The Potter's Manor was a large house on a relatively large estate. Though the estate didn't really have much on it. It was merely hills of green grass that Ella and James had spent much of their childhood playing on. It was also where James practiced Quidditch. Ella sometimes joined in but mainly watched him from the window. Always admiring him.
The manor itself wasn't really a manor. It was big but not to the extent to many estates from other pure-blood families. It was a six-bedroom house with a study that could be used as a seventh bedroom should the need arise. Two rooms were taken up by the family themselves. Another two by Ella and her mother whenever they stayed which was so often that the rooms had practically turned into a second bedroom for them. Another room was taken up by Sirius who was also a frequent visitor. The last bedroom had always been the guest room. Various people having been in it and most of the year, it was vacant unlike the rest of the house.
The house was extravagant while also keeping it's simplicity. Cluttered with meaningful objects and furniture that kept it feeling so homely and alive. Ella had always adored the Potter Manor. It often felt more like home to her. The whole area had a warmth to it that Ella could never find at home even if the climate in Scotland, where the Potters lived, was generally much colder than Manchester.
The driveway was covered in snow when Ella and Margaret arrived. A common occurrence for the Potters during the winter months. Scotland always had snow at one time or another. Ella was just hoping it would snow on Christmas. She loved when it snowed on Christmas day. It gave her a childish glee and it gave her an excuse to throw snowballs at James and now Sirius when they had done little to provoke her.
She had debated whether to make a snowball to throw at James whenever she saw him but decided it was better to wait. Carrying her bags with her as they walked up the steps of the Manor. Margaret was about to knock when the door opened. The kind face of Euphemia greeting them.
She was a short woman, a similar height to Ella, and her eyes were so kind that Ella was sure Mia would never lie. Though, Ella had surely lied to the older woman far too many times for her liking. That was the way when Ella had a secret relationship with Mia's son. Lies had become customary when discussing her time with James because the truth would surely shock her.
"It's so lovely to see you both. Come in, come in." Mia said before either of the women could say a word. Ella was happy to step into the warmth of the house. Her various bags still on her arms as she wiped her feet on the mat and then walked across to the middle of the entranceway. Her mother was quick to follow behind her and Mia closed the door. The two women placing their various bags down as Ella began to unzip her coat.
The house already felt far too warm with her wearing it so she decided that discarding it would be the best course of action. She then heard a loud shout from upstairs and pounding on the floorboards. A grin spreading on Ella's face at the telltale sound of James and Sirius. They never failed to make a ridiculous amount of noise despite what people told them,
"Boys! Ella and Margaret are here! Come down!" Mia shouted up the stairs. Her voice always surprisingly loud for a woman that small. Ella could hear muffled voices and a groan before the two boys appeared. James dressed up in his over-sized sweater and plaid pyjama pants. Sirius appearing next to him, an arm around his neck. Sirius was dressed in a black shirt and jeans. Practically dragging James. The sound of Mia shouting also seemed to rouse Fleamont from his hiding spot because he appeared from the formal living room not a moment later.
The formal greetings were quickly over with. The two boys staying back as Ella smiled and spoke politely with James' parents. Once it was over and the trio of parents had walked off. Ella turned to the boys, a smile spreading across her face.
"So how long has Sirius been ruining the peace?" Ella joked as she moved to pick up her bags. James shook Sirius off and took a few steps down, helping Ella with her bags. Even if he was uncomfortable with this situation, he was still going to be a gentleman and help her. His parents had taught him to at least be that.
"A few days but mum loves it." James responded as he picked up the last few bits. Sirius watched them for a moment, debating on whether to make a comment on the obvious awkwardness from James. His whole body was stiff as they gestured upstairs.
"I'm lovable, what can I say?" Sirius shrugged as he began to walk upstairs with them. A smirk spreading across his lips as he looked between them, "Honestly, Ella, he wouldn't shut up before you came here. Do you reckon it's something you said?" Sirius asked. Well aware of the confession that Ella had made but it had been pretty clear that Ella was unaware of that fact.
"'e's always like this. I think 'e just doesn't know what to say around girls. You know 'ow 'e gets around Lily," Ella responded. The awkwardness and anxiety seeping into her bones now as she looked at him. But she knew that she had to act like everything was fine and that his distant didn't bother her. She had no right to want his attention or for him to talk. James rolled his eyes at her teasing and glanced over at her.
