Crash
Hindi na naproseso ng utak ko ang mga sunod na sinabi ni Elcid.
His voice was still audible yet his words barely registered in me. Tanging ang mga nauna niyang sinabi lamang ang tumatak sa isipan ko.
The next thing I knew, I was already bidding goodbye to Milli and dashing my way to Revel.
Mabilis ang pintig ng puso ko habang nagmamaneho. Dinampot ko ang phone sa dashboard upang tawagan si Alister ngunit bumagal ang galaw ng kamay ko nang mapagtantong wala akong numero niya.
"Hello, Milli?" I ended up calling her instead. "Can I get Ali's number? I should've asked for this before I left.. Nawala sa isip ko," I bit my lip. I was too out of it earlier.
"He didn't change his number, Ate. Ganun pa rin, tulad ng dati."
I then tried calling his old number but all I get is an automated response. Hindi ko mawari kung patay ang phone niya o ano.
Kung anu-anong pumapasok sa utak ko. I suddenly remembered what Elcid said. That he beat the crap out of him. Lasing pa umano ito.
Humigpit ang kapit ko sa manibela. What if he completely passed out in the middle of nowhere and something happens? Damn.
Aligaga ako nang makarating sa Revel. I looked for every table, every corner, and every spot. Pero wala. Hindi ko siya nakita. Tinanong ko rin lahat ng pwedeng pagtanungan. If a room was booked under his name or something. But still.. there was none.
Bigo ako nang bumalik sa sasakyan. Nangangatog ang tuhod sa mga ideyang pumapasok sa isipan. No trace of him was left there anymore. Fuck. What could have happened to him?!
Wala akong nagawa kundi ang magmaneho pauwi sa towers. Tila hinihigop ng pag-aalala ang lakas ko. Nanghihina habang nakasandal sa dingding ng elevator. Pakiramdam ko'y nalulula ako habang paakyat ito.
Humugot ako ng malalim na hinga nang tumunog ito, tanda na nakarating na sa tamang palapag. Nang magbukas ay pinilit ang sariling lumabas sa kabila ng panlalambot.
Bagsak ang balikat ko nang lumiko. Unti-unti lamang bumagal ang mga hakbang nang may matanaw sa tapat ng unit ko.
Right in front of my fucking doorstep is Alister. He can't even stand straight anymore. Kahit sa malayo ay bakas ang mga pasa at galos nito. His bruises shone with some trace of blood. Ang kamay niya'y nasa gilid ng tyan at animo'y namimilipit.
A lump form in my throat. Parang gusto kong murahin si Elcid.
Nilunok ko ang bara sa lalamunan at tinuloy ang paglalakad. He might have felt my presence as he heard the footsteps. Umangat ang ulo niya palingon sa direksyon ko.
His eyes instantly dilated as he saw me. Pinilit nitong tumayo nang tuwid at humakbang palapit sakin.
"Einj.." there was urgency in his voice, he held my arms as soon as we closed the gap. "Your boyfriend is cheating on you–"
"Ali," I sighed. "Nagkakama–"
"No, I'm sure of what I saw! He was very intimate with the girl he was with–"
"Hey," hinaplos ko ang kamay niya. "Calm down.."
Natigilan siya, bahagyang naibsan ang pagpupuyos. Nakita ko pa ang paglunok niya.
"But.. it's true.. he's seeing another girl–"
Napabuntong-hininga ako.
"Listen," tikhim ko. "Elcid and I.. we're not together."
Ramdam ko ang pagka-estatwa ng katawan niya sa sinabi ko kasabay ng pagkunot ng noo.
"What?" litong wika niya.
I was just about to open my mouth when he subtly grimaced in pain. Dumapo sa tagiliran ang kamay nya at napapikit ang isang mata.
I bit my lip in concern.
"We'll talk later.." marahang saad ko. "For now, gamutin muna natin ang mga sugat mo,"
Hindi ko alam kung paanong pagbabasag-ulo ang ginawa nila ni Elcid na pati ang polo niya ay may mantsa. There were even traces of rum in his collar. I decided to lend him a shirt when we got inside. May spare clothes si Aki sa pad ko kaya't pumili ako ng tingin ko'y kakasya sa kanya.
