[I know it's short, but I just wanted to keep this scene in its own chapter. Enjoy, comment, vote :) Please, I like when you tell me what you think!]
(Ayden's Perspective for the Remainder of the Book)
He met me at the fire escape, where I was already standing in the chill, looking out over the city. His teeth glowed in the darkness as he reached the top of the fire escape, kissing me on the cheek.
"Hey," He greeted, rubbing my bare hands in his. "is everything okay? You sounded worried."
My head shook, but my mouth stayed closed. I lead him through the bedroom window, tensing at the feeling of his warm breath on the back of my neck. Shutting the window behind us, I gestured for Holland to take a seat next to me on the bed.
"What's up?" He asked, leaning back on the pillow and rubbing his thumb over my hand.
My eyes, still burning a bit from an afternoon of tears, averted to the way my hand was cradled in his. His touch was warm, which just made my heart ache even more. His eyes were dull and almost emotionless, but they stared at me intently until I swallowed the lump in my throat and spoke. "I got marked truant at school today."
Holland's dark eyebrows shot up and his drained eyes widened. "What?" He demanded.
I tasted something like glue in my mouth. "They marked me-"
"I heard you!" He interrupted, rising hastily from the bed, which made it squeak underneath me. He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his sweat pants, which he had changed into hours before while we drank coffee. He didn't ask at his house before undressing himself and slipping into something more comfortable, and he wouldn't turn to look at me as the dress pants fell at his ankles. I shook the thought from my mind. "You said you didn't have school today."
I gulped, watching him pace across the room from the bed. "I lied."
He let out a low groan that was accompanied by an imploring expression. "Why the hell did you do that?"
I shrugged, feeling my hands dampening a bit as I grabbed at the sheets under me. "I didn't think it was a big deal. You said you wanted me to come to the funeral, so I did."
"I didn't want you to come if it meant getting in trouble," He argued, waving his hands in the air as he spoke. "You didn't go to school at all today?"
My head shook in response as my stomach did backflips. "I hung out at Starbuck's before meeting you."
Holland cursed under his breath, crossing his arms over his chest. "Ayden," He groaned, stretching out my name in a way that made me feel like a little kid being lectured. I sat on the bed, an uneasy feeling brewing in my stomach, while he paced over me like my father had earlier.
"The actual truancy isn't the issue," I spoke up, touching my thin socks to the cold floor and shivering a bit. I stood a few feet away from him, hands in my pockets as Holland stared at me quizzically.
"Then what is?"
I gulped again, rubbing the inside pockets of my soft, pink pajama pants. "I had to tell my dad why I wasn't at school," I hesitated, meeting Holland's gaze. He raised his eyebrows in a way that begged me to get on with the whole thing. "I said that I was with you at India's funeral."
Holland's fingers rubbed at his temples, head lowering to meet the floor as he groaned. "Fuck," He mumbled, running a hand through his hair.
Nodding my head slowly, I bit down on my lower lip and fidgeted in place. "He asked if we were still seeing each other. I didn't know what to say, so I said no, but-"
"But," Holland interrupted sharply, wagging a finger in my direction. "he's still got that thought in his mind. Your dad's a smart man, Ayden, I'll give him that. He probably knows more than we'd like to think." He huffed loudly, smacking his fist against the left hand wall. "Damn! He cursed, taking the red hand and shaking off the pain. "Everything's going to hell!"
"Holland!" I came up to him, taking his sore hand in mine and rubbing my thumb over it. It was rough and quickly turning a brighter shade of crimson. "We can fix it!" My voice rose quicker than I intended, and I felt my hand shaking over his.
He yanked his hand back and sighed loudly. "How?" He demanded. "How? Your dad hates me, and as far as I know, I didn't do anything to him, but that's not my judgement that matters. If he knows about us or at least has the slightest hunch, he's not going to trust you!" He was yelling by that point, eyes darting around the room and fists clenched at his sides.
"It's my fault," I uttered quietly, feeling incoming moisture behind my eyes. "I know that, and-"
"I'm not saying it's your fault!" He shouted, throwing his arms up in the air and turning his back to me. "I'm saying that he's going to take every measure he can to keep me away from you. None of it is your Goddamn fault!"
The way his voice shook the room made me go completely still, freeze in place and hold my breath. Shutting my eyes, my knees began to wobble as I bit my tongue. I fell back on the bed, a numb feeling consuming my body. I felt a tear escape my right eye and slowly travel down my cheek. My eyes opened and a couple more tears fell.
