Jack settled into the house so well it was almost as though he'd been there the whole time. He cooked and read with Dean, and painted with Cas. They did catch him watching them sleep a few times, but when they sat him down to ask him what he was doing, they found that he'd been too scared to wake them up when he'd had a bad dream.
Cas held him tightly, lifting him onto his lap. 'You don't ever need to be scared of us,' he said quietly, wiping the tears from Jack's face. 'If you need us you can always wake us up.'
Jack buried his head in Cas's shoulder.
'I get bad dreams too sometimes,' Dean told him, rubbing his back. 'I know it's scary, but we want to help you. A hug from Cas always makes me feel better.'
Cas smiled at him.
'Do - do you promise you won't be mad at me?' Jack sobbed.
'We promise,' Cas said, giving Dean a worried look. 'What do you dream about, Jack?'
Jack sniffed. 'I dream about my mommy,' he said, his voice still muffled by Cas's shoulder. 'I never saw her, but I know it's her in my dreams, and she's mad at me.'
'Why would she be mad at you?' Cas asked gently.
Jack shook his head, his tiny fists bunched up in Cas's shirt.
'You can tell us,' Dean encouraged.
Jack hesitated, then it all came spilling out in a barely comprehensible sentence. 'A boy at school says I hurt my mommy when I was in her tummy and that's why she died so she's mad at me in my dreams,' he wailed, breaking into a fresh wave of horrible sobbing.
Cas gasped, 'Oh, Jack,' he murmured, catching Dean's eye.
'Jack, that's not true at all,' Dean said to him.
'It isn't?' Jack said, turning in Cas's lap to look at Dean. His face was wet and red.
'No, no, of course it isn't. It's not your fault at all. You didn't do anything wrong, I promise.' Dean took one of his tiny hands in his. 'Your mom loved you very much. She made sure you had somewhere to go, even if she couldn't come with you.'
'How do you know?'
'The social workers told us,' said Cas.
Dean smiled at Jack. 'I lost my mom too, you know.'
'You did?'
'Yeah. It was hard, but I know she loved me, just like I know your mom loved you.'
'What about you, Cas? What's your mommy like?'
Cas sighed. Those memories were still lost to him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'Do you remember what I told you about our accident?'
'How you hurt your brain and you forgot lots of stuff?'
'Exactly.'
'It made you forget your mom? That's sad.'
Cas grimaced. 'Listen to me, Jack. What that boy said was a very mean thing to say. I want you to promise you'll tell us if he does it again.'
'I promise.'
Dean looked at both Cas and Jack's expressions. 'Who wants ice cream?' he announced loudly.
Jack brightened up immediately. 'Me!' he shouted, jumping up and running to put his shoes on.
'Are you okay?' Dean whispered to Cas at his troubled expression.
Cas nodded and smiled. 'Yes, I'm all right. We should get him a therapist.'
'You don't say,' Dean grinned. 'Come on, we better get that ice cream before he drives the car there himself.'
Cas stood up and gave Dean a quick kiss before following Jack out to the car.
Jack had another nightmare that night and stood at the end of their bed, fiddling with the cuffs of his sleeves. Eventually he crept up to Cas's side of the bed. 'Cas,' he whispered, gently shaking his arm.
Cas woke with a start. 'Jack?' he mumbled.
'I had a bad dream.'
'Oh, do you want to climb up with us?'
'Okay.'
Jack hopped up and Cas shoved Dean over to make room.
'What are you doing?' Dean groaned.
'Move over, Jack's coming in.'
Dean rolled sleepily over and Jack squeezed in between them. 'Get comfy.'
Hoagie sighed at the end of the bed and Cas rolled his eyes.
'Come here,' Cas murmured, bending down to carefully lift Hoagie onto the bed. Fries jumped up not long after. 'Dean?'
'Mm?'
'I think we need a bigger bed,' Cas whispered, grateful that Grace and Little Gabe preferred to sleep on the couch.
'I'll get right on that.' Dean reached over to ruffle his hair, and left his hand resting on Cas's shoulder.
Every night that Jack stayed in the bed with them, they were also joined by Hoagie and Fries. Dean pretended to be grouchy about it, but he loved every moment of it.
Cas was always very careful with Hoagie, gently lowering him off the bed every morning.
Hoagie loved following Jack around, but he found it difficult to keep up. He still did his very best to alert Cas about his seizures, but was often too slow.
Cas kept a wary eye on him, worried about his increased need to sleep, his inability to climb stairs or furniture, his diminishing eyesight. He seemed content, unbothered by his advancing age, more than happy to sit in the sun with his eyes closed, listening to Jack and Fries playing, and sniffing at Little Gabe whenever the cat took a swipe at him.
