hey!! so this chapter isn't smut but it's definitely not not smut, so slight maturity warning :)
"i feel safe in his arms, only his arms, because he saved me like no other could."
✧ ﾟ･:*✧ ﾟ:*ﾟ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
"mmm, i really like hawkins, you know? really great weather." i breathe out between mike's intoxicating kisses, my mind pounding with so many thoughts that i almost don't realize that i've let one slip past my lips.
stupid. why did you say that.
i've experienced that almost-sex feeling before, multiple times before. that moment when a person is lowering you onto a bedspread, and your legs are hooked around their waist and your lips refuse to detach from theirs. it's not like i'm not an expert in the act. it's not like me to feel scared before doing it, or even nervous. it's not like me to feel so utterly committed to someone that sex actually feels like it has a meaning other than pleasure.
every passing second of mike's lips against mine feels like some electrifying version of heaven. as his hands grasp my waist and he holds me like i'm the most stunning thing in every universe combined, i can't even begin to pretend that i'm not an awkward basket case who's been shoved into the body of the girl who mike happens to love.
a million thoughts pulse in my mind, all threatening to burst out of my mouth, and a sensation of unease settles over me as i wonder if i'm going to be to one to ruin this perfect, perfect moment.
"what?" mike murmurs, a soft chuckle interwoven in his words. he pulls a hairsbreadth away from me to speak and my eyes immediately fly open, my body recoiling backwards in slight embarrassment.
i'm still halfway on mike's lap, my legs slung over his and his hands settled so easily on my hips as if the bones were carved solely for his hands to hold. mike tilts his head at me, a small line between his eyebrows as he surveys my expression, most likely trying to figure out whether or not i want this.
"are you okay?" he asks, his hand tracing a path to my cheek, where his gentle touch holds the side of my face.
i press my lips together, my face involuntarily falling into my hands as i struggle to convey all the thoughts echoing in my head in comprehensible words. i suck in a breath, finding the will to settle myself back in mike's lap and loop my arms around his neck, our foreheads being pulled together as if there's some kind of magnetic force between our bodies.
"i have so many things to say. is that weird?" i question, pecking mike's lips once between the sentences because i can't bear to have him so close, but not eternally against my mouth. "i mean this is so weird, right? every other time i've been in that almost-sex moment, it's just been so... so unremarkable. like i never thought anything more than wondering if they actually put a condom on, or just pretended to put one on to convince me, or if the person above me was actually an old man but i was just to drunk to realize it. i mean, right now i just want to tell you so many things, but i really, really, don't want to make this awkward for you."
"you'll never make it awkward for me." mike responds easily, his words sounding so genuine that i feel that knot of apprehension in my throat fade away. "talk all you want, i like your voice anyway."
my lips curve into a crooked grin before he even finishes his sentence. in that moment, i feel like a third grader after being picked to be the lineleader in a very short journey to the school auditorium. i feel that childish joy overwhelm me when i recognize how much comfort the boy in front of me gives me, those three sentences leaving his lips being enough to ease every worry existing in my body.
i press an excited kiss against his forehead, feeling him emit a low laugh against the crook of my neck as i do so. i immediately bring myself back to his eye-level, moving my hands to hold his face before me.
"so my first thought..." i murmur, shifting atop mike so our torsos are aligned and my legs are hooked around his waist, bringing us precariously close together. i sense mike's palm travelling to the small of my back and his eyes involuntarily flicking to my chest for a brief moment, before he realizes what he's doing and he snaps his gaze back to meet mine. i give him a stare of mock annoyance, to which mike responds with a sheepish grin.
"i think dustin and will are really cool, i'm glad i met them." i say slowly, teasingly brushing my lips against mike's.
"you just made out with me and you're thinking about dustin and will?" mike whines as i pull my lips away, obviously feeling that all-consuming urge to descend into a heated liplock, the very same desire that i'm harboring.
"shh, let me say the rest of my thoughts." i whisper, pressing a finger against mike's lips, recognizing how his hands are travelling lower on my body and he has almost no self-control left. "i also think we have on too many articles of clothing, it's really annoying me."
"oh, really?" mike inquires in a low voice, capturing my lips in his, my body arching towards his and a soft moan escaping my throat. "what do you want us to take off?"
"everything, maybe," i murmur in the split second that our mouths are apart for air, before they collide again, even more passionate this time.
