I wake up at the crack of dawn, and my leg feels like a pile of lard. I'm still curled up in the same bed I was sitting in, and I feel like I've just woken up from a two year coma, though it's only been a couple of hours.
I sit up, and to my right I see a sleeping James, and to my left is Sirius, who watches me intently.
"What time is it?" I ask him groggily, and he checks his watch.
"Five thirty."
I nod, and he continues to stare at me.
"Look, Sirius—"
"No," he says quietly, cutting me off, "you don't get to make any excuses."
"I wasn't going to—"
"I've sat here how many times now? Worrying if you're going to get better, or even wake up," he says, "So many times I've watched you sleep, afraid to shut my eyes in case you stop breathing. Do you know what that does to me?"
I'm quiet, and he stands.
"And now you've gone and done it to yourself. You've gone and done something so incredibly stupid I can't even comprehend it," he continues, "You went and nearly got yourself killed. And now, because you didn't use your head, I've spent another night watching your chest rise and fall. I can't do it anymore, and I certainly can't do it if you do it to yourself."
He's strangely calm, but I know it won't last.
"I didn't know what Snape was doing—"
"You could have talked to us!" He shouts, and I knew it was coming, but it doesn't make it any easier, "We had it under control, and even if we didn't, it's not your responsibility!"
"You didn't let me talk to you!" I argue, "You left to go see James! I didn't know you told him, I didn't know he stopped Snape, all I knew was you gave him this vital piece of information that could've gotten him killed! That doesn't sound like my fault!"
"Well it is!" Sirius yells, "It is your fault, Cass! You don't have to be a hero all the time! You don't have to save lives!"
"So you'd rather I let him die?"
"That's not what I said!"
"Then what?" I get up off the bed, my leg rather useless at my side. "Because if I think some student is in danger, even Snivellus, I'm not gonna stand by while you let him die! That makes you no better than a Death Eater!"
He looks taken aback at that, and I immediately regret saying it. I know how much it affects him, and I can see it in his eyes that he's hurt.
Suddenly, the doors open, and Remus comes barging in, chest heaving. James is awake now, having roused from the shouting, and we all look to the boy at the door.
Remus's eyes trail from my torn, bloody pants, to Sirius's scratched face and stained hands, to James's elevated leg, which is still in the process of being repaired by Skele-Gro and therefore looks limp and mangled. He takes one look at us all, turns on his heel, and runs out the door. I look from Sirius to James to myself, all of us frozen.
"Well, you're the one with the working legs," I say urgently to my boyfriend, "so go!"
He springs into action, leaping over the bed he had been watching me from and sprinting out the door. I watch him go before sighing and sitting on my own mattress, burying my face in my hands.
"You're right, you know," James says tiredly from beside me, his eyes also on the door, "I don't know what Sirius was thinking telling Snape that. It was stupid and terrible and look what it's led to. So, just for the record, I'm on your side, because you're right."
It's weird to hear. James is always on Sirius's side, and vice versa. You wouldn't catch them fighting even on a blue moon, yet now they're on opposite teams, and it's because of Snape.
"It doesn't feel that way," I sigh, and he does too.
"It never does with Sirius."
Madam Pomfrey comes back out then, beginning to fuss with James's leg, and so I pull my own onto the bed and lean back on my pillow. I'm itching to get out of these clothes, but my leg barely works because of the potion, and I'm beyond exhausted. Every one of my limbs aches, not unlike how I felt after I got hit with the Cruciatus Curse.
I stare at the door, waiting for Sirius to come back. I hate fighting with him, we've done enough of it this year. I just want us to be okay.
Just as I'm thinking maybe I'll apologize, he comes through the door, looking defeated.
"Did you find him?" I ask, and he shakes his head. Next to me, Madam Pomfrey takes James's foot off of the sling and heads back to her office.
"You didn't?" James asks, "Where did he go?"
"Well, I caught up to him," Sirius says, "but he said to leave him alone."
James suddenly looks angry.
"So?" He laughs harshly, then raises his voice, "You go after him! That's our friend, Sirius. That's Remus! He's feeling like shit right now thinking last night was his fault, but little does he know it's all on you! And you just let him walk away?"