Dean ignored it for the most part, just as unwilling as Hoagie to consider how old he was. He would say something like, 'He's fine, look he's watching butterflies,' or, 'He's just a little tired, let's get him up on the couch.'
Cas carefully fed him his medications, his own chart adorning the wall beside Cas and Dean's. One for arthritis, one for his kidneys, extra vitamins for everything else. He could feel his OCD flaring up, like an itch in his mind. His compulsion to check the light by the front door returned, worried as he was about Hoagie's eyesight, so he forced himself to stay awake later into the night and Jack thankfully never noticed.
Hoagie was nearby the first time Cas had a seizure in front of Jack.
They had already explained to him what it would be like, but he was scared nevertheless.
Fries was sitting beside Cas for comfort, but Hoagie climbed to his feet and trotted outside where Dean was working on the car. He growled to get Dean's attention.
'Hey, Hoagster,' Dean smiled affectionately. 'What's up?'
Hoagie huffed and turned around, glancing back to make sure Dean was following him, and went back inside.
Cas was still seizing on the living room floor and Jack was watching with wide eyes from the couch. Dean knelt beside Cas, rolling him onto his side and waited for it to stop. Once it was over, Dean beckoned Jack over.
'It's scarier than I thought it would be,' Jack said in a small voice.
Dean bundled Jack into his lap, and Hoagie rested his head on Dean's knee, staring intently at Jack. 'Yeah, it is,' Dean agreed, 'but it's over now. All we gotta do is wait for him to wake up.'
Jack nestled close to Dean, and Hoagie shuffled himself onto Dean's lap as well.
'See, Hoagie doesn't want you to be scared either,' Dean smiled, nudging Jack.
Jack patted Hoagie. 'Good boy,' he said.
Soon enough Cas began to stir, running his fingers through Fries' thick fur. His eyes opened just a crack, and a faint smile touched his lips. 'Hello, Jack,' he murmured.
'Hi, Cas.'
Cas groaned softly. 'Dean...'
'Got it.' Dean got up, leaving Cas, Jack and Hoagie on the living room floor while he went to get some water.
'Don't be afraid, Jack,' Cas whispered, holding out a hand.
'Are you still sick?'
'Just tired,' said Cas, rubbing his face.
Dean returned and helped Cas sit up.
'Are you still scared?' Cas asked.
Jack thought about it and shook his head. 'I'm okay.'
'Good,' Cas mumbled, swiftly falling asleep.
Jack watched him, concerned, but once he was certain Cas was all right, he followed Dean around, bombarding him with questions.
Dean patiently answered all of them, pleased at Jack's curiosity.
After that, it was as though Hoagie had found a new purpose. Whenever he was alerted to a seizure, instead of going to Cas, Hoagie would leave him with Fries and go to find Jack instead, keeping him company until it was over.
Cas noticed the renewed energy within Hoagie, and his anxiety eased a little, though he still worried over the limp in his front leg and the tenderness in his hip. He painted lots of pictures of Hoagie. He used photos from when he was younger as reference, but mostly painted him as he was.
A year passed. Jack eventually got used to Cas's seizures and the way his brain worked, even picking up on Cas's schedule and helping to remind him of it. They made a big family occasion of his birthday, with Sam, Jess and Mary, and threw him a party. He'd made several friends by this time, and all of them had come over for the party too.
Cas found himself overwhelmed by all the people in his house and sat quietly in the bedroom with Hoagie, trying not to be too frustrated by it.
Dean came to check on him a few times, but Cas always waved him back to the party.
'I have Hoagie with me, I'll be fine,' Cas smiled. His voice came out quieter than he wanted, and he pushed away his embarrassment. 'Is Jack all right?' he quickly asked, before Dean left.
'He's fine,' said Dean. 'He gets it, don't worry. I'll send him in later, when he's calmed down a little.' There was a twinkle in Dean's eye and he bent over to give Cas a kiss, then went back out to the party.
Cas sighed when Dean closed the door behind him, and cuddled Hoagie. 'We're all right, aren't we?' he murmured to the dog.
But since Jack no longer needed Hoagie to comfort him, the little dog had lost much of his motivation and energy, and Cas's anxiety for him had ramped up again. It was getting more and more difficult to hide, especially since Jack had become far more perceptive and sensitive to people around him in the time he'd been with Cas and Dean.
'He didn't get that from me,' Cas snorted, murmuring to Hoagie and gently stroking him, avoiding the spots on his back that were sore.
