Ivana
Ilang years na ba ang nakakalipas Plants change, and as well as people.
Wala namang permanente sa mundo. I've moved on. Iyun nga lang at matagal bago ako nakamove on. Ilang years ba? 2 years? Three? Ang tagal. Minahal ko eh. Sobra. Pero wala, talo ako. Hindi ako ang mahal niya. I have never opened my heart for a new relationship not until I've finally moved on. Sinigurdo ko muna na okay na ako. Na nakamove on na ako bago lumandi ulit. Ayoko din naman kaseng maging unfair sa kung sino mang ang mamahalin ko ulit.
Ayokong maramdaman ng lalaking mamahalin ko ang naramdaman ko. Dahil masakit. Dahil mahapdi sa puso.
" Hey Love" It was Jed. Pareho na kaming intern. Pagkatapos kong grumaduate sa med school ay bumalik ako sa ospital kung saan ako nagtrabaho noon. Wala na si Luigi dito nang makabalik ako dahil umalis daw at pumunta ng States kasama si Dra. Cordova ilang buwan lang pagkatapos naming magbreak. Hanep eh no. Pero okay lang, tanggap ko naman na. Matagal na.
Sinubukan kong pagbutihan. I learn the hard way. Masyadong strikto ang mga residente lalo na ang mga consultant. But atleast, I am learning. I wanted to be a good neurosurgeon. Iyun naman kase talaga ang pangarap ko noon pa.
" Musta ang OR" Tanong ko. Mukhang pagod kase si Jed. Madalas sumasakit pa man din ang ulo niya tuwing nabababad sa OR dahil ang tagal ng isang neuro case. Usually umaabot ng lima o higit pang oras. Nagprisinta akong masahehin ang sintido niya.
" Sakit parin ba?" Tanong kong muli. Tumango ito. Napayakap nalang ako dito. Sa loob ng halos limang taon, siya na ang naging sandigan ko. He encourages me when I feel like giving up. He makes me realize that all the hardships we are experiencing comes with a good prize.
" Hindi na. Konti nalang" He muttered in reply. Natuto na din akong magluto ang ibang putahe para lang baunan si Jed. I often cook for the both of us lalo na't madalas hindi kami pareho ng schedule. He's more interested with Cardio-pulmonary surgery and anything that has to deal with the heart and lungs. I have always supported him. Iyun naman kase dapat. Whatever he wants, I'll always support him. Mag-iisang taon palang kami ni Jed, but atleast I can say that the relationship is doing good. We are both doing good. We always find time for each other. Kahit pa gaano kami kabusy.
" I need to leave Love. Tawag ako ng senior ko. May OR pa kami mamaya, mag-aasist daw ako. Open heart surgery" He was smiling.
" Wow! Diba eto na iyun, Love. Parang noon lang sa youtube mo lang pinapanood, this time, makikita mo na ng personal." I'm so happy for him.
" Yeah. I hope I could assist well" He seemed nervous
" Kaya mo iyan. Ikaw pa." I encouraged him.
Mayamaya pa ay kinuha na niya iyung coat niya at nagpaalam sa akin na umalis. He kissed me on the temple before he left. I smiled and bade goodbye.
Ang natutunan ko sa loob ng ilang taon ay ang kung paano magparaya at maging matatag gaano man kahirap.
Hindi puwedeng iyak nalang ako ng iyak. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be hurt. But at the end of the day, don't focus on the hurtful feelings you have. Give yourself a chance to learn from whatever experience you have. That's life.
LUNCH time na pala ng mapadaan ako sa Neuroward para silipin iyung pasyente ko. We mostly have the most number of critical neuro cases here. Dito din kase sa ospital namin dinadala ang mga mahihirap na neuro cases.
" Uy Doc Vana, lunch time na. Di ka pa ba maglulunch?" It was Mica. Kasal na rin ito ay may anak na. Ang bilis ng panahon. Parang noon lang, wala pa itong jowa. Tignan mo ngayon, inunahan na ako. Nauna pang ikinasal at nagkaanak sa akin.
" Yes, I will. Silipin ko lang iyung pasyente" I told her. Napangiti ito bago binigay sa akin iyung chart nung pasyente.
" Si Doc Vana talaga. Masyado mong minamahal ang mga pasyente mo. Maspusong nurse ka pa din kahit na doktor ka na ngayon" She said.
" Ikaw din naman" I told her.
After visiting my patient, I've ordered an increase in his pain medication before leaving the nurses' ward.
I was already on the hallway going to the doctor's lounge when my phone kept on ringing. Maingay na naman sa messenger namin ng mga kabatch ko.
I tried to read what's going on.
