Chapter Sixty
Heartbreak
"I think we should take a break." Hearing the words play back in my head, I was less sure of my decision, of the finalization of those seven words. The heartbreak on his face replayed in my mind on repeat all night, I didn't sleep a wink. And the feeling in my chest? The once empty, that turned to anger, was settled on an ache I can't describe.
I never knew what to expect of heart break, songs and books describe it as a broken feeling, but I'm not sure if that is right. I've never felt my heart break in such a way as it was now. I mean, sure I felt my heart get pin-pricked when I thought Scott was going to go back to Allison at the start of the year, and I felt my heart ache when he left me alone, and I felt my heart utterly shatter when I thought he was dead... but this was different.
I was experiencing an entirely knew level of pain and hurt. It felt like my heart was beating with only half of itself. I know it sounds dramatic, but I really thought Scott was my soulmate, my forever love. I had dreamed of us getting married, maybe having another kid, growing old together... being happy.
Who knows, maybe he is my soulmate, but right now he's not good for me.
I think that hurts more than anything.
I've never loved someone the way I love him and now I have to break up with him because I need to focus on what was most important in my life now. I was going to be a mother any day now, and I needed to put all my focus on them, making sure they were happy and healthy. I don't have time to also focus on worrying about Scott, I don't have enough energy for it.
Tears slid down my cheeks as I slowly rocked in the rocking chair that sat in the corner of my room. I no longer had someone to sleep beside, someone to whisper sweet nothings in my ear, someone to sit with me while I took a bath, to laugh at me when I played ridiculous music for the babies, to talk with me about my worries without judging them.
A sob fell from my lips, I couldn't stop it from coming. My chest contracted in pain as I realized how alone I was. I was all alone. Of course, I'm being a tad bit dramatic, I have Stiles and my dad and Melissa and my friends. But, I'm alone in a different kind of way.
My mind immediately began to reply the entirety of Scott and I's relationship, each memory hurting worst than the last.
The door opened, and I became completely frozen as I looked into his sparkling eyes. I love his brown eyes, they're the perfect mix of chocolate and honey.
"Victoria? Are you okay? What are you doing out here?" He put his hand on my shoulder, causing my heart rate to pick up and my cheeks to tint red.
"Oh. Uh...I-I'm locked out of the house.....and, I don't want to bother you, but could I stay here? Only until Stiles is back?" I rambled on and on, feeling flustered. I mentally curse at myself, really Victoria? I can't even get out a sentence without becoming a stuttering mess.
Scott let his hand fall from my shoulder down to my fingertips, as my heart raced and I watched as he began to smile. "Yeah, come on in, you're going to catch a cold."
--
"We're in trouble... like real life shit, Scott. I don't even know how to say this... I didn't think I'd have to say this for another eight years..." I feel Scott grab my hands as I nervously began picking at my nails. I met his eyes, noticing his smile. "Victoria, whatever it is, we'll figure it out. It probably isn't even as bad as you--"
"I'm pregnant." I blurt, immediately biting my lip, afraid of his reaction. It's like time stood still for him, his entire body froze and his hands went limp in mine. In a moment he had his hands in his hair, pulling at the roots and a groan left him, and not the good kind either. "Y-you're sure?"
I bit my lip before pulling out the pictures from my appointment, setting them on the table for him to look at. His hands fell from his hair, hitting the table with a soft thud. Scott didn't say anything, he just.... stared at the photos for awhile, not making a sound.
Scott picked up the pictures with shaking fingers, holding it closer to his face as he looked at my baby. "I know the picture doesn't look like much..." I whisper, afraid if I spoke too loud he'd break into a million pieces. "He looks kinda like a funny little alien." Scott's eyes meet mine. "It's a boy?" His voice sounded completely scared and lost.
--
My eyes flew open and down to my bump. They're kicking! I jumped up from the floor and ran into Stiles room, yelling his name over and over. The two boys looked freaked out as I burst through the door, calming down only when they saw the wide grin on my face.
"Guys! They're kicking!" I pressed my hand against my stomach, I couldn't feel it against my hand but, I could feel it inside of me. I looked up at the two, a bored expression was on Stiles' face but, a smile was on Scott's as he walked over to me.
"They are?" I nodded wildly. He placed his hand against my stomach for a moment, waiting, before a frown found its way onto his face. "I can't feel it."
