March 2014
Taylor wakes up slowly, not fully registering her current situation right away. The first thing she is aware of is lying comfortably on top of Karlie, which is closer than usual, but not completely surprising. The blonde turns her head towards the wall-sized picture window at the opposite end of the bedroom, and sees the ocean is warmly glowing, hinting that the sun may have just risen. Taylor figures she has just woken up because of the dryness of her throat from the alcohol she consumed the previous night.
It is then that everything comes flooding back into her memory. Although blurry, she remembers crying, going to the beach, and kissing Karlie. Her heart begins to race, she needs to get off of Karlie. There could not be anything more embarrassing or awkward than this, how could this even happen? She is so torn, because she is absolutely dreading having to face the younger girl after their night, but she doesn't think she can stand being on top of her for a single second. She moves as gently as she can, but it really wasn't possible for her to move without awakening the model.
Karlie's eyes open, and the first thing they set their sights on are Taylor's blue eyes. They pause for a moment, staring at each other. Taylor turns a light shade of pink, and finishes removing herself from Karlie.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. I'm just so thirsty, I will take the first shower so you can go back to sleep," Taylor says, not looking at her friend, as she gets out of the bed and grabs a water bottle from the mini bar in their room and heads into the master bathroom. She doesn't look at Karlie once, afraid to see what her face will hold.
She closes and locks the door, sits on the side of the bathtub and puts her head in her hands. She closes her eyes, and isn't sure if she is willing every memory from last night to return to her or leave her. Specific moments and feelings of last night then strike her, instead of just the general events.
What was I thinking? Taylor asks herself. The most important thing right now was her friendship with Karlie, and she is sure that her friendship must be in jeopardy now, just out of the awkwardness of the situation. But what even is the situation?
She flashes back to admitting having confusing feelings for Karlie, and Karlie expressing similar sentiments. But what confusing feelings? Taylor isn't even sure what she meant at the time, and cringes when she recalls the old saying "Drunk words are sober thoughts." Both of the girls admitted things that Taylor wish they could both take back. She wishes she didn't say what she said to Karlie, and she wishes even more that Karlie didn't reply the way she did.
Taylor had been so sure last night that Karlie had rested her lips on her neck, but now, with sober judgment, she isn't so sure. It had been so light, barely there. She may have been falling asleep, not even paying attention to her position. But Taylor had been paying attention, she felt safe and secure as Karlie curved her upper and lower body to the shape of Taylor, encasing her in warmth. She was struck with overwhelming feelings of affection, admiration, gratitude, and love for the girl lying next to her. It filled her up all at once, she had felt so light as her heart swelled, and then she had been so sure lips were grazing her neck. Her heart skipped and she was drunk, she went for it.
I initiated it. Why did I even care if her lips were on me? Taylor thinks to herself, feeling even more regret. She would never get over her actions if it meant her friendship with Karlie would be different.
I've been lonely, there is nothing else to it. I haven't spent so much time with a singular person in so long, I just got attached to Karlie quick. The alcohol made me act stupid, I wasn't in my right mind. She was attracted to men, she knew that for a fact. Nothing would make her question that. And she knew she wasn't attracted to women, never have been and never will.
I'm not attracted to women, but am I attracted to a woman? Have I become attracted to Karlie? Her own voice asks her in her head. She shakes the thought; she can't just be attracted to one woman. Sure, Karlie is beautiful, she is a top high fashion model. She is literally paid to be beautiful. And Taylor has admired her beauty: her smile, her green eyes and their shape, her long muscular legs, slim waist, slender arms, toned abs. Her body truly was an art form, enchanting even, but dozens of the world's most famous fashion designers would agree with her. Surely it was normal to be struck by admiration for Karlie on occasional moments spent with her, she was admired by the entire fashion world.
Taylor was feeling more confident in her feelings now, believing she has gotten them under control and explained, as she reaches into the shower to turn the water on. As she undresses and waits for the shower to warm, a new thought races through her head.
But what if Karlie is attracted to me?
No, Taylor thinks to herself. It was mere days ago when she had held Karlie in her arms as she cried over the man she loves. Karlie works with the most beautiful women in the world daily, surely if she was attracted to women Taylor would know about it.
