"Non inter se, sed in eandem intueri directionem, verus est amor." Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction.
Eddy sat down on his bed, feeling lonely without warmth from a certain person he was longing for. He decided to stand up and grab his keys. He knew exactly why he was sleepless so he decided to act on it.
Fuck it. I don't wanna regret not kissing him anymore. It's been six months.
Eddy took his keys, not even bothering to change out of his pajamas. He immediately drove his car and went to Brett's house. When he arrived, he decided to call Brett since he lives with other family. Brett picked up and followed along Eddy. He went out in just pajamas and saw Eddy with a small smile.
"I'm confused... What are you doing here?" Brett asked, rubbing his eyes under his glasses.
"I regret not kissing you six months ago." Eddy said, leaning towards Brett.
"Why? I thought we'd be better off as friends..."
"That's what I thought. It was so unfair because when we decided that boundary, my feelings for you cleared up." Eddy explained, moving Brett's messy hair back. "Everything was so clear and vivid, the visions, my feelings and the longing is the hardest part. It's hard seeing all those visions every night, the loving ones and the ones wherein I was the one who left. It bothered me so much that there are days wherein I don't wanna see you because I might just kiss you and never let you go even if you wanted to go. I didn't want to hurt you." Eddy added.
Brett was still confused, but he held on to Eddy anyway. He didn't know what to say. So, he just stayed there and held Eddy.
"Please speak up and do not leave me hanging..." Eddy said, looking at Brett.
"I- I love you and you know that..." Brett admitted, holding Eddy closer to him. "I love you so much and I have so much that I want to do with you, with us. And yet, I still don't want to believe the possibility of you loving me back."
"But I do, Brett. I really love you and this time around, I know it. I'm too sure of it." Eddy coaxed, looking at Brett.
Brett looked up at Eddy, sharing the same expression of love. Brett looked at him with full of hope and Eddy nodded. Like every single year they have known each other, it comes fast yet it feels too slow. Brett slowly went to his tiptoes and placed a hand on the back of Eddy's neck, leaning up to kiss him. Eddy closed his eyes and leaned down, meeting him.
It was slow and filled with things Brett had wanted to make him feel for years. It was all clear for Eddy now. It wasn't a rash decision, unlike their kiss from 4 years ago in Sydney. This time, it was well thought of for six months. It felt right, something finally felt right.
They pulled away and Brett was scared. He was scared that Eddy might still change his mind after all of that. But Eddy stayed, he was there, holding on as though he will never let go. The nervousness was gone and it was just them naturally moving with each other.
Brett pulled away, looking up at Eddy with a bright smile. Eddy returned the look and nodded. They were in the right place now and the right time so everything will fall into place.
"Could you please come back with me in the apartment?" Eddy asked, eyes closed and his head resting on Brett's shoulder.
"Of course... Let me just leave a note." Brett said, entering his home once again and quickly leaving a note on their table.
Once they were in the car, both of them held hands until they got back at Eddy's apartment. Brett kissed Eddy's cheek as they were about to lay back down on his bed. Both of them aren't really sleepy now, since the adrenaline was still rushing on their veins. Still, they laid down anyway.
"Brett, come closer." Eddy said, pulling Brett close.
Brett faced him and huddled closer. He kissed the exposed part of Eddy's neck and smiled. Eddy was contented and embraced Brett. They were just there, happy and feeling new.
"I don't regret kissing you, if that's what you're thinking." Eddy stated, playing with Brett's hair.
"I know..." Brett responded, a bit weak at the touch.
"I love you always." Eddy said sleepily, kissing the top of Brett's hair. "I feel right. Everything about this finally feels right." Eddy added.
"I love you too. Goddamn, it feels so good to say that now that you love me back." Brett replied, smiling so much that his cheeks hurt already.
"You know, as much as I'm sleepy, I believe we still have a lot to lay out on this table before we continue our relationship." Eddy started, holding Brett's hand and placing their hands in his chest.
"I believe so too, yeah. I want you to go first now, since I only have one last hidden truth to give to you."
"Okay... All those years, I set aside your feelings because I believed that it was just a crush that you'd be able to shake off. Then, all those years you continue to prove me wrong by not telling me the words of "I love you." but you always showed that you did. I guess I always told you that you're like a brother because I read it that way." Eddy confessed, his available hand playing with Brett's hair.
"I guess it would be read that way. I think that was my whole point, for it to be hidden to you at the start. Then, when you knew it was just something that I did out of reflex. It's an automatic action." Brett coaxed.
"Were you telling the truth when you said you didn't want anything in return when you told me?" Eddy asked.
"I meant it. Except that one time in that fucking hotel somewhere during our tour. I don't really remember much of it because it was kinda painful." Brett said.
"I don't remember it."
"I think it's better we don't. It'll be easier for both of us."
"I guess you're right. What matters now is us... I never want to let this go and I will always love you. I'm sure of that now." Eddy said, carefully yet he was so sure.
This time around, Brett took Eddy's words as a form of security and assurance. They were sure now and it was good for them. Perfect, even.
"When all is said and done, what I could give you is my silence of comfort. I love you, Eddy. I love you so fucking much and I don't wanna lose you in this life anymore." Brett stated quietly, a piece of his past life clinging along with the words.
"I promise that we'll never lose each other anymore, not here and not in the future. My name is engraved here, in your heart and soul. I assure you that." Eddy said, meaning his words like Brett did.
Brett sniffled, crying at the sweetness of the words he never would have thought to hear. Eddy held him really close, his words trying to affirm Brett. Brett got tired of crying and eventually slept put of exhaustion. Eddy attempted to sleep, too.
When they woke the next morning, Brett was still clinging to Eddy. Eddy smiled, admiring Brett. Yes, he was far from perfect right now with his messy hair, swollen eyes and morning breath but Eddy doesn't mind. This was more than perfect for him.
Eddy carefully stirred, trying to wiggle out of Brett's embrace. Brett huffed and pulled Eddy so near him. Eddy laughed, giving in to Brett's embrace.
"Good." Brett said, holding Eddy as he laughed.
"Good indeed." Eddy replied, kissing Eddy's cheek.
They stayed there for a while, basking in the blankets warmed by the morning sunlight. Brett was playing with the little hairs near Eddy's nape. Eddy was leaning in the touch contentedly. Eddy held Brett's unoccupied hand with his. They were just there in silence, enjoying the comfort that only they could only get from each other.
Even before being lovers, there was already an unspoken comfort between them. It lives on, until now. The peace was ruined when Brett's phone was ringing. Brett hesitantly picked up.
"Aiyah, do you think you're still a teenager to be sneaking out?" Mama Yang said, continuing but Brett blocked it out.
"Ma, I'm at Eddy's. I left a note." Brett said quietly.
"You martyr for love. You better be together now or else."
"Ma, you're on speaker phone. Eddy just heard you."
"Am I in trouble, then?"
"Nope. We're actually together."
"That's good but I'm grounding you later."