A week after Hoagie's passing, Cas finally let himself relax. His OCD was in full force, and he was compelled to track everyone's meals, especially Fries', but nothing more than that.
'You're not worried about a delayed reaction, or anything?' Dean asked him.
Cas shook his head, holding Dean's hand as they watched Jack play outside. 'I feel mostly all right. I think it's under control.'
'Really?' Dean teased, holding the orange Cas had let him eat.
Cas rolled his eyes. 'I mean, it's not going to get worse. We just have to ride it out.'
'Got it.' Dean peeled the orange, grinning at Cas.
It was a difficult adjustment without Hoagie at first. Fries got confused several times, even though they'd spent time training without him, she kept looking for him. She was distracted enough that she missed Cas's seizure signs while they were out walking once, and he was on bed rest for a week after he hit his head on the sidewalk.
It was tough going, but eventually she got used to it. A few hiccups meant that Jack had to stay with Sam more often than Cas would have liked, but they were soon back into their regular routine.
Dean woke up early in the mornings and made everyone breakfast, then dropped Jack off at school. Sometimes he would drop Cas at his studio, but Cas was rarely awake enough at that time of day to paint, so he usually got a cab later on, or a lift with Jody if she was free. Cas would walk Fries for an hour, work out at the gym every other day, and then spend the rest of the day painting, while Tessa made sure he'd taken his medication on time. Then Sam or Jess would pick Jack and Mary up from school, dropping Jack home for the afternoon.
Cas always put away his painting for Jack, and they would spread his homework out over the table. Cas was always happy to help, especially since it would be good for his brain to keep it active in this way. He didn't like to admit it, but helping Jack with his homework made him realise that he'd forgotten a lot of the basics.
'Maybe I should go back to school,' he mumbled one evening, after he'd struggled to help Jack with his math homework.
'Oh yeah? You think you can retain it?' Dean asked, kissing his head.
'I don't see why not.'
Dean thought about it. 'I don't know... You get overwhelmed by lots of people... Why don't we look at a private tutor? That would help you and Jack, right?'
'I think that's a great idea.'
'I'll get on it tomorrow.'
Dean found a tutor pretty quickly, and he came around after school during the week. He would come in from work and find them all at the dining room table, Fries at Cas's feet, and the cats sitting on whichever chairs they felt like.
'Hi, Dean!' Jack would shout whenever he came in, then immediately rattle off what he had been learning.
Dean always listened with a smile, but after a few weeks, Cas noticed a touch of sadness in Dean's eyes. He didn't mention it at first, but it only became more noticeable, so he waited until Jack was asleep and sat Dean down at the table.
'Something's wrong,' he said, and Dean avoided his eyes. 'Tell me what it is.'
Dean rolled his shoulders. 'It's nothing,' he said, rubbing his eyes.
'It's something.'
'Really, it's stupid.'
'It's not if it's bothering you.'
Dean hesitated, but couldn't tear himself out of Cas's gaze. 'I - listen, I know I'm being stupid, but sometimes it's like...'
'Like?'
Dean sighed. 'It's like everybody prefers you over me. I know, it's stupid, but you get to spend all this time with Jack, hell even the damn cats like you more.'
Cas rubbed Dean's knee. 'Dean-'
'No, you don't have to tell me, I know I'm being a dumbass.'
'You are,' Cas said, smiling at him. 'We all love you very much.'
'I just feel like I'm nobody's favourite.'
'You're my favourite,' Cas murmured. 'But maybe there's more we can all do to show you how much we love you. You should have said something sooner, Dean.'
Dean shrugged. 'I didn't want to dump my stupid crap on you.'
'I think we're well past keeping these things from each other,' Cas said, cupping his cheek.
'Yeah, you're right.'
Cas kissed him. 'I love you, Dean.'
'Ditto.'
Cas spent most of the next day deep in thought, making long, deliberate brushstrokes, but he couldn't think of anything, until Jack got home.
'How was school?' Cas asked him, as he packed away his painting.
'It was okay,' Jack said. He sounded distracted.
'Only okay?' Cas asked, turning to face him. He looked worried.
'Can I talk to you about something?' Jack said nervously.
