I wish something would take me away. I'll stick my feet out from under the blanket and hope that something grabs onto them. I hope this thing whisks me off, takes me under my bed, through a secret door and into a world where everything is... is—well, easier than this. But David wouldn't be there. Is it really easier then—without him?
I stare out at the forest just beyond the back porch with my hands holding the railing tightly. My eyes survey the brush for two beasts moving so quickly that I may have already missed them by blinking too hard. They must be running the borders by now.
"You must be the Luna," a feminine voice announces as the handle of the backdoor makes the slightest noise. I turn, leaving my post to instead pick at small sandwiches and cookies and sip coffee and tea. Of course, it is Alpha Nicodra's Luna arriving for our lunch—the frail brunette I saw yesterday morning and not since.
"Call me Brigette," I say with a smile and look to our set-up.
Helena has placed a table big enough for the two of us on the porch, outside so we can eat to the songs of birds or the rustle of leaves like in a period drama. She has covered the table in a white tablecloth and has placed each plate delicately on top of it.
"And you can call me Aurora," she says as we take our seats. "I heard that you're as new as a fresh-hatched chick. How do you like it—being a Luna, I mean."
"It's been alright, considering it's only been about a week."
Aurora smiles as if she knows something I do not. "Just you wait."
I feel like a recruit to the not-so-secret, secret society of Lunas. By the way she talks and the way she carries herself, I can tell Aurora is no stranger to pleasant lunches or strategic dinner parties. "Maybe you can give me a heads up on how this all works because I feel like I'm just blindly doing whatever anyone tells me."
"Oh, you seem like you're already on the right track then. The smartest thing a Luna can do is whatever she's told, but it's not so much the most fun. If you ask me, there are two types of Lunas. The first is the obedient, and the second is the brave. The obedient is loyal, predictable—she's the girl that pops into your head when you think of a Luna. But the brave, she's the one who's not afraid to put her authority to use."
"And you're the brave?" I ask.
She shrugs. "I try to be."
"How nontraditional of you. And Alpha Nicodra doesn't care?"
"The Alpha and I used to be closer than we are, not because of my bravery, but because he can be, well—"
"Unpredictable?"
Aurora grabs a little sandwich and takes a bite. "Did your Alpha tell you that?"
"He did."
There is a moment of silence where the two of us show hints of relief. It is always nice when you meet someone that is easy to talk to. No awkward pauses. No need to be someone we are not.
"Alpha Amin is a good Alpha," she murmurs. "Some Alphas are bad at what they do or are reckless with the power, but so far he's been one of the good ones. I was waiting to see who his mate would be. I pictured an obedient one, but not you."
"How do you know I won't be an obedient one?"
She shakes her head. "I have an inkling. I feel that you and I are similar."
I question, "Just after a few minutes?"
"Trust me, I've been to quite a few Luna lunches. Wait until you have to dine with one of the older ones. They'll drone on about their kids until you think about tying your tubes—which for us is the same as our Alpha starving the pack to death."
"You don't have any children?"
Aurora takes a cookie, one of the ones with a dollop of jam in the center. She bites and chews and swallows and says, "Not yet, no. What about you? Are you carrying?"
She asks me as if I have a concealed gun and not a growing person inside of me. "No. Not for a very long time."
"It's all fun and games until your Alpha's mother starts hanging around, asking and asking."
"Alpha Amin hasn't told me about his parents or I suppose his family in general. I don't think they live in the pack. I feel like I would have met them already."
"Probably not, then. Alpha Nicodra's mother died during childbirth. I just hear that the mothers can be a pain. Looks like we both got lucky," she says.
I sit back and cross my arms casually. "So are you wearing a fancy dress tonight too? Or is my advisor just dressing me up like a doll?"
"You'll get used to the events. Sorry I missed last night's dinner. The trip here just took all my energy, I had none left to sit pretty and smile."
"What happened to being brave?"
"Not here. Tonight we have to be obedient. The Amin pack and the Nicodra pack are walking on eggshells around each other. They have been for decades."
I sigh. "So I've heard. But I sat in on the discussion this morning. It doesn't sound like anyone is going to war anytime soon."
"These days war isn't like it used to be. They have their discussion, agreeing to keep the peace, but if provoked, Alphas strike in more cunning ways," Aurora explains. "They play dirty, and the last thing I want to put up with is a mess."
I peer down and take a finger sandwich. Jeremy is always formal with the information he gives—which tends to dance around the actual truth of it all—so I appreciate Aurora's straightforwardness. If she didn't live at another pack, I could see us being close friends. It would have been nice to have her company around; I think she could understand me.
"So are you and the Alpha getting along?"
"It seems everyone wants to know that," I say with my hand over my mouth, concealing my bite of sandwich. I quickly swallow and tell her, "We get along fine."
"Just curious. Not a lot of Luna's like to talk about their mate-related issues. We're all expected to have perfect relationships, utterly in love. Most people don't consider the differences between a normal mate dynamic and an Alpha and Luna's. More stressors on us. More pressure."
I nod slowly. "It is different, but so far Alpha Amin and I are doing pretty well. My father was an Alpha's Beta; I'm no stranger to the demands leadership must fulfill."
Aurora's lips stretch into a flat smile. "Of course. You two make a beautiful pairing."
"You know what they say—the goddess makes no mistakes. I'm sure whatever problems you have with Alpha Nicodra can be resolved. I'm sure you can be as close as you once were."