Jack knocked politely on the door not long later and crept inside. His face lit up when he saw Cas.
'Hello, Jack,' Cas smiled. 'Are you enjoying your party?'
'Yes, thank you,' he said brightly. He'd picked up a few of Cas's mannerisms recently. He jumped up on the bed and hugged Cas tightly. 'Will you come out for cake?' he asked, careful not to jolt Hoagie.
'I wouldn't miss it.'
Jack grinned and jumped down again.
'I'll be out in a minute.' Cas took several deep breaths and gently lowered Hoagie to the floor. He hesitated by the door for a moment, but this was important. He didn't want to miss his son blowing out the candles on his birthday. He shook his head and forced himself through the door, but was surprised to find it quiet and calm outside. He walked into the kitchen, confused. Dean was there, putting the candles on the cake, and beamed at Cas when he came in.
'They all went out into the garden,' Dean explained. 'It was Jack's idea.'
'Oh.'
'He's a smart kid.'
'He certainly is.'
Dean finished lighting the candles, and they went out together, leaving Hoagie at the top of the stairs.
Cas's stomach tightened when everyone turned to stare at them, but he pushed through it. It was worth it to see the excitement on Jack's face.
Everyone sang Happy Birthday and Jody told him to make a wish.
'I don't need to!' he said. 'I already have everything I want.'
Cas looped his arm through Dean's, squeezing tightly. Warmth spread through his chest, but when he looked up at Hoagie, apart from everyone, he wavered.
Cas was uneasy in the following weeks. Something didn't feel quite right, and his worry became so acute it was hard to breathe at times. Dean did his best to keep Cas calm, and they had whispered conversations at the table when Jack was asleep.
'What's going on with you?' Dean asked late one night.
'It's Hoagie,' Cas murmured. 'I'm worried about what will happen when he... what I might see if... and I don't want to frighten Jack.'
'What do you mean what you might see?'
Cas bit his lip. 'Dean, you know what happens when I experience loss...'
'Sudden loss,' Dean corrected. 'Maybe knowing that it's going to happen will mean it won't hit you that way.'
'We haven't updated our crisis plan to include Jack,' Cas fretted. 'I don't want him to see me like that.'
'He won't,' Dean said firmly. 'He can stay with Sam.'
'Are you sure?'
'Yeah, he owes us a few sleepovers by now.'
Cas chewed on a fingernail, and his leg bounced under the table.
'It's gonna be fine,' Dean said, 'let me get the plan and we'll give it a once over.'
Cas sat at the table and waited, slowing his breathing to an acceptable pace, but not quite able to stop his leg from bouncing.
Dean put the paper down on the table in front of him, and they worked through it together, updating their contacts and adding what they would do with Jack, quickly texting Sam to make sure he could do it first.
Cas felt marginally better once it was finished, but his stomach was still tying itself in knots.
'Cas, baby, you need to calm down,' Dean murmured, taking his hands.
Cas nodded. 'Breathe with me?'
'Of course.'
But no matter how many evenings Dean spent helping Cas through his panic, he couldn't rid himself of the sense of dread that dogged his every waking moment.
Then one Sunday afternoon, Jack was reading in his bedroom, and Dean was planning the shop's hours in the dining room. Cas was wandering around the house, unable to focus on much when he noticed Hoagie lying on the couch. He was still in the same spot that Cas had put him in earlier that morning, but he was different. Cas knelt in front of him and looked into his tired eyes. Cas scratched him behind the ear, but he didn't move, not even to wag his tail. It felt like his heart was collapsing in on itself, and his eyes filled.
'Dean,' he croaked, hardly able to speak past the lump that had formed in his throat. 'I think it's time.'
Dean put his papers down and joined Cas. 'Are you sure?' he murmured.
Cas nodded.
'Tomorrow?'
'Yes.'
'Okay. I'll get everything ready.' He went to stand up, but Cas grabbed him. Cas couldn't speak anymore, but he didn't need to. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and held him, letting him break down in his arms. 'It'll be okay,' he whispered.
Cas sniffed and wiped his face, pulling himself together, and sat at the table while Dean made the preparations. Then Dean called Jack through to the dining room.
'What's wrong?' he said when he saw their expressions.
Cas couldn't speak, so Dean held his hands and explained.
'Listen, Jack,' he said, 'this is real important. You know how Hoagie's really old?'
'Yeah.'
'Well here's the thing, he can't stay here now that he's so old. He's gotta go to doggy heaven now. Do you understand?'
Jack's lip trembled and he nodded. 'It's for the best, right?'