The blue eyed girl steps into the shower, thankful for the warm water pounding down on her, making her feel refreshed almost immediately. She allows her mind to shut down, as she lathers shampoo in her hair, gently massaging her scalp which helps with the headache that had been forming. She scrubs her body up and down, washing away the previous day and all of the pit stops that were in it. By the time she shuts the water off, she has resolved to make a plan.
I will play it off as a drunken mistake. I will say I don't remember much of it. Taylor is still anxious, however, that the road trip may not feel as carefree as it has felt so far. Will it be awkward?
Why do I need to play it off as a drunken mistake, isn't that what it really is? Taylor catches herself, confusing how she feels about it even more. Did I like the kiss?
Taylor shakes her head and steadies herself. She studies herself in the now steamy bathroom mirror, wrapped in a towel. I didn't like that kiss. I don't like girls. I don't like Karlie. She is my friend.
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Taylor gave Karlie no time to react at all this morning. Karlie wasn't even sure she had been completely awake until Taylor was in the bathroom. Karlie sat up, furiously rubbing her eyes, before just resting her head on her hands. She let out a mixture of a sigh and a groan, knowing that there is an awkward situation that will need to be dismantled.
Karlie reaches for her phone and sees a missed call and voicemail from Josh. The memory of sending Josh a drunkenly typed text resurfaces, causing her to once more groan and throw the phone to the other side of the bed. Karlie lies face down in her pillow, eyes squeezed shut, not even knowing where to begin with her thoughts.
I was drunk, but I wasn't that drunk.
Karlie is well aware that she put her lips against Taylor's neck, and had wanted to do so. Hell, as she thinks back on the night, she doesn't even regret doing it. Not yet anyway. She doesn't know what she will do if things become awkward between her and Taylor because of this, and she isn't sure how to evaluate her feelings.
Being a globe trotting model, Karlie has been to her fair share of parties. She has seen some of her best modeling friends kiss each other, just for the night, with the taste of alcohol in their mouths. The next day they were fine and all would go back to normal. It was in a glamorous setting, surrounded by the top wealth and fashion and the most beautiful women of the world, and it wasn't abnormal to see some experimental action taking place. Karlie had never been interested in doing so herself, and she knew that it really didn't mean anything, but was her kiss with Taylor the same? It was much more intimate than any of that glamor, it was just the two of them embracing a moment.
Karlie is aware that they have an intimate friendship, there is a different chemistry to it. They, of course, had hit it off right away when first meeting at the Victoria's Secret Fashion show. Then, without even knowing each other at all they were able to talk for hours on the phone about everything and nothing, becoming close while thousands of miles apart at times. And now, finally spending time together, their relationship was a nurturing one, with many soothing caresses, hugs, hand holding, and reassuring brushes of fingers. There was no denying it was a different friendship than any others Karlie had, but it had never felt strange or confusing to her, only natural. But in her mind, the kiss changed everything, it changed every touch they had exchanged. Was there something more to it?
It was time Karlie faced up to her thoughts, the ones she had done her best to push aside, especially yesterday.
I am attracted to Taylor. There, I admit it. Her cheeks flame red at just the thought. There was no use in denying it, it may even be easier for her to manage these feelings by admitting it to herself. If she was attracted to a friend she loves, does that mean she likes Taylor in a romantic way? She's never had feelings for or been attracted to another woman before, but she supposed there were always exceptions.
The thought scared her, but not for reasons she expected. She was scared because she was in a serious relationship with someone she truly did love, even if it wasn't the perfect fairytale love she thought she would have when she was younger. It was mature, it was dependable. Yes, she loved Josh, she was committed to him.
Did I just cheat on Josh? Karlie is shocked it took her this long to get there. It is such a strange and unexpected occurrence that she isn't even sure if she did cheat, does it even count? It was only a kiss, a drunk one at that, with someone who isn't, well, exactly her type. What did that make the kiss? Karlie can't figure it out, and doesn't have the energy to try at this time.
She was also scared because the dynamic she has with Taylor could be at risk. She liked the way their friendship was, she liked the intimacy of it, there was no denying it was something she craved at this point. She looked forward to going to sleep with her every night. She liked the nurturing way they had with each other. But was the kiss just the next natural step from that behavior, or was the kiss merely alcohol induced?
Karlie can only think for herself, and as she thinks about having to leave Taylor to go back to New York City and not see the singer again for who knows how long her throat tightens. There is nothing she would want to put off more than leaving the singer. Quite possibly the worst has happened: the younger girl has developed feelings for her best friend.