"I hope so," she says carefully. She observes me, maybe understanding that I am not simply obedient or brave. With strangers, I am whoever I have to be. And if she thinks I was going to cry about my mate-related issues, then she must not think we are very similar at all.
"So," I ask, "what color is the dress you're wearing tonight?"
I may not be the best choice for Luna, but I know better than to make David and I look vulnerable.
After lunch, and after the Luna leaves, I help Helena prepare for tonight's dinner party, assuring her that I have the time. All twelve places at the dining table are dressed with decorative, fragile plates and heavy silverware, expensive-feeling napkins and tame, floral centerpieces. My fingertips trail on the backs of the chairs as my eyes wash over it all. A woman who I recognize from assisting with last night's dinner comes in with crystal wine glasses, gently placing one at each seat.
"Elegant, isn't it?" She asks.
"Yes," I murmur, "it looks lovely."
"Nothing you would like to change?"
I shake my head. "No. No, it's perfect. You all are better at these things than I could ever be."
As the sun begins it's decent, it starts to rain. I head to my room to get ready, listening to the pattering as I prepare for my stylist. Even though things have been unclear between David and me, I am still looking forward to seeing him. It's bizarre because I spend so much time conditioning myself to be cautious around him, and despite these self-given rules, I feel butterflies in my stomach when his presence is expected. I never know what will happen; what he will say. The unknowing puts me on edge and I've begun to crave it. My chest aches with anticipation, and no matter how many times I tell myself to cut it out, I can't.
It's like there are two people inside of me. There is Brigette who desires to protect herself—to be on her own. And there is the Brigette who falls to her knees for the bond.
Tonight is a little more complicated, however. David and I have to appear to be the happy couple I described us as to Aurora, more so than simply trading food like we did last night. I'll stand by him and every so often place my hand on his arm. It's something I've seen my parents do. I'll touch him like I'm making sure he is still there, still solid and real.
Once the stylist is done with me, and once I've managed to get into the fitted, sleek red dress that Jeremy praised, I make my way back downstairs. I brush my long, soft waves off of my shoulders and search around for David. Helena and her assistants stop me to compliment my look, so I ask, "Have you seen David? Has he come downstairs yet?"
"I don't think so, dear. I'm sure he'll be down any minute."
I wander the house like a ghost walking the hallways at night. The lady in red—forever looking for her lost lover. Music plays in the background and the scene is set along with a few candles lit around the rooms. The flames bring a warmth that was lacking before. I hold my hand over one tiny flame, feeling the heat rise up into my palm.
There is a second table dressed for dinner near the first. Furniture has been cleared, and for a moment I think about where it all went, and where this second table came from. Eight more chairs, as well. I consider who these chairs could be for. Two Alphas; two Lunas. Alpha Nicodra's party. David's Beta—I'm curious to meet him. Others of high-standing, mates, and maybe a child or two.
I turn at the sound of footsteps. My hands drop to my sides like a disobedient child, touching and questioning everything, seeing how long I can hold my hand over the candle flame before the pain becomes too much.
David peers into the room then enters. "There you are," he says while buttoning the minuscule buttons on his cuffs.
"I've been looking around," I murmur and step away from the candles. I try not to stare at him for too long; he looks as he did when I first met him—all dressed up and gorgeous. No matter what he wears, he looks like he belongs in one of those romance movies my mother watches in pairing with a glass of wine.
"People should be arriving soon," he tells me. "Alpha Nicodra seems to have taken a liking to you, so I need you to be cautious, more so than last night."
"He likes me? Why?"
"Possibly because you are new, because of your personality, your looks. He can be bold, so maybe it's best you stay near me."
My face lights up. "That's perfect. I told Aurora about how close and happy we are. So, you know, we have to look close and happy. Everyone should think that, right? We should look like nothing is wrong between us."
"You want to play pretend?"
"I know it's a good idea," I say proudly. "I'm sure the first thing Alpha Nicodra wants is to see us arguing or being distant."
David eyes me then carries on to the foyer. The doorbell chimes promptly and I follow behind him, theorizing on his ability to sense company at the door.
I do what I said I was going to do. I greet every guest kindly and stand beside my mate like I deserve to be there. Everyone appears to be excited to meet me. I'm the new baby everyone wants to babble to and hold. I don't know anything, so there is no chance I'll argue with them about politics or diplomacy. Men's mates ask about my family or comment on my pretty face. Children greet me shyly. And the men—they smile and give David a look saying lucky you. Never have I felt like more of a woman than I do now.
"Brigette," David grabs my attention, "this is my Beta, Tarlo."
Tarlo is tall like David. I shake his hand and say, "It's nice to finally meet you. Please, call me Brigette. My father is an Alpha's Beta—I know how much you do, and I thank you for it."
"Well then, I need you to talk to my mate," he says jokingly. "She wanted to come and meet you tonight, but she's at home with the twins."
"Twins?" I question. "She must be busy then. I'll have to set up a lunch with her or something."
"I'm sure she would love that."
The last guests to arrive are Alpha Nicodra and Aurora. My eyes shift from Tarlo to the two of them as they enter. Aurora is looking at the many faces in the room—possibly for an ally—but Alpha Nicodra's gaze quickly connects with mine. Instead of obliviously peering off, I touch David's shoulder and nod in their direction. Soon we are in a mental agreement, and David partially extends his arm out for me. I bring my own around it, looped like a key on a keychain as he brings us over.
It's strange to touch him like this, but my mind is far too distracted to contemplate it. I've been taken over by a strategic and loyal Luna who loves to play games—ones where fooling other leaders means we win.