I giggled lightly. "No, I don't think they're big enough yet. It kind of feels like butterflies, in my stomach." Scott nodded, a smile returning to his face.
--
I nodded and sighed as I watched all three of them get in the tubs, lowering themselves into the icy water. Scott looked up at me and I gave him a quick kiss before resting my head against his. I looked him in the eyes and but my lip.
"Incase you don't make it back. . . I just want to say—" Scott cut me off with a kiss before pulling away and nodding. "I know. But, tell me when I make it out, okay."
--
"Scott, are you okay?" I asked, my hand reaching up to touch his bicep. My eyes found Melissa's as we both noticed his eyes changing. "Sweetheart, come with me, right now." I watched as Melissa and Scott went around the corner, I looked to McCall and immediately decided to follow the pair.
Scott's breathing was ragged, "Let it go. Just breathe, and let it go." Melissa coached him. "I'm trying." Scott spoke, but it was obvious his teeth were protruding through his gums. He was changing. I stepped in front of him, "You said you and Stiles learned a way to control this. You find an anchor, right? Well, what's your anchor? Find it, Scott."
It was like slow motion, his eyes found mine. My heart skipped a beat in realization, I was his anchor. He calmed down slowly, taking a few breaths before he was fully himself again.
--
I brought my fingers up to his face, tracing the bridge of his nose softly, memorizing his features. I lightly brushed my fingers across his cheek bones, then down his crooked jawline, and across his lips. "What are you doing?" He whispered against my fingers.
"If something happens, I want to be able to remember you." I spoke truthfully, moving my fingers up to dance over his brow bone and forehead. Scott grabbed my wrist lightly, bringing my hand down. He lightly placed a kiss to my knuckles.
"Nothing will happen to me," he promised, rolling so he was facing me. Scott let go of my wrist and moved his hand to brush my brunette hair behind my ear. Before he could pull away, I grabbed the back of his hand, pressing my cheek into his rough palm. My eyes fell closed as I tried to memorize the feeling of his hand on my skin.
I took a breath, "but my vision..." Scott rubbed his thumb across my cheek, "the nogitsune was messing with your visions, you said so yourself. Maybe no one will die." I felt a tear slip from my eye, rolling over my temple and into the pillow.
I turned my head slightly, pressing a kiss into his hand before meeting his gaze in the dark room, "I don't think I'd be able to survive if I lost you." Scott moved his hand from my cheek, down my arm until he grabbed my hand in his, locking our fingers together tightly.
"I'm not going anywhere, I promise." I nodded, believing his words because I wanted to. I so desperately wanted to believe what he was saying when he promised everything would be okay. I smiled slightly as my stomach growled.
Scott lightly chuckled under his breath, but it sounded more like a sharp exhale of air. "Hungry?" I nodded, "yeah. I want a grilled cheese." I honestly replied. Scott tugged lightly on my arm, "let's go, I'll make you one."
--
"Turn off the light and come here," I told him while pulling back the blanket for him to get under.
Scott quickly obeyed, even kicking off his shoes before slipping beside me. I held him to my body, his head rested on my chest while I ran my fingers through his chocolate hair, and his arms were wrapped around my torso, the top arm's hand was caressing my belly carefully.
I used my spare hand to hold onto his forearm, just letting him know I was there. I pressed a kiss to his head and then continued to run my fingers through his hair. "I'm here," I whispered to him and it wasn't long after that I felt his grip on me tighten followed by his tears wetting my hospital gown.
He was hurting, and I had every intention to help him through this tough time. I was gonna be there for him through all of this.
--
"What?" I mused, glancing back to my magazine article, marking the page to put it away. "Are you playing Journey for them now?" Scott asked. I felt the bed dip beside me as I set the magazine on the bedside table.
Scott was lying on his stomach, his face right by my belly while he looked up at me. I smiled and shrugged, "I want them to have varied musical knowledge." His palm rested on my belly, his thumb lightly rubbing at the exposed skin at the base of my stomach. "Yesterday, you had them listen to Motzart, the day before that it was Beyonce, and now it's Journey?"
I nodded, "and Metallica." Scott's eyebrows knitted together but he was amused, "metallica?" I let out a breath-like-laugh, "I said varied."
