"Mom, please calm down. It could always be worse, you know." Choosing to go on a month long cruise with my mom was a big decision to make. I'm starting to regret it already, but hopefully it will get better with time.
My mom, looking like she was about to break down, says," I wanted to share a room with you Indie. I requested it specifically and we didn't get it. You know I can't be alone. I don't know what we're going to do."
"Mom, please sit down. You need to breathe. Everything will be okay. We're going to have a whole month to spend lots of quality time together. We can have lots of fun and not think about hi-." My voice trailed off as I started to reminisce, and then I heard my mother crying.
"I didn't do anything to him, I treated him right, I was a great wife. Why would he cheat on me? How could he do this to me? I wish your father never died." She is completely hysterical now after bringing up my dad, which she does too often. He died four years ago in a motorcycle accident. It was on the day I came out as a lesbian to him, and it's always haunted me. While my mother accepted me for who I am, my dad didn't. The last words he ever spoke to me were, "I wish you weren't my daughter." The next time I saw him, was at his funeral. He was laying in the casket, white as a ghost. They closed the casket after my mother and I saw him, because the accident caused extreme harm. We had a perfect father/daughter relationship up until I told him. I knew he was intensely homophobic, but I thought he would be able to accept me. I guess I thought wrong. I hold an immense amount of regret, and now nothing will ever be the same for my mother and I ever again.
"This has nothing to do with dad. Try not to think about that right now. Jake was a disgusting human being, who definitely didn't deserve you. He was crazy to cheat on you, and won't find another like you again. Try and forget about this right now. We're on this cruise to take your mind off of things and get you to smile and be happy. Let's start getting our stuff unpacked and head down to brunch. They're going to have salmon toast, your favorite, and it might help cheer you up a bit." Ever since dad died, I've been the one having to cheer mom up and pick her up when she's down. It's hard having to be the emotional parent, but I have to. I couldn't cry when my dad died. I had to stay strong for her. I'm always comforting her, even when I want to explode on the inside, but I'll always just do what I do best - put on a happy face and smile.