When did that happen? How did I not even notice it or feel it? Karlie asks herself, feeling a single tear escape from her and be soaked up in the pillow she is still lying face down in.
No one wants to develop feelings for their best friend for fear the feelings can't be reciprocated, but for Karlie it is worse because she knows the feelings can't be reciprocated, Taylor wasn't interested in women.
Well I'm not interested in women.. Not really.. And she said she was confused.. Karlie remembers. But there is no use in getting her hopes up, or considering any situation where feelings could be reciprocated. She has Josh, and she has a friendship with Taylor that she needs to guard at all costs. Karlie would have to just be aware of her feelings from now on and make sure she doesn't give in to any desires she may have that would put a strain on their friendship. She already has so much to fix after a single night...
She felt like she had taken advantage of Taylor last night. Karlie was sober enough to stop things from happening, she knew that. She just hadn't wanted to. Taylor probably was not sober enough to think the same way, and she surely was in the bathroom stressing over their night. The water to the shower has been on for longer than usual; avoiding reality.
Karlie knew she had to make last night seem like no big deal, a dumb move made by both. Taylor has enough to stress out over in her life, Karlie doesn't want to be one of them. She will do anything she can to make sure Taylor is aware that their friendship is safe and unchanged.
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Taylor had been standing in the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, unsure of what to do. First of all, she wishes she brought clothes into the bathroom with her, instead of walking out in a towel in front of the friend she had just wrongly kissed. Second of all, the last thing she wants to do anytime soon is face Karlie. She knows they have to talk about what happened, and Taylor still isn't even entirely sure what happened. One thing she can be sure of is Karlie is her friend, and she absolutely doesn't have feelings for her friend.
A soft knock sounds on the door. "Taylor? Are you okay? You've been in there for a while," Karlie says, her voice traveling through the door, sounding as soft and sweet as ever.
Of course she noticed I was in here for a while. Taylor thinks to herself. Karlie was always thinking of her, always noticing the little quirks of her personality, the habits of her lifestyle, and even the most minor of shifts in her mood. There was nothing Taylor appreciated more than Karlie paying such close attention, and always knowing what words and actions to provide when needed. Despite it all, Taylor feels a rush of love and appreciation for her friend, for even now she was looking out for her, even though both of them were probably dealing with the same unsettling and stressful thoughts.
Taylor sighs and walks over to the door and opens it. Karlie is surprised that the door was answered instead of a vocal response from Taylor, and her green eyes don't hide it. She is leaning on the door frame, eyes looking down at Taylor, and there is a few second delay before she asks once more, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm okay. I just..I don't know," Taylor replies, looking down and realizing the awkwardness of it all is somehow even worse than she imagined.
"So you remember everything from last night?" Karlie asks.
"Mhm," Taylor says, still looking anywhere but at Karlie.
"Taylor, we were both drunk. It isn't a big deal, no one is ever going to know what happened," Karlie says, taking on a tone of reason.
"Yeah, it's okay," Taylor replies, unsure of what exactly to say.
"Come on," Karlie says, turning around and walking to the bed and taking a seat. Taylor had followed behind her, and cursed herself for being surprised that Karlie had led her over to the bed without grabbing her hand. She shouldn't expect that, and she shouldn't want that. "It is okay, you know. But I know you didn't mean that when you just said it," Karlie says.
"I just really don't know what to say," Taylor admits, shrugging her shoulders.
"It was only a kiss. We were both drunk, we just got caught up in a cool moment on the beach that we got to share. I mean, it was innocent enough I guess. Kissing isn't a big deal, I don't even think I know the names of everyone I have kissed. And how many times have you kissed someone for a music video?" Karlie asks.
"I don't know.. That's different, there isn't any—" Taylor stops mid sentence. She was about to say there aren't feelings present when kissing someone for a music video. But there weren't feelings when she kissed Karlie either. She was drunk. "You're right, I guess it was just the alcohol and being close and everything."
"You are still uncomfortable?" Karlie asks, but Taylor knows she meant it more as a statement.
"I mean, I don't know, I don't want to be.." Taylor says, avoiding looking at Karlie once again.
"It doesn't have to be. No big deal. Nothing is different, I mean how can it be different? We obviously both aren't about to like each other like that, I'm pretty positive we are straight," Karlie says, softly laughing. "I mean, honestly, it is pretty blurry to me anyway. I know I kissed someone, and since you were the only one in bed with me you're the only suspect."
