THE FIRST FEW DAYS WERE the hardest.
Mason made work excuses to leave dinner tables. Cameron didn't even bother to make an excuse, he just left. And me and Klarise were mostly left alone, because Jackson took most of his meals up to his room.
I think that went on for about a week. Or two. Like I said, it was the hardest.
Klarise, with her fragile state and everything, while she could barely go outside because of her half healing face and how insecure that makes someone, she was the one who sewed this gap together between all of us.
It started with a rainy morning. The weather was horrible, it was pouring, and a nasty chill ran through the house. It was those kind of days where you just wanted to be doing nothing and make a waste of your time and be unproductive. That was exactly what I had been planning on doing until Klarise did what she did.
"Come on! It'd be so fun!" She grabbed onto my arm, tugging at it like a toddler begging to get candy. How old was she?
I was not in the mood for teasing and games. And what she suggested was totally out of question. I did not want to even step out of the house.
"You're insane. Horseback riding? In this kind of weather?" I pointed out the living room window. The weather report even said a storm was coming. Sometimes, more mature and knowledgeable than me, Klarise can get so insensible. Once she gets like that, there seems to be no negotiation at hand. "This is out of the question. We. Are. Not. Going."
I slam the book I was trying to read, because she just kept nudging at me, doing those puppy eyes I didn't know she did. It's impossible to concentrate like that.
"Oh come on, Maeve. You know we need this. Please," she stretched out the e, seeming to stretch on forever. I swat at her, which makes her finally stop that noise.
"Okay, give me some good reasons why we should go."
She beams, smiling. Though I must have put on a good act, and it took quite some convincing of her. What she didn't know was that the moment she asked, her eyes smiling brighter than it had been in days, something she hasn't done a lot ever since the things that has happened to her, I had already fallen. I wanted her face to stay happy like that, her to stay happy and joyful. I've given in since the start.
"It's fun. And because you've never done horseback riding. That makes it more fun, doesn't it?"
I raised an eyebrow at her. "Fun is not a good reason. Look outside," she looked outside, then looked back at me, face seeming innocent like she doesn't see the dark clouds and everything. "We live in the city, in case you don't know that. So where in the world will we even find a horseback riding place first of all? And then there is——"
"I've found a place already!"
I would have frowned, but seeing her smile so true and sincere, I just waved her off again. "Fine. Like I was saying before you cut me off," she rolled her eyes at my exaggerated displease, which earns her a tiny grin from me. "How will we get there? Because this place must be in the country is what I am guessing or just somewhere far." She opens her mouth but I talk over her. "Driving is an option. But who will drive? Hiring a driver is not an option, since..." I don't want to say it, and seeing her expression dawn I know she knows what I mean.
Anyone will leak her condition right now to the press and that would be...damaging. Both to her career and her self-esteem. I couldn't let that happen.
I make my voice slightly lighter to hopefully change the mood. "Cameron is definitely not going to. He's a lazy bum." Klarise laughed, and I'm glad insulting Cameron managed to do so. "Mason is a no too, because I know he is definitely going to drive us if we asked him, and that is exactly why it's a no. He needs rest and relaxation from all that work he crams himself with, and driving us for hours is not going to give him that. Me? Don't even, I don't even want to go so I'm not driving us." I crossed my legs and arms together, leaning back and closing my eyes. I wanted to do nothing and absolutely nothing. Negotiating and arguing with Klarise can get so tiring.
"What about me? I can drive us there."
My eyes shot open and I shook my head a little too furiously. "Yeah, sweetheart, your driving is a no. I am not going to sit in a car for hours feeling like I might die any second along the way."
She made a scrawny looking face and then got up and left. I smiled, feeling the victory having won over me. But then also feeling a bit bad, since she looked so hopeful, I yelled over:
"We can go some other day. But it's just not today. Sorry." I opened my book again, melting into the sofa and getting a comfortable position.