May papunta daw na anak ng senator diyan.
Anong case daw?
Neuro case daw ata. Balita ko
Iyun ba iyung anak ni Senator Lagdameo?
Oo ata. Basta iyung anak niyang lalaki. Hindi ko din sure doc pero parang brain tumor ang naririnig. Iyung nga lang at wala pang proper diagnosis.
Kaya pala nasa ER si Doc Ibarra.
Sunosunod pa ang naging palitan ng discusyon sa GC namin. Sumilip akonsa ER at nakita dun si Doc Ibarra na nakastand by na. He was speaking with someone in the phone.
Bilis kumalat ng chismis. Parang paputok lang.
I was about to leave when doc Ibarra saw me. He called my name.
" Doktora Fajardo, magPPE, you'll assist me." He said. Napatingin naman ako kay Doc Guerero na katabi na si Doc Ibarra.
" Doc Guerero, assist Doc Janine at the triage. Doc Fajardo will take your place" He said. Consultant parin ang masusunod, and worst hindi lang siya consultant, head of surgery pa. Matanda na rin si Doc Ibarra, iyun nga lang guwapo parin kahit matanda na.
" A neuro case will be here in a few minutes. I suspect Glioblastoma. We will proceed to MRI once the patient is in and from then on I will decide depending on the family's decision for surgical intervention." Wika na ni Doc Ibarra sa akin.
" Sure Doc basta ba hindi mo ako palalabasin ng OR mo sa gitna ng surgery. Kilala kita doc e no, baka mamaya may paIvana out ka pang nalalaman diyan" I told Doc Ibarra.
" No I won't. Just don't try to do something unexpected again Ivana. I swear, I will have you next in the OR bed" Doc Ibarra will always be doc Ibarra.
" Uy Doc huwag ganyan. Family is love" I told him.
After a few minutes more of conversation, narinig din namin ang pagdating ng ambulance. Sinalubong namin ni Doc Ibarra iyung pasyente kasama ang isang ER nurse.
We received the patient concious and coherent. GCS 15. Weak-looking and non ambulatory due to fatigue.
We wheeled in the patient to the Triage first, was interviewed by Doctora Ibarra before receiving the patient in the ER.
" Rapid test negative. No other exposure to Covid cases. No recent travel history. No cough, no DOB, no fever, no diarrhea, no sorrthroat. GCS 15." Short endorsement from Doctora Ibarra. Ang ganda lang panoorin iyung dalawang mag-asawa na nagpapalitan ng discusyon sa pasyente. Halatang sobrang inlove si Doc Ibarra kay Doc Ja. Habang nagsasalita ito ay sa kaniya nakatingin si Doc Ibarra imbes na sa endorsement paper. Sinabi din ni doc Ja iyung suggestions niya, pati narin iyung admitting diagnosis pareho sa sinabi sa akin ni Doc Ibarra.
Marami pang sinabi si Doc Ja at si Doc Ibarra naman ay nakikinig lang.
After receiving endorsement, doc Ibarra did his own interview to the patient. Cardithoracis surgery iyung kay Doc Ja si Doc Ibarra ang neurosurgery kaya masalam niya pagdating sa kaso ng pasyente.
Doc Ibarra did tge request and subjected the patient to MRI. Pinasok naman agad sa Radio room ang pasyente para gawin iyung procedure.
After MRI, a reading was submitted by the radiologist. Binasa iyon ni Doc Ibarra at inexplain sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin nung resulta bago kami pumunta sa pasyente.
Doc Ibarra was the one who explained the diagnosis to the patient. Ang galing galing niya kase naiexplain niya ng maayos sa pasyente iyung kaso niya. The patient understood and accepted it.
Naging mabilis ang transition. Doc Ibarra did not wait any longer, after receiving the go signal from the patient he already called the OR and scheduled for an operation. Preparations were made. He called his preferred anesthesiologist afterwards to come for duty.
" Get ready, Doc Fajardo. You will be my only assist." Wika sa akin ni Doc Ibarra. Napatingin ako sa kaniya.
The hospital protocols indicate that resident doctora will assist the consultants. Residente muna bago interns. At intern palang ako.
" Doc sino pong residente ang sasama" I asked
" No one. Just you. Ayoko ng matao sa OR. You've seen this a lot of times, Ivana. You were with me for almost all my surgeries when you were a nurse. This time, you will be my first assist" He said. Napalunok ako. OR instruments lang ang hinahawakan ko noon hindi naman utak ng tao. I wanted to say it but I breathed in and accepted the challenge.
" Scrub in. Don't worry, I won't let you scrub out this time" He assured me.
It's part of learning. You have to face your fears. And this is mine.
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