Taylor feels a sense of relief at that, she must not remember what they both had said to each other. "I guess you're right," Taylor says, a small smile on her face, looking at Karlie once more.
"Don't let this make things weird, please? I love you and I like our relationship how it is, I don't want anything to change," Karlie says softly as she seems to make a hesitant move with her arm before stopping herself.
Once more, Taylor feels a flood of relief at Karlie's words. She doesn't want anything to change either, and if Karlie can put this behind them so can she. "That's the only thing I was worried about, I didn't want things to be awkward."
"It won't be, because we have too long to drive for things to be awkward. I would die," Karlie says, now genuinely laughing.
"Okay, let's just start the rest of our road trip and enjoy it," Taylor says, smiling at the resolution that seems to have been made.
"Okay, now let's kiss and make up!" Karlie says laughing, leaning towards Taylor and squeezing her in a bone crushing bear hug as the singer laughs and tries to squirm away.
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Having woken up so early, both girls are showered, dressed, packed, and done eating an excellent room service breakfast by 8 in the morning.
"We can spend more time at the beach, you wanted to see those pirate cove things that are here," Karlie says, looking at a google map of the rest of their trip until they arrive to Big Sur. Taylor can't help but smile, she can't believe that they are sitting together on the couch as usual without an ounce of awkwardness between them. The fear she had of this disappearing only causes her to appreciate it even more.
"How much further do we have to drive?" Taylor asks.
"About three hours. So I don't know if we want to drive really slowly up the rest of the coast, or if we want to get there early afternoon and start checking Big Sur out today," Karlie replies, putting her phone down and looking up at Taylor.
"Let's drive slow, I like stopping at random places kind of," Taylor replies.
"Okay, do we know where we are staying yet when we get there?" Karlie asks.
"I think just a room at the lodge up there. You can look up different places for the other nights though, if you want," Taylor says, leaving the couch to pick up the dirty dishes and glasses from breakfast to play on the room service cart.
"Getting restless?" Karlie asks, standing up herself smiling at Taylor.
"What? No, I'm fine," Taylor replies.
"Yes, you are. Okay, let me just get my shoes and we can go," Karlie says, walking upstairs.
Taylor smiles at Karlie's turned back. There was nothing she didn't notice.
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Avila Beach - Pirate's Cove
http://www.panoramio.com/photo/21329324
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jOJmWENV4Zc/URiyseRh4TI/AAAAAAAAARI/ErSJHBoXBHU/s1600/pirate+2.jpg
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1XSlisPmz10/USxkFRKLMcI/AAAAAAAAAcg/gjmZzOGkkVg/s1600/532698_10100151955064737_1226594949_n.jpg
https://freeslo.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/img_0474.jpg
Karlie was doing her best not to pay attention to Taylor's clinging hands moving from her shoulder to her arm. Karlie was slowly walking on the sand beside Taylor, who was walking along the top of some particularly jagged stones that were scattered throughout this section of the beach. Taylor was laughing and doing her best to balance, having no inhibitions to hold onto Karlie for support.
"You're doing pretty good," Karlie comments, as she smiles up at her friend, finding her delight to be adorable. Although Karlie had assured Taylor nothing would be different after their kiss, she had lied. Karlie wasn't going to act any different towards her, but Karlie had never paid much attention to Taylor's passing touches before and now she was captivated by Taylor's grip over her. She hated that she craved Taylor's touch in this way, she hated that she enjoyed being used to support Taylor, and she hated that she was using this as an excuse to occasionally lightly touch Taylor's hip as though she were steadying her. She didn't allow her touch to linger, but she touched too often. Taylor didn't seem to notice.
"Oh, shoot, how do I get down now?" Taylor asks, as she has made it to the end of this particular line of rock. Along their walk, the rock's height had increased with distance.
"I got you, just put your hands on my shoulders," Karlie says, turning to face the rock now instead, reaching her arms up. Taylor slowly walks downwards, in tiny steps, placing her feet in footholds when she can, until she can reach Karlie's shoulders. Karlie puts her hands on the sides of Taylor's rib cage and pulls Taylor forward.
"Woah," Taylor says, as she is lowered to the ground. "I thought I was just going to walk down it holding your shoulders," Taylor says while a slight blush forms on her cheeks.