"Change into these first," lahad ko sa kanya. "I'll make you a cup of coffee."
Bumagsak ang tingin niya sa hawak ko. Kumpleto iyon. May shirt at boxer shorts. Sinamahan ko na rin ng towel in case na gusto niyang maghilamos para mahimasmasan.
I handed it further to him nang manatili lang siyang nakatitig doon. Hindi ko alam kung bakit matabang ang ekspresyon niya nang tanggapin iyon. Tila labag pa sa loob.
"Here's the guestroom," binuksan ko ang pinto noon. "The bathroom is right there." turo ko sa loob. "Call me if you need anything,"
Pinagtimpla ko na muna siya ng kape habang naghihintay. He took quite longer than I expected though. Natunugan ko na lang na naliligo na ito nang marinig ang lagaslas ng shower. Hinanda ko na lang din muna ang first aid kit habang wala pa siya.
The citrus smell of body wash attacked my nose when he sat beside me on the couch in the living room.
"Your wounds must have hurt.. sana hindi ka na lang muna naligo," kumento ko habang nilalabas ang mga laman ng medical box.
He was drying his hair with the white towel in his hand. His bicep was flexing in every stroke. Inusog ko ang tasa ng kape sa harap niya.
He reached for it using his free hand and brought it near his mouth to take a sip. I wonder if he still feel drunk or has now sobered up.
"Lift your shirt so I can see the bruise on your stomach," wika ko habang hinahanda ang ice pack.
"This is nothing.."
Tinapunan ko siya ng tingin. Nang hindi niya pa rin iangat ang damit ay ako na mismo ang gumawa noon. My insides twisted upon seeing the contusion.
Napatiim-bagang ako.
"Hindi ka dapat nakikipag-away,"
I carefully compressed the cold pack on the area.
"He's the one who did that to me." tunog-batang akusa niya.
"Ikaw daw ang unang sumugod,"
Umismid ito. "So nakapagsumbong na pala sya sayo? What else did he say then? Did he make up excuses about being with someone else–"
"I told you, we're not together."
Natameme siya. Nakita ko ang pagtagal ng malalim niyang titig sakin.
He then reached for my busy hands and stopped me from what I was doing.
"I don't understand.. what do you mean you're not together?"
Tumikhim ako. Binawi ang kamay sa kanya at nagpatuloy sa ginagawa.
"We're not in a relationship. We've never been and we've never had any," saad ko.
Muli niyang hinuli ang mga kamay ko upang makuha ang atensyon ko.
"But he's been going to social events with you as his girlfriend." salubong ang kilay na wika niya.
My lips parted. He knew about that?
"We've just been putting on an act in every formal occasion. Nothing's really going on between us. Magkaibigan lang kami ni Elcid,"
Nanatiling madilim ang ekspresyon niya. "Friends don't go around kissing and hugging each other,"
"What?" bulalas ko. "We've never kissed!"
"What about the pictures then?"
My forehead knotted in confusion.
"Which pictures?"
"The ones my sister shown me." aniya. "She have shown me a lot of pictures of you two kissing and hugging each other. She said she has this friend Theo who keeps on catching you two,"
Natigilan ko.
"Theo? Matagal nang nawala sa eskwelahan namin si Theo, Ali." I said. "He's been kicked out for accepting commissions in exchange of digital manipulation,"
Ilang beses ko nang tinanggihan ang panliligaw ni Theo noon pero hindi siya tumitigil. Bago siya napatalsik sa University ay tanda kong kinompronta niya ko. He said he could make us work. But I remained firm in rejecting him and admitted that I already love someone else. Naganap yun sa parehong buwan ng hiwalayan namin ni Ali.
"Damn.. One month of not hearing anything from you and I've already been told that you're going out with Elcid," he muttered a curse under his breath.