About ten minutes later, Klarise boomed back into the room, her face all smiles. I closed my book reluctantly, having just gotten into the exciting part.
"Now what is it?"
She looked like she was about to jump through our roof. "Guess!"
I rolled my eyes, getting impatient again. "You've realized that you were being incredibly ignorant earlier and have come to apologize."
She pouted. "What? No, of course not. My idea is brilliant. What I'm saying is I got us a driver. Juno will be arriving soon. Let's get dressed." She was already pulling me up when I shook my head right and left again, this time harder than the last. I looked at her with dismay and shock.
"Hold on, what did you do?"
"Juno will be driving us there! Now come along, he'll be here soon! We have to get Jackson and the others ready too."
I felt this anger rushing in, and frustration, but then, as she linked her arm through mine, looking nervously at the floor in a way I have never seen her done before, I stopped my mouth from opening.
"I'm really excited," her voice was so soft, and as she looked at nothing, it was like she was going through a memory. "When I was little I have only went horseback riding once because my parents needed to finish a business for an afternoon and needed me elsewhere. It was maybe the best day of my childhood even if the intention was never too great. The happiest I had been."
I don't know how to describe what she looked like when she said that. But it made all of my feelings, every will in me that had been against this idea, disappear for a moment. And then all I knew was we needed to go. Yes, we needed to go. I wanted to make her happy and this seemed like the best choice to it.
She broke away from that look she had, and then back at me. Her arm in mine held tighter, her lips tight in a smile like she was hiding away some kind of tears. "Anyway, let's go get Cameron first. He always takes the longest persuading."
Trying to shake myself out of this weird haze, this seeming to be a labyrinth of thoughts and feelings I didn't know how to exactly receive and recover from, I rolled my eyes. Sometimes I feel so blessed to have a natural acting talent. "Whatever. You better make sure this is a good idea. Because rain and horseback riding do not seem to mix together very well."
She nodded, grinning, and she looked so jolly I could almost feel a tail wagging like she was a dog that has just been rewarded with a treat. "It's going to be the best idea ever."
I teased her up a bit. "Nope, trust me, it's going to be the worst idea ever and you'd wish you had listened to me."
She stuck out her tongue at me, in these moments all of that sorrow, all of that pain that she has endured, just gone and faded into childish acts.
I guess she was right after all. It was the best idea.
MASON DIDN'T ARGUE ABOUT it, which he never does. So I guess I'll never exactly know if he wanted to go horseback riding or not.
Cameron, like I imagined, did not like the idea either. Klarise whispered something to him though, and sure enough, he was coming willingly like a lost puppy. I wonder what she said to him, because I would have loved to use it against him in our arguments.
Jackson just shrugged his shoulders when we asked, putting on his headphones and blocking out the world. He was so introverted. But if I have to say, he did remind me of someone.
In the car, which was more like a van, Cameron sat near the front in the passenger seat, right next to Juno. Mason and Jackson sat in the back together, and me and Klarise together in the middle.
I got sort of mad when I found out it was a five hour drive. But of course, I already said I'll go and everyone was ready so there was no backing out about it.
The car was dead quiet except for Juno talking about his film, not that in a way of bragging, but it seemed more like something to fill the void of the awkward silence.
Then, about two hours into the drive, there was some murmuring from behind me. At first I ignored it, thinking I was hearing Jackson's loud music even with his headphones. But it kept happening and the mysteriousness of not knowing made me turn back.
What I saw was Mason and Jackson engaging in a conversation, Jackson leaned in and looking very interested, and Mason talking more than he had ever since we had our forgiveness encounter. It was shocking to see at first, and I turned to Klarise, just to find her smiling at my reaction and nodding like she knew this would happen.
"I thought they would have got along just well." Without an explanation to why she said what she did, she put on her earbuds and started listening to music just like Jackson had.