"There was no way you could have walked down that," Karlie says laughing, looking at the steep side of the rock. She pretends to not notice the hints of pink on Taylor's cheeks, she must have made the older girl uncomfortable.
"I know, that's why I was scared!" Taylor says laughing herself, but surprised by Karlie's strength. She knew Karlie worked out for hours a day, and her slender arms were lined with muscle, but she had never truly displayed her strength in front of her before. She had lowered Taylor to the ground slowly and carefully, as if paying no mind to Taylor's weight. Taylor doesn't know why she cares so much about it, it was just impressive.
They walk along the beach, climbing up, over, and under the different rocks and coves present in this area of the beach sharing laughs and different small talk. They had lucked out once again, it being the off season for people to visit these places with the combination of the early morning hour, they had this Pirate's Cove section to themselves. And the body guards of course.
"Want to climb that one?" Karlie asks, pointing to the largest rock structure on the beach.
"Nope, I prefer my body injury free," Taylor says quickly, looking in Karlie's pointed direction.
"Oh, come on, we can do it," Karlie teases, laughing as usual at Taylor's dryness.
"That is an actual 90 degree angle, no way," Taylor says, lips tight together shaking her head.
"I bet I could do it," Karlie says, cocking an eyebrow.
"I bet you can't but I am not going to say that, because then you will actually try doing it. So yes, I bet you could do it," Taylor replies to the younger girl's challenge. Karlie squints her eyes at Taylor, fighting a smile, as she takes off her sweatshirt and hands it to Taylor.
"Karlie, don't," Taylor groans, knowing that the model, who is now wearing a skin tight white tank top, is going to attempt to climb the large rock.
"I'm signing that Nike deal pretty soon. Just do it!" Karlie calls out from behind her shoulder, as she makes her way over to the daunting rock.
"This isn't what you're going to be paid for, you aren't even wearing Nike right now," Taylor replies, following behind. "This is a bad idea."
"It has so many indents it looks like it was actually made for rock climbing, it will be fine. I need exercise," Karlie says.
"I don't even want to know how many miles we walked yesterday, what are you talking about?" Taylor asks.
"That's not upper body," Karlie says, as she begins her climb. Taylor just rolls her eyes and sighs, and finds a smaller rock to lean up against to watch.
"I'm going to appreciate having body guards a lot more when I need someone to carry you to the car so we can go get you stitches," Taylor yells. She can tell Karlie didn't really hear, as she sees the profile of her face in full concentration.
The model's hair short hair is blowing in the wind, occasionally covering her face, but the focus Karlie's face displays makes it seem as though she doesn't even notice. Taylor watches in silence as Karlie's shoulder blades protrude from her back, as she reaches her hands for different holds of the rock, her muscles on her arms strained. Taylor is struck by her athleticism, and once again strength, she admired the model's concentration and determination. She was focused, and was driven by a goal that she spontaneously conceived. Taylor realized she was studying the way Karlie's bronze skin shimmered in the morning sun, and quickly looked away, out into the ocean.
She's just athletic, it is unreal. It's cool. Taylor tells herself.
"I think I'm done," Karlie yells, bringing Taylor's attention back to her. The model is looking from side to side and up and down, looking for a place to put her next hand or foot. She even leans away from the rock a bit, gripping tightly, in order to be able to search more of the rock from her position.
"Karlie! Don't do that!" Taylor yells, watching the taller girl lean away from the rock in confidence. Karlie puts her head to the side and she can see her sticking her tongue out from a profile view.
A moment later, Karlie carefully begins her descent downward. When she nears the bottom of the rock, Taylor gets up and walks over to meet her at the bottom. Karlie jumps down the last five feet, and lands well balanced on her feet.
"Well, I see why Nike wants you," Taylor says, as she hands the model's sweatshirt back.
"Because I look great in a tank top?" Karlie replies quickly, pulling the sweatshirt back over her head.
Shit, why did I say that? Karlie thinks.
"If that's what you want to think," Taylor replies deadpan, but when Karlie is able to get her head out of the sweatshirt she sees that Taylor is slightly blushing once again. She is going to have to stop putting her foot in her mouth.
"Okay, want to hit the road?"
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By 4 p.m. the girls are about an hour away from Big Sur, their main destination.
"I'm kind of glad we are close to Big Sur. Yesterday the ride was fun, but I'm kind of tired now," Taylor says, swinging on an old playground the two had found when pulling over to a beach for a look around.
