"Nil ego contulerim iucundo sanus amico." -Horace
While I am sane I shall compare nothing to the joy of a friend.
"Well, that's good! You know, you're so lucky you found your soulmate that early. Some people die without a soulmate." Brett stated, looking at the distance while they were walking.
"Yeah... I heard some also don't find the right soulmate so they go pair with another. Their soulmate relationship becomes destroyed and none of them can feel complete happiness in terms of relationships and life long partners." Eddy added.
"Well, that's sad... But I still kinda think that it's the soulmate-less person's fault. They would most likely know who it was but never made a move." Brett said concretely.
"I would like to think it was the other person's fault. I mean, they must've felt something different but pursued the relationship that wasn't for them." Eddy stated. "What if the proper person was always there for them and they just never found out who? It's super unfair... I mean, soulmates are like sixth senses, right? You would know exactly if the person is your soulmate or not by just feeling..." Eddy argued again.
"I mean, soulmates don't always end up together, right? They could just be friends and what not... Just because their soul has a connection, doesn't mean that they always have to end up together." Brett said, trying to convince himself.
"But wouldn't their souls just hate them for that? I mean, they could have a consummated love or marriage but they just deny each other of that? Man, the souls would beg just to be with each other..."
"I guess so..."
- - - - -
"This is it, huh? The great Brett Yang off to Sydney..." Eddy said with amusement.
"I guess so..." Brett had said, clutching his suitcase and his violin.
"Don't forget me." Eddy started, looking at his best friend with such sad eyes.
"How could I? You're like the first best friend I've ever had. You're not hard to forget too, you know..." Brett said, meaning every word. "Take care of Toni and yourself, okay? Hangout with Jordon and Dan more frequently. Even our other friends..." Brett advised to him.
"Of course... I'll miss you..."
"I'll miss you too..."
There was a moment of silence that stood as comfort for them. They smiled at each other, no need for sappy goodbyes. Even if Brett was going, he didn't want to. But he promised himself this, the moment he will leave Sydney, he will tell Eddy and leave all these feelings behind in Brisbane.
"Hey Eddy?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you..."
"I love you too, bro... Come back when you have the time. If you don't, I'll visit you."
There he is again, misinterpreting the words that mean a lot to me. I love him so. This was not the rejection I was waiting for but it's good enough. It's more painful because the words are there, but not the way I expected it to be.
Brett, you've done this before. Smile and pretend you're okay, you have all the time in Sydney once you're there alone.
"Of course. I wouldn't forget."
Eddy engulfed Brett in a hug and it shocked Brett. He melted to the touch, it felt like the first and last from the year. He was grateful for it. Eddy pulled away and smiled at Brett. Jordon was soon approaching him when Eddy backed away a little.
"Hey, you okay?" Jordon asked, tapping his shoulder.
"Yeah, just didn't expect to be rejected like that. It was so gentle and so naive." Brett said, quietly thinking to himself.
"If it means anything to you, I love you... Not in the way Eddy does with you. I really love you but I'm not expecting anything to come out of this, Brett. I just wanted to let you know... I mean, it's pretty obvious that I cannot replace his spot in your life and I'm not asking you to. I just wanted to tell you that, well, I love you." Jordon confessed, everything spilling out now.
"I never knew, Jordon... If I did I would've-"
"It was kinda the point, Brett. For you to not know..."
There was a silence between them. Not awkward nor uncomfortable. Something in between, like how their relationship had always been.
"Aren't you glad that Asian parents decide to go to airports at least three hours earlier?" Brett asked, moving in front of Jordon.
"Why?"
"Because I have time to tell you this. Jordon, I want to give it a chance but not now. Not when I'm utterly in love with my best friend who has a girlfriend of two, almost three years. I want to be fair to you. If I were to love you, I want you to be the only one I love the moment I get in a relationship with you." Brett confessed, holding Jordon's hand.
"You sound exactly like Kotik from my dreams, Brett." Jordon laughed even if he was tearing up a little.
"You know me so well, Ilyich." Brett said without missing a beat.
"Even in this lifetime, it's still him, huh?" Jordon asked, looking at Brett with a smirk.
"I guess so. But I'm being serious, Jordon. I want a relationship where it's Jordon and Brett, not Kotik and Ilyich. I want it to be our present and not a figment of our past. I want you to be with me as Jordon He and not Pyotr Tchaikovsky." Brett said, kissing Jordon's cheek.
"I would love that, Yosef Kotek. But you slick bastard, you had the same name from our past life." Jordon said, looking up at Brett.
"Now, this is not sure, Jordon. I don't want you to wait for me. If there's ever someone who you might just love, you go for it. It's not a sure thing. In case you didn't know, I'm quite a sucker for that boy over there." Brett admitted.
"I know..." Jordon said, laughing a little.
"I'll give it a chance. I just want us to be okay no matter what the outcome is."
"I agree."
Jordon kissed Brett's cheek too and Eddy saw the exchange. Somehow, his heart ached at the sight. He didn't know where it came from but it's there, it's alive and burning. The blood in his veins are boiling and he is seeing red. He never knew why he felt so angry at such a short amount of time.
He should be happy for Brett, he really should. Maybe it was just protective side? Eddy couldn't really think straight after seeing that.
- - - - -
The moment Brett was in his flight to Sydney, flashbacks of his old life come to him. Most specifically, the times with Pyotr. They weren't too romantic but it's when Pyotr confessed his love for Brett.
"Kotik, I have something I have to get off of my chest before I get married to her tomorrow..." Pyotr started, scratching the back of his head.
"Well, Ilyich, you better say it now before you get married tomorrow..." Brett coaxed as he ruffled with Tchaikovsky's hair.
"I am in love with you... Terribly so... I cannot think about anyone but you and I want to constantly follow you until the day that my last breath comes. I want to love you much more than you think you could ever deserve..." Pyotr spilled, each word slipping off his lips, with love and truth.
Brett stated at him with awe and decided to chose his words.
"Ilyich... We cannot. You already know that. I still have a love living in my heart and I do not want you to carry the burden of that. He is still living within me and my every move... Pyotr, you are a great man. You know that you are..." Brett said as he breathed deeply. "You deserve the greatness of love that you shall not compete with. You deserve love that is only dedicated for you. I cannot give that..." Brett added as he held Pyotr close to him.
"Kotik, he does not deserve you. Not in any shape or form... I still cannot believe you love him all these years. I want to be this man, you know." Pyotr said as he cried on Brett's shoulder.
"The amount of times I had heard that..." Brett chuckled through his tears. "Believe me, Ilyich... I would love you if I do not have this figure of a man in my head... Now, do not cry. A beautiful man like you should not have tears streaming down your face." Brett added as he pulled away from the hug and wiped Pyotr's tears.
"If I did not love you, I would have thrown you out this window because of your stupidity!" Pyotr said as he laughed, but tears were still streaming down his cheeks
"What can I say, Pyotr? Love has always been the enemy and the ally..." Brett said, wiping his tears away.