"I'm pretty sure he's only ever said three words to her," Sirius chuckled as they took the last few steps up onto the landing. The three walked down the corridor until they passed Sirius' room. The black-haired boy quick to go into his room. He would have continued with his teasing but he thought it was better if they talked first.
"So, how long are you staying?" James asked as he nudged the door open with his hip. He then walked into the room, being hit with the overwhelming scent of her. The room lit up with a flick of Ella's wand and she placed her bags down, shrugging. She crossed the room to her wardrobe and opened it. She grinned when she saw the dress in the cupboard. Taking it out, she began to fold it up. James' stare burning into her hands and the dress.
"I think my mum said until the day after Boxin' Day," Ella responded as she placed the folded dress on the bed. She then pulled her wand out and muttered an incantation. Her packed clothes levitating and then quickly being hung in her wardrobe. She had never been happier when she was allowed to do magic outside of Hogwarts. She finally felt like she had some freedom and it made just about everything easier for her.
"That's a while. Wouldn't you prefer to be at home?" James asked. A question that she had expected from him of all people. She'd thought he'd be happy to have her around. Unless there was something going on that she didn't know about. Maybe Lily had said something to him. That could explain why he was so distant.
"You know I prefer here. I was hopin' to talk to you about something but it can wait," She said, pushing a bright smile onto her lips. Her eyes fell back onto the dress in front of her and she ran her fingers along the fabric. A dress she had worn over the summer. Something that had driven James crazy and led to one of the best nights of her life.
James didn't say anything. The only evidence of his departure was the soft click of the door. A sigh escaped Ella's lips, dread settling in her stomach. She wasn't entirely sure what was happening with James but she really hoped it wasn't her fault. She decided to sit in her room for a bit and decided to read her book. Quickly getting lost in the world until she heard clanging outside the room. The door opened and Sirius appeared. A smirk on his face.
"What are you doin'?" Ella asked as she tilted her head. Her eyebrow raising. Sirius shrugged and then glanced back to see James down the corridor. An annoyed look on his face, "Were you spyin' on me?" Ella asked after a moment. Sirius once again shrugged and that was it for Ella. She got to her feet and discarded her book, running at him.
If James was going to be distant, she could at least have some fun while Sirius was around. She pounced on the boy and within an instant, they were on the ground. A laugh escaping her lips as she sat on his stomach. She whacked him on the head.
"Get off, Ella," Sirius said, whining as he tried to push her back. She chuckled in response, flicking him on the head as she tilted her head. He met her gaze and he just sighed, lying back against the floor.
"Why were you spyin' on me, pretty boy? It's not gentlemanly to listen to a woman in private," She said as she moved off of him. However, before she could stand, Sirius had grabbed her leg. He then pulled her down onto the floor. Ella landed with a thump, a melodic laugh escaping her lips.
"I thought James was the pretty boy," He responded as she rolled over. Another giggle escaping her lips at the ridiculousness of the situation. She as a 17 year old had just jumped at her 18 year old friend like they were three years old on the school playground. She suddenly felt very childish as he looked down at her. Her hand covering her mouth, "It wasn't that funny, calm down," Sirius rolled his eyes as he grabbed her hands and pulled her to her feet. Another giggle escaped her lips before she managed to calm down. Still grinning.
"I just jumped at you like some three year old on the playground. I feel so childish, you and your friends alway make me so childish," She muttered. He tilted his head at her, his smile widening a little. He then ruffled her hair like how James would before shrugging.
"Sometimes in a world like ours, it's nice to have some fun," He responded. Ella tilted her head at him but as she did so, she spotted James. He was stood down the corridor with a frown on his lips. Ella went to say something but when they made eye contact, James turned away and headed back down the corridor.
"Do you know what I did? 'E doesn't want me around 'im. I can feel it," Ella muttered as the frown spread across her face. The childishness she felt when attacking Sirius suddenly gone. The heavy feeling in her heart coming back. She ran her fingers through her hair before looking to Sirius for answers. But the boy only shrugged in response.