--
My head dropped down as my clouded vision focused on my bare belly, I had my tank top rolled up to under my boobs so I could put on coconut oil. I rested my hands on my stretched skin, rubbing over the stretch marks on my side and smiling as I saw that my belly button was fully extended.
I wasn't alone, I realized, I'll never be alone again. "I have you," I whispered. "I'll always have you two."
♡♡♡
A knock sounded on the nursery door, I was folding blankets and putting them away in the dresser. I don't understand why they have so many blankets. "Yeah," I called, not turning over my shoulder to see who it was.
"Victoria," my breath caught in my throat at the sound of his voice. Two days and I was already melting at the sound of his voice. I cleared my throat, "yes?" I didn't look away from the blanket I was folding, my hands were shaking slightly.
I heard his foot steps behind me and the sound of fabric moving, I could picture perfectly what he was doing-- stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I came to talk," he whispered, his voice sounding fragile and unsure.
"About?" I still didn't turn to him, afraid that if I did I would break. I don't want to break. I have to be strong, for them. Scott sighed before I felt him turn me around quickly, forcing me to face him head on.
He looked... horrible. His hair was messier than usual, his clothes were wrinkled, and his eyes were adorned with dark bags. He hadn't been sleeping. Neither had I. My eyes softened at the sight of him and I had to stop my hand as I tried to move to fix his hair.
"What do you wanna talk about Scott?" I asked, crossing my arms. Scott sighed and ran a hand through his chocolate hair, messing it further. "How does this work, Victoria? Because, I can't stand not seeing you everyday and what happens when they're here? Do I have to ask to see them? How does it work?"
I rolled my lip between my teeth. "You don't have to ask to see them, Scott. They're your kids too. You'll see them as often as you want to." I purposefully ignored the seeing me part, I didn't want to admit that I missed him too.
God, I missed him so badly.
"What about us? Why do we have to do this Victoria? I love you, you know that right? Don't you love me? I thought we were happy, I know I fucked up but, I miss you." Tears were in his eyes, and god I never thought I'd be the reason Scott McCall was crying.
I took a breath, gathering my thoughts. "The problem isn't if I love you or if you love me. I know you love me Scott, just like I know I love you--" He cut me off, "then why can't we be together?" He grabbed my face in his hands, his eyes desperately begging for me to take back my words.
"I can't worry about you and focus on being a mother, I don't have enough energy for both, Scott. So, I had to chose, and I have to chose them. They don't deserve anything less," I spoke carefully, feeling my heart clench as I watched Scott's face fall further.
He looked so sad, I hated breaking him.
Am I making the right choice?
I have to believe that I am. Even if it hurts.
"But, I love you, Victoria..." His voice broke and with it my heart broke as well. I was doing this to him, I was breaking him. Its funny how things work out. Ten months ago, I would have killed for Scott to even look at me. Eight months ago all I wanted was for sex to become something more. Four months ago, I wanted nothing more than for him to be happy and healthy. And now.... Now I was watching him break in front of me because I didn't have enough of me to give.
I felt as if being a mother was already stretching me thin, worrying about Scott would only tear me apart. I can't be broken, I need to be there for my kids. I have to.
With a deep breath I grabbed Scott's wrists, enjoying the feeling of his skin one last time, and I pulled his hands from my face. "It's not enough, Scott. I'm sorry. I need to focus on them for now. I can't be selfish with this."
With a sniffle, Scott nodded and stepped back. "I'll uh, check on you. Let me know when the babies are coming or if you need anything." I nodded numbly, watching as he turned and left the room.
If this is the right decision, why does it hurt so much?
A/N: Uhhhh I kinda cried while writing this and I'm not sure if its from the fact that they're not together anymore or if it was the sad music playing while I wrote... Anyways, the rest of the book won't follow the show... like at all. It'll be focusing on Victoria and the babies, who will be here soon. Like next twoish chapters.
Agh! I can't wait for them to be here and for y'all to see the names I picked out... omg and I can't wait to write the next book, Victoria is honestly such a badass in my head, but her being pregnant kinda put a kink in it.
Also, due to popular demand, I won't be changing the face claim! OMG, I also can't believe we're at 60 chapters... like, what?! I really didn't see myself making it past twenty when I started the book, yet, here we are and it's all thanks to you guys!
Until next time--XOXO