Sirius blinks in surprise; James has clearly never yelled at him before. I've never seen him yell at Sirius before.
"Well, I—" Sirius frowns, but James saves him from having to stutter out an excuse.
"You messed up, Sirius." He sits up higher, "I hate Snape as much as you do, but what you did was stupid. You put not only that worthless prat in danger, but our friends as well. I don't blame Cass for wanting to make sure he's okay. I don't blame her for coming out. I don't blame Remus for breaking my leg. I blame you."
Sirius has no words, and neither do I.
"Now," huffs James, "I would love to storm out right now, but I can't. So I'd like you to leave. Go find Remus, and go fix what you've messed up."
Sirius looks conflicted. He stares at his best friend, who stares right back with an expectant gaze, then he looks to me. I sit up.
"I'll come with you," I say, and he looks relieved. Relieved that I'm not yelling at him too.
I swing my legs off the bed, and he comes forward to help, slinging my arm around his shoulder and giving one last disdainful look to his best friend before leading us out the door. I feel feeling beginning to return to my limb, but I let Sirius support me as we begin down the corridor.
"I'm sorry I shouted," Sirius says quickly, glancing down at me with a nervous expression, "I-I just . . . I was so worried. I know I messed up, but you can't — I can't--"
"I know," I whisper, looking up to his face with a firm understanding, "I know, Sirius. It's okay."
He looks close to tears, but nods, releasing a shaky breath.
"James is right," he mutters, "It's all my fault. So much went wrong last night because of me."
I stop him, hearing his ragged breaths more uneven than mine is a sign he's under distress. I touch his face gently and smile in as warm a manner as I can muster.
"All we can do now is make it better," I whisper, "and we will, okay? Let's go find Remus."
He nods, his shoulders relaxing and his eyes flickering down to my lips. He kisses me swiftly before we continue to walk, the sun finally rising and shining a heavenly glow into the castle.
*
It turns out finding Remus is a lot more difficult than one might think. When that boy doesn't want to be spoken to, he's excellent at making himself scarce.
Sirius and I search through the first floors, the grounds, the library, the kitchens, the Great Hall, and under as many staircases as we can until we give up and head to the common room. My leg is restored to normal, but my body is increasingly tired from the long night. Sirius looks even more so, having got no sleep, and he yawns hugely as we head over to where Lily, Mary, and Dorcas sit.
"You know you're gonna have to write your own revision notes," Lily is saying as Dorcas reads her work, looking stressed, "the O.W.L.s are in less than two months. Now is not the time to be too cool for colour coding."
"Oh, no one is too cool for colour coding," Sirius says with a smirk, sitting down on the couch and pulling me next to him.
"See, even Sirius says so." Lily gestures to us in triumph, and Dorcas gives an animalistic grunt of disdain. The red head turns back to us, "have you got all your notes ready?"
"Yep," I say at the same time as Sirius shakes his head.
"I don't need 'em," he dismisses with a smug shrug, "this stuff is easy."
Lily gives him a disbelieving scoff, "You spent all of first and second term cheating!"
"Yeah," Sirius says, leaning forward, "so?"
"So how do you expect to know things we learned in September?"
"Evans, Evans, Evans," he smiles at her as if she's a child, "I don't expect you to understand the complex levels to my mind; you are a measly ginger, after all. Try not to question things that are out of your brain range."
"My brain range?" She narrows her eyes with scowl, then grabbing her notes from Dorcas, "Fine. If you're so certain you've got everything down. What's the main ingredient of the Draught of Peace?"
"You really wanna test me, red?" Sirius teases with an even wider smirk than usual. He then nods at her card, "Moonstone."
"That's right," Lily mumbles, flipping to her next one, "What do Bowtruckles eat?"
"Wood lice," Sirius answers easily, examining his fingernails in an idle manner.
"How many Lionfish Spines are used in one batch of Herbicide Potion?" She then asks.
"Four." Sirius adjusts the sleeves of his shirt as if barely listening, "Maybe some harder ones? This is child's play."
Lily narrows her eyes before going to the back of her stack, where she undoubtedly keeps the more tricky questions.
"Who invented the Cheering Charm?"
"Felix Summerbee."
"How often does a Streeler's shell change colour?"
"Every Hour."
