"Amicitia semper prodest, amor et nocet." -Seneca and Publilius Syrus
Friendship always benefits, love sometimes injures.
"You gave up on the love thing?" Jordon asked, looking from Brett across the cafeteria table.
"Well, not give up yet. I'm trying to." Brett said, looking far off.
"You had a vision or something, didn't you? Past life..." Jordon said, Brett was caught blushing bright red. "I knew it!" Jordon added proudly, pinching Brett's cheek.
Brett was quiet for a while but immediately spoke up after the embarrassment.
"It's a dream, yeah... But my decision is not connected to that dream whatsoever..." Brett replied defensively.
"If it's not connected to that, then what's up? Why give up now?" Jordon asked again, studying Brett's actions.
"I just hate the false hope that I built. I mean, he never lead me on or anything. It was all me..." Brett lamented, looking down on his food. "Also, maybe the dreams and visions would stop... Maybe if I let Eddy go, it wouldn't be as much?" Brett stated, coming out more as a question than a sure statement.
"Well, that's quite tragic... But I do get where you are coming from, bro."
"At least with being a friend, I could always be there for him. If we're lovers and then broke up, I'm afraid that the years of friendship would just go to waste. I don't want that, really." Brett said, his chest feeling constricted as his mouth was speaking deceiving words.
"I read a quote that was similar to that just recently! It went along the lines of friendship always brings good and love always hurts. Something like that... But whatever you choose to do, I'll be here to listen and support you." Jordon said gently, looking at his friend with such admiration.
Has Brett always been this... This ephemeral?
Jordon thought as he looked at the young man with the sun glistening on his skin. It was so angelic, in a way. His skin looked like it was crafted by all the power of Aphrodite. His hair was turning to a dark brown, like his eyes without any light shining on them. Oh, but his eyes.
His eyes look like the sun was them. Like Jordon's entire life was being mirrored in them. His eyes, his eyes look both like the ocean and the sun. The fires of hell and the lights of heavens. Ah, they were transcendent... They were bodiless... Brett's eyes were simply everything that Jordon ever wanted to look at for the rest of his days.
Yes, Brett Yang was far from perfect. He was most likely not as beautiful as Jordon had just described him... Yes, he wasn't perfect but goddamn, he's the only Brett Yang that exists.
Touch him, Ilyich... Hold Kotik before he lets you go again.
At that Jordon gasped. He felt like he can't breathe. He felt like his chest was on fire, his lungs drowning in water. Is- is this what he looks like now? Is that really you, Brett Yang? Is that still you?
Brett cleared his throat and Jordon felt like he was slapped back to reality.
"You okay, man?" Brett asked, looking at his dazed friend.
"Yeah... Just never felt that before. That was odd." Jordon stated, hands shaking a little.
"What was 'that'?" Brett asked again.
"My soul... My past life. Oh God, I never knew he could whisper to me, even beg me. I only encountered it during dreams!" Jordon said, a bit shaken up, still.
"Oh, that is a pain, trust me. It comes in visions, thoughts and feelings you can't explain. The weirdest one is when it begs you." Brett explained.
"You've felt this... Before?" Jordon asked, confused, lost.
Jordon felt like his past self more than his own at this moment.
"Yeah... It's very painful... The pain doesn't disappear but we have to take in mind that this is our life now. Only we have control." Brett comforted, petting Jordon's head from across the table a while ago.
Jordon tried to remember what his soul had told him, only to end up at the thought of his friend with a pounding heart. Why was this so conflicting? Jordon didn't know why he can't stop thinking about it.
- - - - -
"I never see you around that much anymore... How are you?" Brett asked from across the table, sipping on his bubble tea.
The sweet taste exploded in his mouth, the tea stronger than he would usually order it. Brett needs the reminder, though. Sometimes, the bitter is healthier than the sweet. That should apply to his pining too.
"I'm fine... Things are going steady and great with me and Toni. I even introduced her to ma and pa. Belle loved her, too." Eddy said, smiling at his friend.
"That's great! I'm glad it went well for you and Toni." Brett said, mustering up all the sincerity he had in his body.
He might be in love with Eddy but he isn't going to ruin it for his best friend. Eddy was happy and so Brett should be happy for them, too.
"I know... I mostly wasn't scared of her meeting pa and Belle, but ma's a different story..." Eddy said, chuckling as he sipped his respective bubble tea.
"I know what you mean, bro... Asian mom's are hard to please. When they hear you're bringing a girl over to meet them, the first thing that comes to their minds is you're immediately getting married." Brett joked, as he looked at Eddy.
Eddy was quiet for a while.
"I really was planning on marrying her." Eddy said quietly.
Brett almost choked on the pearls he was chewing. He coughed but sipped again in order to bring the pearls down. He lifted the straw a little so that the milk tea is the only one that gets drank.
"Like, you proposed to her and all?" Brett asked once he wasn't coughing.
"I do wanna marry her. Just not now... Sometime in the future, when I'm earning a lot already." Eddy said, smiling proudly. "Anyway, thank you for encouraging me to come after her... You knew I couldn't lose her, so thank you Brett. I owe it all to you." Eddy added.
"It was nothing... Thank you for the bubble tea. It's really good." Brett said, looking at Eddy briefly before turning his eyes away immediately.
"You're automatically the best man on my wedding, Brett. I swear... That's my promise to you." Eddy said, obliviously chewing on his pearls.
"That's great! And of course, I better be. Or else I wouldn't attend your wedding." Brett said, trying to pass it off as a joke.
They now enjoyed the silence. For Eddy it was comfortable just being around Brett, even if they aren't doing anything in particular. Brett felt awkward. He always knew Eddy was serious about Toni. Brett just never knew he had thought this far ahead.
Brett never knew he'd had to imagine Eddy getting married. Eddy was one who didn't believe in marriage because it makes everything complicated than just being together and starting a home. Brett could almost imagine it already. Oh, what a sight to behold.
After a few more minutes, Eddy's phone rang. It shocked both of them back to reality. Eddy hurriedly checked his phone and read the message.
"Shit... I forgot I had a date. Is it ok if I go now? I'll make it up to you next time." Eddy asked for permission but he would've gone whether Brett's answer was a yes or a no.
"Yeah, it's cool. No worries. Enjoy your date, lover boy." Brett said, but Eddy didn't hear the rest of it as he already was speeding off.
Brett looked at the space in front of him longingly. He sighed as he took another sip. Brett was happy for Eddy and Toni, he really was. It's just, he's human. He feels pain even if he didn't have the right to feel them.
He could feel the pain from his stomach going up to his chest and his throat. It's like the world was suffocating him. Of course, he was overreacting. Brett always did. The pain doesn't hit that strong and sudden.
The pain of loving someone who doesn't love you back isn't always a strong and sudden pain. It's slow and gradual. It's not a sudden forest fire but rather a house fire that starts from one room, spreading to another. Until the entire house is in flames, eventually, the neighbor's houses will get infested by the flame, too.
It isn't a hailstorm that just occurred one day. It's the pinpricks of snow when you are out with thin clothes. It is the snow that builds up and up and up and up in your doorstep until you can't get out. You're in deep, deep snow but you never notice until you try to get out of the house.
With that, Brett decides to just go home.