'Yes, sit down, Jack. Is someone at school bothering you?'
'No,' Jack said, climbing into one of the chairs, pushing away Little Gabe. 'Is something wrong with Dean?'
Cas gave him a startled look. His perception certainly was improving. 'What makes you say that?'
'He looks sad a lot. Did I do something wrong?'
'Oh no, Jack, you didn't do anything wrong,' Cas said, scooping Jack onto his lap. 'Dean's just been feeling a little left out lately, that's all.'
'Why?'
'We all spend a lot of time together and he has to stay at work.'
'Can we do anything?'
'Well, I've been trying to think of something to make him feel better, but my brain's not been so good today. What do you think?'
Jack scrunched up his face, thinking hard, then he suddenly looked excited. 'I got it! But can you make him stay a bit later at work, I gotta make something.'
Cas smiled. 'I think I can make that happen.' Cas called Jody after Jack explained his plan, and happily stalled Dean at work.
Dean called out to them when he got back. 'All right, what are you guys up to? Jody's not a good liar, what's going on?'
'We're in here!' Cas called back from the living room.
Jack giggled, and jumped up as soon as Dean walked in. He ran at Dean, who lifted him up.
'Hey, kid, how's it going?' He looked around at the decorations Jack and Cas had hastily made and put up. 'What's all this?'
Jack jumped down from Dean's arms and pulled him into the living room, then made him kneel down, so Jack could reach him.
'This is your dad ceremony!' he said excitedly.
'My what?'
'It's where we have a party and you're not Dean anymore. I call you Dad now.'
Dean looked utterly bewildered. 'Really?'
'Yep,' Jack said proudly. 'I made you a button, see?' He picked up the button he'd made that said 'DAD' on it and pinned it to Dean's jacket.
'Dad ceremony?' Dean repeated.
'Yeah! We got a cake, wait here!' Jack ran into the kitchen, and Dean gave Cas a stunned look.
'Did you put him up to this?' Dean asked.
'No, this was all his idea,' Cas smiled.
Jack came back with a cake, with 'DAD' messily written on it with frosting. 'Tada, you're a dad!'
'Wow, thanks, Jack,' Dean grinned. 'But, what about you?' he said to Cas.
'We thought, given how my brain works and everything, that it would be too confusing for me if I changed my name, so we're sticking with Cas for now.' Cas gave him an indulgent smile
Dean pressed his lips together, clearly holding back tears. 'Cool, that makes sense.'
'Come on, Dad, eat your cake,' Jack said, clapping his hands together.
'You got it.' Dean picked up some of the cake, but couldn't quite pull himself together enough to put it in his mouth.
'Oh, I got something else!' Jack jumped up again, running off to his room.
'Are you all right?' Cas laughed, rubbing Dean's back.
'I'm great,' Dean choked. 'Fantastic. Who's coming to the party?'
'Just us,' Cas said gently.
Dean sniffed and cleared his throat. 'Wow, I don't know what to say.'
'You don't have to say anything... Dad.'
Jack returned with a cardboard hat and some party horns that he'd saved from Mary's birthday, and gave them to Dean. Dean put on the hat, wiping his eyes.
'Thanks, Jack,' he said.
Then Jack wrapped his arms around Dean's neck. 'I love you, Dad.'
Dean squeezed him tightly. 'I love you too, kid.'
Jack got up, still excited, and played with Fries, tickling her nose with the end of one of the party horns.
Cas leaned close to Dean to whisper in his ear. 'Sam's picking him up in an hour. It'll be just us tonight, so I can show you exactly how much I love and appreciate you.' He trailed a finger down his chest.
Dean adjusted the hat on his head. 'Sounds great to me,' he grinned.
Just then, Little Gabe came up and rubbed himself up against Dean, purring loudly. Dean scratched him under the chin until he'd had enough and walked away.
'Are you feeling any better?' Cas asked after a while.
'Much. Thanks.' Dean ran a finger over the button Jack had made him. He never removed it from his jacket, not even when the writing faded and the metal became tarnished. He wore it with pride, like a talisman, running his finger over it if he ever felt sad, so he would remember how it felt to be called Dad for the first time.