Karlie is swinging next to her, apple in hand.
"Yeah, it isn't really easy driving either. The road is so windy and close to the ocean you can't relax for a second," Karlie replies, taking a bite from her apple.
"Give me a bite?" Taylor asks, dragging her feet on the ground to stop herself from swinging as Karlie does the same.
"I asked if you wanted your own and you said no," Karlie says stubbornly, handing over the apple nonetheless.
"Don't be grumpy," Taylor teases as she takes a bit and hands the fruit back.
They sit in the swings, swaying slightly side by side, looking at the ocean.
"I know I have said this a million times, but this is so much fun, Karlie," Taylor says, smiling at the model.
Karlie returns an even bigger smile to Taylor, saying, "I honestly think it is my favorite trip I have ever taken and I travel a lot."
"Me too."
"I've never seen Redwoods before, so I am excited to go hiking when we are up there," Karlie adds.
"You're going to be amazed, they're unreal," Taylor says.
Karlie's phone rings then, and looking at the screen she sees it is Josh. She can't stop herself from sighing, as she allows the call to go to voicemail.
"What did you do that for?" Taylor asks.
"Nothing, I'm just here with you, it would be rude to answer," Karlie lies.
"It is okay, I can go wait in the car if you want to talk to him. I know you haven't talked to him since we have left," Taylor says, getting up from the swing.
"No, don't! It is fine. Sit," Karlie says, sounding a bit more panicked than she wanted to.
Taylor sits back down on the swing, looking at Karlie, who is doing her best not to break the eye contact.
"Liar. Why didn't you answer? What's wrong?" Taylor asks, knowing the model too well.
"Nothing, I just called him last night when I was drunk and he didn't answer. I am just sort of embarrassed I called him drunk, but I texted him that everything was fine today," Karlie lies once more.
"Did you leave him a message?" Taylor asks.
"No, thank God," Karlie replies.
"Then why is it embarrassing?" Taylor asks sounding confused.
"I don't know, it just is," Karlie says neutrally.
"Give me your phone," Taylor demands, putting her hand out.
Karlie can't help but smile, she has been caught. When she makes no move to hand over the phone, Taylor says, "Liar. Why don't you ever talk to me about him?"
"I don't know, it isn't actually that big of a deal. I just sent him a drunk frustrated text message, and I just don't want to deal with talking to him right now about it. And that is the truth," Karlie says.
Taylor studies her for a moment, and then asks, "But you're okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Karlie smiles.
"Okay, well, you know I'm here for you," Taylor says, allowing the subject to be dropped as she begins to swing again.
"I know you are," Karlie says smiling.
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Taylor and Karlie arrived to the Big Sur Lodge later than they had planned, and the beach town was covered in darkness when they arrived. They were now clearing their dishes from another room service dinner, about to settle in for the night.
"What do you want to do for the night? I saw board games available for people in the lobby," Karlie says, as she takes the dishes away to place in the hallway.
Their room is much smaller than last night's room was. Tonight they still had windows with views of the ocean, but the room itself was just that: a single room. There was a fireplace, a queen sized bed, a television, a couch and a table.
"Yeah, that sounds good. Should I tell Jeff or one of them to go to the liquor store?" Taylor asks, as she pulls out the bag of cookies the two had baked together before leaving for their trip.
Karlie is surprised by the question. She had thought there would be no more drinking on this trip, after last night. Karlie had decided she herself wouldn't drink, now that she has realized the feelings she has for Taylor. Today had been difficult for her, she wasn't reaching for Taylor's hand as often as she had grown used to in the past couple of days. She knew she shouldn't, both because it would make Taylor uncomfortable after the kiss they shared and because Karlie felt like it was less of an innocent friendship gesture than it had been before for her. Combining that with Karlie's now super vigilant awareness of each touch Taylor grazes her with, Karlie knew the last thing she needs to be right now is drunk around Taylor. Whether it was a playful shove or the two hugs Taylor had given her today, she treasured each second of contact. In the close quarters of the car, the only thing Karlie could smell was Taylor's fruity aroma mixed with the ocean. Her ears remained alert, determined not to miss a single giggle Taylor released. Karlie knows she didn't even drive well today, often looking over at Taylor when she knew she was smiling, just to see it.
