I thought that was the end of my life, but God has really purpose for every situation that will happen.
I survived. But too much blood was came out of me. Madami akong cuts mula pulse hanggang sa braso.
Nahimatay ako nang madami ng umagos na dugo sa aking kamay.
If they were not came earlier, patay na siguro ako, and of course, also the baby.
When I was out of my mind, I realized something, that I don't want to be like my parents, who abandoned their child, at gusto lang masunod ang personal na kagustuhan.
I am not them. I should not be.
I am crying right now. Dapat hindi ako nagpadalos dalos. My baby has not to do anything about my problems. It should survive.
After what happened, mabilis kumalat ang balita. With that, nalaman den kaagad ng pamilya ko ang nangyari.
Nandito silang lahat sa hospital.
"My baby, please 'wag mo na ulit gagawin yon ha," Sabi ni Mommy habang hawak hawak ang kamay ko.
"Okay ka na ba?" Tanong ni Dad without looking at my eyes.
I just nodded. Kuya Klaus donated blood para sa akin. Sobrang nawalan lang talaga ako ng dugo.
"You, brat. Hindi naman porket galit ako, galit den ako sa magiging apo ko. I just really mad and disappointed but, I realized, I was wrong, you're my daughter, at dapat ako ang mas nakakaintindi sayo," Dad said habang nakatingin sa akin.
Mas lalo akong napaiyak. "I lost everything, Dad. I am not deserving to be an Andrade. I did my best, but why my best isn't enough for all of you? To satisfy you all? Why is it so hard to please you all? This child was ruined my life, but why is it telling me to fight back? That everything will going to be okay? Bakit sya ang lumalaban sa akin?! Why am I blaming the innocent one?! The baby has not to do anything with my and your anger, so please, don't hate it," I pleaded to them.
"I am so sorry, Anak. We didn't know na ganito na pala nararamdaman mo," Ani Mom.
"My Apo, bravely fought back, at matindi ang kapit nya sayo," Sabi ni Tita at hinawakan ang kamay ko.
"Don't lose the baby, Princess. Ayaw namin mawalan ng pamangkin," Sabi ni Kuya Karius na paiyak pa.
"So, what's your plan, anak?" Tanong ni Mom sa akin.
I don't want to stay here in the Philippines. Hindi ako matatahimik dito. I know ako ang laman ng news ngayon, at gusto ko sa lugar na payapa.
"I wanted to continue my study in US. Gusto ko doon din manganak. In fact, wala na namang pakealam ang tatay nito sakin. From now on, wala na syang karapatan sa anak ko," I said firmly.
If he doesn't want this child, edi don't. Kaya ko naman 'to mag-isa nang wala sya.
Kaya ko nga ba?
__________
This is my last day here in the Philillines. I will going to miss it.
"Are you ready?" Kuya Karius asked me while holding my hands.
I smiled, "I have no choice kuya but to be ready and be alright,"
Umiling sya, "No, you have a choice, Princess. You're not perfect, tao ka lang din, cry all you want, magwala ka, just stop pretending," He said.
"Kuya, can you please do me last favor?" I asked.
Kuya just nodded and he drove me there. Sa resthouse nila Mauve.
"Go on, Princess, let yourself be free," Aniya at ngumiti sa akin.
Tumakbo ako at pumunta doon sa may bahay ni Mauve. For thr last time, gusto ko munang magpakatanga.
I am not a martyr na sasabihin na hindi na sya alam because of what happened na pang-iiwan nya sa akin. I still fucking love him, and I can't stop my heart to beat his name.
Hey, baby, this is the place where we first make love with your Daddy.
I am scared that you will grow up without a Dad. But I can be both, I will going to be enough.
Hindi ko pwedeng pilitin ang Papa mo na gustuhin tayo, if ayaw nya, ayaw nya.
"Mauve," Pagtawag ko.
Alam ko na walang dadating o lalabas but umaasa ako na may susulpot pa din na Mauve.
"Mauve, please can you show up to me for the last time?! Because if you do, I will stay," Sigaw ko habang tumulo na ang luha ko.
"Hindi ko kase kaya ng wala ka," Mahinang bulong ko.