Holland turned to face me, expression hard and jaw clenched. His eyes looked more black than blue as they surveyed me from afar. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "What?" His tone was calmer, but I still felt his aggravation filling the atmosphere.
I quickly wiped the tears away, feeling my cheeks burning in embarrassment. "I don't like you when you yell," I answered quietly without thinking beforehand.
I closed my eyes again and heard a low sigh from him again. The bed shook and squeaked a little when he sat down, breathing hard. He wasn't sitting that close to me, but I still felt heat radiating from his end of the bed.
"I don't like myself much when I yell," He admitted, clearing his throat. I opened my eyes to notice his head in his hands. "I-I don't know w-what to do, Ayden." His voice trembled terribly under his hands, and he looked like he was trying to curl himself into a ball. "I feel like e-everything I do lately is h-hurting you, baby, and I'm s-sorry about that."
My cheeks were dampened by hot, salty liquid before I could think about it. I felt stiff as I covered my face, and I was embarrassed by my own whimpering. The tears cascaded down my cheeks like a waterfall, and I cursed myself for looking like a fool. My head stayed low, burning eyes clouded with moisture and averted to the ground. I flinched at the feeling of a hand rubbing the small of my back, and when I looked up to see the look on Holland's face, I could almost hear my own heart shattering inside.
"Don't cry, baby," He coaxed, wiping the tears with his thumb and pushing strands of hair from my face. His voice was soothing, more like the voice I was used to. "I'm sorry, Ayden. I'm so sorry."
I dried my face with the back of my hand and took Holland's hand in mine. Mine was shaking, which just made his tremble even more. "Holland," I choked out, clearing my throat and swallowing the sour taste in my mouth. "I think it'd be best if we just cool it for awhile."
His expression dropped, and his hand let go of mine, falling limp at his side. The room fell silent minus a few car alarms outside the window behind us. I couldn't believe my own words, and it felt as if the room was spinning as I looked back on what had just come from my mouth. Nausea brewed deep in my stomach as I bit my tongue.
Holland's mouth opened a bit, but nothing came out. He sat stiffly, hands clutching his knees and eyes locked on his feet. "Are you sure?" He finally uttered after a minute of silence, still refusing to look at me.
Reluctantly, my head nodded and I met his disheartened gaze. More tears welled in my eyes. "I'm not happy about it, Holland, and I really don't want to have to do this. I just think," I paused, blinking back a few tears and letting Holland's fingers get lost in my hair. "I mean, we both have our own issues to deal with it. You have a lot of healing to do about India, and your mom really needs you."
"Yeah, but-"
"And," I cut him off, voice cracking when I did so. I pinched the bridge of my nose as I spoke. "like you said, my dad isn't going to trust me right now. I need to build that trust up, I guess."
My heart ached as I watched Holland sit next to me in silence, breathing heavily and blinking rapidly. I let him take in the words while trying to ignore the tears that dampened my cheeks. Part of me wanted to crawl into Holland's lap and touch my lips to his, whispering that I'd take it all back and we'd conquer our issues together. However, the logical part of my brain convinced me that if we were going to heal, we needed to heal separately.
He let out a long sigh before meeting my gaze, giving a crooked smile, and touching his lips to mine. He left them there for a short moment, but I wanted to keep the moment for hours. His lips were slightly chapped, but soft like velvet against mine. I wanted so badly in the back of my mind to kiss him back, but he pulled away too quickly. Fixing a strand of my hair, he shrugged a little. "I guess if you think that's best."
He rose from the bed and pulled open the window, gritting his teeth as the icy breeze blew in. He swung one leg outside and perched by the windowsill.
"Holland," I said, grabbing his arm before he stepped completely out.
He raised an eyebrow and rubbed at his eye. Upon further inspection, I noticed the tears in his eyes. "Yeah?"
I hesitated, trying to gather my words and not think about the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. "It's not like it's completely over. We just need to focus on ourselves individually right now."
His dampened cheeks glistened in the darkness as he shivered, halfway out the window. He nodded slowly, wiping his eyes and sniffling a bit. "Yeah. I love you."
I nodded in response, gritting my teeth at the chill in the room. "I love you, too," I said through my own incoming tears.
He smiled without emotion and climbed out the window, shutting it behind him. And with that, he left, leaving me with my face buried in my hands, sobbing until I fell asleep curled in a ball.
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