I'm in deeper than I thought. Karlie had thought to herself, as it seemed each passing hour she noticed something else she adored about Taylor. Today she had been extra light, playful, and cute. Not what Karlie needed.
"Karlie?" Taylor asks, making Karlie realize she had gotten lost in her own thoughts.
"Oh, sorry. It is up to you, whatever you want," Karlie replies, as Taylor calls her bodyguards requesting them to make a quick drive to the liquor store.
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"Taylor! What did you do that for?" Karlie asks loudly, grabbing at the empty glass of wine Taylor had essentially just chugged. The model was still nursing her first glass, and she noticed that Taylor drank the first glass quicker than usual, and the second even quicker than that, and now the third was gone in a couple of seconds.
"I don't know, I just did it," Taylor says, laughing at Karlie's worry.
"Seriously, you better go slower. I didn't pour you small glasses of wine. You're going to get hit all at once. And you will probably get heartburn just by drinking wine that fast of all things," Karlie replies sounding worried as well as confused. This was unlike Taylor.
"Don't worry about me," Taylor says smiling, reaching out and slowly and firmly rubbing Karlie's arm up and down twice before leaning away again. Karlie was thankful she was wearing a long sleeve shirt, better to hide the goosebumps that she felt rise on her arm at Taylor's touch.
They talked for a bit about what they were going to do tomorrow, when Taylor abruptly stops speaking.
"You okay?" Karlie asks, staring intently at the singer.
"I don't really feel good all of a sudden," Taylor says, her voice sounding weak.
Karlie moves closer to the girl and puts an arm around her, but Taylor instead basically collapses against the model, who then wraps her in a tight hug. She soothes, "You drank too quick, it will pass don't worry. You didn't have a lot you just had too much too fast." Karlie rubs an arm up and down Taylor's back, keeping her other arm tightly around her, while the singer's head is hidden against Karlie.
The two are silent for a few moments in this position, as they wait for Taylor to begin to feel better. Taylor breaks the silence asking, "Karlie?"
"Mhm," Karlie hums.
"Last night was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, I think," Taylor says, lifting her head to look at Karlie. Karlie's breath catches in her chest. How could a single kiss mean that much? Does that mean Taylor actually enjoyed it? "This whole trip is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, actually, even though I know you don't think you are actually, like, giving me this trip. But you have made me feel normal for the past couple of days. And last night at the beach, I never imagined I would be able to do that ever. And you just took me down there, so casual, it made me so happy," Taylor says. The breath that Karlie had caught in her chest is exhaled slowly. Of course Taylor was talking about the beach, how could the model think she meant the kiss. Karlie was ashamed when she felt hints of disappointment become present.
"That's all I want, for you to be happy," Karlie replies, smiling at her. "And you are normal, don't feel trapped by your own life so that you don't live it."
"And you always ask me what I want to do, you never say what you want to do. I've given up asking, you're too stubborn, you only want what I want," Taylor adds. Karlie hadn't even noticed she had been answering questions in that way, but thinking about it she realizes she has.
"I don't know, I do just want to do what you want to do. It is the same thing, I just want you to be happy," Karlie says again.
"I know you do. None of my friends care about me as much as you do, and they're all good friends. You're still better," Taylor says, sitting up now.
"You're a great friend to me, too. You've become my best friend actually," Karlie says softly, staring into Taylor's eyes.
"I love you for everything," Taylor says. Karlie's heart skips, even though they both have said they loved each other before, hearing the words now seems different. Unfortunately, though, they aren't different, Karlie may just appreciate hearing them more now.
"I love you too, Taylor," Karlie says, reaching her hands out for a hug, despite her better judgement.
Taylor leans in for a hug, feeling a bit like dead weight in Karlie's arms due to the amount of alcohol she has consumed, but then Taylor is lifting a leg over Karlie, straddling her as Karlie sits on the couch. Taylor sits on Karlie's lap, facing her in a straddling position. For once, Karlie has to look up at Taylor to make eye contact with her instead of looking down. Karlie is caught off guard, unsure of what Taylor is doing, but is sure to wrap her arms around her back in case the singer becomes unbalanced.
When Karlie wraps her arms around Taylor, Taylor puts her hands on each of the younger girl's elbows and very slowly runs her hands up her arm, cupping her shoulders, and then dragging her hands down her back, all while Karlie holds her breath.
"You're so strong," Taylor murmurs, staring into Karlie's eyes before leaning in.
