awkwardly on his feet. He couldn't meet their eyes and it looked as if he had lost a lot of weight. Yes, they had seen the boy from a distance while sitting for NEWTs but no one except Lily, who always chose to see the good in people, was kind enough to approach him. There were a few times James almost gave in to ask about Wormtail's parents but the betrayal still stung.

Sirius saw the anger flare in his girlfriend's eyes and had to restrain her. He could feel her breathing heavily against him.

"C-c-can I t-talk you guys?" Peter finally spoke up a few moments later.

No one said anything for some time. James looked at Lily nervously to which she smiled back assuringly.

"I guess.." James got up, hinting at Remus and Sirius to follow. The four boys walked a little farther from the group before they started speaking. Kelsey scoffed and sat back down next to Lily. She pulled out her wand to magically dry herself. No one said anything as they watched the boys talk in hushed tones.

Eventually, James patted Peter on the shoulder as the mousy boy burst into tears. It looked as if he was trying to comfort him.

Sirius stayed mum the whole time while looking at Kelsey every few seconds. Finally, he said something to which Peter appeared to nod, and with that, the boys walked back. 

Remus suddenly stopped and walked back to say one final thing to Peter with a sad smile. The boys waved him off.

"What was that about?" inquired Kelsey.

"A secret," Sirius winked at her. She deadpanned him as if to remind him how that ended up last time.

"Long story short, we forgave him," said James.

"..of sorts," said Remus.

"I did tell him to talk to you," Sirius brought up. "But probably not yet. I told him to give you some time to err- cool off."

"He'll be waiting a long time," Kelsey rolled her eyes.

"That was very mature of you three," Lily was surprised. James grinned as he laid his head down on her lap.

"I know right," James too sounded surprised.

Sirius stared at Kelsey who sat chatting with Astrid and Moony. Her last attempts to get them together. He knew that Kelsey was convinced something was going on between them but neither werewolf nor the blonde girl had betrayed any secret affair so far.

Soon enough they broke into immediate post-Hogwarts plans with Sirius picturing his newly acquired flat. It was a two-bedroom and Moony would be moving in with him.

"I know that I'm like still a teenager but I will have a fit if he keeps at it!" Kelsey was complaining about how her father was trying to be strict with her about Sirius when she moved back in. Keyword: trying. It was funny and warmed Kelsey's heart and was a tad bit embarrassing on Theo's end if she were to ask her mum. "I mean it. If he were a wizard, he would've surely charmed the door to stop me from leaving after nine to meet Black!" To say her father wasn't thrilled about her and Sirius was an understatement.

"Then move in with me." The words left his mouth before he could process what he had said.

"I'm sorry what?" Kelsey was astonished.

"Move in with me Jones," Sirius looked at Remus. "I mean if umm Moony's fine with it too-"

"I'm sure Kelsey will be a sufficient housemate should she choose to move in," Remus said sounding bored. "Might even be a step up from having to live with just you," he added softly. Astrid giggled.

"We've been living together for seven years!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Don't I know it," Remus rolled his eyes. "Pretty sure it shaved a few years off my life."

"What do you say, eh?" he wiggled his eyebrows at her. In no time she threw herself at him, a common occurrence for a few days now, and started kissing him senseless.

"Ugh, you guys make me sick." Mary pretended to gag.

"Think we'll all be together in a year?" Lily wondered out loud. She was excited to move in with Astrid near Diagon Alley for the Apothecary apprenticeship

"Reckon we'll be married in a year Evans," James was confident.

"Only if you make it out alive, Potter," retorted Lily. As the group went on with their lives, they would soon have their roles in the Order confirmed soon. Mary and Marlene had joined as well.

The calm before the storm, Lily thought. She started weaving her fingers through James' hair and he looked up and pouted. Kelsey giggled resting against Sirius. None of them noticed when Astrid and Remus disappeared for a stroll.

"Psst," Lily whispered to Kelsey who leaned over. "Want to know a secret?" Kelsey nodded.

"If he asked..I'd probably say yes, but it's good to knock his ego down once in a while." They giggled as Potter dozed off. 

ϟ

July 1978 | 1 Month Later

Riiing!

Sirius jumped in surprise as the newly installed telephone in the apartment went off.

"Oi, Jones!" He called out from the living room. Kelsey emerged from the bedroom with a box in her hands. It was move-in day and they were only halfway through.

"Hello?" She picked up the phone as Sirius continued to stare at the contraption suspiciously. He couldn't believe that muggle devices worked in the apartment despite Remus explaining to him how telephone lines functioned. 

