Another week has passed. I took some time to recover from the panic attack I had and also the egg hunt, and now I'm finally feeling better again. Right on time. I remember how Sam told me about Shane's favorite meal. Pepper poppers. Marnie would always cook it for him, but I guess at some point, she stopped. Maybe she didn't even know how much Shane loved to eat it.
She even gave me the recipe. I feel like she thought it was getting old and mundane, and before tossing it away, she thought she could give it to me. I've been working real hard in the kitchen this entire morning to make sure this dish will turn out perfect. Still, I'm not sure why I'm putting in this much effort for someone who most likely won't even thank me.
Ever since I talked to Shane at night near that lake, I haven't been able to stop pondering about him and what else he might be hiding. Marnie told me that he truly doesn't mean any harm, and I believe her. Most people look at Shane and just immediately keep their distance. But for me, it's different. Everyone is telling me to stay away, but I feel like my intuition is trying to push me towards him. I want to trust my gut feeling.
I don't necessarily care if he'll thank me, or instantly throw me out of the house. I just want him to receive my gift. I know he will like it, regardless of how negative his reaction might be.
It's done I proudly whisper to myself.
Before bringing this to him, I have to take care of my chickens. I have a couple of hours left before Shane will return from work anyway.
I head outside and notice a small piece of paper right underneath my front door. I pick it up and begin reading what's written on it
Hey Mini Sam!
If you have time today, come visit me. I need your opinion on something!
See ya,
Big Sam.
I laugh to myself. Big Sam? Sure, he might be extremely tall, but personality wise he acts like a little puppy. A golden retriever, to be exact. He even looks like one too, with his blonde fluffy hair. I'm glad, though. Of course I appreciate Sebastian's company as well, but Sam is always so positive and easy-going.
I never once felt uncomfortable when he was with me, and it's impossible to feel upset or bored with him around. I like Abigail too, but for some reason I still haven't been able to truly form a connection with her. I find it hard to trust her. She's such a nice girl, and so extremely brave and confident, something I wish I was too, but whenever she's around, I feel the need to watch my every step. Basically the polar opposite of how I feel about Shane.
I shake my head and remember the note. Do I even have time today? It's already 2pm, I need about two more hours to finish taking care of the farm. Maybe I'll just quickly come over to say hi before heading out to see Shane. I'm sure that will work.
I am done with the farm work, and am currently waiting in front of Sam's door for him to open up and let me in. Suddenly I hear a whisper "pssst". I examine the area, trying to figure out where that noise is coming from "over here". I look towards Sam's window, and there he is, gesturing me to come over and climb in. I jump into his room and he closes the window.
"I'm glad you could make it! I have some super secret business I gotta tell you about." Oh? This is the first time I've had someone spill their super secret business to me. And he wanted me to come by so urgently to tell me? Now I'm curious. "Okay, so.. you know how Sebastian has been busy all week working on his computer? And I was also stuck inside my room for quite a while? Well, we finally have a complete band, and have already started working on some song ideas and lyrics", he explains joyfully.
I smile "Sam that's great! I'm super proud of you guys! How did you manage to complete your band so suddenly?"
"It turns out Abigail is an excellent drummer, and Sebastian suggested we should add her to our little band. He seemed to have really wanted her to join." My smile fades "oh", I say "that's nice". Sam nods proudly "Anyway, I need your help with something." He says and then runs over to his bed to pull out a little green box filled with paperwork.
While he's busy looking for whatever it is he wants to show me, I stay completely silent. Sebastian hasn't come over to greet me once. I haven't seen him around town, either. I get he's busy, but he had enough time to think about Abigail. Apparently, not enough time to think about me. Did that hug really mean nothing to him? I was trying not to think about it because I didn't want to distract him while he was busy, but I'm somewhat upset at his current behavior.
He was with me when I felt extremely vulnerable. He's the only person in my life who knows about my parents now. He told me he cares about me. He even gave me a hug. My first ever hug since my mother passed away. He offered to stay with me. And then he just doesn't reach out to me at all. I've heard he made some time to hang out with Abigail, but apparently not with me.
I don't understand what his deal is? He seems to like Abigail so much, but he hides that from me. I thought he cares about me, so why is he keeping secrets?
"Sami?", I snap out of my thoughts and look at Sam "huh? Did I miss something?"
Sam slowly walks towards me "I've said your name like four times and you didn't respond. Has your train of thoughts finally reached its destination?" He smiles, I nod "yeah, I guess. I'm sorry. What did you want to show me?"
He places down a bunch of different sheets of paper on his table and starts explaining what he's written down, but I can't focus. I'm still entirely lost in my thoughts. I can feel something embracing me, but there's nothing there. Suddenly, a familiar scent makes its way through my nose. It smells like the ocean at night. It smells like the fresh scent of nature after rain. Then, I feel a stinging in my nose. An incredibly strong scent. Smoke from a cigarette. I hate it so much, but for some reason, I wish it would stay in my senses for a while.