This is not what Karlie had expected, as she once more has Taylor's lips against her own. This kiss is different than last night's, there is no hesitation, only confidence. Taylor runs her hands back up Karlie's back, dragging her nails, and then losing her hands in the model's hair, pulling the girl's face closer against her own. Karlie's eyes are closed, lost in the moment that has taken her by complete surprise. She opens her lips eagerly when she feels Taylor's tongue swipe at her bottom lip. However, it is when she has accepted Taylor's tongue in her mouth she is reminded that it is a drunken kiss by the clumsiness of it.
As much as she hates to do it, Karlie pulls away. "Taylor, you don't want this," Karlie breathes heavily, surprised by how out of breath she is.
"No, Karlie I do," Taylor breathes back, sounding just as exhilarated.
"You're drunk, you don't want to do this again," Karlie says, almost wishing she hadn't stuck to her single glass of wine tonight.
"Karlie, I want to do this, I want to kiss you. Kiss me," Taylor breathes, leaning back in. Karlie has lost all strength and resolve at that, and gladly accepts back Taylor's lips against her own. Their lips are locked in a kiss of urgency, rushed as though there is little time for them to do this.
Karlie smooths her hands down the blonde's back, stopping at the bottom hem of her shirt. Karlie hesitates for a moment, before very lightly slipping her fingers under, barely tracing the skin of her back. Karlie is convinced she is only grazing the tiny invisible hairs of Taylor's back, she is touching her so lightly. She rubs her fingers back and forth, chest tight at the realization of what she was doing. A shiver wracks Taylor's body as Karlie brings her hands a little higher up Taylor's shirt, and the singer very softly moans into the model's mouth.
Karlie is convinced this is too good to be true, how could this be happening? Is Taylor actually enjoying this as much as she is?
Taylor bites down on the younger girl's lip, and gently but firmly pulls at it, causing Karlie to take an audible sharp intake of breath. Taylor flashes the girl a knowing smile, before going to Karlie's neck. She is gentle on Karlie's neck, but finds every area Karlie needs her lips to be. Karlie feels a shiver of her own go through her body, as the wetness Taylor leaves on her neck feels cool against the hotel room's temperature. Karlie is surprised when she lets out an involuntary quiet moan when she feels Taylor's teeth very lightly nip at her collar bone. Karlie quickly slides her hands down Taylor's back out from underneath her shirt, to cup the singer's bum in both hands. She feels Taylor tense up against her, breathing into her neck "I don't think I want you to do that."
Karlie moves her hands as quick away as possible. Despite Taylor's confidence, she was still only exploring the kiss, it was foolish of Karlie to get caught up in the moment. Karlie begins, "I'm sor—" before Taylor's lips crash against her own once more.
They explore each other in this way, for a large portion of the night. When they finally go to bed, Karlie holds Taylor tightly against her, as the singer twirls a strand of Karlie's hair around her finger.
"Be right back," Karlie whispers sliding out of bed. She walks to the bathroom and closes the door. When she looks at herself in the mirror the first thing she sees are lip stick stains on the side of her mouth, jaw, neck, and collarbone, with some marks being darker than others.
Is this even real? Karlie asks herself, as she grabs a towel and dampens it, to wipe off the red stains. She feels ridiculous as she fights herself from smiling at her reflection as she works on cleaning up, but she can't deny she was happy. More than happy, ecstatic. Her heart was still racing. This kiss was not a drunken mistake, Karlie herself was completely sober, and Taylor had been so sure, so confident. They hadn't been clinging to each other lying in bed in darkness, but rather straddling each other on a couch in a well lit room. It also wasn't even likely that Taylor was still all that drunk, a couple hours after kissing.
Thoughts of Josh flashed through Karlie's head. She was pretty sure there was no excuse for this, this was cheating. She pushed away all thoughts of him; she didn't want to deal with that now. She wanted to enjoy this moment, this night, this whatever it was. She would allow herself to feel guilty at some point, because she deserved to, but not tonight.
She leaves the bathroom and crawls back into the bed, hoping Taylor is still awake. When she lies down a smile claims her face, when she feels Taylor's arm wrap around her back, pulling her near. Taylor plants many small, gentle kisses on Karlie's lips before nuzzling her head against the taller girl's shoulder for the night.
"Good night, Taylor," Karlie whispers, placing a hand on the back of Taylor's head before closing her own eyes.