Kelsey nodded and hmm-ed a few times into the receiver. She put the phone down. "That was mum. Dad should be here in a bit with the rest of my stuff," she said.

"Joy," murmured Sirius. It was no secret that in the one month since Kelsey had announced to her parents, well her father mostly, that Sirius had been threatened with bodily harm on several occasions during family dinners that Kelsey insisted on for him to get in his good graces.

Sirius watched his girlfriend from the window as she helped Theo Jones unload a few boxes with kitchenware. It was a good thing that she was here. It was also a good thing that Remus did not trust them to survive alone.

He watched her trying to convince her father to come upstairs which he begrudgingly relented to. An idea crossed his mind. Originally, he was going to do it during their monthly dinners with the Order, specifically in front of Dumbledore and McGonagall but he realised that having her father here was even better.

With mischief on his mind, he went to their room and headed for the box he had stuffed under the bed. Kelsey had no idea it existed.

It was also a good thing that Remus was out for the day to 'browse some books'. Sirius knew it was a cover for meeting Astrid. But he was happy for his mate and was happy that Remus was possibly getting some.

Toying with the item in his hand now he exited the bedroom and fixed it on the dining table right in view of the front door. He left the door open for Kelsey and Theo since they would probably have their hands full.

"Daad!" The voice carried up the staircase. "Can we not talk about this, please? Contrary to popular belief Sirius Black is not out to corrupt my innocence." He heard muffled grumbles. "Besides, that ship sailed long ago."

"WHAT?!"

"Kidding!" Kelsey covered for herself lest her father burst in through the door and murder her boyfriend. They were a lot closer now and Sirius hid in their room.

Theo Jones was the first one to enter.

"Anyway I'm sure you two will get along if you just get to know him." Kelsey finally reached the landing and entered the apartment behind Theo. 

Why was her father frozen still? Her eyes widened as she stared at the thing Sirius had left as a present for her father to find.

The purple dildo stood tall and proud with its suction fixed onto the dining table. Kelsey had never seen it before.

"Kelsey," Theo squeaked in dismay. "Tell me I'm imagining things," he pleaded. "That it's the magic in this place making my brain go woozy."

Only now did Sirius pretend to come out of the bedroom and be shocked at the sight in front of him.

"Kelsey! I can't believe you left it out again!" He faked his horror. "Sorry 'bout that Mr Jones, you know how forgetful our Kelsey can be leaving her things around the house," he said. "Bugger that's embarrassing," he mumbled under his breath just loud enough for Theo to hear. The man sucked in a gasp.

Sirius grinned triumphantly as Theo Jones looked as if he was going to have a heart attack.

"Y-you," Kelsey spluttered trying to find words. "Dad that isn't mine!" She protested but he remained silent, eyes glued to the ten-inch object.

With a frustrated sound, she marched over to the table and ripped it off.

"What. Is. This?" She shoved it in front of his face.

Of course, Sirius being Sirius bought a silicone one. One that wiggled forcefully when Kelsey shoved it in front of him only to have it bounce back and hit her in the face.

Behind her, a box fell to the ground with a crash as her dad let go in shock and sat back on a chair when he watched his daughter get smacked in the face comically with an adult toy. Kelsey closed her eyes and counted to five.

Ten minutes later, Astrid and Remus entered the apartment eager to share Astrid's housewarming present. They stood, mouth agape, at the sight in front of them:

Kelsey was chasing Sirius around the living room with a purple dildo that jiggled violently every time she tried to hit him with it. On the armchair in a corner, Theo Jones sat with his head between his hands, permanently scarred.  

ϟ

A/N: Vote, comment, and share!! Hope you enjoyed it! 

Anyone know any nice Fred Weasley fics? One that is NOT Golden Boy.

GIF: tenor.com

Continue Reading

You'll Also Like

496K 11.6K 32
"You know, don't be surprised if I'm carrying you like this again someday." "Oh, piss off." Genevieve Potter is James Potters fraternal twin. Althoug...
31.6K 1K 38
Being a bride is not easy for fifteen year old student Lilla Jax. Her grandfather wanted her to marry someone of his choosing before he passed away...
1.1M 33.8K 56
Pragma: long lasting love. Love that requires true commitment that comes from understanding, compromise and tolerance. It is referred to as "standing...
42.3K 1.1K 12
( 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐔𝐄𝐃 ) "𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬, 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬, 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫�...