"It's as much as a mystery to me," Sirius lied. Ella nodded and let out a soft sigh. She then muttered bye to Sirius before heading downstairs. She could at least talk to Euphemia for a bit. Mia was almost always in the Kitchen and was baking one thing or another. Ella thought that maybe she could join in this time. She usually did.
As she stepped into the large kitchen, there she was. A smile on her face as the bowl self-mixed. She was walking around doing various tasks when she spotted Ella. Molly ended up joining Ella's side to much to Mia's delight. Molly loved Mia as much as Ella did so it was no surprise when Molly started rubbing her face against the older woman's leg. The kind smile appeared on her face and Ella felt so much safer in an instant. The two quickly coming together and beginning their baking escapades for the day.
Ella had learnt so much from Mia and her mother with baking. Mia could have had a house elf do it all but she had learnt that doing things on her own was always preferable. Mia preferred it that way and their house-elf often only had a short list of chores before they had free roam to do as they pleased. Fleamont and Mia preferred it that way.
Ella just enjoyed her time with Mia and then her own mother in the Kitchen. It was always nice to just talk and not feel trapped. Most of the time Ella had to be careful with her words - especially in Hogwarts - but with the two women around her, she had a new sense of freedom. A smile on their faces as they baked. So enraptured in it that none of them noticed how James came over. Briefly getting distracted by his best friend as she laughed and spoke with a kind of freedom he had almost never seen.
He was only brought out of his daze by Sirius. The two deciding to go upstairs and play some card games. Leaving Ella completely unaware that their presence was ever there at all but Molly was happy to leave and followed after the boys. Disrupting their card game despite their attempts to be rid of the adorable fluffball.
***
With a flick of Ella's wand, the presents were wrapped perfectly. Most of them would have been awkward to wrap in one way or another so she was glad to have learnt the spell not long ago. It made sure that they were all perfect. Euphemia watching over her to make sure that any mistakes would be dealt with quickly. Ella's emotions had been running high for the past four days.
Between James' odd behaviour and how trapped she felt since she had nobody to talk about her father, she had cried a few too many times for her own good. But at least now she was feeling good. Mia and her talking about school and the subjects that Ella had taken. They had spent more of the time wrapping talking about Hogwarts and comparing it to Mia's time at the school. A lot seemed to have changed while not much had at the same time. It was strange but Ella still enjoyed learning more about it.
As Ella finished wrapping up Sirius' present, she began to place them all under the tree, "I'm really glad ya invited us, Mia. My mum has seemed really lonely in her letters so I think she needed this," Ella smiled as she looked at the older witch. Mia smiled back at Ella, shaking her head slightly.
"It's not an issue, Ella. You know that. I love having you and your mother around. I can escape from the ridiculous men I live with," Mia joked. Escaping the boys had been a sentiment she had repeated over the many years Ella had known her. Somehow, Ella actually seemed to understand that now and she wanted nothing more than to escape the men in her life.
"I understand the want. I just can't thank you enough." Ella said as she finished placing the last present among the pile. She then turned around to Mia properly. Meeting the older woman's gaze. She smiled softly, her eyes crinkling. Mia had watched Ella grow from a baby into the fine young woman she was and Mia was as proud as Margaret was.
"You're like a daughter to me. There's no need to thank me. Your mother is practically my sister. I'll always care for her," Mia responded. Keeping her words simple and formal but still holding so much sentiment behind them. Her words made Ella's heart warm and she couldn't help but grin. Trying to hide her face as she buried her face in her knees. Mia chuckled and then stood up. Ella looked up and they exchanged a few more words before Mia was gone. Finishing off whatever tasks she had left of the day. Ella wasn't entirely sure what to do with herself now.
But as she stared at the wall she realised what she had to do. Speaking to James was what she needed to do. It had been far too long of simply silence between them. It was eating Ella up inside and she just needed the conversations with him. She needed the fun that they used to have. Sexual and otherwise. He was her best friend and now she was losing him.
As she walked upstairs, she was debating on what to say. Whether she should just be blunt and straightforward or be more subtle. Being subtle really wouldn't be like her and she knew that honesty was the best policy so she could at least talk to him. Whatever was getting to him was affecting their ability to communicate. Something they had promised to do while they were still together and James hadn't broke it off yet. Well... unless he broke it off while she was black-out drunk. That thought made her gut twist in anxiety.