"that sounds like a good idea." before i can comprehend what is happening, mike detaches himself from me and his hands go to the hem of his crewneck. he swiftly pulls the article of clothing off of his body in such an effortless movement that i begin to wonder if my boyfriend is actually a netflix love interest in disguise.
before i even have a moment to respond, the attractional force between our lips crashes us into each other once more, our hands wandering along the structure of each others bodies. suddenly, i feel all those thoughts that were once drifting in my head disappear, being replaced completely with mike. the way he traces the curves and crevices of my body, the way his tongue skirts along the seam of my lips, the way his touch is so light and gentle, but simultaneously so, so, invigorating.
i take my fair share of pleasure too, guiding mike's lips to my neck, and feeling my heart stutter as he manages to make me feel every possible sensation in the universe, all in the same exhilarating moment. his mouth latches onto my collarbone, sucking my skin in such an intoxicating manner that i give into the urge to let my head fall backwards, giving mike a wider expanse of skin to paint with his touch.
"shit, your dad is downstairs." the words escape my lips in a shuddering breath, even the simple action of speaking seeming unfathomable when my body and mind are consumed with rapture.
mike's slender fingers trace the stitching of my collar, before his touch pulls the fabric back to expose my shoulder, dusted with freckles, mike seeming determined to kiss every last one.
"mm, we'll be quiet." mike murmurs, his voice muffled by my skin. his touch travels from the curve of my jawline to the hem of my, or rather his, sweatshirt, his hands faltering as he looks to me for a signal of agreement.
i don't waste a moment, my palms quickly wrapping around his hands in a silent confirmation, and together we pull the heavy fabric off of my torso. the sweatshirt gets tossed carelessly to the carpeted floor, neither of us paying it any attention as we remain so utterly engrossed in the other.
"you — you're beautiful." mike stammers, his eyes widening slightly as he takes in my appearance. his usual calm and nonchalant demeanor has faded to naught, his features harboring an expression of awe and passion as his gaze remains fixed on me.
i hold my lower lip between my teeth as i lean backwards onto the bedspread, my hand on the back of mike's neck, bringing him down with me. mike supports his weight by planting one of his forearms beside my head, while the digits of his other hand absentmindedly trace circles on my bare stomach.
"i don't know how quiet we can be." i whisper in a teasing tone, slowly guiding mike's face down to mine as my desire for him grows even larger with every passing second.
i don't give mike a chance to respond. i immediately surge upwards, capturing his lips with mine and sinking our bodies together by hooking my legs around his hips. i hear mike suck in a breath of surprise, but he quickly recovers and matches my level of passion as our mouths dance together in an intoxicatingly euphoric rhythm. our hands break through every barrier imaginable, our heads so close together that mike's dark locks weave into my lighter strands, our bodies press against each others so tightly that i feel as though i am him, and he is me.
i don't care for anything in these moments. i don't care for the clothes we've scattered about mike's bedroom floor. i don't care for the fluttering feeling in the pit of my stomach that make me feel as though i'm flying and drowning at the same time. i don't care for the deep moans that escape our mouths, those sounds of pleasure only inciting me to bury myself deeper in the wonder that is mike.
somewhere along the way, my jeans are peeled off my legs. somewhere along the way, i hear mike asking me for consent and the word 'yes' bursting out of me like it's the only thing between me and the thing i want so deeply. the faint crackling of aluminum reaches my ears as our tongues dance with each others in some kind of overwhelmingly pleasant choreography.
when our bodies truly envelope themselves in each other i feel as though my universe is shattering and being built back up fracture by fracture, an unimaginable elation pulsing in every cell of my body. i can think only of mike. mike. my entire heart. the one who is giving me the moment that i never realized i yearned, or even deserved.
the way he traverses along the expanse of my skin makes me tremble and sigh and feel every existing emotion simultaneously. i feel as though i'm nearly about to collapse in his arms, but at the same time so, so alive. more alive than i thought i would ever feel. more alive than i thought a once-suicidal girl even deserved to feel.
and so we murmur words of endearment against each others skin. planting kisses everywhere we can reach and saying 'i love you' without saying 'i love you'. it's him and i locking ourselves in this wonderful, wonderful moment where we rip past every barrier we've ever held up between ourselves, and truly indulge in the other like we've always desired
i feel as though i'm completely, utterly, whole-heartedly saved. i feel safe in his arms, only his arms, because he saved me like no other could.
✧ ﾟ･:*✧ ﾟ:*ﾟ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
HEY BESTIES! you're welcome 😁😁
school is kicking! my! ass! and in the process of running away from all my problems i wrote a very detailed plan for the next 6 chapters of you saved me
next chapter will be after a VERY long time jump (um 8 years) because i have an incredibly strong urge to write angsty, adult, notebook-themed mileven🙏🙏
ok whatever i hope you had a great day <3
— rose