"Which one do you think would look better?",
Sam suddenly asks. I haven't been listening to him this entire time. I glance at the images he's showing me and randomly point at one "That one, I guess", Sam looks at me and frowns
"You're sad. I'm only making it worse by rambling on about this stuff. Spill the beans, chicken queen. What are you thinking about?"
Should I really tell him? He already knows that something is definitely wrong, so telling him not to worry will only make him worry more. Plus, maybe he'll be able to help me out somehow.
"You see, I'm scared Sebastian might be avoiding me.", I exclaim after taking a deep breath. "What makes you think that? I mean- yeah okay, makes sense. This is Sebastian we're talking about. But I thought you've already gotten used to his weird behavior?"
"I have. Or at least that's what I thought. I'm scared I might've done something that made him uncomfortable. He still goes out of his way to meet up with Abigail. So why haven't I heard from him in a week? I even went to visit him once, he barely even noticed I was there.", I explain, pouting at Sam
"Well, that's Sebastian for you. Once he's busy with something, everything else around him just sort of disappears from his sight."
"But why did I disappear too? Why is he acknowledging Abigail but not me?"
Sam sighs and sits down on his bed.
"I don't know what to tell you. Do you think I'm not sad about this at all? They meet up and enjoy their time together, but I'm not allowed to join. I felt alone so often, before you became a member of our group. Whenever Sebastian and I were out having fun, Abigail would step in and pull him away. I'm upset too, but it feels wrong for me. They're both my friends. I should be happy but I can't. Not when they're being so fake."
I never even realized how Sam must feel. It's true, they were a trio before I moved here. Abigail was always trying to stay close to Sebastian, and oftentimes, Sam would always sort of vanish from their sights. I don't think Sebastian is doing this on purpose, though. Sam truly is his best friend after all.
"What do you mean? They're being fake?"
"I wish I could tell you more, but I shouldn't. They didn't even want to tell me at first. Sebastian would scream at me to stop asking, even though I'm his best friend. There's a reason why they're acting like this. Something that is better left unsaid, unless they decide to tell you themselves. I'm sorry, Sami. It's better for you not to rely on Sebastian too much. He won't always be there for you.", he gets up again and stands in front of me.
"But hey! You still got me, right?", he says while gently patting my head, trying his hardest to regain his cheerful smile. I try to give him a grin back, but it's hard. I've never been this confused in my entire life. "Do you still want to help me out?", he asks carefully and I nod, but then I remember something "Wait, shit! I forgot I still need to do something!" I quickly grab the plastic bag in which I put the box filled with Shane's birthday present and climb back out through Sam's window.
"Stay here! I promise I'll come back later, no matter how tired I will be!", I shout in his direction while running towards Marnie's farm.
It shouldn't be too late yet, but I want to give this present to Shane before he'll go to the saloon. I want him to receive it while he is still sober.
I stop in front of their front door to quickly catch my breath and straighten my posture, then knock a few times. The door opens. I expect Marnie to be there, but instead, I'm greeted by her little niece, Jas. I smile at her
"Hey there! Remember me? I came to see Shane." Jas smiles "Oh right, the farm girl. Auntie said I'm not supposed to open the door for strangers, but I'll make an exception for you today." I chuckle "Thank you, Jas."
I look around, trying to find Shane.
"He's in his room.", Jas says.
I grin at her, then slowly walk towards the door and lean against it. I've never been inside his room before. I should probably knock, but I'm suddenly extremely terrified of how he'll react. Will he be angry? Will he be so annoyed that he won't even want to receive my little present?
I knock carefully a few times, but don't hear his voice. I knock again, still no reply. I take a few deep breaths and then slowly open the door. He doesn't seem to be in there. But what's that? There's another door and it's slightly open. Maybe he's in there? I sneak through his room, trying to stay as quiet as possible, then peak through the second door.
It seems to be a separate little coop, and there he is. He's playing around with a couple chickens on the ground. He actually seems somewhat happy and calm for once. I knock, and he jumps up slightly. His smile quickly fading as he walks towards the door to open it.
He looks at me "Um, hi- I hope you don't mind me entering your room without permission. Jas said you were here, but you didn't respond to my knocks, so-"
"-if I didn't respond, then why'd you come in here? Should've taken it as a signal to leave me alone.", he interrupts me grumpily.
"Probably, but I wanted to talk to you."
"You're very persistent. I just don't understand why anyone would want to talk to me."
I nervously glance around his room, trying to avoid eye contact
"Well, anyway.. I just came by to give you this."
I hand him the plastic bag. He looks at me confused and hesitates to take it at first, but then he looks inside. The smell most likely already gave it away, but he opens the box anyway. "Is that-"
"-Pepper Poppers. I made it for you."
He stares at it with a sparkling gaze. His grumpy attitude suddenly softens and his mouth is slightly hung open in surprise.
"Happy birthday, Shane"