But she had no choice but to face it. She lifted her hand up and knocked on James' door. There was silence on the other side for a good minute and she knocked again. This time she heard a shout telling her to come in. Ella proceeded to do so. Opening the door and sliding inside before closing it behind her. She didn't want anyone to see her go in if she was completely honest.
"Oh. What is it?" James asked as he looked up from his book. It was - of course - a Quidditch book and he didn't even close it when he saw her. His room was dim as he tilted his head. Ella suddenly felt all the courage she had not a moment ago disappear. Her mouth opened but suddenly she was unsure what to even say.
"I wanted to talk to you," She said after a moment. James nodded and then he closed his book. Giving her his full attention as he shifted uncomfortably, "You've been avoidin' me for days and I thought me coming 'ere would be good. I wanted to talk to you and be with you but you just seem like you'd rather die than talk to me recently," She finally said. Not voicing what she meant correctly. Not really but she didn't want to waste any more of his time. She didn't want to make him anymore annoyed or angry than he currently was.
"When you say 'be with me', do you mean fuck me or date me? Because after the last night at Hogwarts, I'm a bit confused," James said and Ella was stumped. Her mouth fell open as she looked at him. Her hands falling from her front to her sides. Had she told him? Oh God, she'd told him that was in love with him. Suddenly everything made sense.
"Does it matter which one?" Ella muttered. Hoping that maybe he'd just tell her that it didn't matter. Hoping that this moment would be like all those moments in the romance stories she'd read. That moment where he finally says he loves her and they kiss and everything is okay.
"Yes." The single word shattering that fantasy. The real world was not like books. Not in the slightest and as she stared at him, she felt her heart drop, "I'm in love with Lily. You know that. We agreed to not catch feelings. To communicate. Why did you lie?" He asked, his tone accusatory and cruel. Ella ran her fingers through her hair and didn't know what to say. Her mouth opening before it closed again. How was she supposed to respond.
"I didn't lie..." She muttered. A weak defence but a defence nonetheless. He scoffed at her words and got up from the bed. Closing the gap between them as he looked down at her. They were still a few steps apart but he still felt slightly awkward. Wanting to move away from her and put more space but he didn't.
"Lying is the same as not telling me at all. We agreed to just have casual sex but now you went and fell in love. Why? Why did you have to ruin it, Ella? Please... I just..." James asked. His words were pleading and desperate. But he was blaming her and she couldn't help but hate how he was blaming her. She had done nothing wrong. She couldn't control her own feelings. If they had a switch she would have flicked it off a long time ago.
"You didn't exactly make fallin' in love hard. You treated me like your girlfriend, James," She responded bitterly, taking a step back. Maybe James didn't realise it but he treated her like royalty. Like a boyfriend would. He didn't treat her as a hook-up and now he thought it was her fault.
"What would you have rather me used you for sex and thrown you away like what Sirius does with girls?" James said, throwing his hand out. Ella stared at him and shrugged. It wasn't true, she never and in no way wanted that.
"I don't know, James. It would have stopped me from fallin' in love with you because apparently I'm so fuckin' evil for lovin' you." She spat. Her blood beginning to boil as she stared at him. He was blaming her for having feeling and she wanted nothing more than to just scream at him. But for now, she kept her cool. She had to. If she exploded, he would know a lot more about her feelings than she wanted.
"You're not evil! I just don't want your love!" He shouted, the harshness behind them made Ella recoil. His words said in the heat of the moment and the second he said them, he regretted it. Ella chuckled and felt the tears prick her eyes. She swallowed the lump that appeared in her throat and nodded her head. She then turned out letting out a soft 'okay' but then he grabbed her hand. He pulled her to turn around to face him, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I didn't mean it like that, I me-" He began but Ella cut him off. She yanked her wrist from his hold and stared up at him. An anger he had never seen in Ella's eyes.