'That's right,' Dean nodded. 'And listen, Cas isn't feeling too good, so is it all right if you go and stay with Uncle Sam for a few days until he's better?'
'Okay. Are you going to be all right?' he asked Cas.
Cas nodded. 'Yes,' he forced out. 'And you can call us if you need anything, or if you just want to talk.'
'Okay.'
'And we love you very much-' Cas's voice caught again, and Jack hugged him, arms around his neck.
'All right, let's go get your stuff packed,' said Dean, getting to his feet and gently pulling Jack away from Cas.
Cas sat in silence next to the couch with Hoagie, listening to the talking and packing coming from Jack's room.
After a while they came back to the living room.
'Say goodbye to Hoagie,' Dean said softly, coaxing Jack forwards.
Jack sat next to Cas and looked Hoagie in the eyes. 'It was nice to know you, Hoagie,' he said seriously. 'You're a good dog. You'll like it in heaven, I bet.' Jack sat with him for a few more minutes, then turned to Dean. 'I'm ready to go now,' he said.
'Are you sure?'
'Yes. Hoagie looks tired. I should let him rest.'
'All right then, go get buckled up.'
Jack left the room to grab his bag, and Dean crouched beside Cas.
'You gonna be okay here by yourself?' he whispered.
Cas nodded.
'Jody's home if you need anything while I'm out.' Then Dean was gone, and Cas was listening to the sound of the Impala pulling out of the driveway.
Fries, sensing the melancholy in the house, lay down next to Cas, letting out a quiet, sad whine.
'I know,' Cas whispered.
They stayed up most of the night with Hoagie, watching him sleep, feeding him bits of hot dog when he was awake, and constantly telling him what a good dog he was.
The vet arrived at ten the next morning, and they lay Hoagie on the floor.
'It'll be just like he's going to sleep,' the vet said gently.
Cas had one hand on Fries and the other on Dean's knee. Dean had his arm around Cas's shoulders and they all watched while the vet prepared the injection.
'Do you guys want to say anything first?' she asked.
Cas moved a shaking hand from Dean's knee down to Hoagie's fur. Where it had been soft before, it was now a little wiry. 'Thank you for everything, Hoagie,' Cas whispered. 'We wouldn't have made it through without your help.'
Fries seemed to know what was happening and thumped her tail nervously.
'It's all right,' Cas said to her.
'You're the best dog a guy could have asked for,' Dean said to Hoagie, stroking him under the chin. 'I don't know what I would have done without you when this guy was doing his sleeping beauty impression.' He stopped to clear his throat. 'You did a great job, Hoagster, but it's time to rest now.'
The vet let them pet him for a while longer. 'Are we ready?' she asked.
Dean grabbed Cas's hand and squeezed hard. 'Yeah.'
Cas nodded in agreement.
The vet soothed Hoagie and gave him the injection. He let out a long breath and his eyes slowly closed. He was gone.
All the breath went from Cas and he bent over, pressing his cheek to Hoagie, hot tears dripping into his still warm fur. He barely felt Dean's hand on his back. 'Good boy, Hoagie,' he breathed, Fries beside him sniffing Hoagie and whining sadly. He allowed himself to be pulled away by Dean eventually.
'I'll take him back with me. You can come and pick up his ashes tomorrow, ' said the vet.
Cas watched her pick up Hoagie and leave with him. His legs were numb, but Dean lifted him up and walked him to bed.
They lay there all day, limbs tangled up together, feeling empty and lost. They were joined by Fries, who was crying quietly, and even the cats came to comfort them. Cas curled up in Dean's arms, waiting, devastated and terrified. Eventually they slept, Cas waking up every couple of hours, fists clenched anxiously. He spent the morning pacing, chewing his fingernails. Dean, eyes bloodshot and face blotchy, made sure Cas ate and drank, with Tessa's help. Then he went to collect Hoagie.
When Dean returned with the decorated box, Cas's body relaxed and he felt strangely deflated. They sat together on the living room floor, the box between them.
'We could put him on the mantelpiece,' Dean suggested quietly.
'With a photo of him next to it.'
'Yeah.' Dean placed Hoagie on the mantelpiece and sat back down with Cas and Fries.
Even though Hoagie was gone, having his ashes back made them feel at peace, and they moved onto the couch.
'I think I'll be okay,' Cas murmured, his head in Dean's lap. Hoagie's absence already weighed on his heart, but he knew it was the right thing to do. 'He was a good dog. It was time for him to go.'
'Yeah.' Dean's voice was thick, and he ran his hand through Cas's hair, more for his own comfort than anything else. 'He was a great dog.'