"You know what now? I am afraid to trust anyone, because the last person, I trusted with, ruined it. The last person who said he will going to leave me, left me. Now, Mauve, where the hell is your fucking love?! Where?! Because I can't see it nor feel it," Sabi ko habang parang tanga na sumisigaw dito.
"Ngayon kinukwestyon ko ang sarili ko, minahal mo ba talaga ako? Or between the two of us ako lang talaga ang nagmahal ng totoo?"
I was crying all along. Maybe it is the last. The last time I will cry for you.
"I love you, Mauve, that's why I am leaving you. I guess, you really love me then, minahal mo ako para iwan ako," Natawa ako at pinunasan ang luha sa aking mga mata.
I left my necklace, the one I gave it to him when we were a kid. Sakanya na 'to, ibabalik ko lang.
I smiled at huminga ng malalim, "I guess I will close the book of our love story,"
When I saw Kuya, I hugged him tightly, at umiyak sakanya. Why is it so hard to fall in love? Why is it so hard to have a happy life?
Do we need to hurt for us to have a happy life? Why? I just don't get it.
Bakit kailangan mangako tapos mapapako? Hayst, I don't know. I guess, that's how people's are.
For the last chance I gave to him, napatunayan nya lang sa akin na ayaw na nya.
Then so be it. He don't want us, so wala na syang karapatan pa sa anak ko.
__________
Smooth ang naging byahe namin. Kasama ko silang lahat.
Sinamahan nila ako dahil medyo delikado na den ang pinagbubuntis ko. I am five months pregnant, kaya mas kailangan ng pagiingat.
When we get here sa Arizona, USA, pumunta kaagad kami sa bahay namin.
Yes, we have a house here, mostly kase ng pamilya namin sa side ni Mom, dito nakatira.
"Anak, medyo malaki ang bahay natin dito, so papatirahin ko dito ang Tita at pinsan mo okay?" Sabi ni Mom habang tinutulungan magbaba sina kuya ng mga gamit.
"This is my new start," I said at pumasok na sa loob ng bahay.
Iginila ako nina Mommy dito, medyo pamilyar na kase sya dito kase dito den sya lumaki.
One week passed, umuwi na den si Kuya Klaus, Kuya Karius, at Ram. Daddy and Mommy, stay here with me muna.
After ko daw makapanganak, tuturuan daw nila ako magdrive, para mas convenient.
Mom teach me also how to cook, para kahit daw magisa na ako alam ko na pagsilbihan sarili ko.
I also apply sa online classes, para makumpleto ko ang third year ko.
Dad also bought me a lots of books na magagamit ko daw sa pagstay ko dito, binilhan nya den ako ng book para sa mga nanay.
Magpapacheck-up na den ako sa OB dito. Doon lang sa medyo malapit na hospital.
"Who is Miss Andrade?" Tawag ng isang babae.
I stood up at lumapit sakanya, "Yes, I am," I said.
"Oh, please follow me this way," She said at pumunta sa isang room.
"Wait here for Doc. By the way, are you pregnant?" She asked habang inaayos ang mga gamit sa loob ng room.
"Yes,"
"Wow, you pretty strong and brave, woman! I salute you," She said habang sumaludo pa sa akin.
Ang gaan sa pakiramdam kapag kinakausap mo sya. "By the way, you're familiar somehow to me, are you a filipino?" Tanong ulit nya.
Wow, filipina den ba sya? Hindi halata sakanya.
"Yes, I am! Filipina ka den ba?" Pagtatanong ko.
"Omg! WAAAAAAAHHHH! Finally, ayoko na kase magenglish sa mga pasyente ko eh, nakakairita huhu," Makulit na sabi nya na parang tuwang tuwa pa sya sakin.
"I guess, mapapadalas ako dito, medyo wala den kase akong makakausap na sa bahay," I said.
"I am Caylee Andrade," Pagpapakilala ko.
"Well, I am Ianne Valderama, at your service! Iya na lang for short,"
Wait, she is Iya? Friend ni Gen?
________
[A/N]
sorry for the late update, guys! i've been trying to update everyday, kaso may online class, but i will try my best pa den. thankyou everyone, i love you all!!