"No, you don't get to apologise, James. You don't get to a wanker and get away with it! I've let you off too many times, you say you're defendin' me but really, you're just being an arsehole! Clearly, you get off on it. You fuck me for months and then the second I get feelings like what always would 'ave 'appened, you fling me out. I'm not just a girl you can play around with. I know 'ow you've treated other girls but I'm not them. I was supposed to be your best friend! I don't care if you love me or not but don't act like me 'iding the truth was some terrible thing. I did it so I could keep our friendship that clearly you don't care about. You don't want me around. The past few days have made that very fuckin' clear!" She shouted. Her words pouring out before she could even fully comprehend what she was saying. She didn't stop, "And don't act like me falling in love with you was such a hard thing to comprehend. You're everything a girl could want and you wear it like a shiny badge of fuckin' 'onour. You've always been kind to me and being' near you makes me feel like I'm 'ome but like every other place that I've called my 'ome, it's been ruined by a man. I hope you're fuckin' 'appy with yourself," She ranted. Her hands throwing up at her last words. She stepped back from him, the tears falling down her cheeks as she watched him. Just looking at him. Her best friend.
"I didn't mean to..." He trailed off. His words quiet and unsure, like he was afraid to finish his sentence. But Ella only saw it as an arrogant response and let out a laugh, looking at him.
"Really, James?" Ella asked and he looked up at her. They met gazes for the first time in that moment and she quirked an eyebrow. There wasn't any response so Ella decided to continue, "Who started this relationship we 'ad? You. You started it. Fully aware that feelin's would likely develop. Who ignored me for days after I confessed to 'im while off my fuckin' head? You. You ignored me. You said I should go 'ome. You didn't want me around. You are the one that didn't even bother to try and talk through these feelin's. We could have gone passed it. Kept bein' friends but you're too much of an egotistical bastard to give a shit about anyone but yourself and your feelin's." She finished. Her voice raised as she glared at him. He seemed taken aback by her words and before Ella could even think about what she had said. She pulled the door open and slammed it on the way out.
The tears quickly beginning to fall as she stormed down the corridor. Her arms wrapping around her middle as she let out a soft sob. Sirius - unknown to both of them - had heard most of the argument and when he heard Ella crying, he couldn't help but get up. He opened the door to his room and called her name. His voice uncharacteristically soft.
"What do you want Sirius? Gonna fuck me over too. Tease me over my feelin's," Ella snapped. She felt pathetic, stupid. Just stupid. Her steps faltered despite her want to move away from the black-haired boy. Sirius sighed and closed his door as he walked over to her.
"No." He said simply and turned her around. Ella didn't bother to look up at him and she just waited to see what he'd say. What he'd do. She expected something cruel, "I don't mean to screw girls over, Ella, and I don't like seeing you hurt," He muttered as he watched her. Ella lifting her hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks. She was definitely pathetic.
"Just go to James. 'e needs you more than I do. 'e's just lost 'is best friend and fuckbuddy," Ella said as she turned away from Sirius. He was quick to grab her arm and he pulled her into his chest. His arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders and Ella sobbed into his chest. His fingers buried in her hair and he gently stroked her locks.
"He's a twat, El." Sirius' voice was soft. A sudden shift that she had almost not expected from him but Sirius was always so full of surprises. He seemed so calm. Her vision was blurry so she kept her eyes squeezed shut, gripping the back of his shirt as her whole body shook with the sobs, "I put a chocolate frog in your room and that copy of Wuthering Heights I stole from Remus. I'm going to talk to James, okay?" He asked. Ella took a few deep breaths and nodded her head. She pulled back, tears still rolling down her cheeks. Sirius sent her an awkward half-smile before he stepped back.
She walked into her bedroom and Once the door was closed, Ella trudged to her bed and let the sobs overtake her again. Her face buried in the pillows as she sobbed loudly. The copy of Wuthering Heights pressed against her chest as she curled up into a ball. The blue shape of the chocolate frog box in her eyeline barely visible through the blur of her vision. She didn't know what else to do with herself. It was Christmas Eve and she had just lost her best friend because she fell in love with how. She felt so stupid.
***
𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 ! so... yeah... uhhh there's a interlude after this that should have been published with this chapter, i feel like i am going to get some very unhappy commenters here but i hope you are enjoying the angst nonetheless, honestly this chapter isn't one im super happy with, i find it kinda choppy and like i feel like the characters feelings are so said properly but ya know what I TRIED, so i hope you enjoyed