I glanced back once more, and eavesdropping, it sounded like Jackson was talking about some business stuff and investing. On the other hand, Mason seemed to be explaining all those stuff in detail to him. There was no laughing or friendly slapping that brothers do, not anything like that, but the way these two spoke to each other, in their own really quiet and calm way, it was like two puzzle pieces fitting together.
And then, in one single millimeter of a second, I saw Mason, now pepper haired and serious, wearing professional clothing even in non-serious times, suddenly turn into a young twenty year old boy, hair short and still black, in t-shirts and stained jeans. He smiles, and all you could see was the innocence of fresh manhood, the need to prove himself everywhere in his eyes.
And then it all made sense to me. Jackson was just like Mason when he was young. I should have known they would have made great friends, if not friends, associates.
Cameron was quiet at the front, and I decided why not make things up with him a bit using this chance?
"Hey Cam," I began to say, but then he turned around, and the look he had was that of a stranger.
"Yes?"
I didn't know why things got like this, but I had thought me and Cameron were back to normal, and were on good terms again. But as he just stared blankly at me, I began to realize that no, things have not gotten back to normal with me and him yet. That realization hit hard.
"Never mind."
He turned around, not bothering to even give me a second glance, and I turned toward the window and looked at the boring view as huge water drops hit them.
The rest of the car ride was a pain, adding with the rain, everything felt awful other than Jackson finally talking and opening up to someone that wasn't his sister.
A miracle it was, the rain stopped and we reached somewhere, no buildings in sight, and all there was was sun and sunshine. I wanted to stay annoyed and grumpy, telling Klarise this was a horrible idea, but it seemed like the weather wanted to prove me wrong too now.
We got out of the car, Jackson and Mason still talking in that low hum they do, and Cameron stretching out his limbs and yawning. Klarise took my hand as we looked at what was in front of us, an equestrian facility. I couldn't deny it, but the air felt fresh and tropical after the rain, feeling relieving.
Klarise squeezed my hand, half jumping up and down, eyes eager. She looked so young all of a sudden. "This is going to be awesome," I heard her say under her breath.
I let out a depressing sigh, though if I had to say, horseback riding was on my bucket list.
The people that worked there started introducing us to the horses, letting us get to know them a little—I really didn't see the point but that's what we did for thirty minutes—and then there was the instructions on what to do and what not to do etcetera etcetera.
The drive took up most of the day, as it was already late in the afternoon and the sun was starting to take its break, the hint of a faint moon in replacement. But every time when I find a good enough reason for how all of this was a horrible idea, I'd see Klarise, stress-free. And that did not happen very often after everything that's happened. It really makes you wonder how someone smiling happily can suddenly become so precious to you, and you want to think why that has happened.
"So are you ready?"
I looked up, realizing my trainer has probably been waiting for me for at least a minute.
I nodded, but once my hand was on this tall, brown, horse's mane, her name was Ariel I think, I could sense this animal did not like me. She huffed, and then stomped on her heels like mad. I immediately take my hands off of her and take a step back.
"Woah woah now, easy there girl." My trainer said as he patted her, and Ariel slowly started to calm down. He turned his attention back to me once Ariel had decided to chew on some grass absently. "Ariel is one of our fastest horses here, and easy to get along with."
I raised my eyebrows at him, then at Ariel. She towered over me somehow. "She does not seem to like me very much."
Edmund, my trainer's name, laughed heartedly and reached his hand out to me. "Here, whenever you're ready, just step up on the leathers and I'll help with the rest."
I swallowed, and looking around me, I noticed Mason was peacefully riding his horse like it was nothing side by side to Juno, in some kind of work related conversation. Jackson doing just the same nearby them, his horse tamed as his face was calm and easy like the horse. Further behind them was Cameron, who wasn't as graceful as them, but still managing. Lastly, Klarise, though she was not the best, her face said everything I needed to know that she was enjoying this. I looked back at Ariel, who huffed again.
Taking in a deep breath, I took Edmund's hand and messily got up onto Ariel, the saddle feeling so big. No, I think it was Ariel that felt big.
