7 - 8 months. That's how much time the doctors gave her. Till she was going to. [Y/n] couldn't even bare to say it out loud.
She had half a year left, not more. Why ? Why was this happening to her, why her, why now ? [Y/n] is only fifteen years old, she isn't going to be able to finish high school, not even her first year.
Why couldn't this happen when she was 95 years old, when she has done everything life had to offer for her ? Why only at 15 ?
[Y/n] was laying in her bed, looking at the ceiling, thoughts running through her head. Why was this happening to her ? She couldn't find a reason for this, neither could anyone else.
The doctors have sent her home after they have told her the news, they wanted her to calm down and come back next weekend, where they would do even more tests.
But why ? There wasn't anything to test anymore. She was slowly dying, just like her mother and no one could help her.
Her mother. Would she see her when she was dead. Would the woman even recognize her ? Is there a place she was going to be or is she going to stay on earth as a ghost and watch over her father.
Yes [Y/n]'s father. He wasn't home at the moment. As soon as they were home, he told [Y/n] he would take a walk. It has been four hours. [Y/n] could understand him, his daughter is dying. No parent should witness this.
He has already lost his wife and now losing his daughter as well, it hit him like a truck. "Stupid genes." [Y/n] turned around in her bed and looked at the picture on her nightstand.
It was a picture of her as a baby in her moms arms. The woman looked so happy and so did [Y/n]'s father who had that spark in his eyes. [Y/n] has never seen that spark.
"I have that from you, it's that same stupid thing that killed you and now it's killing me." [Y/n]'s voice became more furious, as she thought more about everything.
The girl grabbed the picture and threw it against the floor, glass now laying everywhere. [Y/n]'s tears streamed down her face as she saw the mess she just made.
"These are your stupid genes ! I don't want to die, mom please don't let me die. Don't let this thing kill me." [Y/n] didn't know who exactly she was talking to. Maybe her mom was still watching over her and trying to comfort her ?
"Ah shit-" [Y/n] stood up and tried to pick up the broken glass, but cut her finger. She looked at the blood, maybe the tests were just wrong ? Could her body fight the disease ?
It has done it five years ago and her body won, so why would it lose now ? But the doctors already said that it was a more aggressive stage of cancer. When she was younger she had a Stage 2 cancer, this is a stage 4.
"It's killing me from the inside." [Y/n] mumbled to herself. It was a bit amusing to her, some people die because of a natural death or a car accident, but no [Y/n] had a thing that's eating her body from the inside, that's what is going to kill her.
"7 or 8 months and then i'll be laying in a coffin. Do you think it smells bad in there." [Y/n] looked at the little Teddybear next to her pillow. It fell a bit to the side as she "talked" to him.
"Same." [Y/n] laughed to herself, was she really talking to a stuffed animal right now ? Maybe she should call her friend, no he was probably playing a video game right now and she didn't want to bother him.
"7 months, let's see what day it is." [Y/n] stood up, got her computer and laid down on her bed again. She took the stuffed animal and sat it down next to her head.
"No that's a bad date. Dying on a Friday who wants that. Maybe we can ask the cancer to kill me on a Saturday, it's just like 1 more day maybe it has a bit mercy ?" [Y/n] looked at the stuffed animal, yes maybe that cancer has already affected her brain.
"No they said it only spread into the right lung, i'm not going crazy." [Y/n] thought about it, how was it even able to spread in four weeks.
"I should stop thinking about this, let's just watch an anime." [Y/n] took the stuffed animal and went downstairs to get some snacks. When she opened the fridge she saw that her dad has bought her favorite bubble tea and her favorite ramen.
Her dad always knew what the girl needed in some situations. Well he originally bought this for a after Chemo tests treatment, but now it was a different occasion.
[Y/n] opened the refrigerator and saw that there was still her favorite ice cream. "They'll just have to get a bigger coffin." She shrugged it off, took the ice cream and went to her room.
She laid down on her bed again and looked at the anime's she could watch. "Yuri on ice, Banana fish, Given, Attack on Titan or Free. Which one should we watch ?" [Y/n] looked at the anime's trying to chose between one of them.
The girl's eyes wandered through her room, looking at all the anime posters, mangas and plants, till she saw a green book laying on her desk. This book didn't lay there before, maybe her father put it there.
[Y/n] stood up and went to take a better look at the book. It was decorated with crabs, dinosaurs and old hospital stickers, the ones the doctors used to see who's blood tests it is.
And suddenly [Y/n] remembered the book. It was her old "Diary" from the time she was living in the hospital. Yes [Y/n] was a little girl but she always wrote down her thoughts or drew something.
[Y/n] smiled a bit and sat down on her bed again, with the book in her lap. Her computer gave her a bit of light, which made her able to read everything.
On the first page were lots of little drawings of what looked like doctors. The further she went the more paragraphs stood there, yes it was a pretty bad writing, but [Y/n] was still able to read everything.
[Y/n] read through the book, tears slowly streaming down her eyes. Her ten year old self wrote about pain, not being able to breath, her fear of needles, her coughing up blood and being to weak to even walk.
No ten year old should be going through this, at this age she should be enjoying life and meet new friends at school.
Suddenly she came to a page where a lot of stuff stood. [Y/n] was confused as to what happened on this day so she began to read all of it.
"The crabs are gone. Well that's what Ms Sakusa said. When I get out of this house i want to learn how to skateboard, a doctor said that it's cool and dad said that we should visit the ocean as well. When i'm 15 i also want to go and visit Kenma, Kuroo, Akaashi, Bokuto and maybe Karasuno and Seijoh. But it's a six hour and 32 minute drive ( i did my research ) and dad doesn't want that, i also want to-"
[Y/n] smashed the book shut, more tears falling. She hasn't read that book in years but now realized something. She has never done any of these things. Well yes she visited Karasuno, Seijoh and Nekoma just about a month ago, but she still can't skateboard, nor did she ever went to the beach.
"I'm dying and there is still so much I haven't done." [Y/n] cried and cried more. Everything hit her like a truck. Yes she just made fun of her death a few hours ago, but she is going to die. She won't be able to finish school or go to Europe, like she always wanted.
Yes [Y/n] might seem like a crybaby, but that's what she did. Crying ,for hours on her bed thinking about what will happen next.
Maybe she should just ask to live in the hospital again ? Or maybe she should just stay at her house till it's time ? Or jump off the room and see how many bones she can break ?
"What the hell is going on with you." [Y/n] whipped the tears away and sat up. There was no way that she was going to let the last seven months of her life be miserable.
[Y/n] thought about it, what Ms Sakusa told her. "Go live your life, do whatever you always wanted to do." So that is what she was going to do, but how would she know what she wanted to do exactly.
That's when a thought hit her. A to-do list ? No that sounded stupid. Who makes a to-do list about things to do before they die ?
"How about a Wishlist ?" [Y/n] looked at the teddy sitting in front of her. His head fell to the side and [Y/n] smiled. Either it was just plain coincidence or her mom agreeing with her.
Either way, she quickly stood up with the teddy in her arms and began to write her little
Wishlist