"Ex hoc momento pendet aeternitas." -Medieval Sundial Motto
Eternity is hinged upon this moment.
"I tried to reach out to you, but you seem too out of my league... Fuck, this is stupid." Brett said, trying to rehearse what he would say to Eddy when he goes back to Brisbane.
"Fuck it, I hate this..." Brett exclaimed, looking around his apartment.
This was so pitiful of him. Even he can't feel any empathy for himself. He just feels like a horrible person who can't do anything right. He feels so selfish, especially now that Eddy broke up with Toni.
Is he doing alright? Why hasn't he spoken to me yet? Am I that bad of a friend that he could never talk to me about anything? Fuck, I'm such a horrible person...
Brett thought as he lied down on his bed. He closed his eyes and tried to reach out to the image of Eddy in his mind. Even here, he seems too far from Brett's reach.
Eddy was extremely tired but he did not mind it. He sat down without a care as Brett was still practicing. He observed the man the way that he his. This raw beauty that was right in front of him, so open and vulnerable. He was playing the second movement of the Mendelssohn Violin Concerto. The andante that seemed so personal to him.
Brett Yang looked extremely vulnerable with the piece, especially now that Eddy knew why Brett held it so dearly in his heart. He could see beyond that emotionless expression and see how he was mourning and crying out. Eddy felt so privileged to see this side of Brett that no one knew but his family. Eddy felt as though he was already a part of Brett's family.
After Brett was finished practicing, it was now dawn. Nobody was around the conservatory but them and Eddy used this opportunity to stand up and initiate a kiss. He stood in front of Brett, using his height as an advantage. He held onto the nape of Brett's neck and leaned in a bit too harsh for Brett's liking.
Eddy initiated the kiss and tried to take control of it. Brett was shocked but kiss Eddy back with a bit more passion, trying to soften the harsh kiss that Eddy had started. Eddy didn't seem to pick up on it so Brett decided to take control.
Brett squeezed Eddy's butt and Eddy moaned at the response. Brett used this opportunity to take over, kissing him as if making Eddy forget his name. Eddy just grew weaker and had to pull away, needing to take in oxygen after that kiss.
"I, Brett- umm... Uh, I- ah." Eddy said, unable to form words. That might have been the best kiss that he had ever received.
"Thought so..." Brett said, toying with Eddy's shirt collar. "You kiss a bit too rough, darling. Use less teeth and be much more gentle. It is better to take it nice and softly than attacking it aggressively. It's like with playing, lovely. Well, they do say that nothing is blessed in everything, practice helps." Brett added, fixing his collar and pulling him for a loving kiss.
Eddy was still at a loss of words, thankful at the fact that it was dim so Brett could not get a glimpse of his reddening cheeks. When Brett pulled away, they walk out of the conservatory without anymore words. They went their separate ways and went back home.
Brett opened his eyes and sighed in disappointment. He sat up slowly and tried to take in what he had just envisioned. He's in love with Eddy, sure. Nowadays though, nothing seems to make sense in Brett's point of view.
"Wow, even visions make me feel false hope. Thanks, past life. I know me and him will never be together. Thanks for being so optimistic, though." Brett said, talking to no one in particular.
It was more of a way to ground himself. To remind himself of the reality he is living now. The one his present life is undergoing now. Not the hope of a past life that may just be clouded because of his affectations for Eddy.
His train of thought was interrupted with a knock on his door. It was odd, he wasn't expecting anyone today. He went up from lying down on his bed and slowly walked towards the front door. He didn't notice up until he opened the door, he wasn't wearing his glasses.
When he opened the door, he saw a blurry figure of a man. He knew exactly who's this blurry figure was. Year after year after year of knowing him, seeing him, he knows. Yet, Brett Yang was realistic. He wasn't the type to hold on to the impossible things, but with the exception of falling in love with his best friend.
He knows that Eddy will never return his love, so he never holds on. He just fell in love, still is in love and it seemed like it won't end anytime soon.
"Brett?" The figure asked.
Oh, that voice that had haunted him and his dreams for so many years. How could he forget it?
"Yes?" Brett asked softly, already knowing.
"Can I come in?" He asked with the same tone of voice.
When are you never not in the space of my home? Brett thought as he let him in without words.
"I was about to leave to go back home." Brett said, grabbing his glasses from his dining table.
"Oh?" Eddy asked, looking up from Brett.
"Yeah... You shouldn't have spent money." Brett said, looking at his best friend of years.
"But I wanted to have time alone with you. I needed to tell you something." Eddy said with honest.
"Sure, I'm listening..." Brett said, sitting down across Eddy.
Eddy, like he usually does when they're alone, waits for a moment before he speaks up. He looked for the right words and how to say them, treating everything he was about to say with caution.
"We broke up..." Eddy finally started.
"What? Why?" Brett asked, pretending not to know. Well, he only knew about the breakup part, but not the why part.
"We just felt like it wasn't meant to be anymore. It was a mutual breakup." Eddy replied, looking at Brett.
Brett looked at him sadly. Eddy stopped him before he could ask any questions.
"It's okay. I'm okay... It made sense, somehow. Things just really change and I believe that's what happened between me and her." Eddy said, reassuring Brett that he was really fine about the breakup.
"Well, is she okay if you're sure that you're okay?" Brett asked.
"She is. There's this new guy she's talking to..."
"Well, that was quick."
"There really isn't a rule or anything about people moving on... It's not true that time always heals. It's all on the person and their state of mind and heart." Eddy reasoned, still looking up at Brett with such a soft expression.
Brett couldn't respond to that. Eddy was right... Maybe Brett should just follow what Eddy was saying. It's probably a lesson for him too.
He sat on the dining table and didn't mention anything to Eddy. He was just thinking about those words, the reality they hold. Am I pathetic because I haven't forgotten about my feelings for him? Brett questioned, but he wouldn't let Eddy know.
Deep in thought, Brett didn't notice Eddy nearing the dining table. He was just brought back to reality with a pair of chapped lips next to his. It was extremely bizarre, years and years of craving then he's suddenly full from the feelings.
Years of starvation from his affectations, but suddenly he's sated. It almost feels gluttonous. Suddenly being flooded when he's used to the drought. His desert suddenly an oceanside of love or is it lust for Eddy?
Brett used the opportunity to pinch himself, run his fingers through his own skin to feel the goosebumps. He came to the conclusion that this was real and he was alive, his feelings were alive. So, he reached out to Eddy's body.
Placing his hands on Eddy's shoulders, he tried to remember the feeling of the fabric. He tried to remember the warmth, engraved herein his hands. Everything that he had ever dreamed of is within his reach, but it wasn't like he had expected.
Eddy already got a hold of his body, his left hand holding on to the chair as an anchor to keep his balance. His right hand in the tributary of Brett's neck and shoulder, holding ever so gently. Leaning down and only their lips touching, isn't the most comfortable position but Eddy just can't stop himself from kissing Brett.
It somehow made sense, the burn of the heat in between them and where their hands are placed. Imprints have been made and territories have been claimed. Everything was right and pulling away is impossible for them.