"Amor omnibus idem." -Virgil
Love is the same for all.
"Good morning, what do you want for breakfast?" Brett asked as they got up from the couch.
"You have bread, right? Just make me a sunny side egg and don't toast the bread." Eddy said, sitting up.
"Okay... I love you but you don't toast your bread when you're eating sunny side ups?" Brett asked in disbelief, laughing a little bit.
"The bread is sweeter that way, dumbass." Eddy retorted, looking at him with a jokingly angry face.
"But that's so soggy. That's weird." Brett said, while prepping the pan for the egg frying.
"Why? You don't love me anymore because I don't like toasted bread?" Eddy asked with a faux hurt tone.
"Not like anything you do phases me. I love you any other way." Brett said, not looking away from the egg he was frying.
Eddy didn't say anything more as he got up from the couch. He slowly walked towards Brett who was cooking. He smiled as he wrapped his arms around Brett's tinier frame. Once the toast for Brett was done, he grabbed a plate and placed the toast there.
He returned to Brett, who was transferring the eggs on the plate. Once he was done, Eddy hugged him from the back again.
"What's up with you today?" Brett asked quietly, blushing a light pink.
"Nothing, you're too adorable not to hold." Eddy said, placing his face on Brett's nape and kissing it lightly.
Before Brett burns up even more, he spoke up and set the tables.
"Let's eat now... I love you." Brett said, facing him and hugging Eddy.
They sat down on the dining table, talking about everything and nothing all at once.
"You should go back to Brisbane after your fellowship here." Eddy started, looking at Brett's eyes.
"Yeah, of course. Not like I could stay in Sydney. Everything is so expensive here." Brett complained, eating his breakfast.
"Yeah, and Twoset's taking off well. If we're lucky enough, we could earn enough from it." Eddy said, looking at Brett who was eating.
"Yeah..." Brett continued.
"You should live with me in the apartment." Eddy said casually.
Brett chuckled nervously. Of course, Eddy was used to living with someone else. He'd done it for years, but Brett? He's used to living alone.
"Aren't we going a little too fast by then?" Brett asked nervously.
He did want to live with Eddy, but he was afraid to move that fast. Besides, Eddy's memories there with Toni still fresh with an open wound. Even if they weren't soulmates, Eddy still loved her and she loved him back.
"You're afraid to settle with me?" Eddy asked, no malice nor anger behind his voice. It was just plain curiosity.
"It's not like that... It's just, you were with her all those years. In that apartment, I know you might've felt home with her there. It's not a bad thing, though. Of course it's instinct to do so." Brett said, matching Eddy's tone.
"So, what are you saying, Brett?" Eddy asked, still with the same tone.
"I'm just saying, I know you haven't fully moved on and that's perfectly fine. But moving on isn't defined by time, it's to your own accord. It's okay if you still feel something for her, it's completely normal and I wouldn't love you any less for it. It's okay if I share your heart with her, I'll wait until it's just mine alone." Brett explained gently, speaking his mind.
"I was afraid to tell you that, thinking you wouldn't understand... But you took the words right out of my mouth and I'm thankful for it." Eddy said, holding Brett's hands.
Brett didn't say anything more. Sharing Eddy's heart with someone else is better than not having it at all. Brett knows it's temporary so he has nothing to worry about.
- - - - -
"How do you think it went with them?" Jordon asked Dan, looking up at him.
"I think they'll be fine. As long as Eddy moves on from Toni, they wouldn't have a problem." Dan replied, smiling down at Jordon.
"But what if he doesn't?" Jordon asked once again.
"He will. It's Brett and Eddy, nothing parted them even in the past life. I'm certain that they would be fine in this lifetime." Dan coaxed, kissing Jordon's forehead.
"I hope so, too..." Jordon replied, leaning in to the kiss.
"I love you..."
"I love you too, Jordon."
"You want anything specific for breakfast?"
"No, you could cook anything and I'll eat it." Jordon said, he was hungry but he never wanted to let go of the warmth he was sharing with Dan.
"Even if it has poison?" Dan asked jokingly.
"Oh, I'll be your Romeo anytime." Jordon retorted with the same amount of sarcasm in his voice.
"More like Juliet." Dan replied.
"Shut the fuck up. I hate you..." Jordon said non-committally.
"That's not what you said just a few minutes ago."
"Shut up you beautiful man and make us breakfast."
"Yes of course, my favorite boy..." Dan said as he got up and made his way to the kitchen.
Jordon decided to stay in bed and wonder on until he felt like getting up. He always wondered how he deserved such a man for him. Still, he wasn't complaining. He loved the man and the man loved him back.
He got up and silently walked to the kitchen where Dan was cooking. He wrapped his arms around the man and kissed his nape. Dan leaned in to the affectations of his shorter boyfriend.
"Don't cling on to me too much, we still have to eat." Dan started, fixing up both their plates.
"But I wanna cling on to you." Jordon said, words muffled a bit by the fabric of Dan's shirt.
After a while, Jordon sat down on the couch and put something on so they can watch and eat at the same time. Their relationship had been going steady for the past seven months. They were glad that there was no awkward stage of shifting from strangers to lovers because they've known each other for years.
- - - - -
November 27, 2014
Everything and nothing makes sense. He loves me back, but not fully. Maybe it's my martyr side, the optimist in me tells me that it is temporary. The pessimist tells me that he'll never love me the same way.
I don't know who to believe but I'm basking in the afterglow of waking up with him. Being with him, it all still feels like a lifetime without ever living my entire life. I love him so and would not ask for anything else.
But if the day comes and he tells me that he doesn't want me anymore, I'll just let it go. Pretend it didn't hurt me when he's in front of me but cry it all out to myself the moment he's gone. For now, I want to relish everything that I could.
I share his heart with her but it's better than nothing. I'm happy to be in his heart, nonetheless. I'll be fine the moment I get to have it to myself. I'm happy to be where we are now.
We had gone farther than we have before.
I hold his hand to feel the heat but it's still a bit cold for someone else. I try to capture his heart but I'm in a game of tug-of-war with her. I say the words 'I love you.' and mean it, but he can't say it back for now.
The pain is very alive in my chest, creeping to my ribs. Sometimes, they squeeze hard enough for the oxygen to cut off a little, bringing my own affliction. A flood of misery, creeping out and always making me feel more human. Dull, but I'm certainly more human.
I remember the years and years of wishing and waiting, then suddenly I'm drowning in the flood of his love. The moment our lips met, I felt as though I could fly and conquer worlds. As though I'm stronger than everyone else.
I sound so lovesick, but could you blame me? Loving him and feeling loved back is enough to fuel a flight circling around the world. Someday, I could only hope that my love has the same effects on him.
I hope someday he understands exactly what I feel for him. How deeply I want to love him, how I want him to understand that what I feel goes beyond what he could imagine. I want to hold him close to me and make him feel my love.
I do not know if I could handle ever losing him but I won't tell him that. I don't want to guilt trip him in to something that requires his own feelings. I do not want to ever confuse him. I just want him to love me to his own accord.
He equals love.