"Why did Liechtenstein not attend the first meeting of the International Confederation of Wizards?"
"Their Stance on Troll Rights."
"Why did the Werewolf Code of Conduct fail?"
"No Werewolves signed."
"Ugh!" Lily exclaims in frustration, flicking through her cards frantically before looking up at Sirius in suspicion, "Have you got something on you?"
"Only a handsome face, darling."
"You must have some Zonko's thing telling you the answers," she mutters a bit psychotically, looking almost as if she wants to pat him down before deciding against it.
"It's early, Evans," Sirius says sympathetically, "are you sure you got enough sleep?"
We all snicker, and Lily looks utterly defeated, throwing her cards down as if they've failed her. Mary puts her quill down, having just finished a two page History of Magic essay and looking victorious.
"Marlene hasn't even started this," she mutters triumphantly, and we all share looks. The two still haven't spoken, and personally I don't see Mary forgiving Mar any time soon.
The group has tried not to take sides, but it has been made difficult. What Marlene did was terrible, and even she knows it. She's distanced herself from everyone, coming to meal times late, sitting quietly in class. Even now she's still asleep, having likely returned to the dorm at around two like she has been. Though, unlike usual, she's not up late because she's hooking up with a guy, only because she falls asleep in the common room and doesn't want any of us to wake her.
In fact, she hasn't touched a guy since the Dean incident. I even heard her turn down an offer from Marcus yesterday morning, and Caradoc in the afternoon. Those being the two most eligible, single bachelors of our house, it's safe to say Marlene isn't Marlene lately.
"You know," Sirius starts carefully, and I give him a warning look and a shake of my head, knowing exactly where he's going just by the tone of his voice. It's his I'm-gonna-talk-about-Marlene tone of voice, and usually it's aimed at me, because he's scared I'll get jealous, but now he's leaning in closer to Mary, "I think it's time you forgive Mar, MacDonald. Yeah she's a bit of an arse, but she means well."
The sharp inhale of my, Lily, and Dorcas's breaths can be heard all at once as we wait for Mary to explode with anger or run away crying. However, she doesn't do that. Instead, she dips her quill into some more ink and begins on revision notes of her own, a small, knowing smile on her face.
"I don't expect you to understand the complex levels to my mind," she says pointedly, "but I've decided that Marlene was never a good friend to me, and I don't need her. In fact, I'm focusing less on my friends all together and more on my studies. I have the worst grades out of all of us, even Peter, but not for long. I want to become an Auror, and I'm serious about it, so this is what I'm doing now. I'm focusing up."
"I think that's very mature of you," Lily says quickly, as if scared Mary will change her mind under the narrowed-eyed scrutiny my boyfriend is giving her.
"It feels better to just forgive and forget, believe me," Sirius presses, and Dorcas gives him an 'I'll kill you' look that would make anyone else shrivel. Mary still doesn't burst, instead just raising a thin eyebrow.
"Just because Cassidy has given you an endless supply of chances you don't deserve, Sirius," she begins, "doesn't mean I have to."
Sirius looks taken aback, and he turns to me. I just shrug.
"She's got a point, hasn't she?"
He scoffs, but ultimately accepts defeat and flops back onto the couch as I smirk and pat his leg consolingly.
"I think you're the one that needs a nap," I say gently, and he scowls at me before sighing.
"You know I don't like sleeping in the day," he mumbles, then batting his eyes, "unless you come with me."
"I got my sleep." I shake my head, "But I'm not dealing with you later when you're all grumpy, so go."
He groans like a child, standing up and throwing down a pillow in an angry manner before sulking up the stairs. I chuckle as I watch him go, shaking my head at his antics.
"How did you end up forgiving him?" Lily asks slowly, and I look to her before smiling.
"He told me he loved me."
"And that makes what he did okay?" She narrows her eyes, and I shrug.
"No," I admit, "but I realized that we're gonna graduate from this place and head straight into a war, so before that comes, a little love is nice."
They don't question me further, just going back to their work and watching as I sit on the ground with them and take out my own notes to do. I find myself preoccupied as I colour code my Transfiguration tips, thinking of where Remus could be right now, and hoping that he knows how much we all love him.
Because he has to face his own war every month.