People do not tell me things, instead they keep what they are feeling locked inside them. I manage to find the key, but they still won't open up to me. 'Am I not easy to talk to? 'I would ask them, thinking that I was the problem. Thinking that I was the one who needed to change.
'It's not you. It is just my way.' They would persistently say. If it's not me, then why do you consistently clam up? You say it's you, but how come I don't believe that? Do I smell bad? Am I rude? What is it? You can't open up to me, but why? Is it because of my physical appearance or my way of thinking?
If you can't open up to me, then don't give me excuses. I am here for you, but I need you to be here for me too. If you don't like me, then why be fake? Tell it to me straight. I don't want to keep wavering around the truth, just searching for the underlying message. Be my friend or don't, but I need to know what you are thinking. I need to know where I stand with you. I am tired of guessing. I'm at the edge of my seat, just trying to please you, but I shouldn't have to.
I want to be who I am, regardless of what you may think about me. I refuse to change. I am happy with who I am. I don't expect you to change, so please accept me as I am or not at all. This is who I am. If you don't like it, then tell me so. But, do not expect me to change just to please you. I am who I am, regardless of what anybody thinks.
I kept trying to please you and the other people around me, but I never thought about pleasing myself. I never asked myself: 'what do you want?' And because of that, I became miserable.
You didn't even seem to feel any differently about me, despite my act. So, you know what? If you don't like me, then that is your loss because I like who I am.
I am worth it! I am a gem! I can't be replaced and I refuse to let you tell me otherwise.
Yeah. I am going to make mistakes, but who doesn't? Yeah. I may lose you as a friend, but were you ever really a friend to begin with? You never opened up to me, never wanted to hear me, never gave me a chance, never showed me that you liked me as I am.
It is now that I realize, I don't need that. I don't need you. I don't need people like that in my life. I don't need people to tell me that I am nothing.
I almost started to believe that I was nothing when people told me that and if I am being honest, I did believe it for awhile. I believed people like you that made me feel like I was worthless. I believed people like you that made me feel like I was an ant, just rotting under your shoe. That I was something for you to stomp all over whenever you felt like it.
But you know what I realized? You are not above me. For years I was afraid of you. Of telling you what I thought, of sticking up for myself. But why? It only ever encouraged you, gave you more power to hold over my head, like I owed you my life. Well, let me tell you something: starting today, your reign over my life is no more. I'm taking back the me I was before I ever even knew you existed and guess what? There isn't a thing you can do to change my mind. Not anymore.
I am strong and I will persevere through whatever I have to if it means being free from your scorn. It may not be easy. I know it won't be easy, but it will make me stronger. It will be worth it in the end because I am worth it in the end. I will show you. I will show anyone who ever thought I wasn't worth their time.
Everyone who ever treated me like I was dirt you could easily scrape off, will see that once you put a little water into the mix, it turns into mud. Mud very essence Lingers, mud that stains, mud that doesn't easily give up, mud that stays with you for a long time, very hard to wash away. I may not be mud, but I am going to be like mud. I am going to be as stubborn as a mud stain on your shirt when it comes to being who I am.
I'm fine with being your friend, as long as you don't make me change who I am. As long as you don't make me feel bad about being me, we will be fine. As long as you are nice to me, I won't have a problem, but as soon as you fire, I'll get out my extugsher, because...
I am taking back my life, no matter what you or anybody has to say on the matter.