Edmund was guiding her with the reins, but either way it was still hard and unnatural. After a few minutes when I thought I was getting a hang of things, my frown began to turn into a grin, that's when things started to go downhill. I was pretty damn sure Ariel knew I felt nervous, because she started walking faster and faster, the feeling of her hoofs meeting the floor each time hitting my buttocks in an ugly manner of pain. Her head twisted as she—sneezed?—and the pace and rhythm of slow started to go quicker than I could control.
"Um, uh, Edmund?" I looked down, Ariel was so tall I couldn't see Edmund unless I looked, and realized he wasn't there holding the reins anymore. The panic in me started to grow.
"Ariel! Stop!" I hear Edmund call behind me. Yeah, this is definitely not going well. "Just hold on to her as best you could for now! She can feel what you feel, so just stay calm!"
"Stay calm?" My breathing became quickened, and all I could do was grab onto Ariel's neck like a lunatic. This, note, is something you should definitely not do. Because right when I do so, Ariel goes mad, and I mean mad mad.
She makes this furious and fearful sound, and instead of walking so fast, she starts running. I feel tears stinging my eyes, and I never cried with such things, but then again I've never gone horseback riding. I hug even tighter to Ariel's neck, grabbing onto her black mane, the wind feeling like sharp cuts on my face as we blasted around and around the runway, almost knocking down the others on their horses.
If you want to know, this was the first and last time I went horseback riding.
This shouldn't have been so surprising if you think about it, but the thing is I wasn't thinking about it, I wasn't even thinking at all during those few moments. All I wanted was to get off that damn horse as she ran like crazy, huffing and puffing and making terrifying noises. Ariel gave me exactly what I wanted. Just not in the way I imagined.
She jumped, or like stood on her back two limbs, and wildly, threw me over from behind.
Surprise overtook me, and then all I knew was I was flying in the air for a good few seconds, and then landed on my butt, dirt and dust covering me up.
It was so painful, the sting of it, the pain consuming me and then all I knew was I was in pain and couldn't get up. I felt actual tears in the corner of my eyes, laying there on the dirty floor, Ariel a few feet away from me, was now calm and quiet. I swear to you she was smiling.
"Crap, god, this is the worst, the worst! It's the shittiest thing I have ever done!" I screamed, and then managed to sit up despite the pain, and people, meaning Juno, Cameron, Mason, Jackson, Klarise, and the trainers, all gathered around me. I should have been glad we were so far out in the country these people didn't know Maeve Sun Lively and that no other strangers were here other than the trainers. Or else if this made the headlines, I think I'd be spending ten years trying to cover it up.
All I wanted to do was scream my head off. But then, with my anger still trying to swallow me whole, I got a better look at everyone around me.
The trainers looked horrified, because of course I was going to make them pay after this (I ended up not). And Klarise was quickly by my arm the moment I fell, whispering to me if I was alright and being deeply concerned, which already started to melt at my heart. Then Mason, his eyes looked bigger than normal, like he's trying to process what just happened.
Oh of course, and then Cameron. He was laughing, face red like a tomato, and tears were springing out of his eyes. "That. Was. The. Best. Thing. I've. Seen. All. Month." He then pointed at my butt, laughing so hard he could barely breathe. "Did you just seriously get thrown three yards away by a horse?"
My mouth was open, and then, my eyes slowly traced over Klarise's shoulder, and then I saw Jackson. Jackson was smiling. I had never seen that boy smile, I thought he didn't know how. Jackson started laughing. He started to laugh quietly, but then it got louder and louder.
I feel my anger disappearing, and my furrowed face turning into a childish and embarrassed grin. All of a sudden, everyone started laughing.
Then laughter was all there was. And as it went on and on, this kindled laughter I haven't had for a while, it fluttered all over me. I think that was what really brought us together from pieces into whole again.
I suppose there was at least one good takeaway from horseback riding after all.