Bumagal ang galaw ng kamay ko.
"Is that why you didn't come home anymore after a month?"
His jaw tightened.
"No," mariing wika niya. "I did, Einj. I still did. You don't have any idea how many times I did come home just to see you,"
Napaawang ang labi ko.
My gaze on his face lingered. Dumapo ang tingin ko sa sugat sa gilid ng labi niya.
Marahan kong inabot iyon. My thumb then gently touched the small cut.
"Ali.." I tenderly caress his cheek. "It's true that I've never been with Elcid. We never.. ever did kiss too. I swear! I don't know how they made it seem like it but my conscience is pure. We made it clear to each other that we're just gonna be friends. It's been years since I've turned down his advances. And the last time I checked, he's already in love with someone else."
Maingat kong hinaplos ang sugat sa balat niya. Sa banayad kong pagdapyo ay napapikit siya.
He heaved a sigh.
"If you're not with him.. then, why are you treating what happened between us that night as a mistake? Why are you making it seem like we're doing something wrong?"
Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi.
"I thought you were with Milli.."
His brows furrowed.
"What?"
Napalunok ako. "I've been in touch with your sister in the past years... and I had the misconception that you're in a relationship with Milli,"
Ayokong paratangan si Elle. Totoong hindi niya direktang tinukoy na si Ali ang karelasyon ni Milli. Pero tiyak akong alam niyang iyon ang pagkakaunawa ko sa mga sinasabi niya. Yet, she never once cleared it to me. Tila... sinadya niyang wag pangalanan ang nobyo ni Milli para magkaroon ako ng maling ideya.
We were both so overwhelmed by everything that unraveled. It took us a long time to absorb everything. Si Ali ang muling bumasag sa katahimikan matapos ang ilang sandali.
"Kung ganon.." hinanap ng maamo niyang mata ang tingin ko. "Sagutin mo na ang bagay na matagal ko nang tinatanong.."
"Huh? Anong tanong.."
He licked his lip.
"Na... baka may magalit.." bahagyang namula ang leeg niya.
"Ha? Hindi naman tanong 'yan,"
"Ang ibig kong sabihin.." lumunok siya. "Walang iba, hindi ba?"
Napairap ako. "Hindi pa ba sapat lahat ng sinabi ko? Wala nga,"
"Kung ganon... kaninong damit 'to?" tukoy niya sa suot.
Seriously, what's with his questions?
"Kay Aki,"
His lips parted.
"What about the ring then?" he suddenly asked. "Kung hindi si Elcid..." lumunok siya. "Sino?"
Inangat ko ang kamay na may suot ng singsing. Hinawakan ko iyon at dinama sa balat ko.
"It's a promise ring for myself.." mahinang wika ko. "Bukod sayo.. kung meron man akong isa pang nasaktan at pinahirapan sa nakaraan... iyon ay ang sarili ko. This ring is a promise of self-love. I commit myself to live a life where I honor myself and my own inner truth."
Nang ibalik ko sa kanya ang tingin ay naabutan kong sakin lang nakatuon ang mata niya. Pumungay pa iyon habang nakatitig.
Halos manginig tuloy ang boses ko nang muling magsalita.
"Mananatiling pangako at paalala na kahit sa iilang pagkakataon lamang... pipiliin kong— ako naman muna.." humina ang boses ko.
Ngayon lang rumerehistro sakin kung gaano kami kalapit sa isa't isa.
I can feel his hot fresh breath brushing on my skin. It's making me shiver.
His intoxicated eyes are dazedly fixed on me. Dahan-dahang iyong bumagsak sa labi ko. His lids blinked delicately as he stare at my lips. Animo'y nalalasing sa imahe noon.
Kinilabutan ako nang maramdaman ang marahang paggapang ng mainit niyang kamay mula sa leeg hanggang sa batok ko.
The sensation was overpowering. Unti-unting bumigat ang talukap ng mga mata ko.
Before I even know, I was already shutting my eyes closed as he leaned his head forward to crash his lips against mine.